Character Creation: Voidheart Symphony

Today in Cleveland, cops basically shut down traffic multiple times for a big, unnecessary funeral parade for the officer killed in Lorain County. I didn't mean for this game to be topical when I picked it today, I just wanted a game that started with "V" because my buddy Morgan picked that letter. But here we are.

The Game: Voidheart Symphony
The Publisher: Rowan, Rook, & Decard
Degree of Familiarity: It's PbtA and the structure of the game borrows a bit from Blades in the Dark, but...well, read on
Books Required: Just the one 

I'll say this for Voidheart Symphony: it is remarkably dense. I don't say that as a negative criticism. I just meant that everything that needs to have mechanical representation does, and that representation has a lot of terminology that's specific to the game and that terminology seems very consistent.

See, I've seen any number of games that look like someone stopped writing them halfway through (a lot of John Wick's games, actually) - there are cool ideas up front, but then it kind of devolves into "eh, do what you think is cool." Voidheart Symphony has a premise, it commits to that premise hard, and it keeps the energy and the focus all the way through the book. I wish there was a long-form example of play, not because I was confused about how the game would work, but because I just thought it would be cool to read.

So what is that premise? Well, the PCs are rebels in the City, whatever city you want to make it. The tools of oppression can (and must) be combated through direct action in the mundane world, but also, you can (and must) find Vassals of "the castle," the psychic representation of those oppressors in the Void. Once you identify a Vassal, you can hunt them down and defeat them in the castle. 

The game lists Persona 5 as an inspiration, and that was the first thing I thought of when I read it, but the only contact I've had with the Persona series is watching Yahtzee Croshaw's reviews of them. But the idea of confronting nightmarish or subconscious reflections of evil (mundane or otherwise) is something very appealing to me - it's why I love games like Don't Rest Your Head and Changeling: The Dreaming (and, conceptually, Shattered Dreams, though that particular game needs a system overhaul and to be dragged out of the 90s).

So anyway, let's make a character! Now, right off the bat I'm taking some liberties with chargen, because as written you start playing and some of the character gets filled out as you fight your first Vassal. I'm going to be making some decisions that I otherwise wouldn't make, but I don't want to take this game off the list because I like it too much. 

Step one doesn't apply for my purposes, so let's first pick a playbook. There's one called the Captive that I really like; it posits that your character doesn't have a mundane life but is psychically in limbo or imprisoned. I was thinking you could use it to play someone who is actually incarcerated in the mundane world, but after reading it I don't think it'd work that way. But I still like it, so I'll go with that one. 

Next I would answer the playbook question about the first Vassal. For the Captive, that's how did you break free in time to help these rebels? Hmm. Means I need to think about backstory a little.

Let's say my character was a guy named Odell Strack. Odell probably shouldn't have been living on his own; he had schizophrenia and while he was functional enough when he had his meds, staying on his meds was something his meds made difficult. His father was never around, his mother took care of him but died when he was 22, and inside six months Odell had lost the house, his insurance, and basically everything else. He got hit by a car one night, and he's been in a county ward ever since, largely catatonic. 

But Odell's mind is in the Void, and in the Void, he's got no brain. No brain means no neurons firing randomly and making him hear voices and see people. He's trapped in the horrific castle, yes, but while he's here he can think straight...so maybe he'll just stay a while.

Anyway, in answer to the question, I think he got free by finally testing the door to the room he was in. It looked just like rooms he'd been in while institutionalized before the accident (that happened pretty often, and then he would go on his meds, even out, get out, stop taking them rinse, repeat) and those rooms were locked, so he just never bothered. But when he heard the rebels outside, he actually made the attempt, and what do you know? It was open!

OK, next we pick "particulars," which are basically what you'd notice when looked at the character. Odell doesn't have a body (rather, he does, but he's not using it at the moment). In the castle, therefore, Odell looks kind of like he did when he was living with Mom. Khaki pants, blue polo shirt, neatly combed hair, but always barefoot, and his ears have a tendency to bleed. He also doesn't have eyes - he can see, but the eyes aren't there, and instead there's just a faint, almost florescent light.

I also picked my crew covenant. Well, actually, I don't because I'm the Captive. The crew covenant is basically the narrative role you fill in the group, as expressed by a Major Arcana, but for me it's The Shade. That's already on my sheet. I would at this point ask which of the other rebels knew me before the accident, but as it's just me, I can't do that.

Next we would fight our first Vassal. If we won the fight, we'd gain a rank of Void. If we lose, we get a rank of World. Hmm. I think I'll just roll for it? Odds World, evens Void? 6, so Void, cool, we won the fight. That means I get a rank of Void and a Void Advance. 

Oh, hang on, actually I should do my stats. We've got four stats - Swords, Coins, Cups, Wands - and the way this would work is that during the fight with the Vassal, when I'd roll one for the first time I'd slot in a rating (+1, +1, 0, -1). So I'll go ahead and do that now. 

Hmm. Where is Odell strong? The obvious choice would be to make Coins low, since that's making use of the world around us and Odell is generally pretty oblivious to it, but since he's so different without his body I'm actually gonna put that at +1. I'll put my other +1 in Cups (opening my heart to the world and making friends with other folks in the castle), the 0 in Wands, and the -1 in Swords.

OK, now I get a Void Advance. I think I'll take the velvet room Shadow Move, representing that Odell has a degree of comfort with his surroundings. 

Signature weapon, castle form, and gear. My castle form is as described earlier; it's meant to represent how I've been shaped by my struggle to survive, but I think the relatively subdued form actually works for Odell - his survival here is mostly predicated on him not being attached to his body. My signature weapon...hmm. Let's say it's a big long coat, something he took with him when he became homeless. I'll take defensive as the perk (it protects him) and grazing as the flaw (it can be used to do damage, but not much).

I get to pick from three bits of gear I have every delve, and annoyingly they're on the second side of the character sheet, but printing that would require using a lot of ink because of how it's laid out, so I'm not gonna bother. I'll say Odell has the penance stare, though, he can strike guilt into the heart of someone who meets his gaze.

Answering questions about the hideout would require a group, so I'm not gonna do that. I get to determine my role, which is different from covenant - this is more what stage of rebellion I'm at. Oh, wait, no, I don't have that. I have a bunch of different stuff, which is again (argh) on the second sheet. Hang on, maybe there's a printer-friendly version. Nope, doesn't look like it. Nuts. Ah, well. I'll just screenshot it.

I think the first one makes the most sense for Odell? Maybe the second one, if we assume that the interstitial spaces can look like hospital rooms. Actually, yeah, to Odell they probably do. I'll go with that; that gives me a mark in Fetters.

(Side note: Everyone has gauges, but most characters have five gauge tracks and they're different. The Captive has their own; as in Masks, another game this one lists as inspiration, all the playbooks have their own little mechanical quirks.)

Since I just gained a point of Void, I get to improve one of these. Let's bump Private Space up to Cramped.

You get covenants with NPCs, too, and there's all kinds mechanical bits and bobs for Minor vs. Major and what that means and how they move between them. Actually, just to sideline a moment, one thing that really struck me about this game is how dynamic it is. Very little about your character is set in stone. Some things are easier to change than others, but almost everything fluctuates to one degree or another, including what playbook you're in. 

Anyway, I think Judgement is what I want, here. The Doctor walks through the prison (at least that's how Odell sees him), and is always kind and soft-spoken, but can summon help if he needs to (or feels he needs to). 

Everything else would require a group and be part of play, so Odell is about as done as I can make him. I think that in a campaign, he might eventually wake up and become either the Harlequin or the Watcher. 

Movie #870: Paris, Je'Taime

Paris, Je'Taime is an anthology romance/drama starring...holy shit, I'm not even gonna try. I mean, just so, so many people. It's an anthology made up of 18 short films, so even listing the directors would take a while. 

And there is a lot of talent here. OK, here's a few: The Coen Brothers, Alexander Payne, Alfonso Cuarón, Wes Craven, Gus Van Sant, Gurinder Chadha, and those are just the directors I knew offhand. Likewise, the acting talent is bananas: Natalie Portman, Catalina Sadino Moreno, Juliette Binoche, Wilem Dafoe, Nick Nolte, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Bob Hoskins, and those are just the ones with Oscars or Oscar noms. 

Anyway, the movie consists, as mentioned, of 18 short films centered around the districts of Paris (arrondissments; there are actually 20, but two of the short films apparently didn't make the cut). They run the gamut from comedy to drama to romance to horror, and each one is only a few minutes long. They don't usually have enough time to do much more than present a situation and sometimes a bit of resolution or twist, and not all of them are particularly memorable. I'm not gonna summarize all 18, but I'll talk about a couple of the ones that made an impact.

One has a woman (Moreno) leaving her babby in a daycare, singing him a lullaby, and then taking an absurd commute to watch some white lady's babby (we assume; we never actually see the woman), who tells her she's going to be an hour late getting home that night, and we end on her singing the same lullaby. That's it. But Moreno manages to pack a lot of acting into that little bit, from love for her little one to her heartstrings getting yanked at leaving him in baby jail to the long-ass trek on buses and trains to get to work to the frustration of knowing she's got an extra hour of this shit today to finally trying to get this other kid to calm down with just a bit more resentment in her voice. (I really loved Maria Full of Grace; I won't say Moreno deserved the Oscar that year because it was a really strong year in Best Actress, but she definitely deserved the nom.)

The Place de fêtes segment, starring Seydou Boro and Aïssa Maïga, is another one I really liked. We see an EMT (Maïga) tending to a Nigerian man (Boro) who's been injured, as he sings to her and asks her to have coffee, and then see in his flashbacks how he was fired and was trying to be a street performer when a couple of douchebags stole his guitar and stabbed him. The EMT's desperate attempts to help him and then her equally desperate request for a couple of cups of coffee - which she's then left standing there holding as he's taken away in an ambulance - is really heartbreaking.

And then I have to mention the Quartier de la Madelaine segment, because it's the reason I saw the movie. It's a weirdly shot (mostly) black-and-white segment - actually the cinematography reminds me a little of Sin City. A backpacker (Elijah Wood - told ya, lots of talent) stumbles on a vampire (Olga Kurlyenko) feeding on a dude, tries to made contact with her, and winds up slipping and falling down a flight of stairs and sustaining a head wound. She turns him, and we fade out on them chomping on each other's necks and obviously really loving it. (I saw this mentioned in a video on YubTub talking about...I think sexy vampires in cinema? and had never heard of this movie, so here we are.)

Like I said, they're not all great. I didn't love the Porte de Choisey segment about a guy (Barbet Schroeder) selling cosmetics; just wasn't sure what it was trying to do. Likewise, the very first one (Montmarte, directed by Bruno Podalydès, wasn't a great jumping off point because it just kind of...happens and doesn't really hook us). 

Overall, though, I like this movie. It's hard to do a collection of such short films and have so many of them land (see also Holidays, which only had eight segments but a much lower rate of return. Didn't have nearly as many acclaimed directors, though), and I find myself thinking about the various segments a few days later. It's not my usual style of movie, necessarily, but I actually do kind of want to find New York, I Love You (there are like five more of these movies) and check it out.

My Grade: B+
Rewatch Value: Low

Next up: Session 9 

Movie #869: Liar Liar

Liar Liar is a comedy starring Jim Carrey, Justin Cooper, Polly Holiday, Maura Tierney, Carey Elwes, Swoosie Kurtz, Jennifer Tilly, Amanda Donohoe, and Jason Bernard.

Fletcher Reede (Carrey) is a successful and completely slimy lawyer who can't complete a sentence without lying, everything from white lies (I like your weird new haircut, Cheri Oteri) to repeated broken promises to his son Max (Cooper). Fletcher's ex-wife Audrey (Tierney) tries to keep the relationship between him and Max solid, but has an offer from her earnest if somewhat milquetoasty boyfriend Jerry (Elwes) to move to Boston and marry him. 

And then Fletcher misses Max' birthday party when his boss (Donohoe) sexually harasses him (oh, wait, sorry, it's an attractive woman coming on to a man and he consents even though he's not especially into it, so it's not harassment, my bad), and Max wishes that for one day, his dad can't lie. Fletcher quickly discovers that he's physically incapable of lying and will compulsively (if sarcastically) tell the truth asked any question, but he's also incapable of writing a lie or even asking a question if he knows the answer is a lie. Hilarity ensues! 

The backdrop here is that Fletcher is trying to win a divorce case between a very rich fellow (Eric Pierpont) and his gold-digging wife Samantha (Tilly), complicated by the fact that he has no real case - they had a prenup, she banged...well, lots of dudes, he has proof. Fletcher probably could have argued the case successfully with his usual style of bullshit, but unable to lie he just tries to postpone until he eventually stumbles onto a legal technicality that allows him to win...only to be confronted with the horrible consequences as Samantha tries to use her kids (whom she hates and her ex loves) to squeeze more money out of them. Fletcher learns a Valuable Lesson about honesty, reconciles with Max, and (this is important), Audrey chooses to stay in California and Jerry goes on to Boston.

This is a 90s Jim Carrey movie where he's being, well, Jim Carrey, and it's probably the best of them? No fart jokes, no surprise transphobia, he doesn't talk using his ass. I mean, I like The Mask, too, but this is a bit more wholesome. Fletcher Reede is loud and obnoxious, but Carrey is actually a good actor and he's got some real chemistry with his supporting cast (Tierney and Cooper, especially, but also with Swoosie Kurtz as the attorney representing Cole). As such, when Fletcher has moments with Max, they feel genuine, and he feels believably self-centered enough that when lying doesn't work and he faces repercussions for his lies, he's kind of stunned. Carrey's physical comedy works here, in part because it doesn't feel like he's performing for nobody (this was one of the many issues I had with Ace Ventura) and in part because also Fletcher is flamboyant generally, grappling with the curse is clearly difficult.

Another thing I've always liked about Liar Liar is that it doesn't take the easy way out with Jerry. Jerry is a nice, kind, loving man who clearly adores both Audrey and Max. He doesn't brag about cheating on her, he doesn't abuse her or Max, he doesn't get mad or try to slug Fletcher (even when he richly deserves it), and when Audrey breaks it off with him, he gracefully exits the picture. Name me another romcom that does that. (Carey Elwes apparently read airport self-help books to get into character as Jerry, which is so goddamn perfect.)

My Grade: B+
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: Paris, Je'taime 

Character Creation: Unity

All together now!

The Game: Unity
The Publisher: Zensara Studios
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one 

Production values here are great, art is lovely and intricate. There's some cheesecake, yes, but I don't think it's too gratuitous. Nice clean fillable character sheet, bookmarked PDF. 

Now, do I care about the content? Not especially. Part of it is because the font is small and the color is such that it's hard to read (though maybe that's partially my bifocals), but part of it is because I'm reading the history and I feel like I've been here before. It's someone's special world, they've put a lot of work and love into it, but the history goes from prehistory to now, then there's long, loving descriptions of the races and the places and the...maces, and it's just a lot. 

Is it playable? Hell, I don't know, I haven't even gotten to the system stuff yet. I'm gonna give that a look before I start actually making a character, though of course you as the reader won't notice the time jump. See that? I even had lunch, no time lost at all. MAGIC.

Anyway. 

First we choose a race. Options are valla, furian, human, and afflicted. One thing I do like about this game is that while the valla and furian bear some resemblance to elves and dwarves, respectively, they are definitely not those things. Of the four of them, furian is most interesting to me, but I want to have a look at afflicted again. OK, afflicted are, as the name would imply, afflicted with a disease (the Phage) that eats away their flesh, so a lot of them have mechanical bits replacing parts of them. That's cool and all, but I'm gonna go with Furian. 

Furians are kind of berserkers; they're dwarf-like inasmuch as they are from mountains and they're highly clan-oriented, but they're actually much bigger than humans, have rock-like skin, and have a feral instinct. Pretty neat. Let's call my Furian Hazam Blackstorm.

Next we distribute Attributes. As a Furian, I start with Might 2, Agility 1, Mind 0, Presence 1, and then I can a couple of arrays (either +1, +1, 0, -1 or +2, 0, 0, -1). You know, I think I'm going to choose my class first, so I have a sense of what I should be prioritizing.

Ooh, some of these are pretty dope. Dreadnought is the obvious choice for a Furian, but I don't want to be obvious. Fell Hunter appeals, but it feels like the kind of thing I do a lot. Ooh, Primalist, hell yeah. Primalists are hybrid caster/melee sorts of characters, which makes me think that my Attributes could be evened out. So let's use the more even Attribute spread, and wind up with Might 2, Agility 2, Mind 1, Presence 0.

Starting HP is 10 + 1 (so 11), recuperation die is d8, I can use light armor and light or medium melee weapons, I have two Resources (fuel traits, basically) - Spirit and Ferocity, and my main Attribute is Mind. Whoops, maybe go back and rethink those Attributes. Let's do the other trait spread, and wind up with Might 2, Agility 1, Mind 2, Presence 0. 

I get three Core Paths. Hang on, gotta go read about those. Oh, OK, cool, these are backstory bits that shape the character. There are examples, though I'm encouraged to make them up. To do that, I think about what experience I'm drawing on, what skills it would teach and how, and then I split 5 points between the three core paths. Gotta think about backstory a bit here. 

Well, let's say Hazam is from the Obsidian Forest, right in the foothills of the mountains. His family are loggers and harvesters, but Hazam has never felt good about cutting down trees - when you cut down a tree, it's not just the tree that dies. Let's call this path Raised in the Obsidian Forest, and say that growing up there taught him forestry, foraging, and logging skills, even if he wasn't always keen on it.

Let's say that there was a storm that kicked up enough wind that branches, bark, and debris was being blown everything, and Hazam got separated from his people and lost. He spent a week in the forest alone and eventually wound up wandering west into the mountains, where he got high enough to orient himself. We'll call this Lost And Found, and say that it makes him good at orienteering, wilderness survival, and climbing.

And then, let's say that Hazam fights like a predator. That is, when he absolutely needs to. Furian culture is warlike and there's a lot about family honor and whatnot, and Hazam does feel that, but he also feels that dying for honor is plain stupid. There are demons aplenty in the world, why make it easy on them by succumbing to pride? Better to fight like a big cat - choose your moment, strike, kill, don't stay in a fight you can't win. Actually, hell, maybe that's a Blackstorm family philosophy (and partially why they're out in the forests rather than soldiers or demon hunters). Skill-wise, I think stealth and ambushing make sense.

Now we choose one Class Perk. I can either talk to animals or have nature be kinder to me (and the party) when we rest. I think the latter is more in-character for Hazam. I also get two Class Features; in my case Aspect of the Boat (get stronger and tougher) and Aspect of the Tiger (get faster and do more damage). 

Three Tier I powers! Ooh, these are dope. Well, continuing with Hazam's style of ambush predator, I want Ravage (pounce and tear!), Flurry (multiple attacks!), and Stone Skin (I grew up near mountains!). 

Equipment! I don't feel like shopping, so let's say Hazam has hide armor, a club, and a spear (all homemade).

That's the last thing on the chargen list up there, but I suspect that's not all. Yes, I thought so. Derived stats, dammit! 1 Armor, 2 Speed, 2 Attack bonus (which says it's derived from my main attribute, which for a Primalist is Mind, which seems weird, but whatever), 1 Defense, 2 Mental Resistance. 

I can't write the names of my Resources into the bars because those text boxes aren't working, but Spirit and Ferocity, as mentioned. Level 1, no XP, how old is Hazam? How do Furians age again? They live a couple of centuries, so let's assume he's about 65. 

Hazam has the same rocky feel to his skin that most Furians do, but generations of living in the Obsidian Forest have made his skin very dark and reduced the magma-like veins' visibility. His eyes are blue, but become orange and cat-like when he's angry. His hair is coarse and black, and he keeps it shorter than a lot of Furians do (he doesn't want a mane, it just gives an enemy something to grab). 

That'll do it!

Movie #868: Johnny Mnemonic

Johnny Mnemonic is a sci-fi/action movie starring Keanu Reeves, Dina Meyer, Ice-T, Henry Rollins, Dolph Lundgren, Takeshi, and Udo Kier. 

In the distant future year of...2021, the world has become a neon, cyberpunk dystopia. I say "cyberpunk" because this movie is written by William Gibson, so if you picture "cyberpunk in the 90s" you'll picture this movie. Anyway, information is smuggled around by couriers who use their actual physical brains to carry it, but that's really the only way to carry such monumental amounts of data! Like, 320 gigs!

(OK, like a lot of sci-fi, much of this movie seems quaint in retrospect.)

Anyway, our titular Johnny (Reeves) is such a courier and has had large parts of his memory excised to make room for data. He gets hired to do One More Job, after which he'll get his memory back, a plot point that goes exactly nowhere, as I think about (his memory, not the job, that's the focus of the movie). The data he takes on exceeds his limits by almost double, and immediately starts frying his brain. Likewise, some evil corporate bad guys are after it, led by one Takahashi (Takeshi), who has a monofiliment wire in his thumb. Pretty cool and cyber, no?

Johnny hooks up with a would-be bodyguard named Jane (Meyer), and...let's just say she's no Mace from Strange Days. She's capable enough, but she's also suffering from NAS, the Black Shakes (and I think it's funny how every time someone says "NAS" in the movie, they must immediately repeat it but say "the Black Shakes," as in "You've got NAS! You've got the Black Shakes!" as if we'd forgotten those two things are synonymous. It'd be like saying "You've got the coronavirus! You've got COVID-19!" But I digress). 

Jane leads him to Spider (Rollins), a doctor working in the underground to cure NAS, to cure the Black Shakes, as well as J-Bone (Ice-T), leader of the resistance-fighter Lo-Teks. He takes Johnny to Jones, a goddamn psychic dolphin, who splashes through a 90s wonderland of CGI effects as Johnny tries to tai-chi his way to his brain not exploding, all while dodging Takahashi as well as the monstrous Street Preacher (Lundgren), hired to kill Johnny but take his head.

Clearly, this movie is bananas. I'd seen it once before and wasn't impressed. I'm still not impressed, but it's more watchable now for some reason, maybe because I have a little more context because I've read some Gibson and played more cyberpunk RPGs. 

But quite apart from the general insanity of the movie, it's not good. The cast tries their best, but the writing is kind of garbage (Gibson is not much of a screenwriter). It's really funny watching Reeves in this, because it's 1995 and he hasn't learned to act or fight or shoot, which means if you're used to seeing him in The Matrix or as John Wick, he looks absurd trying to do any of those things. Likewise, Dina Meyer is basically doing a dry run for Starship Troopers (she fights, she smooches, she dies - well, she doesn't die here, but she damsels pretty hard). Henry Rollins takes his role very seriously and I actually like his character most of all. Dolph Lundgren for some reason gets second billing even though his role is minimal and not actually very important (he's like a fourth-tier antagonist), but he's obviously having more fun than anyone else here.

Ultimately, it's weird, but it's less weird in 2025 than it was in 1995, which only makes sense. 

My Grade: D+
Rewatch Value: Medium-high

Next up: Liar Liar 

Wildsea: A New Journey Begins!

That kinda makes it sound like we started a new game. We didn't, the crew of the Heart of the Seeker has just embarked on a new journey after leaving Stonebark.

So, last time, the crew had talked about returning to Tart, the settlement they previously visited that produces vinegar. Thinking about it more, though, they decided they'd rather go someplace new. Part of that is just their natural wanderlust, and part of it is that Chamberssen has messages to deliver and none of them are going to Tart. After all, he just talked with Sagave, the wordbearer on the Drumheller, and traded her the small wooden box he was given in Tart for a ring with a strange inscription on the inside. He also still has that weird canvas that shows the Conflagration in the moonlight (that is, in the moonlight it shows the Conflagration, but otherwise it's blank), as well as a more conventional envelope. That last is addressed to one "Captain Mak" of the Emerald Wheel.

The crew has heard of the Emerald Wheel - it's a spit with a huge mill where they grind nuts and acorns into flour. The mill is apparently powered by the local fauna, but none of them are sure how it works, and they're interested to see it. So with that destination in mind, they start planning their journey.

Kazera recruits some new undercrew from the folks on Stonebark, and gets some enthusiastic response. After all, there's a dearth of housing here now, and there are some folks who would rather get the hell away from this place. 

Chamberssen grabs the Chart of the Firebloom Prairie and maps out a route. They can pass by the honey-hive they saw on their way to Tart, and taking that route puts them past both a copse of Fightersap trees (so named for the explosive sap they produce - dangerous to harvest and carry but very valuable to the right buyer) and a ramshackle float of ships called Dusty Fields, not stable but known to house some talented shipwrights.

Tztik gathers some of the cockroaches from the island and puts together a little habitat. They are still intent on Varying the Hive, incorporating different bugs into their makeup, and they figure the roaches would be a useful addition if they can figure out how to make it work.

They set off in the morning. Tztik takes the helm (this would later become regarded as a mistake). They pour on the speed, forging a path through the wildsea, while Kazera watches the weather, Chamberssen stands on lookout, and Rozek starts making a chart. Kazera notes that a storm is coming, and it will probably hit tomorrow. Chamberssen notes what looks like...no, can't be...FIRE?!

Chamberssen sounds the general alarm, and Tztik employs all of the limbs and skill to stop the ship short. They do manage it, but there's a horrible wrenching sound from the runners and the crew winces, knowing some damage has been done. Fortunately, though, what Chamberssen saw wasn't fire, it was an immense, conical plant with brilliant reds and yellows on its body, and from a distance it resembled flame. 

Making the best of it, Rozek harvest some of the pollen from the Giant Soursweet plant, and Chamberssen grabs a leaf as they pass by. They note some bees, too, and figure they're on the right track. Rozek notes the Giant Soursweet on the map, and they continue on to the Honey-Hive Tree. Chamberssen notes that they're near the Firebloom Prairie, but that the flowers aren't in bloom presently, which means the bees are ranging further out to get their pollen (including to the Soursweet).

They pull up near the giant ironwood, and Rozek spends some time making a fireless smoking agent with the help of Pearl, her little salamini. Chamberssen tries to watch the bees to get a sense of their movements, but he falls asleep and dreams of the Firebloom, realizing as his former comrade Jakesta once did that the Firebloom Prairie is a garden, somehow cultivated deliberately. Tztik takes over learning about the bees, but takes a more direct route and assimilates and controls a couple of them to act as sleeper agents of a sort. 

The next morning, Chamberssen sets up guideropes with the undercrew's help, and Rozek goes into the tree and starts collecting honey. With Tztik's decoy bees (beecoys?) she collects enough to fill a space in the ship's cargo hold, and the Heart moves on, just out of reach of the storm. 

As they approach their next stop, the Fightersap Copse, Kazera (now on watch) spots a wrecked ship. Always happy for salvage, they pull up alongside and examine it. It's a small ship, a sloop, and Chamberssen notes the name of it painted on the side in Highvin - Thunder of Kosmers. None of them have heard of it, and the port side of the ship is sticking up, but largely covered in vegetation. 

Tztik jumps off the Heart with a guiderope and lands on the Thunder, while Chamberssen and Kazera take a more reasonable approach and ride down on the magnet dredge. Tztik notes movement in the wreck, something that sounds serpentine. Chamberssen starts pushing some of the vegetation out of the way, and the vines in the ship grab the ironwood branch he was using and yank it out of his hands! Kazera, who grew up (so to speak; she didn't really "grow" anywhere) on the wildsea, recognizes these things as a snarevines, a carnivorous plant that will grab whatever they can, wrap it up, and then slowly suck the nutrients out of organic matter. She hacks her way in, figuring (correctly) that they won't bother her, and the sailors see something in the cargo hold of the Thunder, covered in vines.

Whatever it is, it's about four feet high and two feet wide - a barrel, maybe? Something on it glitters, so it might be metallic. They use the dredge to pull up the starboard side of the Thunder so they can actually get into the hold (and in the process, Chamberssen finds a prosthetic leg pulled up from the tangle by the magnet - from a crew member?) and hack the vines away, at which point it becomes clear that this thing is a seed - it's just very big. Tztik uses a whisper (Nothing is Forgotten) and learns that this thing has hacked out of a nut, and then stolen, and people died in the process. Chamberssen touches it, and his Voltaic Mantle reacts with the fuzz on the side of the seed, making sparks. That fuzz is metallic, and that's the glitter they saw.

Obviously this is worth taking! Kazera picks it up and they take it back to the ship, where Rozek scrapes a little of the fuzz and makes a tea, Reading the Remains. Those "leaves" settle into the form of a star, and Rozek realizes this thing is a "Starcore Seed," but none of them have ever heard of such as thing. They put it in the cargo hold - if this thing is worth killing over, it's valuable to someone. Chamberssen, now on cartography duty, omits the wreck of the Thunder of Kosmers on the map they're making, just in case it's not a good idea to advertise that they've been here.  

Back on the Heart, the crew continues on! They arrive at the Fightersap trees later in the day, and Tztik and Rozek build a box in the cargo hold to safely transport a bottle or two of this stuff. And then Rozek heads over to the trees, which are thin and tall, with papery birch-like bark. She peels off the bark and scrapes the sap (gently!), collecting enough to sell, and then the Heart moves along.

But the next evening, a fog comes up and the sky goes green. The fog is thick, almost thick enough to taste, and the sailors order the lanterns lit (remember, no fire on the wildsea, so lanterns usually work on bioluminescent creatures and can be shuttered to "extinguish" them). Rozek gets up on the kite-tether to keep a broader watch, and notices the lights going out, so she yells to relight them. And then the lantern she has with her goes out. She relights it, and she sees the fog reach a tendril out and close it again!

She pulls a tool from her kit and has Pearl heat it up, and pushes it out into the fog. It sizzles and the fog retreats, and somewhere on the deck the sailors hear a crew member yell for help. Kazera runs up and sees an undercrew member getting pulled overboard while others hold his arms, and she pull the poor dude back in. The fog itself is alive!

The fog lashes out, striking the sailors and knocking the undercrew around, and Kazera gets on the storm rail cannon. She fires a bolt out into the fog, cutting through it, and the ship turns and escapes. Chamberssen marks "the Living Fog" on the map, and the ship moves on. 

The next day is uneventful and smooth. Rozek spends some time making some new tools for her apothecary kit with Charness' help, Chamberssen contemplates a whisper (Well Enough Alone) to free himself of the sad old secrets tugging at his dreams, Kazera watches movement and fauna off the ship, and Tztik continues their practice of mesmerism. Rozek notices a bee from the Honey Hive Tree has stowed away, and wonders if she could train it to find flowers and pollen for them.

Tztik, now on watch, points out a caravan of traders riding huge beetles! The leader of the caravan signals to them, and they stop to trade. The leader raises a veil off their face to reveal a tzelicrae like Tztik, and the crew trades some goods. 

Tztik has a vial of venom from one of their spiders, and trades it for a crown of blades ("Made of blades to punish those with fleshy heads," says the Trader, "but friends" - indicating Tztik and Kazera - "without fleshing heads would not be harmed and might wear crown for decorative"). Tztik takes it, planning to take it apart and made weapons from the blades. They also show the Trader the bone key they've been carrying, and the Trader says that without knowing what it's for it's not really worth trading. Considering, though, the Trader calls out one of their crew, an ardent, who tells Tztik that there's a small spit called Zalan's Rest where unsavory sorts gather. He remembers that Zalan has a bone chest and a standing offer that anyone who can open it eats free. 

Chamberssen trades the mysterious coin and the inscribed metal disc he's been carrying. He finds a coat made to look like a waterfall, and a mirror that reflects the room it's in, but...different, as though in a different time or place. He also asks if the caravan has a wordbearer. It does, an ardent named Melona. She hears that they're headed for Dusty Fields, and gives Chamberssen an envelope for someone there ("This will be delivered.").

Rozek trades the blue paste she got from the Americium Pool for a bloodstained scalpel. The Trader assures her that the blood on it is not ardent; they know the taste of ardent blood. That's fine, Rozek figures she can just clean it, and then it's a perfectly good tool. 

Kazera trades a chunk of red quartz for a bottle of polish that an organic being could use to length their fingernails. She doesn't know what it'll do for her, but it's probably going to come in handy (so to speak) at some point.

The crew of the Heart bids farewell to the Beetle Caravan, marks the spot of the encounter on their map, as well as the shipping lane they're in as they approach Dusty Fields. Rozek finishes up the Salty Honey Trade Route chart as they pull in. Next time, we shall see what awaits them there!  

Movie #867: It: Chapter Two

It: Chapter Two is, obviously, the completion of the story begun in It, and starts most of the folks from that movie: Bill Skarsgård, Jaeden Martell, Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Jack Dylan Glazer, Chosen Jacobs, Wyatt Oleff, Jeremy Ray Taylor, and Nicholas Hamilton. Into this already crowded field we add James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain, Bill Hader, Isaiah Mustafa, Jay Ryan, James Ransone, Andy Bean, and Teach Grant. 

Twenty-seven years after the events of It, the Loser's Club have all scattered to the winds and achieved varying degrees of success in their lives. Stan (Bean) has married and become an accountant. Bill (McAvoy) is a successful novelist and screenwriter (he's the King stand-in, as in many of King's novels). Bev (Chastain) seems like she's living successfully in terms of money and comfort, but she married a dude just like her abusive father. Likewise, Ed (Ransone) managed to marry a large, controlling woman very much like his mom. Richie (Hader) has channeled his foul mouth into a career as a stand-up comedian. Ben (Ryan) owns an architecture firm, but more important has gone from the fat kid to a tall, fit hottie. Only Mike (Mustafa) has remained in Derry, keeping tabs on the murder rate and watching for Pennywise (Skarsgård) to return. 

He does, of course, and Mike puts out the call to the others, reminding them of the blood oath they swore. Stan commits suicide rather than return, but everyone else comes home and celebrates the reunion (before they know about Stan, of course). Mike manages to get them to agree to the Ritual of Chud, which can supposedly kill Pennywise. 

And then we get an hour or more of them running around Derry, getting terrorized by Pennywise and by their old foe Henry Bowers (Grant) who survived the first movie and has been in a mental institution ever since. Eventually they manage to collect their "tokens" and remember their previous lives in Derry (and so we get more scenes of them as kids, which are probably the best part of this movie), and then descend into the sewers and beyond, fight the clown, and realize that they can beat it by yelling mean things at it until it melts. Oh, and poor Ed winds up getting skewered before Richie ever confesses his love. Alas.

If it sounds like I'm less enthused about this one...yeah. I knew that Chapter Two wasn't as well-received as the first one, but I did want to see how it ended and I found this DVD cheap at Half-Price Books, so what the heck. And...it's not all bad. The adult actors are mostly good. McAvoy and Ryan in particular manage to come off like good "updates" of their child actors' performances, as does Hader when he's not quipping (we'll get to that). Skarsgård continues to be creepy as hell as Pennywise. But...

OK, so if I had to name three things I really loved about It that weren't tied to Skarsgård, I'd have said: the chemistry between the actors, the pacing, and the practical effects. And this movie manages to lose all three. Let's take them each in turn.

In It, the filmmakers put these seven kids together for a summer and filmed the movie(s) with them, and the result is that their relationship felt real and organic. That obviously wasn't the case here, because apart from the initial scene in the Chinese restaurant, these people never feel like they click, which is a big deal for a movie where a central plot point is "you have to be together on this and it's your friendship that is key." 

The effects...man. I don't know if they went to CGI over practical here, because I didn't watch any of the supplemental materials (they were on a separate disc and I couldn't be bothered to move my dog and change discs out), but the effects looked...bad. Like, the old nude woman, the leper, even Pennywise sometimes, looked like drawings that got stretched with a Photoshop tool, and they didn't look nightmarish like such things did in the first movie. The most effective moments were the ones with real people in the shot - Ed's mom (Molly Atkinson) tied to a gurney, the creepy-ass woman (Joan Gregson) slipping naked through the background of the frame when Bev comes calling. 

And then there's the pacing. It was long, but I didn't feel the length. This was nearly three hours and I felt every minute, because the flow is so fragmented. It's a mess of the Losers as adults, jump back to the Losers as kids, jump to side characters getting killed, jump to exposition, jump to other Loser adults trying to leave Derry and getting roped back. It feels choppy and uneven. 

And then there's the quipping. The first movie had a little of this, usually from Richie, but it was very clearly that Richie was being a loud-mouthed asshole because he was scared or angry and that's how he copes. Here, not only does Richie made stupid jokes while there is a monster from beyond time trying to kill him, but other people do it, too. Ed, in particular, makes a lot of stupid faces, but everyone (except Bev and Bill, as I think about it) make those post-Whedon "well that just happened" style jokes, and not one of them lands because that's not the kind of humor that fits here. (Oh, also, what the hell is going on with the blatant The Thing reference, down to Richie giving us Palmer's line when poor Stan's head becomes a head-spider? Fair's fair, though, the head-spider effects were pretty good, sound especially.)

I dunno. I think that a better approach might have been to focus entirely on the adults rather than give us constant flashbacks, but then that wouldn't have allowed using the child actors, who were so much more entertaining to watch. Overall, I'm glad It is so nicely self-contained, because I don't guess I'll be watching this one again anytime soon.

My Grade: D
Rewatch Value: Low. Not quite to the level of IINSIAIFWT, but it's a near thing

Next up: Johnny Mnemonic  

Character Creation: KAMB Orange

Say it with me now. ALL HAIL KING TORG!

The Game: Kobolds Ate My Baby! Orange Book
The Publisher: 9th Level Games
Degree of Familiarity: I've played a bit of KAMB, but never this edition
Books Required: Just the one

I picked this game today because it's in a Humble Bundle that only costs $45 (or less, if you don't want all the games involved) and benefits the Children's Miracle Network. I actually did waffle about buying it, not because there aren't good products in it (Wildsea, Slugblaster, and Night's Black Agents just to name three, but also some more traditional fare like Call of Cthulhu 7th Ed, indier stuff like Be Like a Cat, etc. etc.) but because a) it adds a shitload of new games to my list and I was actually making some progress this year and b) it adds a game that I suspect I am going to find upsetting to read (that'd be They Came From Beneath the Sea!, my last published, though uncredited, work, but we'll get to that someday when I feel up to it). 

But at the end of the day, it's just too good a deal to pass up, and I wanted to do a character from a game from the bundle in order to...promote it? Probably not, since I think anyone reading this is likely to already know, but whatever, maybe you tripped on the Internet and landed here, in which case, hi.

ANYWAY. Kobolds Ate My Baby! is a beer-n-pretzels RPG in which you play the titular little buggers. It's been around for a lot of years (I made a character for a previous edition, and it was the 7th character I ever made for this project, and that was back in 2008). If you've ever been at a con and heard a bunch of idiots yelling "ALL HAIL KING TORG!" (ALL HAIL KING TORG!) then you've got a general sense of the vibe. 

Generally, you're all kobolds, you typically get sent out on some stupid mission for your voracious king (ALL HAIL KING TORG!), and you're going to wind up making multiple characters because kobolds make Death Checks frequently.  

I think KAMB might be a younger man's game, as thinking about playing it now just makes me tired, but who knows, with the right libations and environment, it could be fun. I definitely do like this new edition. When I saw it was using the Polymorph System (same system as The Very Good Dogs of Chernobyl and Scurvy Buggers) I was a little concerned because that system usually splits characters up into classes and gives each one a different sort of die to roll, but they hung a lantern on that and the game still just uses d6s. 

So let's make a kobold! I will name my kobold Brap. 

I choose a Role for Brap, which means exactly nothing. Let's pick the Die Six.

I speak 1d6 Human Words. Ooh, rolled a 6! I'm one eloquent little bugger! Let's see...Brap can say soup, bucks, saddle, carnitas, yelp, and liqueur. 

I has a flavor! Rolling a die...Brap is bitter. He gets Advantage on Eat rolls.

Jorb! I could roll a d6 and pick one of the basic ones, but I think I'll roll a d66 and get something more interesting. 1, 6 means either Braumeister or Tourist. Think I'll go with the former. That means I get a beer helmet, meaning I can have two drinks but keep my paws free. Speaking of my paws, in my Wrong Paw I have a bag of bottle caps. And then in my Left Paw, I have (roll d666) a weapon, and it's Dangerous! Specifically (roll d66) it's an Iron Poker!

And that's it. My little Braumeister is probably going to talk someone's ear off about craft beers and wind up as soup for his trouble, which is just as well. 

Character Creation: Fixers from the Floorboards

Up the airy mountain, 
Down the rushing glen,
We daren't go a-hunting
For fear of little men.

Not here, though, because these little guys are OK.

The Game: Fixers from the Floorboards
The Publisher: Wicked Clever Books & Games
Degree of Familiarity: None, but the book is only 48 pages and the system feels very familiar
Books Required: Just the one

I picked this game because I watched There's Something in the Barn last night and "wee folk hiding in the shadows" as a concept was on my mind, but there's not really much similarity. The barn elf in the movie is nasty and murderous, the Korrikin you play in Fixers are dedicated to solving the predicaments of Big Folk. 

The system, as I mentioned, is pretty familiar; it's the same math as Blades in the Dark or Wildsea (that is, roll some dice, highest showing determines your result). What it doesn't have is Blades' mission-centered play. It's meant to be a game you play for a session or two, and actually I think it'd be pretty cool. Let's make a Korrikin! 

So first we choose a calling. They all appeal in different ways. My impulse is always to make a magic-user (a Skein, here), but perhaps I want something different today? Oh, actually, the first thing we'd normally do is pick a setting. Since it's just me I won't go through that whole rigmarole, but there are a few sample settings presented so I'll just randomly pick one of those. Rolling a d4 gets me...1, New York tenement building, 1942. Neat! 

You know, I think I will make a Skein. I see my guy as very old, and he's got a little pocket of the storage lockers in the basement where he keeps his library. The Korrikin youngsters come down to hear stories and see his command of magic sometimes, and he makes a show of not wanting to leave the basement, but the truth of the matter is he's perfectly capable of doing so and likes to keep tabs on the Big Folk, especially the elderly. He's seeing this worrying trend in this city, of people just being...forgotten, and that's not acceptable. His name is Latch.

As a Skein, I get an esoteric affinity, which is an affinity with a concept (as opposed to, say, an animal). I'll say latch has an affinity with wisdom. This also gives him a related boon (+1 to one specific task), so I'll say Latch has a +1 to uncover forgotten secrets.

And then I get two more affinities, and here I can take animal affinities (or object, or room). Oh, man, so many choices. I think I want an animal affinity with spiders (+1 to notice hidden people), and the basement (+1 to scare others). 

Skills! There are five of them: Ponder, Skulk, Sway, Tinker, Tussle (or PSSTT!). I get +1 Skulk just because Korrikin are naturally sneaky, and then +1 Ponder for being a Skein, and then four more dots to throw around. 

Well, I don't think I want any Tussle (Latch is too old for that nonsense), but I definitely want some Sway because that's what I'd use to scare people. I'll put two there, and then one each into Ponder and Tinker.

I get three items to carry (I can have more in my Stash, but I have to pick three at the start of any given adventure). Let's see if I need anything to do magic.

OK, so the way magic works is that I know a rune for every affinity I have, and I can combine them in any way that makes sense. So if I wanted to, say, make a spider smart enough to follow commands, I could probably do it by combining the runes for Spider and Wisdom. But I do need a way to inscribe the runes, so let's say I have an inkwell & quill (related objects like that count as one). I want a walking stick, and I think a spider-silk rope would be good. His walking stick is a long match, and then flammable stuff has long since been used, but he could probably draw a rune in charcoal at some distance if he needed to.

Latch is, as stated, old. He has a long white beard and is kind of hunched over a lot of the time, but he can stand up straight and walk when he has his stick. His eyes are blue and can go from "playful twinkle" to "what did you just say, young man?" in a hot second. 

One-Shot: AGON: The Golden Boar of Fenios

Last night we tried out AGON, which we quite enjoyed! Here's the story. Sing O muse etc. 

Our heroes are on their ship, lost amidst the fog and the islands, when a strong wind kicks up and catches the sails, nearly capsizing the ship. Many-Wayed Damon, the Scion of Aphrodite, rallies the sailors and directs them fastened the riggings and...do other sail-stuff, while the other heroes - Clear-Voiced Penelope, Forge-Master Kyra, and War-Leader Agathon support him. The sailors manage to right the ship, and Damon is clearly the Leader of the group, at least for the next island.

As they approach said island, they hear the sailors saying that Athena's wisdom and guidance helped them right the ship. They also see visions and portents - in the clearing mist, a tower crumbling, and the odor of the guilty roasting on a spit. Poseidon and Hera are sending wisdom, if the heroes can see it.

They put in to the bay of Fenios, and already there is chaos. The city is being ravaged by a golden boar, taller than a house, with numerous spears and weapons stuck in its back. It wears a golden mask, and it smashes buildings and tramples citizens. The heroes hear someone yell "Kapra the Usurper stole my mother's throne, but she won't steal her memory!" They realize that the boar is charging a marble statue of a woman, and a group of citizens stands around it in a ring, holding hands. The woman leading them looks a great deal like the woman depicted in the statue...

The heroes leap from the boat to defend these people, placing themselves in the path of the boar. It does not go well. The boar charges through them, knocking them to the side or trampling them underfoot, and smashes the statue to pebbles. It then turns and charges away as the heroes pick themselves up, humiliated. 

The woman who was trying to protect the statue approaches them. Though she has a gash in her forehead, she remains steady and strong. She tells them that she appreciates their efforts, fruitless though they were, and says that she needs to return to her camp. The heroes linger, and Penelope ventures to what remains of the market. She helps an old man put his stall back up, and he tells her that the woman that they spoke with is Nassia, the daughter of the deposed Queen Isadora. Kapra was meant to be the Huntmaster, tasked with killing the Golden Boar, but instead she rode it to the palace of Ano Steni and ousted the queen.

Agathon finds some city guards and learns much the same thing. He chides the guards for hiding with the boar rampaged, and they reply that many have died in the hunt for the Golden Boar - it has been rampaging since the princess was born twenty years ago. Now Kapra controls it. Agathon notes that the boar's violence doesn't seem targeted, other than at the statue. The guard points, and Agathon sees the boar enter the palace on the hill. 

The heroes discuss, and they decide to confront the Usurper Kapra directly. They walk up the hill and find their way blocked by the guards of Ano Steni, but Penelope shames them for their lack of hospitality and calls them out for the blasphemy they commit, and they let the heroes in. Kapra is seated on a throne not made for her, her weapons near to hand, wearing a golden mask similar to the boar's, and surrounded by a party of hunters. Penelope tells her that she is a usurper and a liar, readying himself for a battle, and she gets one!

Kapra descends from the throne and backhands Penelope to the ground. Her hunters rush in and pummel Damon, kicking him repeatedly, but then Forge-Master Kyra enters the fray, swinging her hammer and knocking the guards back! Agathon, for his part, strikes Kapra with the butt of his swords, knocking her down, and then continues beating her until she is bloodied and cowed, and her golden mask falls off. She asks for mercy (though Agathon gives her one more strike, just to drive the point home), and everyone trembles a bit as the palace rumbles. The boar smashes through an exterior wall, and heads for the forests.

Kapra claims that it was Queen Isadora who betrayed her people by lying about the Golden Boar, and that she had watched her fellow hunters be slaughtered for twenty years before finally having had enough. With the leadership of the island now uncertain and still more questions than answers, the heroes split up. 

Penelope and Kyra go back down the hill to the camp that Queen Isadora and her daughter have established. They are admitted and given wine and allowed to clean their wounds, and then approached by Nassia. She listens to their offers of aid, but says that she has been betrayed by someone she loved and idolized (that'd be Kapra), and isn't much in the mood to make new friends. Clear-Voiced Penelope, however, wins her over, and she agrees to let the heroes stay and help. She says that Artemis gave her mother a prophecy, that the Golden Boar was a test for the greatest hunter of Fenios, but instead of killing it Kapra used some kind of magic to enslave it. Nassia is bitter about this; Kapra was her mentor and idol, and she was supposed to join Kapra's hunt this year.

Meanwhile, Damon and Agathon track the boar. It's not hard, the thing is huge and knocks over trees as it forages in the woods. It roots in the ground for food and rubs up against the largest trees, and the heroes watch it in awe, trying to think of a way to beat it. Damon wonders if letting it swallow one of them would allow them to attack its heart, or perhaps its food could be poisoned? They do not attack the boar directly, however, since it beat all four of the heroes once already.

At the camp, Penelope is similarly frustrated. Artemis is her divine parent (yes, Artemis is one of the virgin goddesses in classic myth, never mind that), and so prays for a vision. She sees a rabbit with fur of moonlight cross her path and chases it, hoping for a sign, but it is too swift and she tumbles down an embankment. Smarting and humiliated once again, she climbs back up and sees Agathon and Damon, and calls them to the camp.

Kyra, for her part, asks for audience with Queen Isadora. She gets it, and meets the deposed ruler, regal and beautiful even in exile. She is perhaps a little more blunt with the queen than she should be, telling her that Kapra said she lied about the boar, and Isadora has her removed from her tent. 

The other three heroes come back and Kyra fills them in, and they decide to speak with the Queen again, but this time all together and with Damon leading the effort. Damon lays out the facts logically - the boar is killing people, and is now out of control. Isadora needs to be honest in order to protect her daughter. Isadora considers, and then tells them the truth. Artemis did give her a prophecy, but it was that the boar would take her daughter upon her twentieth year. She therefore lied to her people in an attempt to protect Nassia. 

Damon asks for help in defeating the boar, and Isadora agrees, but only if the heroes agrees to keep the truth from Nassia and to help Isadora reclaim her throne. The heroes agree, and they and the Queen's Guard prepare for the hunt.

The hunt begins at dawn, and again, finding the Golden Boar isn't hard. They track the creature, and Penelope sees the ferocity of the creature and the wrath of Artemis behind it. The boar charges the camp, and the heroes spring into action...though tragically, they are not entirely successful.

The boar smashes through the camp, killing most of the queen's loyalists. Kyra, wishing to make up for her earlier rudeness, pulls the queen to safety, but Damon is unable to do so for Nassia, and the princess is thrown against a tree and killed! Isadora rushes to her daughter and wails, and War-Leader Agathon draws his swords and attempts to control the battlefield...but he cannot. Too much death, too much chaos, no advantage to be had.

The heroes rally and face the boar, prepared to die if this be their fate. Damon leaps on the boat and wraps his chain around its neck, pulling it and controlling its movement. Agathon tries to cut it down, but the boar kicks him and tramples him once again, but Kyra is ready and knocks the beast's legs out from under it with her hammer. Clear-Voiced Penelope strikes, and feels her mother's blessing - Nassia is dead, the prophecy is fulfilled, the Golden Boar can now die. She puts her spear through the monster's eye, finally killing it.

The victory is Pyrrhic, of course. Nassia is dead, and Isadora is heartbroken. Not only that, but much of her followers are gone, and Kapra is still alive and has her own supporters. The heroes leave Fenios in a state of burgeoning civil war, but they have done all they can, and further islands await.

Character Creation: Inspirisles

Gotta love a good portmanteau. 

The Game: Inspirisles
The Publisher: Hatchlings Games
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one 

So here we're playing people who have traveled through a mystical gateway to another realm where there are wyrms that teach you magic (elemental in nature, performed via sign language), and over time you reforge Excalibur and then either go home as if no time has passed (with all the attendant issues therein) or remain in the Islands as a hero. PCs are called "Pendragons," and I think the intent is that they're descendants of Arthur and Guinevere, but if that's the case it could be stated a little more explicitly.

Actually, this game could generally use a little more explicitness. It's very clear about its safety mechanics and on Deaf awareness (I wasn't kidding when I said the magic works on sign language; the book gives you instruction sheets on both British and American Sign Language), but it's a little fuzzier on the underlying assumptions of the game world and our place within it. We're meant to help the fae by fomenting Belief and struggling against Disbelief, and I think the mechanics are well-explained, but there's a little more in-character chatter from Cecily and Scriv the Bard than I'd find useful. I don't dislike the game, I just think I'm missing something. 

Anyway, let's make a Pendragon. Man, this sheet uses a lot of ink.

Well, there's a handy random table of names, so I shall use it since I don't really have any idea. Rolling 2,6 gives me either "Trinity" or "Grey." I don't love Trinity (makes me think of The Matrix, obviously), so sure, my character's name is Grey, pronouns he/they.

Next I look at a list of memories and pick the ones that speaks to me. They're meant to be literal first memories, though I'm not sure what relevance they have to our character, exactly. It gives me a Friend (basically a fae race) and their home, but I'm not one of those, right? I'm a human teenager what fell through a portal?

Anyway, the memory I like most is:

So that makes Wyrmbitten my Friend and Shedscale my Home.

Now we pick an Element and the kind of divine Patron. Let's assume I'm playing in a four-player game so that all four elements are represented. I guess Grey can be all about Water, which makes their Patron Athelyn.

And then a Hobby. I can roll for this, so I think I will, though I reserve the right to change my mind. 2,4 is either karate or crocheting. I think I'll go with crocheting, just because combat is so de-emphasized in this game (and yes, karate as practiced by a teenager wouldn't have much practical combat application anyway, but I think it'd be cool if Grey could learn to crochet water with elemental magic). 

Now, that's technically the end of chargen, but there's a bit a little later on where we wind up at the Questing Cabin and get five items, and since there's a random table I'll go ahead and use it for those. Well, actually, obviously I want crocheting needles and yarn as two of them, and then I'll roll on the tables for the other three. There's a table for Carried and one for Worn. Rolling three times and checking the results on both, I'll take a scarf, a shirt, and an ocarina.

And that's it. I think Grey has blond hair, nimble fingers, but is otherwise pretty clumsy. Big feet. He made the scarf he's wearing, it was meant to be a present for a guy he had a crush on, but the guy changed schools before it was done.

Movie #866: Final Destination

Final Destination is a supernatural/slasher horror movie starring Devon Sawa, Ali Larter, Kerr Smith, Seann William Scott, Kristen Cloke, Chad Donella, Amanda Detmer, and Tony Todd. It kicked off a franchise, but this is the only one I own (and I think the only one I've ever seen, which is a little out of character for me).

A bunch of high school students are going to France for a field trip (man, best we ever did was Cedar Point), and just as their plane is about to take off, Alex (Sawa) has a detailed premonition of the plane exploding. He flips the fuck out (like you do) and winds up getting pulled off the plane, but so do several other students: Alex' best friend Tod (Donella), violent nutcase Carter (Smith), hapless dork Billy (Scott), Carter's girlfriend Terry (Detmer), and teacher Ms. Lewton (Cloke). One other student, whose name I'm not kidding is Clear Rivers (Larter), gets off of her own accord because she recognizes a call to adventure when she sees one, and yup, the plane crashes, killing all aboard. 

Alex winds up fielding exactly the sort of questions you'd think he might ("how did you know that was going to happen?" and "how THE FUCK did you know etc etc"), but then a few days later Tod dies in what is labeled a suicide but what we as the audience know is Death flying into his bathroom as the wind (in case you thought The Happening did it first). After Terry gets hit by a bus a few days later in the best jump-scare of the movie, Alex figures out that the seven of them have thwarted Death's plan for them, and now Death is coming for them. For the most part, though, Death doesn't just take them out with normal shit like car accidents (Terry notwithstanding), it does these elaborate Rube Goldberg-y sorts of things. 

The metaphysics here aren't ever really laid out very well, but the idea seems to be that if you manage to avoid Death's shot, Death skips you and goes on to whoever's next. Unlike the sex-demon in It Follows, however, Death doesn't seem to loop back around to you, meaning that it's possible to avoid Death and have a normal life. It is not, of course, because neither Clear nor Alex survives the next movie, but never mind that.

I remember feeling annoyed when I first saw this movie that Death was being treated like the killer in a slasher movie, but I couldn't really articulate why. With 25 more years behind me (jesus), however, I think the reason is because it doesn't give the protagonists a chance. We're just spectators in this carnival of horrors as the Grim Reaper blows into their rooms and explodes computers in their faces (or whatever), but there's Alex having these seemingly random, almost taunting omens as to what's coming, and it just feels like we're missing something. But if you think about it, the teen victims in any slasher movie aren't any better equipped to deal with the killer at first, so Final Destination is really following the same formula. 

I guess with this premise, it would have been interesting to themes of inevitability come into play a little more deftly, but with that said, I'm really happy these didn't go with the original ending (Alex impregnates Clear and then sacrifices himself for her, dies, and then later her son is born and the ending is oddly wistful - it's sweet, in a way, but it's wildly out of step with the rest of the film). 

I have other niggles, too. First, what the hell is Clear's story? Like, we know her dad was murdered and her mom kinda fucked off with a new dude, but...where are they now? She lives alone? We literally never see any adults in her life, but that's not how minors work, generally. (Larter was 24 when the movie was released, and she doesn't really read as a teenager, but then, not many of these characters do.) And second, did you have to get cutesy with the character's names? Sure, Clear Rivers, but also Bludworth (the mortician played by Tony Todd, who is really only there for our Meeting with the Mentor scene), and then a bunch of the characters' surnames are classic horror directors or characters: Browning, Murnau, Schreck, Hitchcock, Chaney, Waggner, I don't know what that means, if anything, I just found it distracting. 

Final Destination strikes me as one of those movies that you just can't think too hard about, but at the same time it seems to want us to think about it, and I find that a little grating. For all that, though, it's entertaining and the kill scenes are fun and tense (some of them), so I actually kinda do want to see some of the others.

My Grade: C
Rewatch Value: Medium-high

Next up: It: Chapter Two 

Tidal Blades: Bait's Dads are Found!

Yesterday we played Tidal Blades once again! Here's last time! I am very sleepy!

Our heroes sail their stolen ship, the Lunch, southwest to Angler's Cove. Angler's Cove, as Bait informs his fellows, a pirate hotspot, the place where ne'er-do-wells, buccaneers, scampers, coral miners, and monster hunters congregate. But that's apparently where the Brotherhood of the Forgotten Hunger has taken his dads.

They pull into the harbor and give the harbormaster a shell. He asks the ship's name, and Bait says "The Lunch", and Hobie quickly adds "...box. The Lunchbox." They disembark, and decide to split up and look around.

Bait goes off by himself down the docks, to see if he can find the Breakfast and/or Dinner, since hopefully that'll indicate where his dads have been taken. Hobie, Faesli, and Sobek go into the Scary Tigress, a nearby bar (why, yes, I do use a random generator for tavern names), both to get a lay of the land and to see if there are any crocs who might be members of the gang hanging around.

The place is busy and there are crocs, but no one they can identify. Hobie gets an idea - they ask the bartender (a chameleon making using of his independently mobile eyes to watch the patrons) if they can tell stories and perhaps earn some shells. The bartender chortles and says that if you can get this crowd to listen to anything, good on ya. But this guy don't know Hobie.

Hobie finds a corner of the room and calls for attention, and then tells the story of the Dire Suchid. Sobek stands behind them menacingly, with a "you better listen" kind of look on his face, and Faesi watches from the sidelines. And sure enough, Faesli spots a skinny croc slip out the door. She signals to Sobek and they sneak out after him, following him all the way across town and over towards an arena!

They manage to remain stealthy enough to avoid notice - there's one close call where the croc looks back, but Sobek ducks into a doorway and Faesli quickly activates her distortion power. In any case, they eavesdrop as the croc meets with another, much larger croc, and tells him that there was some cuttlebeard in the pub talking about the Dire Suchid! Should we tell the Boss?

"Nah," says the other one. "Let's just go grab it. Boss'll like that." And they head back into town to find Hobie.

Meanwhile, Bait walks down the dock looking for the Brotherhood's other two ships. He doesn't find them, but he spots Steefan, and old sailing acquaintance, and chats with him a bit. He tells Steefan that he's got his own ship now ("I'm the captain...and the navigator...and then first mate...and the cook") and asks whether he's seen his dads. Steefan initially says he hasn't, but then seems to remember something. Bait pushes the issue and Steefan says that he saw a couple of ships pass by the entrance to the docks, and he saw a frog on the deck of one of them that looked like Lowery Cain. The ships were heading to the southern bit of the Cove. Bait knows that ships sometimes anchor near there and let the crew camp near the Battle Pit. 

Hobie, back at the tavern, has Garnet hold up a hat so folks can throw shells in it. They spend a spell and buy a box of loyters (edible clams) and then head out, but Garnet scampers off almost immediately. Hobie follows and spots Bait down the block ("I'm gonna assume you knew Bait was there and not that you're a BAD SHRIMP"). They fill each other in, and Bait sits down to fish. 

Sobek slips up to the crocs and reverse-pickpockets a bad-luck cypher into the big one's pockets, and then he and Faesli get ahead of the crocs and head to the Lunchbox to wait. They are below decks when they hear someone board the ship, and Sobek yells "WHO'S THERE". One of the crocs responds "YOU'RE ON OUR SHIP." Faesli and Sobek come up, and the skinny croc and his beefy companion are there, looking annoyed. The fight is on!

Sobek socks the big one in the snoot, dazing him, while Faesli strikes the skinny one with her battlestaff. The big one recovers and charges Sobek, bad luck kicks in and he loses his footing, and Sobek is able to avoid harm. The skinny croc tries to shove Faesli into the drink, but Faesli activates her resonance field and the croc bounces off. Sobek handily knocks down the other one, and the skinny one goes for the railing, but Faesli trips him up. These crocs know when they beat, and Sobek ties them up. Faesli goes to find the others, and Sobek stays to guard them.

Faesli does find the others and has them come back to the ship, but when they get there, the skinny croc is gone! Apparently Sobek's knot-tying skills need work. But Bait just dives straight into the drink and sees the croc swimming away. Crocs (in this setting) aren't terribly strong swimmers, which I know is silly, but Bait is a very strong swimmer, and quickly catches up with the wayward croc. He tosses a net over him and drags him back to the ship. The characters then demand that they talk!

The crocs (Brisket and Speck, if you're interested) tell them that the Brotherhood has a camp outside of town, near the Battle Pit. The boss, a croc they call The Appetite, is meeting with someone to buy...something, a gadget used in monster hunting, they don't know. The frog-dads are with them at the camp.

The crew isn't sure what exactly to do with these guys. There probably isn't a "jail" per se in Angler's Cove, leaving them tied up seems cruel, and they certainly aren't going to do any lasting harm. Instead they decide to get them drunk and take their clothes ("crocs without clothes are mostly harmless," muses Faesli), but while that works, the merriment is infectious, and basically everyone gets very hammered and wakes up the next morning on the ship with pounding headaches. (Garnet gently punches Hobie until they wake up, because yes, they're hurting, but FOOD TIME FOR SHRAMP.)

The heroes gather themselves together, and Bait makes them all a pirate hangover cure ("what's in it?" "Rum."), and they head out to whether the crocs indicated the camp was. They don't see the frog-dads, but they spot a couple of crocs turning a large something on a spit (for one horrible moment Bait thinks it might be a frog, but it's the wrong shape). 

Bait has a crazy idea - using a disguise cypher, the croc's clothes, and a little cardboard, he dresses up as Brisket! He walks into the camp clear as day and asks the other crocs where everyone is. They tell him that the Boss is taking a meeting in the Battle Pit, and he's got the frogs with him. Bait tries to guess which bedroll is Brisket's, to get his "stuff" (hey, maybe he's got some money around), but he guesses wrong. The other crocs tell him he'd better get out of Amuse's stuff, or she and Bouche are going to kick his ass. Noting this, "Brisket" heads on to the arena, and the others catch up.

A big bouncer-turtle at the gate asks if they're there to compete, but they say they aren't and he doesn't have any information about crocs ("there's lots of them here." "...yeah, OK"). The heroes enter the stadium and spot a huge croc sitting in a box overlooking the arena. Bait's dads are there, with collars on their necks, and a few more crocs are seated around the big one, but there's also a huge blue turtle there with them.

The heroes head over, Bait hoping that the disguise will hold, and slips in behind the crocs. Two of them, one orange, one blue, turn and look him up and down, and then pull off the disguise. "You're not..." says one. "...Brisket" finishes the other.

The big croc turns and sees the golfin, and things look a bit tense, but it's pretty clear that it's the turtle who's really in charge. Actually, Bait knows who this guy is - he's Angler, as in "Angler's Cove." Faesli notices that he's got a big scar down the back of his shell, and this rings a bell, but she's a little preoccupied right now.

Bait demands his fathers be released, and the big croc - The Appetite - refuses. Bait challenges him in the arena, and the Appetite rather arrogantly agrees to fight all four of them. He puts up the frogs as the prize; Bait also offers to give back his boat, but The Appetite doesn't agree to that ("I'll be taking that either way, it's my boat." "No, we stole it fair and square." "MY BOAT." "...we'll come back to the boat."). 

Angler facilitates the match, and all four of the heroes go into the ring with The Appetite. 

A cuttlebeard referee comes up and tells them the fight goes to a clear winner, until one side can't or won't fight anymore. Faesli and Bait both place bets on the heroes to win, and the fight is on!

Hobie, not much of a fighter, activates a cypher that lets him swim through the air, flies upwards out of The Appetite's reach, and starts whipping up the crowd to boo the croc! The Appetite, though, doesn't seem fazed. He charges forward, leaps into the air, and spins, smacking Sobek, Faesli, and Bait with his tail. They all land, realizing they need to take this fight seriously.

Faesli activates her resonance field to give herself a bit of protection. Sobek charges in and slugs The Appetite, dazing him, but even dazed the croc is a skilled pit fighter. He lashes out again with his tail and smacks the heroes around a bit. Sobek strikes, but The Appetite dodges and stabs him in the leg with the coral-spikes on his bracers. Bait, fortunately, is clever, and jumps at The Appetite in a feint.

This leaves The Appetite distracted, and Sobek is able to get in a shot with his hook. Faesli leaps behind The Appetite and trips him with her staff, and at that moment Hobie strikes! They swoop down from above holding Garnet, and Garnet punches The Appetite in the snoot, knocking him right out!

The fight is won! The crocs released Bait's dads, and the twins help the Appetite out of the arena. Angler, amused, invites the heroes to dine with him, and Bait picks his frog-dads up and hugs them. Victory! 

Movie #865: Deadpool & Wolverine

Deadpool & Wolverine is the third Deadpool movie, the fourth Wolverine movie, and the...millionth?...MCU movie. It stars Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, Emma Corrin, Matthew MacFadyen, and a whole bunch of folks in cameo roles. 

Following the events of Deadpool 2 (which I have seen but do not own, because I didn't care for it), the titular Merc with the Mouth (Reynolds) somehow manages to pop over to the mainstream MCU for a visit, gets turned down by Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau, cue the applause), and then pops back home to be a used car salesman. Somewhere along the way he broke up with Vanessa (Morena Baccarin), but he's got a collection of minor characters from the previous two movies to be his buds, so he's doing OK, except not really, because he wants to matter. And then the TVA yanks him to the end of time, and a slimy TVA dude called Paradox (Macfadyen) recruits him to...? But then it's revealed that his universe is ending because it will, in the future, lose its Wolverine (Jackman), which will cause it to unravel, except Paradox wants it unraveled now, so Deadpool kills a bunch of TVA dudes with the skeleton of Logan-Wolverine, grabs "the worst Wolverine" from another timeline, and tries to swap him in as the new anchor being.

This does not work, they're both sent to the void, they meet up with the nominal villain of this movie Cassandra Nova (Corrin), a bunch of refugees from Fox movies who have been sent here to die, and also Gambit (Channing Tatum, cue the applause) finally playing Gambit. He and Logan make it back to Earth and save the world through the power of holding hands. 

I have...mixed feelings about this movie. On the one hand, I like it. It's entertaining, and like, I've seen all the Blade movies, most of the Fox superhero movies (Fantastic Four, Daredevil, and so on), almost all of the X-Men movies, and so it's pleasing to me to see these characters (and the actors playing them) again. I was applauding along with the rest of the theater when Chris Evans shows up, and laughed delightedly when he yells "FLAME ON" instead of "AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!" Reynolds and Jackman are both amazing comic actors so their chemistry is top-notch, and the action scenes are really well done because they're all practical. 

But...man. I remember the lead-up to this movie and the thinking was "oh, this is going to bring the X-Men into the MCU! This is going to change something!" And it just...didn't. It's not "Deadpool joins the MCU." It's "Deadpool takes a brief vacation in the MCU and gives a sendoff to all of the non-MCU but still Marvel supers characters." And that's nice and everything, but like, couldn't we have had both?

Also, there are some...if not plot holes, then at least places where the plot is really threadbare. To wit: In Multiverse of Madness it was a big screaming deal that America Chavez could physically travel between universes, and now you're telling me that all you need is a temp-pad from the TVA? Or whatever the gizmo was that Deadpool jacked from Cable? We're just going to casually introduce the concept of an "anchor being," a person so important to a universe that their death causes it to slowly wink out of existence, but not so unique to that universe that a similar person from another universe couldn't fix it? 

And what he hell was Paradox' plan, anyway? I get his motives, kinda, but why did he recruit Deadpool at all? What did he want him to do? It seemed like he was trying to put him in the Sacred Timeline (which, like, that's not a thing anymore, is it? Isn't that the whole result of Loki, and this is clearly post-Loki, because B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku) is running the TVA? 

Also, Wolverine's big crime is...he killed people? Like, no one in particular killed the X-Men, just "the humans" went "mutant hunting." Um. In X2 Storm is depicted as powerful enough to summon multiple tornadoes in seconds. So just "some humans" killed the whole team? And then Logan...killed them plus a lot of other people, and that was enough to make not only hated within his timeline (but not imprisoned, since he's drinking freely in a bar when Deadpool shows up), but turn public opinion against the X-Men (those that survived, maybe?). 

It seems like I'm nitpicking because I am, because I just saw Superman the other day and goddammit, it is possible to have a movie with a lot of moving parts, that is funny, that is actiony, and that makes internal sense and has actual motivation for the characters. I found this movie more watchable and more entertaining than Deadpool 2, but I have a lot of the same criticisms: it's about a character who's pretty insufferable and it doesn't balance that with good storytelling. The writing is snappy and fun on a moment-to-moment level, but it's lazy and hackneyed on a larger, macro level. 

Also, hell, as long as we're here, it's really hard to get invested in a fight between Deadpool and Wolverine since both them of them are effectively immortal, they both know it, so it really feels like the fight in the car in the woods is just wasting the audience's time. 

Anyway. I like this movie, but I like it in the same way I like any crappy horror or action movie, in spite of itself. It's just that this dumb movie managed to make a billion dollars because people like the characters and the folks who were kids when X-Men came out have disposable income now.

My Grade: C+
Rewatch Value: High, dammit

Next up: Final Destination