Thirsty Sword Lesbians: Escape from the Garden

Last night was, well, you can see the title line. Here's last time. On we go!

Three of our heroes are still in the Hidden Garden, and not entirely sure how to get out. They head down a path, down some mossy stone steps into a valley, to a stone cottage. An old man sits outside on a chair, leaning on his cane - this must be the fellow they were told knows how to get out.

Esme talks to him, but talking to him is a difficult endeavor, as he seems to answer questions that haven't been asked yet or have conversations other than the one he's presently engaged in. She does get his name (Levi). He also seems to see Cleo as a cat even when she's in human form, tossing her a bit of food and making "pspspsps" noises at her. 

He does eventually tell them, though, that there are three ways out of the Garden: The Sad Way, the Dangerous Way, and the Worst Way. The Dangerous Way involves following instructions in "the book," and from context they figure it involves making or cooking something. The Sad Way is clearly the most expedient, as it involves cutting oneself off from feeling (since getting into the Garden requires acknowledging one's feelings). The Worst Way is less clear; Levi says that the Garden is "all stacked up together," and the Worst Way involves "taking that apart."

The characters decide that the Worst Way is probably not a method they want to pursue. They talk about the Dangerous Way, but when they mention Hedera, Levi says something about her being captured. Maybe the Sad Way is better, because it's faster? Izzy worries about Hedera, since she's probably not safe on her own, and freaks out a bit about all of this. Esme tries to lend her emotional support, but Izzy won't open up, and Esme steps away. She numbs herself to feeling, and fades out of the Garden. Izzy and Cleo just kind of blink.  

Meanwhile, Hedera, whom you'll recall left the Garden on her own, is facing off against Tranquility and her Lunar Loyalists. Hedera insults her, calling her out as a poor leader, and Tranquility smiles and nods to her people. They toss something onto the grass, which immediately blackens and dies! Furious, Hedera lashes out, but Tranquility dodges and nicks her with her silver blade. Hedera calls up water, but Tranquility flips upwards (using her gauntlets to control gravity) and stabs Helix with her sword!

Helix is unharmed (he's a bloptopus, he doesn't really have organs to puncture), but Tranquility flips him off Hedera's shoulder and into the crowd of Loyalists. Hedera tries to call her out again, and Tranquility orders a couple of her lieutenants in powered armor to capture Hedera. Hedera realizes to her horror that although she can't their faces (they're wearing opaque visors), one of them is Vi - she recognizes the tattoos.

Hedera calls up another deluge and shoves the lieutenants aside, and sprays Tranquility with more water. Tranquility spins out of the way, but Hedera winds up stealing her crown (the Loyalists gasp). She orders Hedera to stand down, and Hedera glances over and sees Vi lift her helmet and mouth "please."

Hedera walks over to Vi, kneels, and hands over the crown. "I surrender to you," she says, realizes she's in love (which happens to be one of her trials as the Nature Witch). Hedera is clapped in handcuffs, and Vi shows her that Helix is safe.

Some time later, Esme appears. She sees the dead grass and the burn marks from where ships took off, but no sign of Hedera. She sees the woman who drives the pig sty-mobile nearby, and curtly asks where the ships went. The woman points her in a direction - they flew up a ways, and then disappeared. Esme moves along, tracking the ships' movements.

Back in the Garden, Izzy and Cleo try to figure out what to do next. Izzy knows that she could numb herself to get out, and figures Cleo out to learn what she loves most, but what she loves most is just being a cat, so that's not something she can really give up. Izzy doesn't think she's really able to take the Sad Way, so she asks Levi for the book. 

He gives it to them, and Izzy and Cleo spend some montage time gathering the things they need until they've created a psychedelic mixture. They both take it, and fade out of the Garden. As they reappear on Kieron, though, Izzy realizes she can hear emotions. Cleo is feeling great, and her emotions are melodious and symphonic. Cleo also gets poured out of the Garden like a sloppy liquid, and can stand up as a solid person but her limbs are all bendy. Izzy is...not best pleased.

Esme is nearby, and can hear the gentle hum of ship engines - she figures they must be cloaked. Izzy and Cleo spot her just as the ship's door opens. Lunar Loyalists demand the newlyweds, and Esme responds by letting her hair down, leaping into the ship, and kicking ass.

Izzy leaps up and joins her, unsheathing her pink rose quartz sword. She gets tackled by three Loyalists and pinned to a wall, but Esme dispatches them with cool efficiency. Cleo oozes up onto the ship, as well, and Izzy finds a bucket to keep her in. Izzy also realizes that she can hear the tinny, unpleasant music of fear from the Loyalists, but nothing from Esme.

The PA kicks on, and Tranquility demands the newlyweds. Esme demands Hedera, but Tranquility refuses. Esme offers herself in exchange for Hedera, and Tranquility accepts, telling her to enter the elevator at the end of the corridor. 

Izzy tries to entice Esme to stay, but fails - Esme is still numb. She enters the elevator (unaware that Cleo has also done so by flowing along the floor in a long string), and Izzy is once again left alone.

Elsewhere on the ship, Hedera finds herself in a tank of water, treated with some kind of chemical weakening her. She calls on her power over water, though, to dilute the water until the tank starts to crack...

Movie #844: The Third Man

The Third Man is a film noir starring Orson Welles, Joseph Cotten, Alida Valli, Trevor Howard, Ernst Deutsch, Erich Ponto, Siegfried Breur, Bernard Lee, and Paul Hörbiger. 

Holly Martens (Cotten) arrives in postwar Vienna at the request of his buddy Harry Lime (Welles, eventually), who's promised him a job (Martens is a pulp Western writer, but that's pretty clearly not something he particularly cares about). He discovers that Lime was killed in a car accident just before he arrived, but the circumstances are weird - Lime was with his buddy Kurtz (Deutsch), he spotted his other friend Romescu (Breur) across the street, and just after he'd been struck by the car who should turn up but his doctor, Winkel (Ponto)? 

Martens is told to get the hell back to the States by Calloway (Howard), an Interpol officer, but sticks around to play sleuth. He finds Harry's girlfriend Anna (Valli), a Czech hiding out with a fake passport to avoid getting sent back into the Soviet Union, and is told that it wasn't just Kurtz and Romescu there after Lime got smacked - there was third man! (Title drop.)

Martens eventually unravels this - the third man was Lime, who isn't dead. The men put a different corpse into the casket to allow Lime to fake his own death, because Lime had been watering down penicillin and selling it on the black market, which is great except it was given to a bunch of children with meningitis who have since died or "gone out of the their heads." This all ends up with Lime getting shot and dying for realsies, and Martens' and Anna's fates left ambiguous. 

The Third Man is probably a movie I'd show someone if they asked me about noir as a genre, because it's nicely representative and it's accessible. Noir and hard-boiled plots can get dense (see also The Big Sleep, which had plot threads that even the writer didn't consider), and The Third Man doesn't exactly wrap everything up neatly but at least we know what happened and what everyone's motives are. At the same time, no one's clean - Martens is probably the closest, and he's perfectly happy to take a dishonest buck, he just draws the line at selling fake medicine to sick kids. 

It's justifiably remembered as one of the greatest British films of all time, between the script, the performances, and the iconic zither soundtrack. There's also a Pinky & The Brain version called "The Third Mouse," so that's pretty cool.

My Grade: A
Rewatch Value: Medium

Next up: Thirteen Ghosts

Character Creation: Zam! Pow! Spork!

We're not your classic superheroes. We're the other guys.

OR DO I EAT THIS SANDWICH?

The Game: Zam! Pow! Spork!
The Publisher: Wicked Clever
Degree of Familiarity: None, but it's only 32 pages
Books Required: Just the one

If the title doesn't make it clear what kind of game we're talking about here, the caped hippo on the cover probably would. In Zam! Pow! Spork!, we're playing sidekicks to a hero, but the gist of the game is that the "hero" is more than a bit full of himself and it's the sidekicks who actually get shit done. If I felt like analyzing, I'd say it was the Peter Principle applied to a supers RPG. But mostly I just feel like making a character. (Weirdly, the sheet wasn't included with the game on DTRPG, but it's on their website.)

Superpower! You do with with a d66, meaning you can read them in either order. 3, 4 give me "magical weapon" or "really stinking rich." Um, the former, please. Ah, but then I roll again and mash up both results, which is a really clever way of coming up with a superhero, I think. So for my second roll, I get 6, 4, which is either "water & ice powers" or "shape-shifting." Ooh, tough call. I could make a shape-shifter named Dwayne...hang on, feel like I made this joke already. I did, with Paragon. 

Well, anyway, I like the idea of a magic weapon that summons explosions of water, so let's say my guy has a sling. He can fling ice cubes, which then burst into torrents of water! SPLOOSH! That's actually pretty useful. More so than only turning invisible if no one, including you, is watching, I think.

Next, Aptitudes. This game being a Lasers & Feelings hack, I choose my guy's level on three scales: Mundane to Marvelous, Gritty to Polished, and Brainy to Brawny. Hmm. I feel like he's more on the Marvelous side, so I'll put that at 4. I'll put Gritty/Polished at 3 (closer to Gritty), and I'll put Brainy/Brawny at 4 (closer to Brawny). 

Profession! What do I do when I'm not splooshin'? What the heck, let's make him a bartender at a country club. Easy supply of ice cubs, anyway.

And then I need a catchphrase. How about "set to get wet!" 

All that's left is the name/description kind of thing. I like "Sploosh" as a superhero name, both because it's fitting and kind of terrible. So Sploosh wears a swimsuit, but like, the kind you'd wear as a pro (like, it's not just trunks or a speedo, it actually covers the chest). He's got an insulated bag on his hip and his magic sling on the other, and he's ready to sidekick for [the Star Hero, which we'd make as a group if we were playing]. He's built like a swimmer, obviously, wears a swim cap and goggles when he's side-kickin'. In real life, Chase Chacelli is blond, blue eyes, and a decent enough guy but maybe doesn't think things all the way through? He's very much the kind of guy who would make decisions that would lead people to say "you never ran this past a 13-year-old boy, did you?" (Hence the nom de guerre.)

 

Board Game: Three Cheers for Master

ALL HAIL THE OVERLORD. ALL HAIL THE OVERLORD.

Got to be funky

Boy, that's probably something of a niche reference.

The Game: Three Cheers for Master
The Publisher: Atlas Games
Time: 30 minutes, I think, but we were feeling our way through
Players: Me, Amanda, Cael, Michelle

 

Game Play: The basic conceit here is that you're the goblin-like minions of the titular "Master." The Master is having a bad day (his glowing red weak spot got poked, maybe, who knows) and you're trying to cheer him up with a tower of minions! 

Every turn, you play two cards and then either keep or discard the third, and then draw back up. Cards are either minions or orders. Minions have this simple, delightful kinda Johnny the Homicidal Maniac kind of vibe to the art, and they have various traits (Weak minions die easily, Hungry ones eat Weak ones, Heavy ones crush those under them if they fall, stuff like that). 

For example

Orders let you move or swap minions, or activate aggression, meaning a minion attacks the one indicated by the arrows on the card. 

The base layer of the pyramid.

You build up your pyramid, but you have to be careful which minions you put where, because you (and therefore your opponents) can play minions on any tower. So, for instance, you can play a Hungry minion next to someone's Weak minion, causing it to eat said minion. Once minions move or die, gravity kicks in, minions fall, and that can have consequences of its own.

Plus, every so often a Big Hairy Fight card comes up, meaning all minions get aggressive and attack as indicated on their cards, and if you haven't been careful about how you've arranged things, your tower can destroy itself right quick.

Cael considers his options

Eventually the "Master is Here" card comes up, there's a Big Hairy Fight (three of them, really), and then scoring depends on the height of the toward and where your minion-leader is on the tower (represented by a little cardboard token riding another minion). 

Opinions: It's a rare game, I've found, that can give you this kind of premise and then actually make a game that gives you a play experience that actually captures that experience. Three Cheers for Master does, though - it's a strategy and placement game, but you have to think ahead and remember what the different symbols mean in a gameplay context. It takes a little getting used to, and if you're playing on a big table it can be hard to see what's on someone else's tower, but the game itself flows nicely and presents a nice balance between screwing your neighbor and building yourself up. 

If I have a complaint, it's that there were only three reference cards included, which for a game that can take up to 10 people is weird. 

But I won without one, so

Keep? Yep.

Movie #843: The Thing

The Thing is a classic horror movie directed by John Carpenter and starring Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, Thomas Waites, Keith David, T.K. Carter, David Clennon, Richard Dysart, Charles Hallahan, Peter Maloney, Richard Masur, Donald Moffat, and Joe Polis. 

At an American research station in Antarctica, the fellas are just settling in for a long winter's nap, as it were, when a couple of Norwegians in a helicopter show up trying to shoot a dog and get themselves killed in the process (one blows himself up fumbling a grenade, while the station commander Garry (Moffat) shoots another). The staff doctor, Copper (Dysart) and the pilot, MacReady (Russell) go to the Norwegians' base and find it destroyed - one body sliced open, another horrific amalgam of corpses burnt, and an empty block of ice that seems like it's been cut out of the permafrost.

They bring the corpse-blob back with them, which I'll bet seemed like a mistake in retrospect, but really the damage is already done. That "dog" wasn't a dog, but the titular Thing, an alien creature that assimilates whatever living creatures it finds, mimics them, and moves on. We are not kept waiting long to see it - when the dog handler Clark (Masur) puts the dog-Thing into the kennel, it promptly explodes into wriggly tentacle horrors and eats the other sled dogs. 

From there everything kinda descends into chaos. Blair (Brimley) realizes that if the Thing reaches a populated area it's going to assimilate the world in a period of three years (rather, that's what his amazingly advanced for 1982 computer software says), so he kills the surviving dogs, smashes up the chopper and the other vehicles, and is promptly shoved into a shed for his trouble. The Thing, meanwhile, goes on to kill another couple of crew members before MacReady gets the idea that every part of the Thing is a separate organism, so a blood sample will retreat from pain, revealing the creature. That works, and so we find ourselves down to four: MacReady, Garry, Childs (David), and Nauls (Carter), with Blair (already infected, obviously) in the shed.

The Thing is demonstrative of a number of things in horror. To wit: Practical effects are always, always better than CGI. We have a one-to-one comparison here, because there was a prequel (also called The Thing, which is a fucking trend that I wish would die already) that tried to tell the story of the Norwegian team but fell flat, in part because it used CGI and the effects just looked like garbage. Also, critics cannot be trusted. The Thing (the real one, not the prequel) was panned upon release, and you can read the wiki for an analysis of why, but suffice to say that they were fucking wrong. Not only is it a great horror movie that manages to marry body horror, paranoia, slasher-movie tension and an incredible setting, but it holds up on repeated viewing and it's a rich source of thematic analysis (Cold War paranoia, toxic masculinity, take your pick).

It's interesting to view this nearly back-to-back with They, which is another very bleak horror movie pitting hapless protagonists against an enemy they can't really hope to understand, because these protagonists realize very early on that they're screwed and all they can do is try and take the Thing with them. And we get one of the best endings in horror movie history as Childs and MacReady sit around the burning camp, sharing a bottle of Scotch, and each wondering whether they can trust the other.

(It was Norris that the dog-Thing infects right at the beginning, right?)

My Grade: A
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: The Third Man

Chill: Genre Savviness Only Gets You So Far

It's fine to know you're in a horror movie, but that doesn't always save you. 

The envoys, recall, in a ski resort, trying to find one Roger Brewster, the unfortunate great-grandson of their friend Granny Beth, who is apparently on a murder spree. They haven't actually seen or found any Unknown activity yet, which is worrisome in its own right. But just at the moment, three of them are entering the resort's motor pool, figuring it might be where Roger is hiding out.

Amelia Rostov focuses and Senses the Unknown, and gets the telltale ringing in her ears that she feels when the Unknown is near. She can't pinpoint it, though. She, Nicholas Failor, and Britt Lepus search the motor pool and don't find Roger. Nicholas, however, finds some bloody, balled-up clothes that someone apparently stuffed up under a Lite Trax. No footprints, but it's cold enough in here that unless they were made in, say, blood, they wouldn't stay.

Meanwhile, Mercy Williams is heading outside (after helping the hotel staff search rooms). As she heads toward the motor pool, she spots a set of footprints leading away, down the hill, and yells after the other envoys. They don't have their winter gear on, but there's parkas and snow pants in the motor pool - enough for three of them. Obviously Nicholas goes without, and by the time they get to the bottom of the hill, the storm is worsening and his fingers are going numb.

Fortunately they're now at their plane and he's got spare gear there, so he gets into it while the others check the dockhouse. It's locked, no broken windows, and a quick use of Schematic from Britt shows no unseen rooms or anything. It's getting colder, the storm is worsening, and they haven't seen any sign of Roger. If it didn't come here, he might have doubled back, or he might be hiding in the woods (in which case he's unlikely to survive the night). Nicholas gets his rifle out of the plane, too - it's disassembled and in a bag so as not to scare anyone, but he'd rather have it nearby if he needs it. Likewise, Mercy grabs a wrench from the toolbox.

The four of them head back up, taking things slowly, particularly since Amelia walks with a cane. They get back to the hotel and Mercy goes and talks to the staff, and encourages them to keep everyone together, in this building, overnight, since they still don't know where Roger is. 

The envoys regroup a little, and talk through their situation. Britt muses that at least they're as much in the dark as anyone, and since there's been no overt hint of the Unknown they don't have to try and hide it - they can be just as bewildered as anyone else. They decide to do as much as they can to keep everyone safe. Nicholas goes and talks to Maurice, the chef, and learns that there are security cameras but there are at least a couple of doors (staff entrances) that are blind spots. Britt goes and volunteers to help out at the bar, giving the staff there a break, while Amelia posts up in the lobby and listens to chatter.

The chatter is pretty much what you'd expect - everyone is scared, confused, and getting restless. Rumors are flying about what happened to Ginny (who is a higher-up in the company). Mercy and Nicholas talk to the head of security and he goes over the logistics of the situation with them - and those logistics aren't great. There are too many doors, too many people, too much chaos. If you search one place, and then go search another, there's no guarantee the first place you searched is still clear. And, worse, they don't know what they're really looking for, if he's targeting specific people, or what he's really doing. They can't really prevent people from going to their rooms, and Mercy admits that if people go to their rooms and stay there, lock the doors, and for the love of god don't open them if someone knocks, they're probably safe.

The head of security shows them the bank of monitors where the camera feeds go. A young woman named Leslie is watching them, and she points out the different cameras and puts them in context ("that's the front door, that's the back," etc). She notes that in this weather she can't really see much, but she'll stick with it.

The envoys split up, but they do take their own advice. Britt stays at the bar all night and stays with the crowd (a lot of people don't go back to rooms, preferring to talk, drink, and keep each other company). Mercy and Nicholas each take a couple of hotel staff and watch the doors with the blind spots in shifts; the monitors are being watched by Leslie and a couple of other staff. Amelia goes to the room and falls asleep - she's exhausted after that hill (and her player had to step out). 

In the morning, as the sun rises, the snow has stopped and the weather cleared up. Leslie finds Mercy and asks if she can pop outside a minute for a smoke. Mercy isn't in favor, but Leslie insists, and Mercy goes along to keep an eye on her.

While they're there, Leslie says that she has a confession - she actually came out to meet her boyfriend, Nate. Nate was one of the employees who was in the Scott building when everything went crazy, and a bunch of them stayed there in a group (probably playing Xbox all night). Nate just texted her; he's right outside the door of the Scott building!

(You can probably hear the music getting scarier.)

Mercy yells back into the building at the other folks, but doesn't really manage to convey much, and follows Leslie. They get to the corner and see Nate over by the side door of the Scott building, pulling on his hat...and then a man in a parka tackles Leslie and raises a knife. 

Mercy charges through the deep snow and whacks the man on the shoulder with her wrench, hoping he'll drop the knife, but the parka is too thick. He does cry out in pain and lashes out with the knife, slicing Mercy and dragging the knife along her ribs. Nearby, Nicholas, also guarding a door, hears the commotion. He yells to one of the other guys to grab his rifle and assemble it, and charges out into the snow.

Seeing the fracas, he lights a flare and hurls it at the man, but misses. Mercy moves back in and tries to whack the man on the head, but misses entirely and man stabs her in the hip. She feels the knife hit bone and tries to prevent him pulling it out, but he's stronger than he looks. Mercy stumbles backwards, bleeding out. She claps her hands over the wound and applies pressure, but she's powerless to prevent the man stabbing Leslie multiple times.

Whoever it was that found Nicholas' rifle was quick (I rolled a colossal success for the guy to put the rifle together), and he tosses Nicholas the gun, but he doesn't have a clear shot. Nate charges into the fraying, screaming, and tackles the man. There's a briefly melee in the snow and Nicholas rushes over to see Nate lying there, a pool of blood spreading out from under him. Nicholas turns him over and sees the knife sticking out of his chest. 

Nicholas stumbles back and falls against the building. Mercy sits down heavily in the snow as hotel staff run to the scene. The snow is splattered with blood, two more people are dead, and the killer has...vanished.

Character Creation: Alien

Ugh, corporate greed leading to death and misery, while the people doing the actual work are left to fend for themselves. And then there's this RPG.

The Game: Alien
The Publisher: Free League
Degree of Familiarity: I've seen...most of the movies? Never played the game, though
Books Required: Just the one

I'd seen this game get talked up, particularly the stress mechanic, bought a copy, and finally got around to reading it. Free League evidently doesn't provide a PDF with hard copies, boo, but whatever. 

The game is actually really well done (on a read, but of course I'd need to play it to know). It would be really easy to cheap out on the mechanics and just make D&D in horror-space, but Alien really pays attention to the themes of the IP. And it has to include the Prometheus stuff, which, godspeed little toaster (I wasn't impressed by Prometheus, but it's been a while). 

Also, the game draws a bright line between Cinematic Play (one-shots where you're probably all or mostly all gonna die and there are fucking xenomorphs) and Campaign Play (longer-term games where you might die but it'll take a while, and there are fucking xenomorphs, but they're a sometimes food. Or more accurately, you're the sometimes food). I like a game that knows it wants to have high lethality and walks the walk, unlike, say, most incarnations of WoD, which tried to be a horror game but in practice it was really hard to kill PCs under RAW. (I know because I ran scenarios that were meant to be high-lethality, and it was hard to arrange without falling back on Storyteller fiat. But I digress.)

So anyway, since the world is descending into corporate horror as we watch, let's make a character! Without a PDF, like it's fucking 2008.

The game assumes if you're creating a character, it's for Campaign Play

Step One, we choose a Career. I think I want to be a Colonial Marshal. Yeah, ACAB, but I'll lean into that and go more towards the Lenny Nero/Robert Thorn type of guy, someone who is corrupt but that's largely because he's not an idiot. He's not going to frame an innocent person (though he might frame a guilty one), he's not going to commit cold-blooded murder, but he's absolutely going to line his pockets because it sucks out here. His name is Parker Love. 

Attributes! My Key Attribute is Wits. What does that mean? Oh, it means I can put that one up to 5, instead of the usual max of 4. Cool. Well, I have 14 points to split between 4 Attributes, minimum 2, max 4 (except Wits). Let's see here.

Well, for the concept I have in mind, Strength doesn't need to be high but Wits and Empathy should be. Let's say I want to put both of those at max, that would eat 9 points, leaving me with 5. I could then put Agility to 3 and leave Strength at 2. I can live with that.

Moving briskly along to Skills. I get 10 points, and I can assign 3 to my Key Skills (which are Observation, Ranged Combat, and Manipulation). Everything else, max of 1. Well, I definitely want the max in Manipulation and Observation, so that's 6 of my 10 points right there. I'll pop 1 into Ranged Combat, Mobility, and Command, and that leaves me 1 more point. Hmm. Parker probably knows how to fight, but I think he's not great at it. I think I'll be weird and put it into Heavy Machinery, and say that Parker was doing roughneck kind of work and got out of it to be a Marshal somehow.

Now we choose a Career Talent. This is easy enough, I have three to choose from and I just get one. I can pick between Authority, Investigator, and Subdue. Let's see what these do in game terms.

Well, Authority lets me use Command instead of Manipulation, which, um, no thanks...

Now wait a damn minute. Why the hell is this a Colonial Marshal Talent? Command can't be higher than Manipulation for Marshals, since Manipulation is one of their Key Skills. UGGGHHHH. I mean, narratively it kinda makes sense, but mechanically it really doesn't. OK, well, skipping that one.

Subdue isn't bad (it gives me an attack bonus if I'm just putting someone in a grapple), but it's not Parker. That leaves me with Investigator, which lets me check an area and ask questions, much like an investigative move in a PbtA game, and that's fine with me.

Next step is choosing a name, which I did. Appearance! There's actually a list of distinctive features and habits for each career. Do I like any of them? I do kinda like "chewing a toothpick." Let's say Parker is a white dude, dark wavy hair, brown eyes, on the skinny side (it's not like there's a lot of fattening food out here), constantly chewing a toothpick. 

And now we get a Personal Agenda! There are three listed for the career, but I could make one up, which I think I will because the ones listed don't quite get to the concept I want. I think Parker's Agenda is mostly to get to a respectable world. Doesn't have to be luxury, doesn't have to be rich, just stable. Someplace that he doesn't have to worry about the fucking reactors imploding because Weyland-Yutani decided to cut funding because someone didn't dot a T right. 

I'd get a Buddy and a Rival, but of course those would require other players, so I'm gonna skip those. I get gear from a list (best way to shop). I'll take a .357 revolver, a hi-beam flashlight, a stun baton, and 3 doses of Neversleep. I also get...this is weird. It says "$D6x100 in cash." What the hell does that mean? Some of the careers say "$2D6x100", so does that mean I get 1D6x100? Maybe there's errata.

There is, but I don't see this addressed and I don't care enough to dig through it. Let's assume I get 1d6x100 spacebucks. 6! I'm rich! Ish! 

And that's it, folks. I suspect Parker either sells out and dies Carter Burke style, or has an Adam Brody in Ready or Not moment where he sacrifices himself to save the people worth saving. Though of course in Campaign play he might have a longer and more interesting arc.

Movie #842: The Thin Man

The Thin Man is a 1934 whodunit based on the novel by Dashiell Hammett and starring William Powell, Myrna Loy, Maureen O'Sullivan, Nat Pendleton, Porter Hall, Cesar Romero, William Henry, Minna Gombell, Henry Wadsworth, Natalie Moorehead, Edward Brophy, and Edward Ellis. 

The titular "thin man" is Clyde Wynant, a scientist of some kind who is, shall we say, eccentric. Before leaving on a mysterious business trip, his daughter Dorothy (O'Sullivan) introduces him to her fiancé Tommy (Wadsworth). Wynant immediately goes to retrieve a bunch of money he intends to give her as a wedding present, only to find that his shady-ass secretary/former mistress Julia (Moorehead) has stolen it. 

A couple of days later, Julia winds up dead, and of course the now-missing Wynant is the prime suspect. And who should blunder into this whole mess but Nick (Powell) and Nora (Loy) Charles, a former private detective and an heiress, respectively. Things continue to unravel, bodies continue to drop, eventually Nick unravels the case and finds where the thin man has been all this time (spoiler: dead). 

This was the first of six "Thin Man" movies. The moniker came to refer to Nick Charles, though in this movie it refers to the suspect/victim Clyde Wynant. I strongly suspect that the quality of the movies does not improve, but I haven't seen any of the sequels. This one, however, is a good film, though I admit it's not what I was expecting. I knew it was a detective story, and I knew it was based on a Hammett novel, but given that I was expecting something a little more on the noir side of things. The Thin Man is more like a screwball comedy than a detective story in a lot of ways, though (minus the bit where the stool pigeon (Harold Huber) gets shot dead). 

The chemistry between Powell and Loy is fantastic, but then the chemistry between either of them and whoever they happen to be on screen with is pretty damn solid, too. Like a lot of the comedy of the day, the dialog and the delivery carries the scenes. The story itself doesn't have the same intricacy as later detective stories would - it's complex, kinda, but when the killer is reveal there's not really the moment of "ohhhhh, shit" but more "oh, yeah, right, of course." 

I've read a Nick and Nora novel, but I can't remember which one. May need to go back and see if it was The Thin Man, because if it was that's just embarrassing, because I did not recognize a single thing. 

My Grade: A-
Rewatch Value: Medium

Next up: The Thing

Character Creation: GROK?!

Nothing to do with AI. Nothing to do with AI. NOTHING TO DO WI-

The Game: GROK?!
The Publisher: Gander Gaming
Degree of Familiarity: None, though I've read similar games
Books Required: Just the one, plus some dice if you want to use the random tables (which I do)

nothing to do with AI

GROK?! is a fantasy/sci fi sort of affair, very much in an OSR kind of sensibility (I've seen it compared to Knave, which I haven't read). It has NOTHING TO DO WITH AI, and indeed I don't think it has any connection to the original meaning of the word "grok" (from Stranger in a Strange Land). It's just the name of the planet it takes place on, and it sounds like an onomatopoeia representation of the kind of noise the creature on the front cover would make.  

The titular planet has some quick backstory - there was some high tech, there was a cataclysm, now it's kind of Thundarr-ish with perhaps more cannibal radioactive mutants. I might give this game a go, I guess, if I wanted to run this kind of game. At least chargen looks fun.

Speaking of that: We've got three Attributes (Physical, Mental, Social), and we roll a d12 to pick an array rather than rolling for each one individually. A roll of 10 gets me...Physical d12, Mental d4, Social d4. I seem to be playing the brick. I can roll with that.

Next we determine 5 Traits, which are: Personality, Motivation, Background, Trouble, and Appearance. Again, there's a table, so I'll throw some d20s around. Random rolls give me: 

Personality: Generous
Motivation: Discover a truth
Background: Quantum Psychologist
Trouble: Condemned
Appearance: Bloated

That's all fine, except I'm going to change out "Condemned" to "Discredited." My character was a Quantum Psychologist, studying the Pilgrim Time Travel method of psychoanalysis, wherein you travel to different points in your own timeline to figure out why you did (or will do) certain things. My guy was fully convinced that this was a good idea, because time is a straight line and the future is just a matter of perspective, but it's already happened so you can't change anything. He went on to prove himself wrong by dropping his younger self on his head as a child, with the result that he grew up...less smart, but much, much larger. The "truth" he's trying to discover is who got him to do that, because he wants to pop that guy's head like a grape. (I think, too, that he's not so much generous as very, very simple, and he tends to give away what he gets because it's less to keep track of.)

I get an outfit appropriate to my background, but of course I didn't actually have the background I had...actually, no, I think it'd be funny if my bloated ass were still squeezed into the same tweed suit. Right, so "Tweed Suit" is an Asset, and then I get four more, which I can roll for, so let's do that!

I get...a plasma launcher (holy shit), a retractable 20' pole, an indentured laborer (probably used to be my intern), and a material transmuter (which I'm sure he has no idea how to work anymore). That's cool. My laborer's name is Stayv, and he's heard to do the thinky things like "remember to breathe" and "work the material transmuter." My plasma launcher is just the gun I could find that fits me, and the pole is...just something he hasn't given away yet. It's good for knocking fruit out of trees and whatever. 

My guy's name is Pretebol Almondine, Jr, but everything (including himself) now calls him "Boll" because it's easier to remember. Boll is a good 7 feet tall and nearly as big around as he is long. He wears a comically tight tweed suit and has a fucking plasma launcher slung over his shoulder ("isn't that weapon supposed to be mounted on a tank?" "...huh?"). He's got a big, round, dumb face, but still wears his reading glasses when he wants to fool people into thinking he's smert. 

D&D: A Delightful Swim in the Lake

Yesterday we played some serious D&D (wasn't all that serious). 

Recall that our heroes, plus the other party that rolls with them sometimes, were walking around Lake Donn to see if they could find what became of Brian, the missing villager. The shore of the lake varies from a gentle slope to a slight drop-off, but in any event the lake smells stronger of swamp as they walk around. They get to the far side of the lake and Dara spots a copse of trees facing the lake, and sees what seems to be a person tied to one of the trees. She relates this to the others, and Aisling calls out "Brian! Is that you?" 

They hear something chuckling in the trees next to them. They turn just as three gnolls burst from the trees! Zook has time to shoot one with a crossbow bolt before the battle is joined.

Dara calls up a flame blade, while Aisling casts Bane on the three gnolls. Belle nocks and arrow and fires, but it's too close and she misses. Fearg rages and starts laying about with his war pick, and Keenan moves around the battlefield to get a better angle on the gnolls for a burning hands spell. But Clara...

Clara feels that someone loves her, and she loves that someone. She turns and starts swimming out into the lake. A winged figure erupts from the trees and flies over the lake towards her, and the characters recognize the succubus they found back in Fiadh. 

Belle fires and arrow at her, and Zook tries to blind her with magic, but she resists. Aisling throws a cloud of daggers in her way and she hits it, and drops into the water. Clara swims toward her, joyously, ready for her kiss...

Zook, thinking quickly, hits the demon and Clara with a magic missile, and Clara snaps out of it. She punches at the succubus, and the demon recoils. "I told you I'd see you again," she says, and takes to the sky away from Clara. 

Clara turns and swims back to shore, where the battle continues. Between Zook's magic missiles, Keenan's spells, Dara's flame blade, Fearg's rage and Aisling's encouraging drumming, the gnolls are defeated. The demon, though, flies back over to the trees.

The heroes regroup a bit and start heading over. They find that the person that Dara saw "tied" to the tree is in fact nailed to it. Long sections of flesh have been flensed from his body and are hanging up in the nearby trees, drying. He is quite dead...but he raises his head and spouts something in Abyssal. Dara catches the word "flesh", but nothing else, and the body becomes inert again. 

The characters talk a bit about what to it ("Is he dead? I mean I know he's dead, but...") and the body lifts its head again and repeats itself, but in Abhaila this time: "Upon my flesh will be written the coming of the hordes of the Infernal, from the depths of cursed water they will rise." At this point, Clara moves around the tree to find some dry kindling to maybe burn this shit and sees Belle in a passionate kiss...with the succubus. No one noticed Belle sneak off (but then, she is a ranger).

The succubus drops her, and Belle collapses to the ground, her flesh fish-belly white, the veins around her eyes black. Aisling grabs her body and pulls it back into the clearing, away from the demon, and gives a healing word, but she doesn't stir (she is breathing, however). Fearg rages again and charges the demon, and Clara flips through the air and kicks her in the head. Brian's body pulls itself off of the tree and lurches toward Aisling, but then changes targets and goes for Belle.

Aisling leaps on Belle to shield her, and Zook stabs the zombie with his dagger. It continues to beat on Aisling ("NO GRAVE CAN HOLD MY BODY DOWN"), but then Zook puts a crossbow bolt in the back of its neck, and it falls dead. Again.

Meanwhile, the succubus taunts the others and nimbly defends against Fearg's wild strikes with its wings (seriously, I could not land a hit with him), striking out with claws. It takes off and flies into the clearing, apparently looking to finish Belle off, but Aisling again protects her. The heroes fight the succubus with everything they have - magic, steel, wood, guile - and finally Dara lands the killing blow with her quarterstaff (and the shillelagh spell). The demon stumbles back into the water, and says "oh, no, you've defeated me again," and vanishes into fire. 

The heroes take a breather, and Clara notes that they'll probably see the succubus again, since when it's "killed" it just returns to the Hells. Fearg muses that normally succubi aren't that ambitious; something generally has to summon them. The heroes recall that Orcan also summoned a cambion and a nightmare in the Enclave, so maybe he summoned this succubus as well? More information is needed.

Keenan and Zook stay at the clearing and dig a firepit in which to dispose of the remains of the zombie and the flesh-tangles hanging from trees. The others help Belle back to town, and they deliver the bad news to Cormac. The rest of the town of Watershed is happy, though, that the disturbing dreams will end and that their town won't be menaced by a demon. Aisling has them draw some water from their wells (they don't drink the lake water, obviously) and washes off the zombie bits.

In the morning, Belle is feeling much better, though the black veins around her eyes remain ("she should stop eating ilithid tadpoles," one of my players noted). The two parties discuss their next move. They want to know more about demons and try and see if they can figure out what's happening, and Zook suggests that they head for Cian, the largest city in Abhaile. If there are demonology experts anywhere, they're probably there. Belle says that her brush with death has her wanting to visit her home to the east, in Osclaimid, so they two bands part ways again, but are both sure they'll find each other again at some point. 

Movie #841: They

They, often called Wes Craven's They, which gives the incorrect impression that Craven directed it, is a horror movie actually directed by Robert Harmon and starring Laura Regan, Ethan Embry, Jay Brazeau, Marc Blucas, and Dagmara Dominczyk. It's not good, exactly, but it definitely has its moments and it was formative for me, in a way.

Julia (Regan) is finishing up her Masters in Psychology and a few days before her defense, Billy (Jon Abrahams) an old friend of hers, meets her in a diner and rambles incoherently about "them" coming for him. He tells her to stay in light, that "they" screw with electronics and make babies cry, and is pretty obviously unraveling. And then he shoots himself right in front of her.

Turns out that Julia and Billy both had night terrors when they were small, severe enough that medical intervention was required. At Billy's funeral, she meets Sam (Embry) and Terry (Dominiczyk), who met Billy because they have similar history - a traumatic event leading to night terrors leading to a sleepwalking or fugue incident where they attacked someone, thinking the victim was a demon. The truth of the matter gradually becomes clear to the viewer, at least: "They" are demons from the shadows, emerging from the dark to terrorize kids and "mark" them for later, and then coming back to get them when they've grown up. 

Julia has troubling believing this, of course, and her very nice and rational EMT boyfriend Paul (Blucas) doesn't help matters by very reasonably assuming that the trauma of, oh, watching someone blow his head off might be causing this. The demons torment Julia for a while; they also grab Terry and Sam, and finally Julia is committed after she winds up in a subway slashing at line workers with a piece of glass. Moments after she wakes up, They grab her. The end.

So, one of the things that struck me when I rewatched this movie was how goddamn bleak it is. It's not even a tragedy, because classically a tragedy involves the hero getting undone by their own flaws. But here, there are literal monsters from the shadows, and they come and get people. This particular group of people managed to find each other and develop some sense of what's happening, but it doesn't do them a lick of good. We don't know what They actually want with people (Julia meets a little girl, played by Jodelle Ferland, who would go on to play a zombie redneck in The Cabin in the Woods, who tells her that They want to eat her, but that's never confirmed). We don't know why they torment Julia for a while before taking her, and we don't know how the "mark" They put on people really means or what the bone-splinter that Julia pulls out of her head is. 

I waffle about whether we need to know any of that. I kind of like the chtonic, unknowable nature of Them, and I definitely like the bleakness of the movie. Certainly the ending shots of Julia trying vainly to get her doctor's (Brazeau) attention before They swarm her is effective and it's stuck with me since I first saw this movie...maybe 20 years ago? (It came out in 2002 but I don't remember when I saw it. Used to be you could rent DVDs from a real physical store that existed, before everything got worse.) They are rendered with CGI, but we only get brief glimpses of Them and mostly just see Them moving in shadows, which makes the scares much more effective. The performances are fine, but they aren't where the strength of the movie lives. 

It's a mediocre horror movie with some very effective moments, let's just say that. It also wound up informing a large part of the vibe of curse the darkness, so it's got a special place in my heart.

My Grade: C
Rewatch Value: Medium-low

Next up: The Thin Man

Character Creation: By This Axe, I Hack!

I must have paid a dime at some point, because this is very much one of a dozen. (What a tortured metaphor, geez.)

The Game: By This Axe, I Hack!
The Publisher: LakeSide Games
Degree of Familiarity: I mean, I played AD&D a little
Books Required: Just the one

As I may have mentioned before, OSR games aren't really my thing. I do like some of them and I'm not opposed to the so-called "four pillars" of OSR games, though for the most part they clash with my GMing style. But...I dunno. A lot of them do a really good job of emulating the feel of early/mid 80s games like early editions of D&D, but also games of the era like Bushido, and like, games changed for a reason. A lot of modern OSR games don't read quite so much like stereo instructions as those older games did, but there's still a basic-ness to a lot of them that I find a little unsatisfying. 

Now, in this particular game, I will admit there are a few things I like. I like the wide approach to character classes, and I like the multiple random tables of shit to do. And, each class has a "backstory table", which I'm 100% going to use once I figure out what class I'm making. 

But then there's this:

I mean...what is this nonsense? You want roll low, unless you roll really low, unless your stat is high, in which case you want to roll in the middle...fuck me, I had people playtesting Chill tell me it felt weird to be shooting for low numbers, I can't imagine how this garbledygook would go down. And I don't see the point - you've got a 5% chance of a crit result on any particular roll, unless your stat is high in which case you've got a 10% chance, so OK, make a 1 a crit success, a 20 a crit fail, and a 10 a crit success if your stat is 15 or more (or maybe if you roll exactly equal to your stat, same math). 

Anyway, I'm not here to game design, I'm here to make a character. Oh, and what of the setting? Like a lot of OSR, it's "fantasy" (this one leaning more towards sword-and-sandals).

There, there's the setting

We're meant to start off with stats, and I think I'll do that and then see what class is suggested (I'll just assign the stats in order), and then roll for the random background. We roll 2d6+4 for stats, which I think is a nice middle ground between "roll 3d6 and shut up about it" and "any of the other ways to avoid shitty stats." So, with that in mind, we get:

Strength 11
Dexterity 11
Constitution 15
Intelligence 11
Wisdom 8
Charisma 15

Not overall terrible. Not crazy about that Wisdom score, but let's assume there would be someone else in the group that could do perception checks. I think I might be a himbo, actually - pure of heart, fair of face, strong of arm, dumb of ass. What class might that suggest? 

Well, definitely Warrior, rather than Rogue or Magician. Captain relies on CHA, Barbarian hinges on CON. Really a lot of the Warrior classes would work. I kinda like Captain, though, so I think I'll go with that. Scuse me while I roll for a backstory.

Perfect. I get a Flaw, and while I could roll, I'd rather pick this one. I'll say he's Naive. I get Command (advantage on CHA rolls to lead), Inspire (I can heal with the power of my voice!), Multiple Attacks (one every odd level), and Rally (grant allies advantage on an attack once per combat). I get my CON + 2 hit points (so 17), my hit die is a d10, and I get 3 Resolve to start, but there's no slot for it on the sheet so it can't be important. 

I get stuff to start: I get a mace, flail, or sword. I'll take a sword, it's a family heirloom. I get a dagger or a shield. Hmm. Tempted to take a shield with my family crest, but we'll say he didn't get to take that along, so he's got a dagger. And then I can take a spear or...a second dagger. Well, if my himbo has been out in the world fending for himself, probably a spear. Breastplate, mail, or scale armor. What's the difference? Oh, nothing, it's all medium armor so it's got the same stats. Um. Let's say he's got mail armor that he's kind of cobbled together over the years (with help, of course). That gives him Protection 2. 

Neat, that's all but the shouting. I picture this guy as kinda like Mark Singer in Beastmaster, in that he's tall, muscular, blond, and hawt. He looks like he's paying very close attention and taking everything in. He is not. Most things go over his head, but he's very much aware that he is Brün, the Lost Prince of the West, and once enough other people acknowledge that he can save the world! (He's pretty sure that's how it works.)

And that's it! I don't necessarily love this game, but chargen is quick and kinda fun, anyway. 

Pugmire: The Hungry Dirt & Sparkle's Notch

Yesterday we continued our journey into Pugmire (though I suppose technically now it's Realms of Pugmire). Here's last time.

Our heroes take a quick break to rest up after their battle with the Auva, and, the Death Mirror safely in Dire's sack of holding (just putting that reminder out there), they continue north. After a while they come to a ravine - wide enough that they can't just hop over, deep enough that it's hard to see what's at the bottom. Gelert Sausagedog figures that they could walk around it, but that'll cost them the rest of the day. There's some brief discussion of climbing down to see what's at the bottom, but they decide to just get over it - they have rope and magic, what's going to go wrong?

They tie a rope around the waist of Boomer Pitbull, and he gets a running start and jumps! As he flies over the ravine, though, a tendril covered in black, slimy earth snaps up, grabs him, and yanks him down into the dark. The other dogs just kind of blink for a second...

...meanwhile, Boomer fails into the ravine and lands waist-deep in black, wet, loamy earth. He feels something wrapping around his ankle and trying to pull him down.

Back up on the surface, Peppa Papillon casts a spell on a rock to shed some light on the bottom of the ravine. Dire Newfoundland pulls on the rope (the others help, but it's really Dire's show). The rope pulls taut around Boomer's waist ("OOF"), but whatever is holding his ankles matches Dire's force. Boomer decides to try and get his ankles unwrapped, but when he reaches under the surface to do it the thing grabs his wrists, too, and pulls him under! Only his tail remains visible.

Petunia Pibble springs into action, and casts a powerful spell - Beast Mode! She turns Boomer into an animal that can handle mud, namely a hippopotamus. The Boomer-hippo's head surfaces and lets out a mighty bellow, and Petunia casts Arcane Lasso and yanks Boomer back up to the surface (Arcane Lasso does not list a weight limit, you see). The hippo lands with a thump, and the dogs peer down into the ravine, but see only dirt. Actually it looks perfectly solid now. 

Sausagedog thinks back on what he's read about such things, and has definitely read stories about predators in the wilds of Pugmire that lurk in natural formations or otherwise disguise themselves as part of the land. The dogs make a sign to put on the edge of the ravine, and decide that while it may take some time, walking around is the safest bet. The get to the edge of the ravine just before nightfall, and Dire hands up his Shield of Lert so they can sleep, but again, nothing disturbs them.

In the morning, they get on their way, still heading north towards Ellendonk. As they travel, they spot a village nearby, partially obscured by some tree cover, and see two dogs sitting by the side of the road, licking their paws. Petunia greets them ("hail and well met!") and they respond, but something is...off. Peppa theorizes they might have tried those "treats" that are now legal in Pugmire, and they agree, but it seems more like they're just agreeing with what the Pioneers say than actually answering. They do tell them the name of the village, though - Sparkle's Notch. 

The dogs decide to go into the village and have a look-see; Petunia doesn't sniff any magic out here, so isn't immediately worried. They follow the paw-lickers into the village, and see maybe two dozen other dogs, but Sausagedog and Dire both notice something weird - about half of these dogs look terrified. A dog wearing acolyte robes emerges from a house and walks up to them. He greets them warmly and introduces himself as Brother Corbin Shetland. Peppa, meanwhile, casts a Mystic Hound spell and it goes back to where they saw the paw-lickers and starts sniffing; apparently there's something magical there. But they don't have time to deal with that.

Brother Corbin is clearly nervous about something, and he tries to lean in and talk quietly with the characters. Peppa asks if there's anything they or the Church of Man could do for the village, and Brother Corbin says that yes, swift and decisive action would be useful. Petunia sniffs magic again, and this time smells it - fully half these villagers are possessed!

Sausagedog starts juggling to draw the villagers in, and Peppa casts Protection from Evil to hopefully give some of them a chance to shake off the demons. Two of them fall down and start twitching, but a bunch more reveal themselves. Some froth at the mouth, one of them reveals a two-foot black barbed tongue (that'd be one of the paw-lickers from earlier), and a few more just look...weird, milky blue eyes and constant whispering.

Several of them surrounding Peppa and tear into her. Dire charges over, grabs her, and yanks her back. Boomer rages and strides over to one of the frothers (side note: we decided that "Frothers" is the worst coffee shop) and smashes its head with his maul. Peppa casts Spirit Guardians and a pack of tiny ghostly French bulldogs appear around her and bite and rip any demon that gets close. They immediately kill a couple of the demons around her, and she gasps in horror - she'd hoped to save these people.

Sausagedog produces his hammer and joins the battle, but then another demon, one that held back a bit, reveals itself. Wrapped in shadows, it bellows a roar of challenge, and all of the dogs (except Boomer) feel fear into their core. Petunia hurls a bevy of Seeking Stingers at it, but they harmlessly dissipate against a magic shield. 

Boomer, unbothered by this demon, continues smashing. The Leechtongue demons lay about with their tongues, slashing at Sausagedog and Petunia, and the Whispering Demons move around behind Dire and try to drive him mad with their blasphemous utterances. But all Peppa has to do is move closer to them and the Frenchies start biting. She also calls up her Spiritual Weapon and sends it over to the Shadow Demon to whack it, and then casts Sacred Flame in its face for good measure. It snarls and vanishes into the shadows. and the dogs feel the fear in their hearts lessen.

Petunia throws a Chaos Spray into one of the Whispering Demons' snoot. Dire slays one, and between the Frenchies and Sausagedog's ax the other one is laid low. The Shadow Demon reappears and claws at Peppa (probably thinking to force her to drop the spell), but she holds on, and the Pioneers kill the final Unseen beast.

They stand there, catching their breath, surrounded by dead villagers, and Brother Corbin comes out to meet them as the other (non-possessed) inhabitants of Sparkle's Notch emerge. Brother Corbin tells them that he isn't sure where the demons came from - people just started getting possessed one day. There was a run of bad dreams that preceded it, though. The Pioneers ask about the dreams, and the dogs in the village yell out some of their nightmares: "I was eaten by a ravine with teeth!" "I saw something like that, but it was a tunnel!" ("That one's Freudian," responds Sauasgedog.) "A giant black skull bit me in half!" "I don't remember much, except an ocean!" "Snakes! Lots of snakes!"

Dire ponders for a moment, and then hits on it - these dreams are reflecting their adventures. Their ocean voyage, the Cult of the Ebon Skull, the spelunking gullet... "And why do you think that is?" asks Brother Corbin, in a voice decidedly not his own. He looks at them with the slitted eyes of a serpent.

"What is it you want?" Dire asks the Nagayaga. "Other than the restart the War of Cats and Dogs?" 

"Ooh, no one's ever asked me that before," it responds, but doesn't really answer the question. "I have to concede a defeat here," it says. "You've cut off a supply line. So I think I'll make you watch as Brother Corbin bleeds to death from his nose." 

Brother Corbin falls over and starts twitching and bleeding, but Peppa acts quickly and casts a Death Ward. Brother Corbin shudders, lies still...and then starts breathing. 

The Pioneers stay the night and help the villagers straighten up (and put all the corpses onto a pyre outside of town). Dire prays at the pyre and says some words for the lost, and in the morning, Brother Corbin reveals that he used a Relic of Man - the Unseen Fence - the keep the demons in. A few got out before that, though. The dogs figure that's what the Nagayaga meant by "supply line," it was using this village as a source of possessed dogs. But where did the ones who got out go? Maybe they could track them?

The Pioneers get back on the road to Ellendonk, but keep their eyes peeled for wayward demons.

Movie #840: Rogue

Hey, back to the movie project after our yearly Oscars hiatus! 

Rogue is a natural horror movie directed of Greg McClean (of Wolf Creek fame, which I've seen but do not own) and starring Radha Mitchell, John Jarratt, Sam Worthington (wait, really? the guy from Avatar?), Mia Wasikowska (wait, really? the girl from...lots of things?), Michael Vartan, Caroline Brazier, Stephen Curry, Heather Mitchell, Ceila Ireland, Geoff Morrell, and Robert Taylor. 

A group of tourists go on a boat tour in the Northern Territory to see the local scenery and the wildlife, which of course includes salt-water crocodiles. This group includes an American travel writer (Vartan), an English family (Heather Mitchell, Wasikowska, Morrell) taking the mom on what is probably her last trip because she's dying of cancer, a kind of douchey guy with an expensive camera (Curry - the guy, not the camera), a grieving widower there to scatter his wife's ashes (Jarratt - the widower, not the ashes), an American couple (Brazier and Taylor), and our plucky tour guide Kate (Radha Mitchell). Oh, and also her dog Kevin (Patch "The Wonder" Dog), who is of course the real hero here.

The tour goes well, except for a kind of tense run-in with a couple of local idiots (Worthington and Damien Richardson), but as they head back to the base they spot a flare. Obviously Kate insists they check it out because a) that's the law and b) she's not an asshole, but when they get to the area where they saw it, they find a sunk boat and a little tiny tidal island. And then their boat is struck and damaged beyond repair by a fucking crocodile. 

They swim to the island, but notice very quickly that the tide is rising and soon they will be underwater. Everett, the husband in the American couple, gets taken almost immediately, and the others realize what a shit situation they're in - the croc is defending its territory and sees them as food. 

From there on, it's a natural horror movie - they try to get out of the area, the croc picks them off, they panic, and eventually most of the group escapes but Kate gets pulled back to the croc's lair and Michael, the travel writer, saves her (once Kevin shows him where to find her, right before getting eaten - like I said, Kevin was the real hero here). 

Natural horror is hard to do with an eye towards realism, because the truth of the matter is that animals don't generally want anything to do with us. I'm not saying Rogue is realistic, exactly, but crocs of the size depicted here do exist, and crocs will absolutely eat opportunistically, which might well include you, silly human. The effects are as practical as they can be, and the sets as mostly real sets or shot on location with some digital enhancement later, with the result that things feel dirty and slimy and dangerous (also they apparently did six weeks of night shoots, so I'm sure that helps the actors act stressed).

But what I really like is the little touches that we get for each character without exposition dump. We never actually know what illness Beth has (probably cancer), but we get to see her agonizing over whether to potentially endanger other people or just stay behind on the island because doing so might save her daughter. We don't know the story behind Russell's wife and her death, but it's not about that, it's about how Russell acts in this situation because he's lost someone he loves. The person we learn the most about is Michael, our POV character, and frankly he's not the most likeable individual in the mix, but he stands up when he's called upon and it feels consistent with how he's portrayed. 

Coming on the heels of Mega-Python vs. Gatoroid, it was nice to see a creature movie done well. I kind of want to pick up Wolf Creek at some point, too.

My Grade: B+
Rewatch Value: Medium-low

Next up: They

Character Creation: Cartomancy

I wish this game really was about cartomancy.

The Game: Cartomancy
The Publisher: Smoke & Mirrors, but their site is expired
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

Cartomancy, despite the name, isn't actually a game about magic or divination performed with cards. It's just a setting-agnostic RPG that uses cards as the resolution mechanic. It's not even much of an RPG, really, it's mostly a conflict-resolution engine, and I have to admit that in that it looks kind of interesting. But I have the same concerns about setting-agnostic systems that I always do: Sure, it would probably work, but so what? What can this little unsupported game do that one of the 1500 games I own that does have a setting cannot? Would I play it? Sure, I'll play almost anything. But I'd need a compelling reason.

And there's not even a character sheet, and I can't explain why that turns me off, but it does.

Well, anyway, one thing it does do right is that there are three pretty well fleshed-out settings in the book. One of them is space opera, and since I just did Aces in Space I'm not gonna use that one. One is this weird "emulate a JRPG with a card-based TTRPG" thing, and I don't like JRPGs on the best of days. So that leaves us with "Four Kings," a historical fantasy setting in which the Brothers Grimm were writing histories.

(That actually has some legs as a setting, particularly if you had a table of people who had actually read Grimms' tales, but again, I probably wouldn't use this system.)

PDF not bookmarked razzum frazzum anyway. Character creation is really simple. You get a starting hand size, and then you can reduce that to take "powers", which allow manipulation of drawing or playing cards (and which then have to be translated into a narrative). That's it, son. 

So, the setting advises that a knight errant is a good concept, but of course variety is the spice of life. But that's actually a little anachronistic. The Brothers Grimm published in the early 19th century, but the setting is written like it's in one of the stories (that is, Medieval). I actually think that the former would be much more interesting (ooh, maybe with Gumshoe? Put that in my back pocket), but since the setting is clearly written to be taking place long before that (it makes mention of the Inquisition, which would put it somewhere in the 13th-16th century, depending what Inquisition we're talking about). 

OK, fuck it, I'm not going to put a lot of work into this setting, so sure, let's assume my guy is a knight errant. His name is Don Valerio, and he left his native land of Spain (maybe Al-Andalus, again depending on when we are, but let's not get bogged down in history), following a heartbreak. His lady-love, Inez, was carried away by...I dunno, some kind of big flying monster. Dragons are traditional, but I'd be open to a roc or something. He assumes she's dead, but if we're really going all Grimm here she's been carried off to be the Queen of the Rocs or something. But in the meanwhile, Don Valerio is romping around Europe doin' stuff.

So I have 7 cards in my hand (as a maximum, not specific cards) and I can reduce that number to buy powers. There are a bunch to choose from, so what kind of thing should Don Valerio be able to do? I think some kind of "finest sword in the land" is good, if nicely generic, so how would we represent that? Well, I think Counterattack is the easiest. I think he can have a shield, so he can have the, um, Shield power, and let's spend one more and buy Health.

Anything else? I think that's probably good. Valerio looks like your standard hero - tall, straight (as in good posture), armor, gleaming shield with his family crest, thick curly black hair, big ol' black horse. And that's basically it!

Don Valerio

Hand size: 4
Powers: Counterattack, Shield
Health: 4

Character Creation: Aces in Space

Not a game about asexuals in a sci-fi setting, though I suppose there's no reason it wouldn't work for that.

The Game: Aces in Space
The Publisher: Vogt & Vriends
Degree of Familiarity: None directly, but I'm familiar with Fate
Books Required: Just the one; it's one of those that includes all the Fate rules

Not long ago I did a character for a game called Tachyon Squadron, and I remember thinking that the space dogfight rules that it presented looked pretty cool, but that the game overall was maybe not the right fit for my table. Aces in Space uses some of the same dogfight rules, but adds in a bit more queer content and some spice in the form of a pilot culture that leans into the bro-y, Top Gun-ish mentality, without being quite so restrictively male (the GM in the game is even called the Gamequeen). 

It's well-written, it commits to its premise, and there's also a kind of side-system that revolves around the pilots also being social media personalities, streaming their dogfights and so on. One of the playbooks is the Influencer. Observe:

Only real complaint I have so far is that the interstitial fiction is that light blue text on a black background and it's real hard to read without strong light. But that's neither here nor there, let's make a Chopper pilot!

So, our first decision is playbook. I don't want to be an Influencer, though I do appreciate the Blade Runner reference. I think I'd rather be a Flypal. These are the pilots that are all about the flying and the sick maneuvers, not specifically the dogfights (the Hotshot) or the tech (the Tinkerer). It lists Wash and Han Solo and Maria Rambeau as examples, so that's pretty cool.

Next up, Aspects! First one is Concept, of course, which means I, um, need to think of a concept. I'm actually going to take a little inspiration from Matt Inman (aka The Oatmeal) and his post about why he runs long distances. Long story short, he talks about how his mind is often busy and chaotic and running marathons quiets it; he runs to seek the void. I do not run (never been a fan and POTS makes it basically impossible), but I get wanting to seek a void just to shut the brain up. So I think I will say that my Concept Aspect is Overstimulated Flypal. 

Instead of a Trouble Aspect, we have a Toxicity Aspect, meant to explore how the character expresses the, well, toxicity of the culture of fierce competition that surrounds being a pilot. And I admit I'm a little stumped, here, because what I was picturing isn't so much into that culture (it doesn't help that I fucking hate that alpha shit). But reading the section, the effect is mostly the same as Trouble Aspect, just maybe a little narrower in scope. In my guy's case, I think it's that he'd Rather Be In the Black. 

Next up, our Chopper Aspect, which is an Aspect about the character's ship. I think it'd be cool if my guy has modded his control panel so that everything (or almost everything) works on touchpads and haptics. Actually, that's a decent Aspect in itself: Modded the Controls for Haptics. 

Lucky Charm, rather than being something the kids are always after, is an Aspect representing exactly that. Can be a person, object, idea, and so forth. I think in my character's case, he has a tiny vial of Minkowskium (a drug in-setting that allows wormhole travel by allowing people to perceive the 4th dimension). It's probably worth some money, but he's not going to open it - it's just there so he has A Little Vial of the Void. 

And, finally, we get a Free Aspect. Hrm. This isn't a game that leans into tragedy, necessarily, but I kinda want some backstory for my character that maybe explains why he's Like This. Or, perhaps it's better to give him some facets of personality in another direction. Sure, let's say that his last Aspect is My New EP Just Dropped! All Choppers are basically social media personalities, we'll say that he's a musician (probably some experimental electric kind of thing). 

Next up, Skills. Aces in Space uses a pyramid, as many Fate Core games do, but the playbook narrows the choices somewhat. I'm fine with that, it streamlines chargen. So first off, I get to put either Pilot or Nerves at Great and the other at Good. I think Pilot needs to be Great. Then I get to put Gunnery or Tactics at Fair and the other at Average. I think Tactics can be Fair. 

And then I get one Fair and two Average, and the book advises I pick those during play, but y'know, just me, won't be playing, so. I think I'll take Scan at Fair and Stealth and Athletics at Average.

I get +1 Likes, and I get some extra stress boxes because my Nerves is high. 

Stunts! I get one from my playbook, that's easy enough, but then I get one from my Chopper and one from my gang type. Of course I don't have a gang type, because that'd be a group decision. I guess any of them would really work, although I don't see this guy being especially interesting in being a mercenary. Let's say he belongs to an Entertainers gang, and I'll take the Flight Formation stunt (basically we can get additional Likes for cool flying as long as everyone involved has this stunt). For my Playbook stunt, I'll take Wings of Glory, letting me use Pilot in place of Tactics to determine position in a dogfight (mechanically it's not the best choice, since it basically just gives me a +2, but I think it's the most appropriate for the character). And for Chopper mod, I'll take Cloaking Emitters (I get a +2 to Stealth to hide my presence when I'm in my Chopper).

All I need now is a name and a callsign (and a description, I guess). Well, I see this guy as a little on the unkempt side (but still, like, hot, because it's in genre. Rumpled, is what I mean). He's got vacant brown eyes and has a habit of whistling or humming or drumming on something if there's a lull in conversation. His name is Alton Ro, his callsign is Fretless (he makes a big deal of playing his fretless guitar, and he also just...doesn't fret). 

And that'll do it! Leaf, wind, etc.

Character Creation: Metahumans Rising

Clunk goes the clunky game.

The Game: Metahumans Rising
The Publisher: House Dok Productions
Degree of Familiarity: None, because I kept dropping off while reading it
Books Required: Just the one

Some games I read them and I think "yeah, it's...fine I guess?" And some games, I read them and think "WOW that's amazing can't wait to run it." And others, I think "ugh, why the tapdancing hell do I own this?"

And then some games, I try four times to read them but they are just so bloody dull that I can't really do it. And here we are.

Part of the problem is that it's a four-color supers game with no real identity, and those are pretty thick on the ground. But some of it is that the game really needed an editor, because we get stuff like this:

Just one little comma and this would make sense

It's too bad, really, because I love supers games and this one actually does something I talk about a lot - it has a long-running example of play that covers session zero, chargen (for multiple characters!), and game play, and it's still dull. The text also uses way too many similar terms (we've got Characteristics and Talents and Advantages and Drawbacks and Boons and...Trees), it's a point-buy/build system, and keeping everything straight was just not possible.

But, y'know, darkest before the dawn. Penny saved is a penny earned. Bird/hand/bush. I don't fuckin' know. Let's make a character. I'm so tempted to make Combat Dave, but I think that's a little sillier than the tone we're going for and one of my unstated rules about this project is that I try to hew to the spirit of the game in question. 

Well, in honor of Daredevil: Born Again, then, I shall make a street-level character with no or minimal actual powers (that also has the advantage of giving me fewer points to work with, so hopefully it won't take as long). I've made street-level heroes before (including Anomaly and Il Spettro), so in the interest of putting a twist on things, I'll say that this character is a local elected official. Let's say he's a city councilman, and got into local politics because he basically considered national and even state politics to be a lost cause. Earl Washington (I'm forgoing my usual rule about superheroes having alliterative names, but we could say his middle name is William or something) has been running his own corner store for years, got sick of the folks in the neighborhood being at each other's throats on national issues that were never going to affect them, and is working on smartening people up a little.

Getting elected to office, though, meant he sometimes had to deal with matters that he really didn't want to. Like, for instance, his district has laws about community gardens, and someone was making a stink about it, so he went out to Solace Gardens to talk with the owners. The folks who ran the garden - a rather taciturn bunch with weird accents, but very friendly - welcomed him in and gave him a cup of tea. Next thing Earl knew, he was walking in a nightmare version of his neighborhood. He called out for help, and heard a voice (with that same strange accent) saying: "If you can find your way back, you're worthy of this."

Earl found his way back through the vision, and he woke up on a bench in the garden, alone, sweating, but feeling strong. He's since been learning that he can do things he couldn't before, and at this point, we'll start the actual chargen process.

Part One: Origin, Background, Drive, you couldn't come up with a word or phrase to sum this up, huh? I've done some of this already, but the book does ask me, at this point, to think about powers a little. I want Earl to have a modicum of super-strength and fighting ability, but I don't want him to be as acrobatic as the supers characters I tend to make. So we'll lean towards a physically-enhanced generalist. I kinda do want some interesting power to give him some spice, ala Daredevil's heightened senses or Batman's...money, so let's say that Earl has some mystical connection with his district. He can't be kept out by locks, people who live there can't lie to him - basically he's authorized to be there, wherever "there" is. I suspect that might be more esoteric than this system is able to handle, but I like a challenge.

I'm meant to pick one of six Origins, and the book follows this by listing them, but it also says that Origin determines Willpower but the descriptions don't include that information. Oh, well. Earl...kinda doesn't fit a lot of them. "Empowered" means you use devices or gadgets, "Supernatural" would work, but the bonus it gives you doesn't really. Let's say Earl's Origin is Dedication, because although he got powers with outside help it's really the best tonal fit. This Origin supports any normal roll with the Never Back Down Talent, whatever that means.

Catalyst is the moment Earl became a hero; clearly that's the vision quest, in his case. Catalyst determines bonus Stamina, but again, we're not told how. Drive is the usual deal, the character's motivation, and I have no idea why that gets a whole paragraph's worth of space on the sheet. But anyway, Earl's Drive is "bring the neighborhood together."

Part Two: Power Level (see, was that so hard?) I said I wanted Earl to be street-level...oh, right, I have to decide if I want to use an Array or a Raw Build. I mean, "Array" is deceptive, because it's just as complex. Fuuuuuck. I guess I'll do Array, but I have this niggling suspicion I'm going to regret it. So what's Earl's Power Level?

I think it's gotta be Low-Powered. He's a little tougher than "Exceptional" (basically well-trained normal person), but still mortal.

Also 20 General Advancement Points, but that bit of this chart was a...widow? Orphan? I can't remember the difference. 

OK, so my History Attribute is 8, and I think for Earl the Balanced Array makes the most sense. So that means I get one Attribute at 8, two at 4, and then rest get 6. What's that mean in context? Oh, 4-6 is basically the average range, so most of my Attributes will be the high end of average. That's about what I was picturing. I'll put Earl's 8 in...hmm. Strength or Constitution? I think Strength. I'll put the 4s into Fortune and Intelligence (they've gotta go somewhere) and everything else gets a 6. 

Oh, this chart is annoying. Ok, so I get Origin 8, Catalyst 5, Drive 3, and then...a Public Persona History Talent at 2? What the hell does that mean? Oh, I see, I select a Talent to reflect my Public Persona (where I grew up, job, etc.). Is "Local Politician" one? Well, kinda, "Area of Influence." So I'll take that, call it Local Politics, and I get it at 2 (might raise it later). 

Right, now I get another Array to represent Talents. I think I'll take Competent. I get 8 Talents at 7 (jeez), 1 at 5, and 2 at 1. Gotta look at the list!

Well, obviously I need Area Knowledge, so that can get a 7. Brawn might make sense (and why is that a Talent instead of...you know what, screw it). Concentration definitely fits, so let's put a 7 there. I want Contact, but I want it to reflect knowing everyone a little rather than one person a lot, so let's put a pin in that. Discipline, yes please. Oh, Education, but I think I'm OK with that being a 5. 

Fitness, sure. Fuck me, there's a Talent called Hold Breath. I'm not taking it, I just think it's dumb. Intuition makes sense. I think I'll put my 1 into Law; it makes sense that Earl knows the basics. Suppose I'd better take Never Back Down. Jesus, there's one called Outlast. There's a lot of redundancy here. Stealth might make sense, I dunno. Street Smarts, definitely (use the Bittenbinder Method!). How many is that? That's 10 or so, so I can take Stealth. OK, so here's what we're doing:

Area Knowledge 7
Brawn 7
Concentration 7
Discipline 7
Education 5
Fitness 7
Intuition 7
Law 1
Never Back Down 7
Street Smarts 7
Stealth 1

OK, Powers. I can take one at 8 or two at 3, and then I get 8 AP to buff. I think I can take my power as one thing and then build on it. Let's called it "Authorization", for now. Is it Offense, Defense or Support? I think Support (though I can add either or both of the other Roles if I want). I have to assign a Parent Attribute for the power...jeez, can I use History? It makes narrative sense. Fuck it, I'm doing it.

So then I assign Boons...do I spend points? How many Boons? There are examples, let's see if they help.

OK, not really. It looks like I get 8 "Selections" (that's what they're called in the examples of power building, anyway). Boons here are either Typical or Major, and if I'm doing the math right it looks like Majors cost 2 "selections." I can take Boons from Support or Universal (unless I wish to add Defense or Offense to the power). Oh, and Boons can have Specializations and Advancements. 

Tell me that no one but you read or tried to play your game before you went to press without actually telling me that.

Woof. OK, here we go. I'll take Reduced Detection (my power doesn't glow or anything). That's a Major, so it costs 2. I'll take New Sense (Lies), and New Movement (Through Mundane Locks). Oh, wait, this is funny. "New Sense" is included in one of the examples, but it's not actually in the book. Whatever, I get the idea.

As written, Support Powers affect their parent trait, but I kinda want this one to affect Expression, too, so I'll take Added Support so I can do that. Cool.

Oh, can I take a Drawback so the Authorization power only works in areas in which Earl holds an elected office? I...can, but I don't know what that gets me. Fuck it, it's just flavor, really (I think a cool long-running arc for Earl would be him getting elected to higher offices and having his power grow, maybe with a "power corrupts" kind of vibe). Hang on, there it is, it buys me one AP. 

So then I get 21 General Advancement Points, I suppose. Well, hmm. Are costs one-for-one? Probably not.  

OK, so right off the bat, I'm gonna bump Area Knowledge, Brawn, Street Smarts (stay safe out there!), Fitness, Intuition, and Discipline to 10. That only costs me 6 points, though. I'll put Stealth up to 7 (8 spent), and I'll raise Dexterity, Constitution, Sense, Strength, Mental and Expression by...let's say 6 (18 spent). 

Only 2 left, I'm doing great! I kinda want to buy another Boon for my Power, but I dunno. No, you know what, I'll take Tracking (Talent), so that's at 4 (1 to buy it and 1 to raise it by 3). 

Part Six: Derived Traits. Skipping Part Five because it's mostly group dynamics. Right! Stamina is 5 + Catalyst + 2 for every Power or Fighting Style. That's...weird. Anyway, it's 10 for me. My Maximum Willpower is equal to Origin (8), starting equal to Drive (3).

And I guess that's it, because I'm not going to futz with Initiative because it's complex and I'm bored!

So: When in costume, Earl Washington wears a simple blue suit - jacket, white shirt, gray tie, slacks, belt, blue sneakers. He carries a cane with a brass handle, and wears a hat that matches the suit. He doesn't wear a mask, but the hat always seems to shade his face and it doesn't come off (or if it does, the camera never focuses on his face). 

Earl is Black, in his late 40s, balding and a little gray around the edges. He's deceptively strong and fast, however. He keeps his super-hero life and his career separate, more or less - he keeps his identity secret, anyway. He's not sure how it stays secret, because people here have known him a long time, but no one seems to realize that the mysterious man that steps out of the shadows to shut down criminals and help folks out is Councilman Washington, but he doesn't worry about that. People call his mysterious alter ego the Good Neighbor.