Character Creation: Here, Kitty Kitty

You better move along.

The Game: Monarchies of Mau
The Publisher: Onyx Path Publishing
Degree of Familiarity: Haven't played it, but I've been running Pugmire, and this is a spinoff
Books Required: Just the one

In Monarchies of Mau, you play a cat from one of the titular Monarchies. It's very much just "playing the cats in the world of Pugmire" (though if you're a cat person, you might consider Pugmire to be "playing the dogs in the Monarchies of Mau," I guess). I like that, though - this game opens up the world without breaking it, and I don't think there's any power creep, though of course I'd need to run it to know.

So anyway, my buddy Toasty gave me this theme song:

So, listening to the song, I don't have the slightest idea what it's about, and it turns out neither does the songwriter. It's just stream of consciousness. But the vibe I get from the song (and yes, probably I'm letting the movie influence me) is rekindling a relationship that neither party really wants to see rekindled, but neither one can admit the truth. There's also just a smidge of pure chaos there. I think I can roll with that.

Step One is calling; I've got six choices. Do any of them suit "has glimpsed madness" as a concept? While it's tempting to go mancer (I do like my magic users), I think that tracker is the better option here. Trackers are really all about murdering the Unseen, and I think a little dose of madness in my cat's past would be an interesting wrinkle here.

OK, so, my Stamina die is 1d10, I get 10 stamina points plus my CON modifier (which I don't know yet). I'll leave choosing Skills and the particulars of my rucksack (like what exactly my weapons are) until I flesh him out a little more, but I will figure out the trophy I got under unusual circumstances. I can make one up or pick/roll one off the list, but one of the options is "spat out by one of the Old Ones' machines before it blew up." I like that. I'll say the trophy is a cube with some attachments on the sides, clearly meant to fit into some kind of mechanism. The sides of the cube are tempered glass, and they're so badly burned that I can't see what's inside. I know something is in there, though, because sometimes it rattles. The thing is, sometimes it doesn't.

Now we pick a house (or choose not to and be a Shadow Bloc cat, which might actually make sense for this guy). I can also pick a family, and I'm kinda feeling the Lykoi breed of cats. 

Hmm, tough choice. Angora is appealing, as is Rex, but I dunno. I feel like Mau opens up some interesting possibilities. But then again, "Black Sheep." So maybe Siberian? Actually, yeah, I think I'll do that. I'll name him Einar Lykoi von Siberian.

House Siberian is the most conservative of the houses, and they're really working towards becoming self-sufficient again. We'll say my cat and his partner got wind of a forgotten site of Old One relics, and raced out there to check it out before a pack of Pioneer dogs did. When we got there, though, his partner, Elias Maine von Siberian, read something etched on a wall and...went a little mad. What followed was a game of cat and cat as Elias fled and Einar chased him, until finally something caught fire and the explosion happened. Einar hasn't seen Elias since. He thinks he's dead, but he'll never know for sure...

I get a Constitution bonus, so that's cool. I also get the Hardy Constitution Secret, and I can choose Cat of the World or House Upbringing. Just a moment. 

OK, I think Einar was brought up in the house, so I'll take that Secret. While I'm at it, while both of the tracker Secrets are dope, I think I want Smite (I can do radiant damage in addition to normal damage once per day).

Background! How did Einar grow up? I think I'll say he was trained as a Disciple, and maybe would have continued on to be a minister, but the explosion and the loss of Elias shook his faith. He knows evil and madness exist, and he's not sure how to counteract that in a positive way. He's very sure, however, that evil can be smote, so that's where he's landed. 

Abilities! I get the standard array: 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8 (why we don't just use the modifiers is beyond me; the scores themselves mean nothing). In any case, I get a +2 to Constitution. 

Well, a good starting place is always the dump stat. I think it's gotta be Charisma. Actually, I'll say that the explosion damaged Einar's voice (which is part of why he's not a minister), and his voice is raspy and unpleasant. 8 in CHA, then.

I'll put the 10 into INT; Einar's not terribly educated. 12 in WIS, 13 in CON (which really makes it 15), 14 in DEX, 15 in STR. Einar is lean, but a lot stronger than he looks.

Fill in my saving throws; I get to add my Proficiency to CON and WIS saves, which is nice because not only do I have a decent CON bonus but my Hardy Constitution Secret gives me an extra 1d4 there, too. 

OK, now to go back and make some calling-related choices. I'll take Notice and Traverse as my skills (though it's a near thing; I want Sneak, too). I'll take medium armor (which gives me disadvantage on Dex checks, but life's like that), a short bow, and a longsword. Pretty standard stuff, but I don't feel like Einar goes in for fancy stuff. The madness doesn't come out until he uses Smite, and then things get weird.

My Defense is 15, my Initiative is +2, and my Speed is 30 on two legs or 35 on four. 

And finally, personality traits! 

What is most important to Einar is... protecting the secrets of the Old Ones. Some things Cat was just not meant to know.

No one knows about... Elias' true fate. Einar told everyone he died in the explosion and that he buried him.

No matter what, Einar just can't... stop fiddling with the trophy. He checks it frequently, and never really stops trying to open it. 

And that's about it!

Movie #677: Jungle Cruise

Jungle Cruise is one of Disney's occasional forays into making feature films based on theme park rides, starring Dwayne Johnson, Emily Blunt, Jesse Plemmons, Jack Whitehall, Paul Giamatti, and Edgar Ramírez.

Dr. Lily Houghton (Blunt), action botanist, steals an arrowhead that is supposedly the key to finding "the Tears of the Moon," flowers that grow in the Amazon and can cure any disease or lift any curse. She travels to Brazil with her reluctant sidekick and brother MacGregor (Whitehall, channeling his father) in search of it, hoping to use the flower as a medicine to help the world! 

Once there, through a series of wacky mishaps, they wind up hiring Frank (Johnson), a local tour guide and hustler who peppers his tours with dad jokes (some apparently taken straight from the actual Jungle Cruise ride), all the while pursued by Prince Joachim (Plemmons), the son of Kaiser Wihelm. Joachim is also looking for the flower to help Germany win the war (that'd be the Great War), and is very happy to go full-on Dr. Doom to do it.

The twist, here, is that the conquistadors who invaded the area 400 years ago and spread the legend of the Tears, were cursed to never die and never leave sight of the river. Led by Aguirre (Ramírez, mostly under a lot of CGI snakes), they're trapped in a pit, because if they can't see the river they turn to stone or something. And who trapped them? Why, it was Frank! Actually Fransisco Lopez de Heredia, Aguirre's cartographer, who was along for the conquistadoring but took issue with Aguirre's willingness to kill natives and was likewise cursed. 

Anyway, this all comes to a climax where the petals bloom, Lily manages to grab only one, and uses it to break the curse on Frank...but that's OK, because then there's a second one, so happy endings all round. Except for Aguirre and his men, who get turned to stone and trapped and tortured forever, but fuck 'em, they're the bad guys.

It's a cute movie. It doesn't have the same charm as Pirates of the Caribbean, and Dwayne Johnson, while certainly fun to watch, doesn't bring as much to the table as Johnny Depp did, but Emily Blunt manages to strike a nice balance between lucky, clever, and skilled in her portrayal of Lily, and I always love watching Jack Whitehall. Kudos to Disney for making the character gay, but 10 demerits for never actually saying or showing anything that couldn't be worked around for homophobic audiences. Paul Giamatti and Jesse Plemmons get to chew scenery nicely as the villains, and there's a big CGI jaguar that gets drunk. Fun for the whole family!

My Grade: B-
Rewatch Value: Medium-high

Next up: Raya & The Last Dragon

Pugmire: Go Eat Worms

It's only a matter of time before one of these dogs has been caught stealing. Here's last time.

Anyway! Our intrepid dogs are now a party of Pioneers, and they have a storehouse in the Riverwall district. The storehouse is an abandoned warehouse, full of stuff, mostly worthless, but every now and then they find something interesting. There's a forge (courtesy of Dire; he knocked down a wall and is teaching himself to smith). Peppa is running a waystation for the poor of Riverwall, giving out food and supplies when she can. Gelert sets up an obstacle course to practice his acrobatics and stuff. Beneath the warehouse, there's a tunnel...and no one is sure where it goes. 

The party is hanging around their storehouse this fine morning, when Dire is approached by a dog wearing the livery of one of the noble houses (Dire doesn't recognize it, but then he wouldn't). The dog says that the party has a message from Duke Heinrich Doberman, and hands Dire a letter. Dire breaks the seal and reads it: 

He calls the others over and hands the letter to Petunia, and she reads it out. They talk over what they know about Duke Doberman - he's a veteran of the War of Cats and Dogs, a ruthless businessman, and widely seen as a contender for the throne of Pugmire once King Puckington Pug passes on. He also runs the Cat Conservation Society, a philanthropic (philcanic?) group dedicated to providing aid to cats and other non-dog species. 

The party sends word back with the messenger that they'll come tomorrow evening, and do a little more digging the next day. Gelert mingles with the citizenry and learns that while Heinrich Doberman isn't exactly despised, the common folk don't like him much, either. Petunia has heard that the Doberman family has three distinct bloodlines: blue (politicians), black (business dogs), and red (soldiers). Heinrich is firmly blue.

The dogs head to the North Quarter the next night and walk right up to the main gates of Apolda Manor. The two guards there scoff a bit, but Petunia introduces herself and it turns out that one of the guards knows her mother's cousin's etc, Dornell! (Everyone knows a Pibble.) The guards let them in and they're escorted to a receiving room bigger than their storehouse (Boomer and Dire both roll their eyes a bit at this opulence, and wonder how hard it would be to rob the place). 

They meet with Duke Heinrich, and his wife Viveka, and their son Graff. Heinrich explains his problem: a band of cats is robbing his iron mines and disrupting supply lines, and he would like the party to look into it. Petunia asks why - after all, they're Pioneers, not a security force - and Heinrich explains that they're capable warriors, should it come to that, but also they are known to be diplomats who are willing to work with cats. Heinrich hopes that his intelligence is wrong and it's not cats causing the problems, but if it is, sending his own forces would look badly for him, politically. He is willing to pay the characters handsomely for the trouble. The mines are located near the village of Ellendonk.

Petunia stays quiet, but she's from Ellendonk and this is starting to worry her. The characters agree to the mission, and then invite themselves to dinner. Viveka stands up in disgust and leaves, not even bothering to come up with an excuse. Heinrich is much more politic, and the characters do get to eat dinner at the Manor, though it's awkward for everyone involved. 

After dinner, Sister Peppa goes to the kitchens to ask for scraps to take back to Riverwall, and is surprised to find another Acolyte of Man, Brother Archer Corgi, there. She chats with him briefly and finds that he's here to help Duke Heinrich with the Cat Conservation Society. He doesn't say as much, but Peppa gleans that he's not happy with how Heinrich is approaching things - the Society could be doing more. Gelert talks with one of the servants and learns that the Pioneers aren't the first group to get sent on this mission - but a previous group didn't return.

The party spends the next day preparing for the trip. Ellendonk is a week's journey on foot, so they procure rations and traveling gear. They also do a little asking around; Dire talks to his friend Felicia Ragdoll, a cat book collector, and learns that if Heinrich hired mercenaries to go on this errands at first, it's the sort of thing they'd keep quiet. Petunia goes to Granny Sue's and asks Sue if she's heard anything from Ellendonk, and Sue, thinking about it, says that it's been almost two years since she's heard anything directly. This concerns Petunia; this is, after all, her hometown.

The last thing the group does before striking out on the road is check in with Bivi Affenpinscher, their trustee. He tells them that this mission feels strange to him, but just what Petunia has learned about Ellendonk alone is worth investigating. He also warns them that Heinrich is very powerful, politically. They'd best not cross him unless they're very sure. Peppa asks Bivi to look into the Cat Conservation Society while they're gone, and he agrees.

The party heads out, and the first two days of travel are uneventful. But on the second night, Gelert is keeping watch and juggling to keep himself awake. He drops the rocks he's juggling, and as he leans down to get them, he notices the ground sinks a bit. And then a giant worm rears up from the dirt and bites him!

Gelert shrieks an alert and the other dogs bolt awake. Petunia smashes the worm's head (?) with her staff, but more worms pop up as the characters wake up and take action. Gelert realizes that these creatures track movement above them, which explains why they tend to go after the dogs after they run or walk. Fortunately, though, the worms are fairly soft, and Dire's sword, Boomer's ax, Petunia's staff, and Peppa's sling make short work of them (Gelert does manage to break his staff over one of them - not his day!). 

They move their camp across the road and get some more rest. In the morning, as they're packing up, Dire notices a dog watching them from nearby. He calls this to the others' attention, loudly, and the dog steps out from behind a tree with his paws up - Graff Doberman!

Graff tells the characters that he has heard terrible rumors about his father, and wishes to accompany them to see the truth of the matter. Boomer asks what he's heard, but he's not willing to share, because he hopes it's not true. He promises, though, that he won't keep anything from them that might cause them to come to harm. Peppa, always a good judge of character, feels that Graff is being honest, and so they let him join the quest.

And on they go, towards Ellendonk!

Character Creation: Sig

It's about yogurt, I think?

The Game: Sig: Manual of the Primes
The Publisher: Genesis of Legend Publishing
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

Sig is a fantasy taking place in the titular city. It's a "nexus at the center of worlds" kind of situation, but what I think is cool is that at any given time, three planes are "tethered" to Sig, and which ones those are shift. That, in turns, shifts the general vibe of the city and which people are populating it. It's a pretty cool setup. 

The system...I dunno. It's the same as Spark, and I've run Spark, and the problem with the system is that it requires players who take active part in the conversation and don't get distracted by cat videos or shiny objects every couple of sentences. Not that there's anything wrong with such players; I run games for them all the time. It's just that in a game like Sig, the narrative load is spread pretty evenly around the table.

For all that, I think Sig is a game I'd like to run, though maybe just for a short-run campaign. So let's make a character. 

Step One would normally be to figure out which planes are presently tethered to Sig, but it doesn't much matter for pure chargen choices. 

Step Two is Name and Title. Er. I don't have a concept yet, so "name" isn't really on my mind. I'll come back to this.

Step Three is Family Heritage, and it's not very well explained (although actually the character sheet helps). Reading the section and the example of play (which includes chargen OH THANK YOU), it becomes clear that what we're doing is choosing the planar heritage out of character's parents, which, in turn, gives us access to the Talents that those particular races have. If, like one of the example characters, both your parents are Giants, then then you take all four of the Talents associated with Giants. But nothing says that you can't be a hybrid of whatever races you want. 

Hmm. I read these last night and I remember a couple of them sounding cool. I like the Winged from the Plane of the Wind and I dig the Cubi from the Plane of Dreams. Would those make an interesting combination? The Cubi are all about connection and live vicariously through others, while the Winged are rumor mongers and divine messengers. Yeah, I think that'd be fun. 

So that means I have to take two Talents from each of those. Talents can be Broad, Common, or Deep. Let's see now. Well, I want Flight, for sure. I'll take Communication as well (those are both from the Winged). From Cubi, I'll take Connection and Obsession. That gives me two Broad and two Common, so I need to make sure I get a Deep in there somewhere. 

A bit of backstory: I picture this guy as appearing mostly as Cubi (that is to say, his appearance shifts depending on who he's with), but his wings - broad, dragon-like, membranous - remain constant. I see him as someone who tends to fixate, so maybe he's a little slower to change than a lot of Cubi. 

Next up is Step Four, Professional Talents. I need to pick a Profession, then. I want something that allows him to fly above Sig, looking down, but not in an "I'm better" sort of way, just that's the way he sees the world. There's a list of professions, but it's just framed as what the most recently census of Sig turned up as common jobs. One of them is "Bloodwatcher," and the term never appears in the book again, but I like the sound of it, so sure, he's a "bloodwatcher." So what exactly does that mean?

I think that makes him a kind of urban scout, flying over the city to see where things are getting bloody. Violent, sure, could be, but also just kind of heated up in general. Hotspots, things that are likely to become important. And I'll say that bloodwatchers don't report to any particular group or governing body; anyone can hire a bloodwatcher. They fly, they spy, they do not interfere. I'll take "Perfect Recall" as a Deep Talent, then. 

I get two more Talents, but I'm gonna keep going with chargen and see if anything suggests itself. Next up is Faction. I already know I want him to be a member of the Heralds; they deliver messages and read people's mail, which gives them leverage. 

Next thing is which spiritual power I worship. The Cubi are tied to Nyx the Oracle, but I really like Myn, the Questioner. She appears to people and asks them a question that compels them to reevaluate their decisions and lives, and I think that's a nice synthesis of what my character is about thus far.

The next thing is Beliefs, which is really the meat and potatoes of this game, so I want to finish my Talents real quick. I'll take Stillness as a Common Talent, and Hidden Things as a Deep Talent. My character's name is Sable the Voyeur. His body is black and white and hard to focus on, like rain on a dark window, but he takes on colors from his surroundings as well. 

Right, so! Beliefs! I get one from Family, Faction, and Spiritual Power. 

The Family one needs to center on community, culture, or heritage. Hmm, tricky. I think his combination of Winged and Cubi, rumor/messages and dreams/passion, has left him with the Belief that passion is fleeting and fragile. 

The Faction Belief centers on professional and financial concerns, and on Sable's feelings about the Heralds. I think that the belief here is a secret, once written, cannot be kept. If you wrote it down, someone is going to read it (probably a Herald).

And, finally, our Spiritual Belief, which centers on (in my case) Myn, the Questioner. Myn, as I mentioned, poses questions to shake up those who are comfortable or complacent. I think Sable takes that to heart: stop moving only when you die. 

And speaking of "die," time to assign dice! (That was weak.) I've got two Attributes (Smoke and Spark) and three possible allocations: either one can be higher or they can be equal. Spark is you changing the world, Smoke is the world responding to you. I think Sable makes the most sense as the Companion archetype: Smoke d10, Spark d6. The world responds to him, because he watches and observes and questions. 

The last bit of chargen would involve me figuring out a connection between Sable and the other PCs in the group, but of course, Sable's flying solo, so that pretty much puts us done!

Slipstream: Subtle? HA

Back into pulpy space opera! Here's last time.

Recall that last time, Oola sacrificed herself to prevent a Primal from blowing up the ship. Iris and Zeenia are now stuck on the Achilles, self-piloting through the Barrier and to the slave mines of Radios, with a bunch of prisoners, all of whom are too weak and subdued to fight...except one.

That one, a Lion Man named Abus, is ready to join them. He's a victim of Queen Anathraxa's predations as well, having lost his family in her raids...and he learns, now, that his home fragment has been poisoned and his king slain. He snarls in rage and pledges his claws to the heroes' cause, and they continue on through the Barrier (Iris, an attentive pilot even on a ship that doesn't need piloting, memorizes the way through). 

The Achilles lands, and the door slides open. Two remote sentries - flying metal spheres - come aboard and demand that all prisoners follow and stay with in the red zone (because the white zone is for loading and unloading only). The heroes, however, have no intention of being smart taken prisoner. Zeenia strikes the sentries, damaging and stunning them, and Abus and Iris finish them off. 

But now the characters aren't entirely sure what to do. They leave the ship and walk down a walkway to an imposing metal door, but just as they're thinking of how to open it, three more sentries float up! The heroes fight, but Iris gets zapped into unconsciousness and Abus and Zeenia get a missile fired at them, stunning them both. The heroes surrender their weapons and armor, and they and the other prisoners are marched into a big hexagonal room. Six Primal soldiers, armed with pain sticks, standing around them chuckling.

The Primals' captain laughs at them and tells them that whatever they were planning, they're prisoners now! All prisoners get beaten when they arrive, just to set expectations. The Primals advance, activating their pain-sticks...but they don't know what they're in for.

Iris spins low and floors two of them, while Zeenia lashes out with her tentacles and kills one (the captain, however, is too fast for her). Abus roars and lunges, while the other prisoners cower against the wall. The battle is swift but brutal; Zeenia and Abus kill most of the Primals, but Iris is felled by a laser blast from the captain and both Zeenia and Abus are badly wounded. Finally, the remaining Primals, the captain included, leave the room, and an intercom crackles to life. 

"Attention, invaders! This is Handmaiden Erif Strange! Your heroics aside, you are still prisoners here." A panel on the wall opens, revealing unpleasant looking metal collars. "You will affix these collars to your necks or I will fill the room with toxic gas!"

Zeenia tenses, thinking of stacking Primal corpses up to get to the gas dispensers, but then one of the prisoners, a Rurite (like Oola) gets her attention. "Please, don't," she says. "Don't let us die." 

Iris is still unconscious, and Abus examines her (he has some basic healing skill, but nothing like Oola). He sees that her back is throbbing visibly, and her bones appear to be...changing, somehow. He isn't sure what happened, but Iris is in no condition to fight.

Zeenia stands down, and the heroes place collars on each other. Their remaining possessions are taken, and they're given prisoner uniforms. Is this the end of their heroic saga? Are they doomed to live out their days as slaves on Radios? TUNE IN NEXT TIME!

Movie #676: Free Guy

Free Guy is an action-comedy starring Ryan Reynolds, Jodie Comer, Lil Rey Howery, Taika Waititi, Joe Keery, Utkarsh Ambudkar, and Aaron Reed.

In the GTA-like world of the Free City video game, Guy (Reynolds) is an NPC. He works at a bank, and his role is basically to be friendly and get kicked in the face when the bank gets robbed (multiple times a day). He and his fellow NPCs recognize that the "sunglasses people" (the players) are different than they are, but not why or how.

And then one day, he meets the girl of his dreams, a player called "molotovgirl" (Comer) and starts evolving and wanting things and becoming self-aware. Because, as it turns out, Free City is built on the bones/code of another game in which players...well, players really don't do anything but watch, but the cool thing is that the world, including the NPCs grow and change and have lives. The evil Antwan (Waititi) stole the code from molotovgirl (actually Millie) and her partner Keys (Keery), and used it to make Free City immersive. Millie is looking for proof that Antwan stole the code, while Keys has given up and actually works for Antwan as a troubleshooter. 

And then Guy starts romping around the game trying to increase his level (since Millie told him that if he does, he could help her in her quest to find proof of the theft), so he does, but only by helping people, rather than harming them. This makes him a worldwide sensation, since people aren't supposed to be able to wear NPC skins, and we get cameos from a bunch of no-doubt very famous Youtubers that I've never heard of, but that my kids assure me are well-known. 

In any case, Guy eventually does realize what he really is, and after a long dark night of the soul and a conversation with his best friend Buddy (Howry), he leads the NPCs of Free City in a strike while he and Millie go after the proof they need. 

I wasn't really expecting to enjoy this movie when I saw it, certainly not enough to buy it, but it's clever, it's funny, and it hits some of the same notes as The Lego Movie (another movie that had no right to be as good as it is). Reynolds is perfect as the affable and kind Guy who gradually becomes a badass. Jodie Comer is likewise great as Millie and her Lara Croft-esque alter ego molotovgirl, to the point that I always forget they're played by the same actress. And, of course, Taika Waititi steals the show as the hyper-capitalist douchebag tech-bro owner of Soonami Games. The movie also has a million little fun bits and cameos (Chris Evans is probably my favorite). 

It's a movie that doesn't need a sequel, so of course it's getting one, but whatever, maybe it'll be fun.

My Grade: A-
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: Jungle Cruise

Cairn: Goodbye, Froggie

So here we are back in Cairn - or rather, outside of town, hunting for the horrible Blood Walkers. They find them in the same grove where they destroyed the other one, hunkered down under trees, dormant. Snootabur fires an arrow and knocks a branch down onto one of them, just to see if it reacts. It looks up and snarls - apparently these creatures are indeed able to be active during the day. 

The Knights take up positions in the trees around the grove, and Snootabur and Russelet fire flaming arrows at them. The Blood Walkers wake up, stand, and start lumbering out of the grove. The Knights spring into action - Rumdiggle leaps on one of them and Ratatosk on the other, attacking with their staves. Ratatosk also casts a Thornsting spell to cover the ground in spikes.

The Knights battle on, Russelet and Snootabur peppering the creatures with arrows and Ratatosk and Rumdiggle fighting them with their staves. The Knights sustain injuries - one of the Blood Walkers picks Rummy up and bites her, trying to drink her blood. But mostly, the Blood Walkers press on, walking south...towards the river.

The creatures arrive at the riverbank and disappear under the water. Ratatosk casts Speak to the Small and asks a frog to swim down and check to see if they're still there, but a hand reaches up out of the water, grabs the frog, and yanks it down. ("Nope!" says Ratatosk, now in Discord. "NOPE NOPE NOPE.") Figuring that the Blood Walkers aren't going to move anymore today, the Knights make some preparations. Russelet flies back to Cairn and recruits Ladd Ringtail, his apprentice, and one of the local otters, to set up a fishing net in the river downstream a bit. If the Blood Walkers head to Cairn through the river, at least they'll know. Ratatosk scampers off into the trees to find some food, and he and Rummy and Snoot sit and eat, and then sleep the rest of the day. 

That night, the Knights wake just as the Blood Walkers are pulling themselves out of the river. The horrible creatures start heading toward Cairn, and the Knights, once again, try to stop them. But as they're fighting, Rumdiggle realizes that they just aren't doing enough damage. The Blood Walkers are undead, so they don't feel pain or bleed, and they're so big and strong that they're hard to damage. The Knights need a new strategy. 

Fire seems to work pretty well, so Ratatosk dashes on to Cairn and gets everyone whipped into a frenzy - "Fire! Get fire! Bring fire!" Keeble Brownberry, the Lord Mayor, keeps everyone moving and the citizens light arrows, torches, and spears, while Ratatosk dashes back.

Rummy has managed to stop one of the creatures, after a fashion - it grabs her and tries to eat her, but she whacks it with her staff. The other moves further on and then grabs Ratatosk and nearly swallows him, but Snootabur climbs up on its neck and forces its mouth open, giving Ratatosk enough time to escape (though he loses the tip of his tail). The good citizens of Cairn arrive and stab, shoot, and torch the Blood Walker into nothing...but the other is still chewing on Rumdiggle.

Ratatosk hurls a flaming torch at it, and Russelet takes to the sky and fires an arrow into its eye. The arrow catches fire, and Snootabur vaults up onto its shoulders, yanks Rummy free, and tumbles to the ground just as its head explodes.

The citizens pull the bodies together and burn them, staying up all night while the flames consume the fetid bodies. The Knights sit quietly, nursing their wounds, and Keeble comes around to talk to them. He asks where these things came from and whether there are any more, but the Knights don't really know. They do intend to look into the matter more, once they've healed up a bit. In the meanwhile, though, Keeble insists on throwing a dinner for them and giving them all a medal for their bravery!

Movie #675: Death on the Nile (2022)

Death on the Nile is a murder mystery based on the novel by Agatha Christie, and starring (and directed by) Kenneth Branagh. Also starring are Annette Bening, Tom Bateman, Gal Godot, Russell Brand, Letitia Wright, Sophie Okonedo, Armie Hammer, Emma Mackey, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Rose Leslie, and Ali Fazal.

Hercule Poirot (Branagh), probably the greatest detective in the world, as he's quick to tell you, is vacationing in Egypt when he bumps into his old friend Bouc (Bateman), also on holiday with his mother Euphemia (Bening). The Boucs are there for a wedding party: Rich socialite Lynette Ridgeway (Godot) has married poor but very large fellow Simon Doyle (Hammer), and the two of them are relaxing in opulent splendor, except they keep getting ambushed by Doyle's former lover and Lynette's former bestie, Jackie (Mackey). Everyone else in at the wedding has various reasons to love or loathe Lynette, as is common for Christie mysteries. 

And then shit gets awful really quickly - Jackie goes nuts and shoots Simon in the leg, she's taken off and sedated while everyone goes to fetch another guest, Windlesham (Brand) who happens to be a doctor, but the next morning, Lynette is discovered shot down in her bed. Jackie is the obvious suspect, but she couldn't have done it - she was asleep all night and Nurse Bowers (French) confirms that. Poirot's on the case!

Like Murder on the Orient Express, this version of Death on the Nile shows us Poirot's backstory, fleshes out the story of his lost love Katherine (Susannah Fielding), and even gives us the origin of his fabulous mustache. It also changes a few important details (spoiler warning); in the novel and the older film, it's Salome Otterbourne (Okonedo, changed here from an author to a blues musician) is the one who gets shot while about to reveal the truth to Poirot. But here it's poor Bouc, Poirot's friend, who stayed quiet because he's in love with Salome's niece Rosalie (Wright) and tried to steal Lynette's necklace after finding her dead. This leads to a moment when, during the "big reveal" scene at the end, Poirot, about to discuss Bouc's murder, has to pause for a full ten seconds or so to compose himself, and it's a really powerful moment.

As with Orient Express, the changes here serve to diversify the story, make the characters more interesting, and give some surprises to the viewers who know the story without comprising it. Also as with Orient Express, the cinematography is beautiful and makes the most of the landscape (or the constructed sets, I don't know), and every little glance and nod of the characters has significance that you only notice on a rewatch. 

This movie didn't exactly light the world on fire when it came out; it's not badly reviewed, but I don't understand a lot of the criticism it got. I'm forced to conclude that at least some of it is due to the Armie Hammer controversy, but since he's not really the main character here and he's by no means the hero, critics who want to cry foul about him were forced to complain about other things. I don't know. It definitely doesn't have the same comedic elements as the 1978 version, but maybe that's good? I kind of like a murder mystery series that takes itself seriously, especially if we're going to get more stories about Benoit Blanc as well. 

Anyhow, the movie is beautifully shot, the cast is amazing, and Branagh manages to make Poirot vulnerable and flawed, and give him chemistry with the rest of the cast (Okonedo and Bateman especially). I'm very much hoping for an expanded "Christieverse", if capitalism permits such a thing.

My Grade: A
Rewatch Value: Medium High

Next up: Free Guy

One-Shot: Wild Blue

Played a one-shot! Woo!

Wild Blue is a Fate core setting; it shows up in Worlds of Fate vol 1. Basic premise is that you're playing superpowered law enforcement in the old West, but with Fair Folk and assorted weirdness. Shades of Deadlands, but without the horror aspects. The "civilized" areas are called the Blue Lands, consisting of five cities of varying size (Cobalt, Crystal Falls, Ressin, Laketown, and Tom's Crossing). The lands beyond largely belong to the Folk, and well, they're not fans of people. The Wardens, our aforementioned characters, are peacekeepers, working to protect the citizens of the Blue Lands. The game could be uncomfortably cop-ish, but it doesn't need to; I look at Wardens more like Marshals. Similarities to Dogs in the Vineyard a little, now I think of it.

Anyway, here's the characters:

• Lloyd Hunter, aka "Swift." Lloyd was born in Tom's Crossing, and the dealie there is that every year on the first new moon, a child gets left in the woods for Black Tom, the Folk "ruler" of the area. He got away, however, making him an Escaped Intended Sacrifice. Lloyd's gift is that he can move at amazing speeds, but he must eat enough food for three people. He is also Hunted by the Black Fellowship, a cult devoted to Black Tom.
• Caroline Chandler, aka "the Lady." Caroline is from Cobalt, and grew up a city girl. Her gift allows her to hear anything within a mile, but if she misses a meal she gets overwhelmed and melts down. She's an Accidental Eavesdropper, and needs to make sure Everything is in Its Place. As a Warden, she's also winds up as a City Girl, Wild World, and so that takes a little getting used to. 
• Cora Glass, aka "Bloodhound." Cora is a Diligent Hunter, tenacious and steadfast. Her gift allows her to track anyone as long as she has an item that belongs to them, but they immediately know they're being tracked. Cora, unlike a lot of Wardens, actually finds some good in the Folk - she has Fairy Friends. 
• Howell Diddleot, aka "Roquefort." Howell grew up on a dairy farm, and has been mute since birth. But then they realized the cows were talking - and indeed, that they can understand and speak to any animal...but not people. Howell created a communication network, with Pigeons on Every Roof, but didn't go to Academy until later in life (Late to the Warden Party). 

Our story begins in Crystal Falls. Crystal Falls is situated five miles from a cobalt mine. Cobalt, in-setting, is a material that provided fuel and construction material, but in its crystalline form is highly volatile. The Wardens have just finished up taking care of a group of people stealing chunks of crystal from around the mine. Some of the thieves escaped (Roquefort may have turned the other way while they ran; they're not really interested in locking people up), but two of them - Skunky Roy and Red Betty - are locked up in their wagon. They're heading south, back to town, approaching a homestead on the outskirts. Bloodhound is driving the wagon, Lady and Roquefort are riding their horses (well, Roquefort actually rides a donkey named Imelda), and Swift is on foot. 

As they're riding, Red Betty suddenly stands up and rattles the bars. "Let me out," she cries. "It's coming!" Lady cocks her head and listens, and does indeed hear something strange - wood crackling, ground rumbling. The noise is coming from the north. Swift zips back north to check what's going on, and is terrified to discover that a new forest is exploding from the group and heading south!

He runs back to the others and tells them what's going on. Bloodhound asks Red Betty (who is rumored to have Fae blood) if she knows what's happening. She says that this is the Forest Curse, a powerful spell that the Folk rarely call upon. The Wardens let her and Skunky Roy go (they definitely have bigger fish to fry) and try to figure out what to do. 

They decide to take the wagon to the homestead so those folks can load up and get out, and then Bloodhound, Roquefort, and Lady will head into the forest and try to figure out what's happening. Swift will run ahead to the city and start people evacuating. He does, and using his amazing speed, zips around the city coordinating the exodus. As everything gets underway, he stands in the town square, and stumbles, Crashing due to hunger.

The others walk into the woods and head to north towards the mine. They arrive there and see that the miners are panicked; the forest apparently started here. Upon hearing of the forest's unstoppable rampage toward the city, they start to unhitch their horses, but Lady stops them and tells them that heading into the forest might be even more dangerous. For now, they should just go to their barracks and wait. 

Meanwhile, Roquefort talks to a chipmunk and learns that when the forest began, a song was audible (at least to the animals). It sounded like four voices from the north, and one from the south. Roquefort relays this to the others (with some difficulty), and Bloodhound talks to one of the miners. Evidently, they all woke up at the same time, all with the same song in their head. One of them, Jackie, was even playing it on a harmonica. They call Jackie over and have him play it again, and as they do, the Lady hears animal sounds from the forest. A wolf, birds, bats, even a moose - and then she realizes with horror that it's all coming from the same beast. 

Back in Crystal Falls, Swift sits on a curb and collects his wits. A merchant - a wood carver - comes over and sits by him, and engages him in conversation. Swift mentions that he's hungry, and the man gives him a piece of fruit, which Swift devours. It's only after he eats it that he looks into the man's eyes, and sees that they are deep gold. This is no man, it's Black Tom himself. The trickster Folk laughs, and Swift runs for the forest, saying "I outran you before!"

At the mine, the Lady warns the other than something weird this way comes. The creature steps out of the forest, a huge, moss-covered, menagerie in one body. It has antlers and horns and multiple legs, and it lowers its head as if to charge. Roquefort talks to it, though, lulling it and calming it, and Bloodhound realizes that it's being Summoned by Music. They tell Jackie to stop playing, and as soon as he does, the creature falls apart into its component animals, which dash off into the woods.

Speaking of dashing, Swift emerges and explains the situation to the other Wardens. The Lady listens to his guts and hears chiming sounds playing the same tune they heard before. They decide that they need to take this fight to Black Tom directly, so they head into the forest again, Bloodhound using Swift as the "item" that belongs to Tom in order to track him. They enter a clearing in the center of the forest, a black cat with golden eyes lounging in a moonbeam. The cat stands up and becomes Black Tom, and a very tense discussion begins.

The Wardens ask what exactly Tom wants with the children he takes - does he eat them, as the legends say? He doesn't directly answer, but does say that it's really more about the show of devotion that the townsfolk make. Bloodhound realizes that Tom has Inhuman Hungers, and Swift makes it quite clear that he has no love for this Folk. Black Tom, though, asks a simple bargain - if Swift surrenders to him, he'll stop the Forest Curse. The Lady asks for a pause in the forest's growth so they can negotiate, and Tom agrees. 

Swift isn't really able to convince Black Tom of anything - the way Tom sees it, Swift belongs to him by right of the Accord in Tom's Crossing. But Roquefort points out that the Accord was honored; it's not anyone's fault that Tom couldn't keep hold of the kid. And besides, Bloodhound offers, Lloyd Hunter isn't "Lloyd Hunter" anymore - he's Swift. He's not a child, he's a Warden. Tom has no claim to him now.

Tom sees the logic in this, and agrees, but does point out that if Swift ever answers to "Lloyd" again, that makes him Tom's. They agree, and the Forest Curse stops. Tom tells them to enjoy the forest for as long as it might stand, and vanishes in a swirl of shadows. 

Everything seems well - but then the Lady hears fire and twigs crackling. "For as long as it might stand," says Swift. "He set the forest on fire!"

Swift runs off to find the source of it, and arrives at the mine. There's a Big Bonfire blazing, and sitting at it is Marian Voltar, one of the Wise (scholars and mystics). They've met her before, she's kind of a fixture in Crystal Falls, but now she's sitting at a fire in front of a huge "waterfall" of cobalt crystal, which is a good way to blow everything in the area sky-high. She's staring into the fire, murmuring something Swift can't understand.

The others arrive, and the Lady tries to tackle Marian. She raises her bluesteel arm and blocks the shot, but that's enough of a distraction for Bloodhound and Swift. Bloodhound lassos Marian, and Swift runs in circles around her, tying her tight. Meanwhile, Roquefort drags a drinking barrel over to the fire and the Lady tips it, extinguishing the fire. Swift splashes water on Marian's face and she snaps out of her reverie. 

Marian tells them that she came here to investigate the mysterious forest, but suddenly she say the crystal as a blazing river of fire, and she created a spring of water from the ground to try and extinguish it. This is Folk magic, the Wardens realize, but now it seems to have passed. Marian leaves, and the Wardens head back to Crystal Falls to begin the long process of clearing enough of the forest to make a road, rebuild the homesteads that were destroyed, and get the miners back to work. 

Character Creation: The Devil, John Moulton

Had a really shit day yesterday, today's not looking particularly great either, although at least I'm able to get off the couch. Depression sucks, I hate it. So obviously I'm gonna make a character for a light-hearted, silly ga-

The Game: The Devil, John Moulton
The Publisher: Teapot Dome Games
Degree of Familiarity: None yet
Books Required: Just the one

Oh, goddammit. 

I mean, I joke, but this is very much the kind of game that a) I would love to play/run and b) would 100% give me Feels. It's about a group of people who all sold their souls to the Devil (in the personage of John Moulton) and are hunting his happy ass down. Along the way, you might be gunned down, you might walk away into the desert forever, you might be eaten by demons, or you might actually catch Moulton and make him pay. 

This is very much a work-in-progress kind of game, and I know that because the game tells us so. Using my keen powers of former-game-designer perception, this very much feels like a pre-publish iteration of a game, but it also looks very much playable. Character creation without a group is going to be somewhat difficult but not impossible, so let's do this!

The way this would work in a real game is that all of the players would get dealt X cards (not X-cards, though this is very much a game that should have one of those on the table), where X determines how long the game is going to be. More cards = longer game. Let's assume I'm making a character for a one-shot, so the hands would be five cards. This deck is a custom deck, BTW, consisting of 48 cards, so I'm gonna grab a deck of cards, remove a few, and figure out a way to make this work.

OK, got it. There are five types of cards (Who Were You, Scruple, Secret, Act of Evil, and Demonic Miracle). So let's pull out the Jacks, and say the suits correspond to those card types in hearts, diamonds, spades, and clubs, and the remaining eight face cards are Demonic Miracles. 

(Would it have been less work to just print out the damn cards? Who knows.)

So, dealing myself 5 cards, I get:

• Who Were You? A bounty hunter
• Who Were You? A former robber baron, now penniless
• Scruple: I never let an innocent be hurt
• Secret: I need to kill the Devil John before he gets to my loved ones
• Scruple: If someone shows an honest desire to atone for their past, I'm gonna help them

I get to pick one of these cards, and then "pass" the rest to the left. Boy, tough call. I think I'll just lean in to how I'm feeling today and pick the last one. I would now get handed 4 more cards, so I'll pick four more and pretend they came from whoever is sitting to my right (probably that'd be Gus). 

• Who Were You? A criminal on the run
• Scruple: I only fight in fair fights; no ambushes, no ganging up, etc.
• Scruple: I always want to see the corrupt and powerful taken down
• Demonic Miracle: The Golden Boot

Hmm. Well, I don't want the miracle (I can hang my boot up by the mantle and Santa Moulton fills it with gold coins, which is cool and all but eh). I already have a Scruple, so I think I'll take the "criminal on the run." Set the rest aside, deal three more:

• Who Were You? A freed slave seeking fortune
• Secret: I'm just out for money. I'd switch sides if Moulton offered more
• Secret: Devil John has lived for centuries, and I want to be immortal, too

Well, I think I want to be immortal, thanks. Now I get two more cards, and I pick one and discard the other.  

• Demonic Miracle: Money Talks 
• Secret: Devil John holds my heart in a lock little silver box

Once again, that miracle doesn't do anything for me. I shall take the extra secret. 

So now, some backstory. Danny Barker rode with a gang of hoodlums and robbers for a while. They got caught by what they thought were Marshals, but it turned out these "lawmen" were planning on stringing them up in the middle of nowhere, taking their loot, and continuing their work. As they were being led to the gallows, Danny saw another man riding alongside them - the Devil John. He made a bargain with him, and the Devil John reached into Danny's chest and took his heart, and locked it in a little box. Danny survived the hanging, but he's had a change of heart (lol) since. He believes that it's possible to do enough good to balance out the bad, if you have enough time. But he's got a lot to do, and that means he needs the time. And for that, he needs his heart. 

Now I need to figure out my traits. I've got four: the Ways of the Gun, Drifter, Bastard, and Soul. They start at d4 by default, but the cards I picked raise them. Hang on, gotta look that up. "Criminal on the run" raises Drifter to d6, "I wanna be immortal" bumps Gun to d6, "If people atone I'm good with that" bumps up Soul to d6, and "Devil John has my heart" bumps up Gun to d8. Bastard stays a d4. 

I have a demon bound to me, and I need to decide what miracle that demon gives me (everyone gets at least one) and what form it takes. Well, my miracle is that I can survive any injury, clearly. The demon that allows it probably has a name, but Danny just calls it "the Leech." It lives in his chest where his heart used to be, sucks up the hurt and the blood, and keeps it or expels it or whatever.

Now, normally the table would decide on a price that the Leech demands for this power, but since I don't have a group, I'll say that the Leech excretes injury in the form of a sweet black liquid, which Danny must then feed to a living thing.

And finally, I would explain why I need the help of the player on my right, but it's an empty chair at an empty table (WHERE MY FRIENDS WILL SING NO MOOOOOORE), so we'll skip that. Anything else? Well, the cards have questions on them so I should make sure I've answered them.

Who did you stab in the back when you ran off with the loot? Marty, one of the other gang members. He was hanged, too, but he managed to get his foot into a knothole in the tree and didn't die. I saved him, but then poisoned him. He was the first. 

What do you do if someone you're helping to atone lies about changing? Offer them a drink. It's a little sweet, but it'll grow on ya.

That'll do it! Danny is a young man, probably only about 20 or 21. Blue shirt, always unbuttoned a little (otherwise Leech gets antsy), brown hat that he took from Marty, and a shiny six-gun on his hip. 

And that'll do it! Definitely gonna have to run this at some point. 

Board Game: Marble Quest

Can't all be winners

The Game: Marble Quest
The Publisher: Modernized Toys, Inc
Players: Me, Michelle, Gus, Amanda
Time: 15-20 minutes

So, see how that cover of the game is a hot mess? That's the whole game. But we'll get there. 

Game Play: OK, so we've got a game board with a track and colors corresponding to the four marble colors. The track boxes also mention a "level," which refers to one of the three levels of the tower:

Seen here being assembled by Gus

 

You can play the game in one of three "levels," which is bad terminology because the three heights of the tower are also referred to as "levels." Anyway, you can play it just as tic-tac-toe (BUT IN 3D), you can use the trivia cards, or you can...use the trivia cards slightly different. We played the "level 3" version because we wanted to do the trivia bit. 

So on your turn, you roll a die, move your piece, and if you land on a color matching yours, you add a marble to the tower or rotate one of the discs. If you land on another color, you answer a question corresponding to it and if you get it right, you add a marble/rotate a disc. The questions are all true/false or multiple choice, and they're pretty darned easy in general. 

You win the game by scoring a tic-tac-toe (three marbles in a row), but you have to have one marble on each level. 

So does that mean three in a row on the bottom level wins as long as you've got marbles on the upper two as well? The rules are unclear. 

Opinions: This game is a hot mess. The rules don't explain the game well, and are often unclear as to how to interact with the game pieces. For instance, the spaces on the board include notes like "rotate all levels", but those notes are never addressed in the rules, so when do they apply? Also, you may have noticed that playing rules-as-written, there's a whole category of questions that you'll never answer because you don't answer a question when you land on your own color. Sucks if you're playing blue and you like answering pop culture questions. 

We pulled this game out because last night we didn't have the brainpower to play something more involved, and about the best I can say is now it's off the list. 

Keep? Nah.

Character Creation: Flatline

Wee-oo, wee-oo.

The Game: Flatline
The Publisher: Gallant Knight Games
Degree of Familiarity: None with this particular game, plenty with FAE
Books Required: I think just the one, but it might need Fate Accelerated

So, in Flatline, we're in a dystopian future where top-of-the-line health care is only available to those who can afford it (that's in the game, right?). It's basically a cyber-punk sort of game but instead of stealing shit or blowing shit up or killing people, you're trying to protect your clients and keep them alive. 

I really like the idea, and the setting has some interesting points. The descriptions of how EMTs live is nicely evocative (they basically live like cult members, if we're being honest, and are encouraged to eschew contact with their families for the camaraderie of their fellow EMTs). 

My problem with the game is that it's missing some at-the-table context. Like, I really like the idea of EMTs that might have to fight their way into a corporate turf war to save their client. I even like the idea of the conflicts that might arise when EMTs realize they're putting their lives on the line to save obscenely rich people. The book just doesn't get into a lot of that, we don't see what a run would look like in context. And sure, I can do that work, but then I think of games like Red Markets where the themes and the mechanics are tighter than a duck's butt, as the saying goes. 

Well, anyway, I'm running a Fate game this weekend, so it'll do me some good to practice making up some Aspects and so on. On we go!

So, a Sammie team (short for "Samaritan") is composed of four basic roles: Hauler (drive), FACDoc (doctor), Crasher (ex-fil/combat expert), and Scanner (hacker and comms). I don't have a concept handy, though, so I think I'll grab a theme song. I was gonna go random, but then this song jumped into my head. It's a song about jealousy and unrequited love, but with that inimitable Amigo the Devil touch. So I'm gonna make a FACDoc character who very nearly married money - his ex-fiancee was a society gal, a reality vid star, and a multi-lots-of-money-aire. And then fucking Rod swooped in and seduced her (at least that's how my character sees it), and my guy had to go back to work in the Sammie wagon. 

My High Concept, then, is Bitter FACDoc. My Trouble Aspect is "I hope your husband dies;" this guy is defined by his resentment and loss to an alarming degree. For my third Aspect, I definitely need something that doesn't tie back to this part of the dude's life, I think. Hobby, specialty, family? Oh, how about Won't Get Fooled Again - he's a cynic and a skeptic, but that means he doesn't take anything for granted.

Now I'm meant to do a name and a description. His name is Luther Bates. He's in his late 30s, black hair, always a bit of stubble (with perhaps some silver in there?), well-toned, broad chest. I think Luther could have been played by a young Tom Selleck. 

Approaches! Standard FAE arrangement, I get one Good, two Fair, two Average, one Mediocre. Well, I think Flashy gets the Mediocre. Forceful and Quick can get the Averages. Clever gets a Fair, and then...hmm. Better at Sneaky or Careful? I think Careful should be his Good; fits the whole "once bitten" thing he's got going.

Set my Refresh at 3, sure, and then I can take two more Aspects and three Stunts (rather, the book says one Stunt and then suss the rest out in play, but y'know). Well, I think that Luther is pretty skilled at using medicine to fuck with people in unpleasant and untraceable ways, so I'll give him a Stunt called Do Harm: Because of my medical knowledge, I get +2 to Carefully Attack a target provided I am aware of their medical history and can get close enough to touch them. 

But I don't want Luther to be a total ass, so perhaps a Stunt related to healing or keeping his team in good shape? Or his former connection to the rich folks? Yeah, let's give him one called Dr. Feelgood: Because I used to supply drugs to the Upper Crust, once per session I can call in a favor from a rich acquaintance. 

(This, by the way, suggests an Aspect of Can't Go Home Again.)

Finally, I'll give him a Stunt called Ready for the Big Ride: Because I am empty inside, I get a +2 to Forcefully Create an Advantage by intimidating or shouting someone down.

I can take one more Aspect. I want something admirable in Luther, though, so I'll say he's Always First out of the Wagon. He doesn't want anyone gets getting hurt for him. Sure, that's less about loyalty and more about how damaged he is, but the effect is much the same.

And that'll do it! Tap that Aspect!

Movie #674: Birds of Prey & The etc etc

Birds of Prey & The Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn is a superhero/comedy, set in the ever confusing DCEU, starring Margot Robbie, Rosie Perez, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ewan MacGregor, Jurnee Smollett, Ella Jay Basco, and Chris Messina. 

Set sometime after Suicide Squad but before The Suicide Squad (sweet jesus), the movie sees Harley Quinn (Robbie) splitting up with the Joker (not pictured) and discovering that a whole lot of people would absolutely love to kill her, now that she's not on Mr. J's arm anymore. None more so than Roman Sionis (MacGregor), a crime boss who's making his big move. Part of said big move includes stealing the family fortune of the Bertinelli crime family, which Roman and his pal Zsaz (Messina) wiped out a few years ago...all except for their youngest daughter Helena, who has grown up to become the Crossbow Killer Huntress (Winstead)!

Into all of this we have Dinah Lance (Smollett), the daughter of a superhero who got killed hero'ing; Renee Montoya (Perez), a hard-drinking detective trying to clean up Gotham; and Cassandra Cain (Basco), a young pickpocket who inadvertently steals (and then swallows) the diamond which is the MacGuffin for this whole thing. 

Birds of Prey is a movie I like, but I wanted to like more. It's got a great cast, and it exists basically because Robbie was the only redeeming feature of Suicide Squad. I really like its take on Huntress as lethal but emotionally and socially stunted; less fond of Black Canary as a martial arts badass but only using her power once (but then, no other superpowers in the movie, so maybe it's best used that way). The action sequences, particularly the fight in the funhouse with everyone bouncing all over the place, are really well choreographed. MacGregor and Messina play off each other perfectly as Sionis and Zsaz, both crazy, but in very different ways. Also they totally read as a couple, whether or not that's what the screenwriter intended.

But at the same time...I don't know. It doesn't feel like Gotham, maybe because so much of the movie takes place during the day. Joker's influence is everywhere, but he isn't, and while that's appropriate on some level I feel like he should have had at least some presence. The moment where Harley gets bonked on the head and starts seeing a musical number is a nice foreshadowing of the Harley action we'll see in The Suicide Squad, but this movie comes just shy of letting us see Harley not only as a bad guy but as nuts, which she is. I do like that it leans into her having a doctorate (which should be an MD, not a PhD, guys, if she went to med school and she's a psychiatrist) and occasionally sounding learned even while she keeps her weird Brooklyn-ish accent. 

I think my main issue is that the team takes three quarters of the movie to come together, and while we do get some nice bonding between Harley and Black Canary, Montoya and Huntress don't join them until near the end so there's not much time for the whole group to synch up. 

In terms of DCEU movies, it's better than a lot of them, but not as good as the best of them.

My Grade: B
Rewatch Value: Medium-high

Next up: Death on the Nile (2022)

Character Creation: Legion of Liberty

History has its x-ray eyes on you.

The Game: Legion of Liberty
The Publisher: Happy Monster Press
Degree of Familiarity: Never played this, but it's Savage Worlds and I know that pretty well
Books Required: Legion of Liberty and some form of the SW rules

Legion of Liberty mashes up the Revolutionary War (kind of an underused setting for RPGs, if I'm being honest) and superheroes. Specifically, a small percentage of people born in the Americas manifest super powers in their teens. It's not about a particular race or culture or whatever, because colonists and other white folks have it happen, too, if they're born here. So why does it happen? If the book addresses that, I don't remember seeing it, but it honestly doesn't matter much. The focus of the game is playing superhero soldiers fighting the British.

It would be easy to get all rah-rah-go-Murica with this, but that game really doesn't. By default you're playing Sons of Liberty, but it wouldn't be all that hard to play Greycoats (conscripted British superhumans) instead. The game pays attention to which indigenous people are where during this time, and doesn't reduce them all to "Natives." I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's a hell of a lot better than, say, Colonial Gothic. 

Anyway, let's make a super-patriot! (Not Superpatriot.)

You know, one of the big myths of America is the one about self-sufficiency. It's a stupid goal, and most people who think they're self-sufficient (or worse, "self-made") are just unable or unwilling to be honest about how they got what they have. But I kind of want to play a character who is from a town that is, for the most part, self-sufficient, or at least self-sustaining. We'll say he's from a village in New France somewhere. The village (called Ville de Fourrure, when people bother to call it anything) consisted of a bunch of settlers, trappers, and their children. The French & Indian War ended up giving all of the area around the village to the British, but the village was tucked away and hard to reach unless you know how, and it was a few years before the British really noticed. By then, Acadian relocation was in full swing but the inhabitants weren't interested, and they've been a holdout ever since (and in general, not worth bothering with, as far as the Brits are concerned).

Our hero, Jules, was born in 1755, just as the British started "relocating" the French, so he's grown up equating "British" with "meddling fuckers who need to leave us the hell alone." I figure he heard about this whole Revolution thing and made his way south to join up. 

OK, good start. The game wants me to pick Hindrances first, and I'm good with that. I'll take Enough Talk! (I have to make a Spirit roll not to start a fight in a standoff). I see Jules as being a kind of powerhouse character, so I'll take Can't Swim (too dense to float). And I'll take Driven as a Major Hindrance - Jules wants the Brits out of power, and out of here.

Edges, then. I get Arcane Background (Super-Human) for free, and then I get one more Edge. I'm thinking maybe I'll take New Powers so that I'm not stuck with just one? I dunno. Actually, I'll take Brawny for right now, and maybe use some of my "points" to take New Powers. Moving on!

I get 8 attribute increases, not five. I have to have Vigor and Strength at d6 to make Brawny a legal purchase, but obviously I would have done that anyway. So I'll put everything up to d6, which eats 5 points, and then I'll bump Strength to d10 and Vigor to d8. 

Skills! This is a different way of doing Skills than I'm used to. Instead of 15 points, we get a free d4 in Athletics, Common Knowledge, Notice, Persuasion, and Stealth, and then 12 more points. And then I get  5 extra skill points for powers, because every power is its own Skill. OK. 

So, I want a d8 in Survival, which will cost me 4 (because that'll be higher than my Smarts). I want a d6 in Fighting, a d4 in Shooting, and I want to bump Notice up to d6. Athletics, too. That's 9 spent. I'll buy a d4 in Boating, bump Stealth up to d6, and a d4 in English (Jules' native language is French). 

Better think about powers, finally. I like Jules being a powerhouse/outdoorsy kind of character, but interestingly there's no good way to simulate super strength in this game. I can, I suppose, use my points from Hindrances to boost Strength to d12, and then I have one power from my Arcane Background. I think I want Hunter's Path, allowing Jules to track his target unerringly. I'll put all five of my skills into that, giving me a d12.

And then I have two more Hindrance points. I think I ought to bump English to a d6, honestly. I'll put the other point into Riding. Pace is 6, Parry is 5, Toughness is 7 (because of Brawny). 

I get $500, and sure, I'll shop a little. I want a flintlock pistol ($120), a soldier's uniform ($70), a knife ($25), and I dunno. Probably some other gear, but that'll do it, I think.

Jules Cadieux showed up in Boston one night and tracked down a meeting of the Sons of Liberty. He knocked on their door and introduced himself as "un chasseur" (a hunter) and the name stuck. Jules is a useful soldier; his power is handy but it's not flashy (there's no outward sign he's using it at all), and he's skilled enough even without the power for his superiors to know his name. Of course, given the choice between "strictly following orders" and "punching British bastards," Jules doesn't always choose wisely...

Jules is a big guy, over six feet, thick, broad chested, green eyes, black hair. He speaks with a heavy Acadian accent, and while he's a genial enough guy, he's all about the war, a fact that surprises fellow soldiers when they see him go from "we're all drinking here" to "yeet the Redcoat into the sea" in a few seconds flat. 

That'll do it! Kinda like this game, actually. 

Movie #673: Die Another Day

Die Another Day is a late-stage James Bond movie, starring Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, John Cleese, Judi Dench, Toby Stephens, Rosamund Pike, Rick Yune, and Will Yun Lee. It's fun, but lord, it ain't good. 

Our favorite alcoholic assassin, Bond-James-Bond (Brosnan) heads to North Korea to kill an upstart colonel named Moon (Lee), but all he manages to do before he gets captured is blow up a suitcase full of diamonds in Moon's favorite henchman's (Yune) face. Bond spends over a year in captivity getting tortured with scorpions and a Madonna song before he gets spy-swapped for Zao, the aforementioned henchman. 

During the intervening year, Moon has undergone genetic magic surgery and become Gustav Graves (Stephens), a wealthy diamond magnate and billionaire daredevil sort. It's all in service to his master plan, though - to use the Icarus satellite to create a giant fire-beam to allow North Korea to CONQUER THE WORLD (or at least Japan, we don't know). 

This is pretty standard late-stage Bond nonsense, but the breakout from this movie was Halle Berry as Jinx, an NSA agent who winds up being Bond's special friend this time around and still winds up damsel'd. The role could have been a complete waste, but Berry looks like she's actually having fun with the role and volleys back Bond's flirtation. There was actually talk at the time of Jinx getting her own movie, but that obviously didn't happen.

This run of Bond movies are basically superhero films, and honestly in a lot of ways they're my favorites. Sure, they're stupid, but they don't have the overt misogyny of the Connery era, the racism and slapstick of the Moore era, or the...um, I don't know, forgetable-ness of the Dalton era. Before we dip into the gritty reboot that Craig gave us, what with the "story arcs" and so forth, we have Bond driving an invisible car on a frozen lake as a giant laser chases him around, and then battling a dude with a bunch of diamonds embedded in his face. The movie actually includes a character named "Mr. Kill", and when he introduces himself, Bond replies "now that's a name to die for." 

There's a kind of purity in something so flat-out dumb, and I enjoy it.

My Grade: F
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: Birds of Prey & The Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn

Character Creation: The Happiest Apocalypse on Earth

Don't mess with the Mouse.

The Game: The Happiest Apocalypse on Earth
The Publisher: Christopher World
Degree of Familiarity: None, really. It's PbtA and horror, and I know those things pretty well
Books Required: Just the one

The Happiest Apocalypse on Earth (or "THAoE" for brevity's sake) is a PbtA game about working or vacationing at Disneyland if Disneyland was a front for a Great Old One. The game's tone wavers between pretty freaking dark to pretty freaking dark but also funny. 

I've been waffling about whether I'd run it. I think the mechanics are solid enough (PbtA is funny that way; sometimes games that look perfectly playable turn out to be half-baked and it's not always obvious), and I love horror games, but I dunno. Setting a flat-out horror game at a theme park puts you right up against one of my personal bugaboos in horror - to wit, I don't enjoy bad things happening to kids. And boy howdy, there are a lot of kids that get eaten, hanged, corrupted, or possessed in the book. I could probably get into a headspace where that kind of game would be fun in a morbid kind of way, but would I really want to? I dunno. 

Anyway, I would very much like to make a character, so let's do that. Starting out, we pick age...which isn't on the sheet. Well, I think I would like to make a young man who's working for the first summer at the park. I think that'd make him late teens. He's from a college town near Mouse Park (near-ish, anyway), and lives with his parents and his bratty younger sister, Madison. He's white, his parents are affluent, though not rich, and his general style is probably 85% preppy, 14% jock, 1% goth (given his druthers it'd be more goth, but that's not a fight he feels like having with his parents). His name is William Miner Jr., but everyone calls him "Cody."

Stats! I get +2, +1, 0, 0, -1 to throw around. I think I'll put my 0s in Wicked and Wise - Cody's not violent or particularly smart by nature. I'll put my -1 in Stout, my +1 in Sweet, and my +2 in Brave. 

Personality type! This is based on the four humours. I think Phlegmatic makes the most sense for Cody - he's quiet and unsure of himself, having never been away before. That gives me a choice of moves between let your conscience be your guide, tell the tale as old as time, or don't let fear control you. Well, I'd hate to be accused of minmaxing, but I really do think the latter makes the most sense for Cody.

Work history! Cody's been unemployed until now; this is his first job. So I get two merchandise off the list and one move. I'll take bucks (I have "not much", as opposed to "enough"), and a smartphone. I will also take the make what is inside of you count move. 

Now, I can be a Mousineer or a Guest, but obviously I'm a Mousineer. Which department do I work in? I think Service; Cody's very much on the bottom rung. I get a Mousineer move, and while it might be smarter to take wish a dream or remove the strings that hold me down, I will instead take paint with all the colors of the wind. This allows me to give an inspirational speech before someone else makes a move and help them out, but it rolls on wise, which is not my best stat. That's fine, though.

And that's pretty much it! If I had a group we'd do the group dynamic thing (here called "pal"), but it's just me, so. Cody is, like I said, late teens, blond-ish hair, kinda scrawny but filling out, and was always a fan of Mouse Park as a youngster so he's happy to be working here. Also, he's heard that the summer employees' dorm is a bacchanal, especially in August, so he's really holding onto that rumor as his brass ring to get through the summer. Will that be enough to propel him through the horror of the Mouse Park? (I mean, probably.)

Slipstream: The Achilles...But at What Cost!?

It's been quite a while - more than a month - since we've played Slipstream, but boy howdy a dramatic session tonight!

Our heroes jump in their ship and zip off to catch the Anathraxan warship Achilles, catching up with it just past the Graviton Wave. As they approach, a Bird-Man yacht hails them, and Captain Brax tells them that by order of King Throx, the heroes will have their assistance! The Achilles is flanked by multiple warships, but the Bird-Man have brought an armada of their own, and the battle is joined! Fifteen stout (well, not so much stout as light and birdlike) Bird-Man warriors fly over to join the heroes' cause, and they make to board the Achilles!

A detachment of Bird-Man flies over to plant breech bombs on the warship. Several are cut down by laser fire, but the bombs find their mark and blow holes in the ship. Zeenia tosses a cable and grapples, and Iris activates their EMP device to make sure that the Achilles can't get help. The whole ship seems to list slightly when the bomb goes off, though...curious. 

Iris stands on the nose of the heroes' ship and delivers her challenge, and Oola slips across the cable as well. The Bird-Man find a score of Primal soldiers on the Achilles, ready for battle, and battle they do!

The Primals fire their lasers at the Bird-Men and the initial casualties are heavy, but then Zeenia, invisible, slips into the Primals' midst and lashes out with her tentacles. She kills seven before they know what's happening. Oola, meanwhile, mind controls one of the Primal captains and demands to know the secrets of the Achilles. He tells her that the ship has no piloting controls - it's all run by a punch card computer at the helm. Oola then orders him to call for an evacuation, but this betrayal of the Queen is too much and he shakes off her control.

Captain Scrawk battles alongside the characters, Iris faces off against the other captain, lasers burn through the air and swords ring on armor. Bird-Man and Primal alike fall, but the tide inexorably turns against the evil Queen's forces. Iris, wounded but undaunted, fells one of the captains with a well-placed laser blast, and the other captain finds himself surrounded by Bird-Man warriors. Knowing that he is beaten, he pulls two grenades off his belt and screams "FOR THE QUEEN!"

Oola springs into action. She leaps on the captain's back and yanks him out the breech in the ship, pushing off against the ship. She and the captain fly off into the aether...and then the explosion. 

Iris falls to her knees and screams - she feels it should have been her! Zeenia is inscrutable as always, but grieves for her friend. Captain Brax contacts the Achilles and tells them to carry on, the Bird-Men will fight the warships to the last. 

The heroes discover that in compartments beneath the Achilles deck are ten prisoners. Most of them are emaciated, weak, and in no condition to fight...except for one Lion-Man. We'll meet this hero next time!

Character Creation: Journey Away

Only a few games that begin with J, as it happens. 

The Game: Journey Away
The Publisher: Purple Aether Games (apparently defunct?)
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

Journey Away kinda falls into the same category as games like Babes in the Wood and even Fall of Magic; it's an entirely narrative game about, well, a journey. In this case, it's a fantasy-type world where magic has just popped into existence about 50 years ago. The characters are residence of a small village, and are leaving it for the first time to journey to the city of Idacora. 

It's an easy and pretty compelling set-up. I don't know about the game itself, though. The only real mechanic is that when you feel like having something happen, the players assemble a dice pool based on their relevant traits and the GM does the same thing for situational or character traits that might work against the group, both sides roll, and you wind up pairing dice. Higher die wins, giving you either a boon or a bane, which the players then narrate. If I'm reading right, the GM is really just there to play NPCs and offer some description, and honestly I think you could do this GMless just as easily. Frankly the whole thing seems a bit thin - it'd be fun to play once with a good group.

Well, anyway, let's make a villager. This is all very freeform; characters are made up of traits in four categories (persona, tendencies, experiences, and quirks), each of which is assigned a die type (4, 6, 8, 10, 12). I can pretty much assign any die anywhere. The bigger the die type, the more important and obvious the trait is. Guess I need a bit of a concept. 

While the premise of the game would seem to call for younger characters, nothing says that I can't make an old person who's never left the village up to now. So, sure, let's do that. My villager is named Hegel. He's lived in Iris Valley all his life, married, fathered children, taught them his craft (which I'll figure out in a minute here), saw them leave the village, some of them came back with family, and so on. Last year his wife Masha passed away, and he's spent the year working through that grief. But now he realizes that he'd like to see a bit more of the world, so he's planning a trip to Idacora. 

I don't need any specific number of traits, but I think two per category is probably about right. In persona, then, I'll say Hegel is Old & Wizened. I picture him as being pretty physically capable for his age, so I'll say he's Surprisingly Spry. 

Tendencies! This is kinda personality, but mostly it's about how Hegel approaches situations. I feel like he's likely to rely on his long years of experience, but of course he's never left his village, so I'll say he has Seen Everything (He Thinks). For his other tendency, I'll say What Would Masha Do?

Experiences! This refers to how Hegel spent his life before leaving Iris Valley. Since being a family man was clearly a big part of his life, I'll say he's a Paterfamilias (oh-ho, yes, he has spread his seed). I should probably think about how he spent his life from a career kind of standpoint. Iris Valley is a river valley and there's a lot of fishing that goes on, so I'll say that Hegel made his living weaving nets and making other fishing accoutrements. Maker of Fishing Supplies, let's say. 

And finally, quirks. These are meant to be things that are unique, even magical, about the character. For my first one, I'll say Hegel Gets Seasick (this is why he made nets and stuff, rather than actually fishing). And I think some magic would be nice, so I'll say he Hears Whispers in the Wind. 

And now we assign dice! I think the most important and obvious traits for Hegel are Old & Wizened and What Would Masha Do? I'll put a d12 and d10 in those, respectively. I also feel like Paterfamilias needs a d10. Maker of Fishing Supplies and Gets Seasick can both get a d8, since they kinda defined the trajectory of his professional life. Seen Everything (He Thinks) gets a d4 (because I'd want it to result in complications more often than not), and I'll put d6s in Hears Whispers in the Wind and Surprisingly Spry. 

And that's about it, actually! Hegel is an old man, with some wisps of gray hair. He walks with a cane, but he only carries it because it was a gift from his oldest son and it's very well-crafted (no, really!). He still catches himself saying "wait'll I tell Masha" sometimes.