Character Creation: Paranormal Freelancing

Last character of January. Perhaps February will be a little less Arctic.

The Game: Paranormal Freelancing
The Publisher: Far Horizons Co-op
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one 

So, the copy of the book I have says "Paranormal Freelancing", while of course that says "Paranormal Freelancers". The character sheet does, too. I have no idea what the deal is there, and honestly it doesn't much matter, I just think it's weird.

Anyway, in Paranormal Freelancingers, you play a person in service to a supernatural Patron (vampire, witch, cambion, ghul). You're given a measure of supernatural power, and expected to take on tasks for your boss. There's a system for said Patron gaining and losing territory, which I admit I didn't look at much, but the game looks playable and it's a specific take on urban fantasy that I think is pretty cool. 

So, let's make a freelancing! 

First I must choose a Patron. Hmm. I think I'll say my guy is in service to a witch. That sets my Body and Soul at 1, my Mind at 3, and I have two more points to throw around. Guess I should conceptualize a little. Witches normally recruit people who can think fast, and have some magical talent. I think I'll lean into that and put my 2 points into Soul, and leave Body at 1. 

Serving a witch also sets Essence at 7 and Health at 5. By "Health" they actually mean "Stability," so they just must have changed that at some point and forgotten to change it in the chargen chart and in the patron write-ups, which, like, easy mistake. 

I get a free Blessing and Spell, too. Specifically, I get Essence Tap (I can suck up Essence after enemies are defeated) and Blood of the Covenant (I can duplicate an ally's Spell when they cast it). 

Now I get to pick 2 Blessings, 2 Spells, or one of each. There's a universal list and then each Patron type has a few. You know, I think I'll take Magic Armor and Magic Sense, which are both Blessings.

My concept, here, is that my character, Jeremiah Rankin, for 'tis his name, was recruited to be a kind of canary in a coal mine. My Patron is used to dealing with magical accidents and trouble spots, and it's nice to have someone to send in who's not only skilled at sensing magic, but naturally resistant to it, too.

Equipment! I get a light weapon. Let's just say Jeremiah has a butterfly knife. 

Just description/personality left. Jeremiah is 22, just out of college (sociology degree), not a lot of prospects, known around campus as being kind of spooky (that's the magic sense coming out). A witch name Leazu picked him up one night, things got a little weird, and she gave Jeremiah a job. The job's not exactly safe, but it's very interesting, and really it's not like Jeremiah was doing much else with his life. 

Jeremiah is about average height, little on the skinny side. He's got very little muscle mass - he got very ill his senior year in college and it was only by kindness from some professors and a couple of really intense cram sessions that he graduated at all. He's got stringy brown hair, brown eyes, and thick glasses. 

I think that'll do it! 

Character Creation: Goblin Quest

I will eventually have to go back to work, I'm sure.

The Game: Goblin Quest
The Publisher: Rowan, Rook & Decard
Degree of Familiarity: I mean, I've played Kobolds Ate My Baby
Books Required: Just the one 

As I alluded to up there, Goblin Quest bears more than a passing resemblance to Kobolds Ate My Baby, but also to other games that have you taking on the roles of a troupe of doomed goblins or similar creatures (Goblinville, No Country for Old Kobolds, even Wicked Ones, kinda, although that one takes itself a little more seriously and isn't necessarily about little monsters). At the end of the day, the premise is similar: You're playing goblins, which are widely known to be cannon fodder, so just be silly and enjoy your eventual demise.

And like...I dig it. The game has enough structure to be usable, it has a bunch of variants (including one where you play a troupe of extradimensional Sean Beans), and it seems like it's explained well enough to be easy to pick up and play. The author is the same genius behind Honey Heist, so that makes sense.

The only real criticisms I have are that every so often something that is decidedly not funny is just kind of tossed in there and it feels jarring, though I freely admit that this might just be my sensibilities. Like, there's a big war going on between the forces of Good (humans, elves, etc.), and the forces of the Dark Wizards (who may or may not be octopus-like Elder Things in robes), and that's cool, but then there'll be this throwaway mention of slaves or dog-fighting, and it just kind of brings down the mood. Would that prevent playing and enjoying the game? Not hardly, that's what safety tools are for (and frankly since my players almost never read the games we're playing it probably wouldn't even go that far). 

In any case: Chargen. Like I said, you play a family of five goblins (goblins emerge from the spawning pit every day or so, often in groups) who join up with others and go on (probably doomed) quests. You only play one goblin at a time, though, and if (when) it dies, you bring in the next one, Paranoia style. So let's make a clutch and a first goblin! 

Actually, y'know what, first I'm gonna make an egg smammich. 

OK, then. First thing we do is give our clutch an Honorific (basically a family name or descriptor). I'm gonna call my clutch "Agar-Agar." (They got that name because they make water thicker and slimy when they get dunked in it.)

Expertise is what my goblins are especially good at. It's tempting to say "swimming," but I actually think it's funnier if we can't swim at all. No, we're good at Climbing. Just scampering right up trees or rocks or orcs or whatever.

Quirk is some, well, quirk that all of the Agar-Agar goblins share. I think our Quirk is "tufts of hair in random places."

And then I need a Dream - what is the overarching goal of this clutch? Clearly it's Beast Friend; they wish to make friends with animals (the Agar-Agar family crest would read "if not fren then why fren-shaped").

I get an Ancestral Heirloom, and I think in our case it's the Whistle of Awooing. You blow it, it makes nearby canines howl with joy! Or anger. It's hard to know. 

Now I need a name and a description for my first goblin. My first goblin is named Bert. His defining feature is that he never wears a shirt (am I basing this goblin on comedian Bert Kreischer, since he tells a story about getting choked out by a bear? Yes I am). 

The last step would be to practice my goblin voice, but people are still asleep around here and you wouldn't hear it anyway, so that's me done!

Character Creation: Modern AGE

It's been AGEs. Ha ha not really. Cabin fever setting in. Gonna eat the dogs soon. 

Geez, Noodle, I'm kidding. 

The Game: Modern AGE
The Publisher: Green Ronin
Degree of Familiarity: Never run or played this version of AGE, but I know Blue Rose very well
Books Required: Just the one

So yeah! This is, much like Fantasy AGE, a generic system that I quite like. This version has been tweaked somewhat, though without doing a deep dive into it I'm not sure exactly where the finer tweaks are. I know there's no classes in this version, it looks like there have been some minor changes to the Stunt system, and of course magic and whatnot is optional and therefore not quite as robust in the mechanics.

Is there a setting?! Kind of. Rather, yes, there is a setting, it's called Threefold, but that setting is 186 pages and I don't feel like reading it. There's a sample adventure in the core book that starts at a high-class party, a bunch of mercs break in to steal an invention, shit swiftly gets fucky, as they say. The adventure seems to thread the needle between "open-ended enough to fit into a number of sub-genres" and "still worth running," which, like, nicely done, whoever wrote it. 

Anyway, all that means is that I'm making a character who would a) plausibly be at such a party and b) have a reason to get involved when shit gets fucky. Since I don't have much of a concept for how to do that, and since I accidentally opened iTunes when I was trying to open a different program, let's assume the "make a character with a random theme song" gods are trying to speak with me today. (I know that's a very specific deity, but who am I to judge divinity.)

That's "Everlasting Friend," by Blue October. While I'm sure there's probably more to it, at a very basic level it's about missing someone important to you. Since part of the setup for this adventure is that the inventor of its MacGuffin, Jenna Ramírez, died in a tragic accident a year ago, I think I'll say that my character is a close friend of hers (depending on what the GM does with the adventure, she's not really dead, but my character wouldn't know that). 

Jenna was a tech genius and inventor, but we don't know much about her other than that. So let's make a little up and say that she's of Mexican extraction and grew up in Los Angeles, and that my character is a friend of hers from the same area. While Jenna was always a tech genius and miles ahead of everyone around her, my guy was more physical and athletic. They had more in common when they were little kids and their interests diverged as they grew up, but my guy - let's call him Angel Guiterrez - and Jenna always had some good chemistry. Not romantic, but they vibe off each other, partially because he'd never call her a nerd or make fun of her sciencey shit, and she'd never call him a jock. 

They saw less of each other as she got famous, but she'd still come home sometimes and they'd always catch up. And then she sent him an email with an attachment right before she died, but it's gibberish to him (a hook, you see, for my nonexistent GM). 

There, good start. Next step would be Abilities. I roll 3d6 for each one, and rules-as-written I'd assign them in order, but since I have a rough concept for Angel as an athlete I think I'll roll them and then assign them as I see fit (which is one of the options). So, roll nine times (and checking the table, since we just convert these rolls directly into modifiers), we get: 2, 1, 2, 1, 1, 0, 1, 0, 0. Decent spread. 

Well, clearly my 2s need to go into Constitution and one of the other physical ones. Guess I should decide what exactly "athlete" means in Angel's case. What the hell, we'll say baseball, it's not like he's a major league player or anything. I think more likely he went to college on a scholarship and majored into something boring like business. That'd be so dull to play, though. Hmm. Let me noodle that a little more. For the moment, I'll put the other 2 into Accuracy. I'll put his 0s into Fighting, Communication, and Intelligence, and that means everything else gets 1. 

Next step is Background. First we roll for social class, then for a background within that. Well, sure, I didn't specify Angel (and thus Jenna's) background as far as the kind of neighborhood they grew up in, so let's see what we get. A 2 gives me Lower Class, and a 3 gives me Laborer. Sounds good. That by no means precludes athletic talent. 

I get a +1 to Constitution, taking me to 3, and I get either Dexterity (Crafting) or Strength (Might). The latter, please. I also get either an Unarmed Combat talent or Party Animal. Hmm. Don't love either of those, but I'll take a look. I also roll 2d6 for another benefit. A 6 gives me Focus: Willpower (Self-Discipline), that's pretty appropriate.

I actually think Party Animal makes more sense than a fighting thing, but it requires Communication and Constitution of 1 or better. So I think what I'll do is switch Perception and Communication so I can take that. Oh, wait, actually, you don't have to meet the requirements at level 1. Eh, that's fine, I'll keep that switch.

Nifty, moving on. Profession! That's easy, Athlete. That gives me a focus in Constitution (Running), Health of 20 + Con (23), Resources 2, and a choice of either Freerunning or Quick Reflexes Talents. I don't have to meet the requirements, which is good because I don't meet them for either one. 

As much as I love parkour, I think I gotta go with Quick Reflexes here. 

Next up, Drive! This is what inspires me to take risks and, like, be a PC. I think Angel is an Achiever. That might actually be something he had in common with Jenna - they're both driven to keep doing shit. That gives me either the Expertise or Inspire Talent. Hmm. Expertise gives me a bigger bonus from a Focus, while Inspire gives people on my team a bonus to Willpower rolls. I think we'll do the latter, Angel is a team player. 

I also get an Improvement. I could give myself more Health, a Relationship, a Membership, or a Reputation. Tempting to say that Angel is or was some kind of well-known athlete, since that does seem to be where I'm leaning with him. Sure, let's give him the MVP honorific. 

Resources & equipment. I have Resources 2, which is described as "Struggling," so apparently Angel's not pulling down any big contracts yet. For this particular scenario, he's not gonna have much on him - nice tux, cell phone, wallet, stuff like that. 

Derived traits! Health is 23, Defense is 10 + Dexterity (so 11), Toughness is 3, Speed is 11 (same formula as Defense).

I get one Relationship slot, but I think I'd want to use it for a PC? Or, wait, can I have a Relationship with a dead person (ew, not like that)? Yes I can! Perfect. We'll say that Angel has a Relationship with Jenna, and we'll express it as "I miss my friend." 

I'm asked to think about goals, too. I think Angel is mostly trying to move up in the world of sports, get noticed, get some good endorsements, shit like that. Jenna's death hit him harder than he thought, and he's a little weirded out by the fact that he got invited to this shindig, but there are absolutely people here that he would like to know to know. 

Last thing is just name and description. Angel is half-Mexican, half-Black, lighter skin, black hair, brown eyes. I don't know how old Jenna is (it's not mentioned in the adventure), but based on her description she's gotta be late 20s. Let's say Angel is 28, then (which might be old for a baseball player, I wouldn't know).

That'll do it!

Character Creation: Pinebox, TX Middle School

Well, we were supposed to play Shadowrun yesterday, but the other players very reasonably but incorrectly worried that they might get blizzard'd on the way home, so we didn't. And now we are getting blizzard'd, the outside is slowly disappearing into a white nothing, and here we are inside, dreaming of warmer climes...

...like Texas, perhaps?

The Game: Pinebox, TX Middle School
The Publisher:  Pinnacle Entertainment Group
Degree of Familiarity: None with this specific game, but I've run East Texas University and of course I've run SWADE pretty extensively
Books Required: Pinebox, TX Middle School and SWADE, plus a deck of cards, which I have

Pinebox, TX Middle School, in addition to having a somewhat unwieldy title, is the companion game to East Texas University. In that latter game, you're playing college students at the titular university, wherein dark, eldritch things happen. In PBMS, you're playing the tweens of the same town, so it's got a more "kids on bikes" kind of vibe. I like that genre, and I enjoy SWADE generally, and I dig the way this book is put together, so this oughta be fun. 

Chargen progresses mostly the way SWADE usually does, though with some extra steps and a slightly different order. Step One: Species just means I'm human and I get a free Edge later. Step Two: Age assumes me to be a sixth grader and about 11 years old, and that's fine by me.

Step Three: Hindrances. I start with Young and Small by default. Do I wish to take more now? Actually, I think I'm gonna skip ahead a little, because there's a random family generator system in the book that I want to use, and the results of that might determine some of the other stuff I pick. 

OK, so first I draw a card to determine the family situation and general vibe. Queen of Clubs gives me...two parents, but distant. Now let's generate the professions of mom and dad. Jack and queen (suit doesn't matter here), which gives me one in science and one in education. Well, clearly my parents are educated, maybe working in academia (perhaps at ETU?).

Siblings. I roll 2d4-2 to determine how many...6-2=4! I have four siblings! Maybe my parents are distant because there's too much else to keep track of? But there's a card draw to determine birth order and suchlike, so let's do that. Two of diamonds, 10 of clubs, six of hearts, jack of hearts. Suit determines gender and whether they're older or young, card value determines their age relative to mine. So. I have an older brother, an older sister, and two younger sisters. Great, I'm a middle child. Clearly I'm destined for black magic.

Anyway, let's do the math. Two of diamonds means a sister that's a year older than me, so she's 12 (Irish twins, perhaps). 10 of clubs gives me a brother who's 2 years old than me, meaning he's 13-ish, which means Mom was really poppin' em out for a while there. As for my two younger sisters (six and jack of hearts), they're two and three years below me, so they're 10 and 9. That means this family has five kids, aged 13, 12, 11, 10, 9. Fuck me. Let's continue.

Next we determine a personality trait for each of these family members. I suppose "fertile" isn't really a personality trait. We roll a d20 for each one, and that gives us: 11, 18, 19, 5, 15, 3. Those map to Mildly Famous, Sneaky, Sporty, Creative, Obsessed (with a hobby or work), Clueless. 

Well, I think "Mildly Famous" and "Obsessed" should go to the parents...although, actually, no, maybe I'd rather have dad be the "Clueless" one. Supposed the family was featured during the "look how many kids this family has" reality TV craze. Mom was really telegenic, Dad was nice enough but really just kind of, well, clueless. That show is long over (the craze passed, there was only ever one season and it was when my character and his siblings were pretty small - 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, newborn), but mom still has a few fans. 

I think, too, that mom works in science - she's a biologist working at ETU, and during the show she was also working on her PhD (that was the big draw of the show, a working genius mom with five small children and a husband who's well-meaning but not especially bright). Dad is a gym teacher and coach at Pinebox High School. 

As for the kids, they go Neal (13, Creative), Yvonne (12, Sporty), my character, Lily (10, Sneaky), and Ashley (9, Obsessed with snakes). 

OK, well, that's some pretty good framing for the character's life. Let's go back to chargen...oh, wait, no, one more thing. I roll a d20 to see where we live. The roll gives me "Blue Moon Apartments," which isn't mentioned anywhere in the book. An apartment is a pretty small space for that many people, though. Since there's no information about what kind of complex this is, let's assume these are larger, standalone units, but we probably still share rooms. Since my guy and his older brother are the only boys, they share a room, the girls share a room, and mom and dad have the master bedroom. (It has become obvious that this situation is getting less tenable as the kids get older, which means a move is probably imminent.) 

OK, now back to Hindrances. Well, I think the Annoying Sibling Hindrance is pretty darned appropriate here. We'll say it's Ashley who's the most likely to pester my guy. Why? Because she's...(roll a d20) Clingy. Perfect. That's a Major Hindrance, so I can take two more Minors. Latchkey Kid is perfect (and as a latchkey kid myself, I know they always grow up great). Finally, I'll take Quirk to represent his family's brush with fame - it's not going to show up much and it's mostly just funny, but it has the potential to cause problems.

Step Four: Attributes! I get a d4 in each of them, but unlike adult characters, I only get 3 points to spread around, and I'm capped at d6 (but I'm allowed one Attribute at d8). I think I'll put my points into Smarts, Spirit, and Agility, and leave Strength and Vigor at d4 for now.

Step Five: Skills. I only get 10 points, though I still get the free d4 in the basic Skills (Athletics, Common Knowledge, Persuasion, Stealth, and Notice). Here's where I should flesh out my guy a bit more. 

Well, of course I want at least a d4 in Academics. I'll put a point into Athletics; kids can scamper if they're not sporty. Likewise, I'll put an extra point into Notice and Persuasion. How about Performance? It'd be cool if my guy had some musical chops. Let's say he's got a good voice and he can play harmonica. I'll put two points there, which leaves me four. Research and Science each can have a d4, we'll say his parents rubbed off a bit. Oh, shit, yeah, we need a d6 in Taunt, for what's probably obvious reasons. 

Step Six: Edges. I get one free and then I've got four "points" to throw around, or is that a later step? Nah, we'll do it here. 

Well, for my free Edge, I think it makes sense to take Big Buddy. My big brother Neal is in 8th grade, and while he's only a couple of years older, he's smart and creative and popular (he is 100% going to be the Big Man on Campus if he gets to ETU). Plus I like having another sibling represented mechanically. I kind of want to burn two of my Hindrance point to raise Spirit to d8, and then I could buy another Edge or I could raise a couple of Skills. Eh, I think I'm OK with just the one edge, so I'll bump Performance to d8 and add a d4 of Thievery. 

Step Seven: Derived Traits. Well, hey, this is probably where they should go! Learning! Anyway, Pace is 6, Parry is 2, Toughness is 3 (I get a -1 because I am Small). 

Step Eight is family, but I did that already. Step Nine is Extracurricular Activity. It's tempting to say band or choir or something, but I think my guy actually taught himself to play harmonica and doesn't really advertise it yet (but he'll probably do band in high school). Instead, let's say Athletics - he does a couple of sports, probably soccer and baseball. That allows me to bump Vigor, Strength, or Athletics up a die type. I'm gonna do Vigor because it'll raise my Toughness to 4.

Step Ten: Stuff. I get a cell phone (probably last gen, probably pretty cheap, maybe a hand-me-down) and a bike. I also get $200 if I want to buy more shit. I dunno, probably a school backpack, a harmonica, and cleats during the season.

And that's it! Let's name my little dude Derek Hand (the show was called Hands Full). Derek is about average height, average weight - leaner during soccer and baseball, a little plumper in the winter. He's got brown hair that doesn't cooperate and his dad's blue eyes. His fondest wish right now is to grow taller than his older sister Lily, just because it would really annoy her. Hasn't happened yet. 

Character Creation: Death Divers

It's fucking cold...and what's colder than space? 

The Game: Death Divers
The Publisher: Will Power Games
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Death Divers and Heroic Dark 

 

Wow, when was the last time I did a game that had a separate core book? Well, probably the last time I did a Savage Worlds game, but still.

So anyway, Death Divers is, like it says on the cover there, a setting for Heroic Dark. Heroic Dark is a system that posits heroic characters fighting against some kind of Darkness, and there are always three factions defined by their relationship to said Darkness (afraid of it, oppressed by it, denying it). In Death Divers, the Darkness is the Pit and the demons thereof. Basically the system is resonant of Doom; there's space travel, they figured out how to fold space but popped a hole in it which led to a Hell-like dimension (which actually reminds me a lot of Slidescape-36 from Control as it's described). Anyway, there's some unobtanium shit in Hell, which they start mining, then the demons start getting smarter and now they're emerging and starting to attack human settlements.

It's not a bad setting. Much like the Heroic Dark book, it's a little dry for my taste. I think if I was gonna run Heroic Dark I'd rather come up with a setting on my own or with my group, but Death Divers is by no means bad.

Right, so, let's make a character!

So, which of the three societies do I find most interesting? There's a sample character concept where the person is rich, old money from Earth, but became a Death Diver (oh, right, Death Divers descend into Hell to protect people from demons while mining, though the PCs are actually former Death Divers in a spaceship fighting the demons that have escape the Pit) because someone is trying to kill them. I like the idea of being old money, but there's a bit in the book that mentions that sometimes people of means get made Death Divers as punishment, and I think I'd like to riff on that a little.

Let's say my character, Hussein Fouad, was the second-to-youngest scion of the Fouad family. The family made its money in water, but they own a lot of shit now - resort on Ganymede, properties on Mars, more spaceships than they need. And Hussein wasn't anything special, wasn't the flashiest of his generation (that'd be his older brother Hamza), wasn't the black sheep (that'd be the oldest, his sister Maryam), but definitely wasn't the whiz kid (that's his little brother Ahmed, the tech genius). Hussein was the one that society watchers said "oh, right, him." He was a good athlete, made good grades, but in his family, "good" was invisible.

And then one night he got grabbed out of his bed, a bag put over his head, a needle in his arm, and the next thing he knew he was shipping out with Death Divers. To this day, he has no idea why. His family has cut off contact, the gossip columns barely mention him, and when they do, they always mention stuff he already did, rather than what he's doing. 

Hussein feels like maybe this is a nightmare he can still wake up from. I kinda doubt it, but it'd be interesting to see what a good GM would come up with for why this happened to him.

OK, well, this means he's in the Denier society (the closest to Earth, and thus the farthest away from the Pit). That all also covers step 2 of chargen, too. 

Step 3 asks me to choose a Career from the list, and then specialize or customize a bit. I think Hussein is a Communicator (Scion). 

Step 4 is Style, which is just something to describe Hussein's general vibe. Confused? Eh, I think he would have been when he was first thrust into this, but let's assume he's been at this a while. It'd be interesting to make Hussein more of a conspiracy theorist. Let's say he's Paranoid. 

Step 5 is Archetype, which gets more into points and build. I think The Natural makes the most sense, since that gives me good all-rounder capability. No place on the sheet for that, weirdly. Anyway, that gives me two Attributes at rank two, and two at rank 1. I'll put Influence and Focus at 2, and Senses and Might at 1. That leaves Agility at 0. 

I get two skills and one specialization. How's this work again? Oh, it's pretty simple, Skills are broad, specializations are just that. Let's see, is this a list for this setting? Nope, so we'll just go with the Generic and Futuristic lists in the core. I only get two, anyway. I'll give Hussein Comprehension and Speech. I'll specialize Speech in Etiquette (should Etiquette be its own Skill? It is in some lists, but I dunno, it feels narrower to me). 

And then I get 6XP toward Power Moves. These are much like stunts in Fate, there's a system for building them, but in Hussein's case I think I want to give him one based on Speech and have key in on the camaraderie of "OK, guys, I know this sucks, but we can get out alive if we work together." That's basically Motivate: Use Speech to motivate others to pitch in and stay focused by appealing to everyone's shared misery. That only costs 4XP, so I guess I'd have 2 left to start. 

I get 8 resources to buy shit, but I think I'd keep it simple: Pistol, armor, probably some kind of camera or recording device. 

I picture Hussein as in his late 20s now, black hair, Arabic (if that means anything at all in an interplanetary setting). He's gone from confused and depressed to paranoid and a bit twitchy, especially since the goddamn demons are coming out of the Pit now. Is his family in on it? WAS HE A SACRIFICE? (Probably not.) Only one way to find out! Into the breach!

Movie #914: The Faculty

The Faculty is a sci-fi horror movie directed by Robert Rodriguez, and probably the last movie on the list we're watching for a while now that Oscar noms have dropped. (And that's actually kind of topical, since one of the frontrunners, Sinners, was influenced quite a bit by both this and From Dusk Til Dawn, but I digress.) Pretty stacked cast: Elijah Wood, Clea DuVall, Shawn Hatosy, Josh Hartnett, Famke Janssen, Salma Hayek, Jon Stewart, Laura Harris, Jordana Brewster, Bebe Neuwirth, Robert Patrick, and Piper Laurie. 

Herrington High in...somewhere in Ohio...is kind of a shithole. Principal Drake (Neuwirth) is trying her best, but there just isn't funding for things like field trips or school musicals, because all of the funding is getting eaten up by the football team, because the whole town goes to the games and that's where the support is. So far, so depressingly accurate. 

But then the football coach (Patrick) and the drama teacher (Laurie) stab the principal seemingly to death...but then she's back at work the next day. The weirdness continues as shy nerd Casey (Wood) finds a weird creature on the football field and brings it to the science teacher (Stewart), but the students have their own shit going on. Senior delinquent Zeke (Hartnett) has a drug selling business to manage, and a pretty inappropriate rapport going with the English teacher (Janssen, who actually manages to be mousy, which for her is impressive). Casey is crushing on Delilah (Brewster), head cheerleader and editor of the school paper, who is dating Stan (Hatosy), the quarterback, but Stan quits the team to try and earn his way in life. And Marybeth (Harris), the new girl from Atlanta, is trying desperately to make friends and winds up cozying up to Stokely (DuVall), the black-clad supposed lesbian (I am continually saddened that they didn't have the guts to actually let her be gay, but whatever, 1998). 

So with this tangled web of characters, we come to the meat of the problem: There's an infestation of wriggly slug aliens. They start by taking over the faculty and then move with frightening efficiency to assimilate the student body. Our heroes, through a variety of weird happenings, wind up being the only ones to witness what's happening and figure out that if they can find and kill the "queen" alien, that should kill the aliens in everyone else, leaving them human. 

From there, it's a paranoid chase to figure out who's who, who's infected, and deal with the now-infected versions of their friends and teachers coming after them, culminating in a big showdown and, eventually victory, with only a few permanent casualties, and some shifts in the school dynamic: Zeke is now a football player, Casey is a hero and is dating Delilah, Stokely has come out as straight and is dating Stan. 

I'd seen this movie once before, but I didn't remember how well put-together it was. Like, ignore the plot, the plot is basically The Puppet Masters, and they really hang a lantern on that in the film. What's fun is that there's not an obvious final girl/guy amongst the principal cast. It's pretty clear as they start getting infected one by one that someone is going to be our last kid standing, but it's legitimately not obvious who. Likewise, Rodriguez takes just enough time to establish everyone, including the faculty, before the aliens start taking over so that we can appreciate the changes. Daniel Von Bargen actually has one of my favorite "transformations," as he goes from drunk, depressed, and apathetic to bright-eyed and aggressive and telling his students to make a detailed list of all their family members. 

I like the world-building; the aliens absorb water quickly and so their human hosts drink constantly, and we see more and more water bottles popping up as the movie goes on. The scene of the coach and his players standing in the rain after the big game (during which they infect most of the other team) is chilling. 

The CGI doesn't always hold up, but it was the 90s, so they often knew to hide the really obvious stuff in shadows and let the practical effects do the heavy lifting. Rodriguez knows when to let the acting do the work, though, and the script was written by Kevin Williamson (he of Scream fame), so it's got the right amount of metacommentary on its genre. 

The Faculty is a movie that's gotten better regarded as the years go on. When it came out, people kind of thought it was ripping off other movies, but I dunno, I see it more as paying homage to them, because you can't tell me Rodriguez didn't know what he was doing. I go around about whether the nice pat "everyone goes back to normal when the queen dies" thing is too easy, but it's not like we get off scott free, and thematically there's a lot of "the more things change, the more they stay the same" happening. I think it's a smarter movie than people think. 

My Grade: B+
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: The Three Amigos, eventually 

Tidal Blades: Ayup, Welm a te Brai Ri!

Last night we managed to squeak in a game before the oncoming blizzard (so they say, but who know when or if it'll hit here. I fully expect the yetis to be outside the door by dinnertime for that comment). Here's last time, which was a while ago, since we missed our December game due to illness.

Our heroes are still near the Bright Reef. Hobie hangs out with their shrimp, Garnet, and her recently-rescued mama. The others look out over the Bright Reef. 

It's bigger than they thought at first. They see lots of people - tyros, magnafrons, iota, golfins - all living in a village. But the colors, good grief. Everything and everyone is bright and more colorful than normal. Tyros are usually blue with orange fins:

Like so

But the tyros here have deeper blue scales starting at the tops of their heads and getting greener until they reach the shoulders. The orange in their fins likewise goes from deep red to bright, vibrant yellow. And everything, including the coral of the reef, is like that. 

The characters see families, schools of iotas, a couple of tyro teens tossing a ball around, another tyro fishing with a net. They split up to go look around. Faesli swims over to look at the reef and the coral itself - what is it about this place that makes it so attractive to coral miners? Coral generally is used as a building material in Naviri, so maybe this colorful coral would be premium stuff? 

Bait grabs his net and goes fishing, but has some trouble. A tyro swims up to him. "Ayup," he says. "Trin a fit?" 

"...what?" says Bait.

This continues a bit, as Bait grapples with the Bright Reef dialect, but eventually the tyro shows him. If you put your net on the surface of the water with an attached guide rope and wait, the fish come to the surface to nibble it, and then you yank. "A deh go! Rigglas!" He rubs his belly. "Yum!"

Meanwhile, Sobek swims over to the tyro lads and gestures for them to toss him the ball. They do, and he realizes it's actually a volcanic rock with little pockets, into which they've inserted other rocks to act as weights (and thus adjust the weight of the "ball"). They play for a bit, and the lads ask Sobek if he doesn't have to go up for air (Sobek, for whatever reason, seems to grasp the dialect a little better). He says he does, but he can hold his breath a good long while.

Hobie swims over the reef and talks with a local, or tries, but the local eventually manages to convey that there's a lost creature of some kind ("orandolp", but Hobie doesn't know what that is) here. Hobie is, of course, happy to meet a new friend, and the fellow calls over an iota. "Ayup," he says. "Hear you're looking for the reefin."
 

A reefin. You're welcome.

He introduces himself as Noop, and clearly speaks "standard" Naviri dialect. He leads Hobie to his home, where a veritable swarm of iota children are playing, and points to a couple of them frolicking with a reefin. "Bran tof hi!" he calls, and the lads swim over with the critter. "She got separated from her pod," Noop explains, "and washed over here. We love her, but we can't keep her - reefins need room to roam, and we don't leave the Reef much. Do you-"

"YES," says Hobie calmly. They talk with the reefin for a bit, and the reefin flips over and wiggles her fins while Hobie scritches her belly. 

Meanwhile, the others have come over, and Noop chats with them. Faesli asks about why someone would want to harvest this place, and Noop isn't sure specifically, other than the coral. He does politely ask if the characters would mind looking into and maybe stopping that? The folks in the Reef aren't exactly worldly and they have a hard time talking with outsiders, and Noop would go, but he has (he does some quick math) 26 kids to take care of. ("How do you remember all their names?" "We make up a song. Every kid gets a line." "...long song." "My parents had (math) 227 kids. That song was very long.")

The characters, of course, were going to look into this anyway, and they're quite happy to help the Reef. Noop mentions, too, that there's a shipwreck nearby, if they'd be interested in looking at that? They are, of course (Bait's eyes light up at the word "ship" in any context).

Noop shows them the shipwreck. It's not salvageable - it's got a big hole in the hull. The lettering on the side identifies the ship as the Fluttering Fantasy. Bait and Sobek both recognize it - it's a ship from Naviri. Sobek even remembers that it transports michronic cards (the kind used to get into battles in the Rings, or similar identification purposes) around the Citadel. So how did it get all the way out here? 

They investigate, trying to figure out what sank it. They do find some cyphers in the wreckage (Bait finds one called a "Reset," which, when broken, erases the last five minutes of time and rewinds everything back to that point, with Bait the only one who remembers what happened, which everyone, including Bait, agrees is far too much power to give to Bait). Bait figures that what did this punched a big hole in the hull from the outside, but left no residue or paint, so it wasn't a ramming attack from another ship. Faesli guesses it could have been a mud-crab - maybe even the one they killed back on the beach! 

Faesli finds a glass circle, like a porthole window, which she realizes is a cypher (letting her detect all living things within an area). But as she's looking at it, she drops it! She quickly swims after it and catches it, but down on the sea floor finds a small, wooden box. Bait pops the lock, and inside they find a stack vault cards.

An aside: Currency in Naviri is typically either gob fruit or michronic shells, but both of those are hard to carry in large amounts. Hence, the Citadel created vault cards. You take your money to the Citadel, they issue a vault card coded for that amount, and any merchant with a reader can deduct money from that card. Bait is thrilled - there are twenty vault cards here, maybe they can buy a ship! Sobek notes that this assumes there's any money on these cards. If they're new cards, the Fantasy may just have been transporting them to the Citadel to be encoded. They might still be worth something, though. And, Faesli notes, maybe they could sell them to Angler. If he could find a way to put money on them without actually putting money on them...

Hobie, at this point, swims back up (they had drifted away to start getting to know their new friend and introduce her to Garnet). They introduce the reefin ("this is Tangerine, and she wants to go adventuring with us!"), and gets filled in. Hobie quashes part of that plan; vault cards are unhackable, at the moment. Folks who hack michronic tech are called "entanglers," and no one's figured out how to entangle vault cards. They have multiple redundancies to protect against that.

Well, Angler might still want to buy them, they figure, so they head back up to their rented boat and head back in to shore. Bait's dads agree to watch Tangerine and throw her a fish every now and then, while the others go ashore. Their first stop is Bol's Oils, as they figure she probably has a card reader.

The shop is still closed, but they can see a light on. "Helloooo," calls Faesli from outside. 

"Hello?" Bol calls back. "Are you a spirit? Come to deliver some fell portent?"

"No, it's Faesli. Can we come in?"

Bol opens the door. "You should have knocked. I thought you were a spirit. I suppose you could have been. It makes you think."

The characters talk with Bol a bit, always a surreal experience, and she does indeed have a card reader. She scans each of the cards. "This one is empty. And this one is empty. This one is empty. This one is empty. This one is empty." 

Turns out all of the cards are empty, so Sobek was probably right, they're unencoded. Bait is a little disappointed, but such is life. And hey, maybe Angler would give them a few shells. They take their leave of Bol and head to the Battle Ring to find Angler.

He's there, though the crocs guarding the stairway to his box give them some trouble. Faesli is close to talking their way past, but Bait keeps jumping up and down yelling "Angler! Angler!" and the croc knocks him down the stairs with a tail swipe. Sobek stands up ("Nobody does that to my friend!") and the croc knocks him down the stairs. 

"WHO WANTS SOME TAIL?" the croc bellows, not really thinking that threat through. Faesli squares off and the croc strikes, but Faesli has been working on dodging and nimbly jumps over the tail! "Ugh, fine, go," he says.

They go up the stairs to Angler's box, where they find the turtle finishing up a meeting. "Well, look who it is, the Snacks." 

"Snacks?" Hobie is momentarily confused. "That our new team name?"

"Yeah," says Angler. "You beat The Appetite." 

Hobie beams. "I'm a Snack!"

Faseli gets the point, and asks about the Bright Reef. Angler seems vaguely familiar, but either he's being real cagey or legitimately doesn't know what they're on about. But they talk to him for a bit (and make some impressive social kinds of rolls), and he comes around. 

The Bright Reef has some weird michronic properties, and Cyan, one of his chief Entanglers, was pushing to harvest the coral. But Angler wasn't really interested in doing that. For one thing, it's very close to the coastline and thus to Angler's Cove, but more important, like, people live there. Angler's a crime lord, but he's not a dick, and he's not going to displace a whole village like that. 

The Snacks describe the crew they saw checking out the reef, though, and Angler nods. "Yeah, that's Cyan's crew." He also confirms that the crew of the Fluttering Fantasy made it ashore in their longboats after their ship sunk - it drifted off course in a storm about a month ago, got attacked by a mud-crab and then made it close to the coast before sinking, but the crew made it off. Angler negotiated with the captain and provided passage back to the Citadel, but he remembers that Cyan was very pushing about talking to the captain alone. 

Angler is annoyed by all this - Cyan is one of his best people, but he doesn't want his people going behind his shell. He tells the Snacks that he knows that Cyan has a private hideout, but isn't sure where. He does know, however, that Cyan buys Bol's oils to maintain michronic machinery, and that machinery isn't in any hideout Angler knows about. He tells them that that other hideout is not under any protection from him, and that Cyan has been out on the water lately. If Cyan has a boat, well, he's not going to complain if someone takes it and gives Cyan a little wrap on the fins.

Bait's eyes light up again. "Ship?" 

Movie #913: They Live

They Live is a sci-fi action movie with a sprinkle of horror starring Roddy Piper, Keith David, Meg Foster, George Buck Flower, and Raymond St. Jacques. 

Improbably swole drifter Nada (Piper; that's how he's credited, but he's never given a name in the movie) wanders into LA looking for work. He winds up living at a homeless camp and making friends with a fellow named Frank (David), and is just dealing with all that when the police roll in, smash the place up, and roust a nearby church that has a suspicious amount of sunglasses lying around.

Nada winds up with a box of them, puts a pair on, and can see the truth - the world is controlled by ghoulish, ugly humanoid creatures. Every sign, billboard, book, and magazine is actually a white plain with messages like "OBEY" and "MARRY AND REPRODUCE." Money is just white rectangles with "THIS IS YOUR GOD" printed on them. 

Nada, skipping right over the "refusal of the call" section of the hero's journey, pops into a bank with a shotgun and kills every alien he can find. From there, the movie is him trying to figure out what's happening, fight the aliens, and convince Frank that he's a heroic freedom fighter and not a dude who just shot up a bank for no reason. 

From there, Nada briefly menaces a TV exec (Foster) and gets tossed out a window for his trouble, and eventually winds up seeing what the aliens are up to: terraforming and giving people access to comfort and money in exchange for obedience. After all, everyone sells out anyway, why not enjoy it? 

They Live is one of those movies that gets referenced a lot. The sunglasses revealing the aliens, the stark "OBEY" on a white background, and of course Nada's iconic line ("I have come here to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of bubblegum.") have become sci-fi touchstones. But I'd never seen it before, and it was interesting watching it so close to One Battle After Another, since both deal with themes of revolution and corruption. I'm not gonna wax poetic, I'll just say that it's amazing how topical They Live remains.  

Roddy Piper does a pretty good job with the performance of Nada, though it's in the physicality where he really shines (which makes sense). His five-minute fight scene with Keith David is amazing, not for acrobatic or balletic kung-fu kind of stuff like we tend to get now, but for how raw and real it looks (which, again, makes sense, as they really did it rather than leaving it to stuntmen or jump cuts). 

The story is mostly pretty bleak, but in a very Reagan-era kind of way. Everything is bright and stark and often colorful or opulent, and selling out one's species is treated as something you're kind of dumb if you don't do. It's a nice extrapolation of the 80s "greed is good" mentality, and Piper gets to be the one idealistic guy who dies giving a middle finger to conformity and avarice. 

(Also, it took me the whole movie to remember that Meg Foster also played a corporate asshole in Leviathan, which is not nearly as good, but there's some interesting synergy there at least.)

My Grade: A-
Rewatch Value: High, I think?

Next up: The Faculty 

Character Creation: Steel & Scale

I'm a little mad about this game. Just a little. 

The Game: Steel & Scale
The Publisher: Steel & Scale Games Ltd
Degree of Familiarity: None, but the system isn't hard
Books Required: Just the one 

Check out that cover. A kind of early 20th century vibe with fucking dragons, right? Perhaps a WWI game with some fantasy elements? Got this dude about to hurl a fireball in the back while GI Robot stands lookout? 

And like...yeah, you could do all of that. Except there's no setting. This is someone's homebrew system (or, perhaps, revision of Shadow of the Demon Lord, because the system is basically that) that they wrote up, added art, and Kickstarted. And I'm a little mad about it, because it looks like a cool game, but where's the goddamn setting?

But then I started really thinking about it, and like, do I need the setting? Do I need the game to add another 50 pages to this very lean book, just to tell me about revisionist history or ancient pacts or what-the-fuck-ever? Two years ago I might have been more grouchy about it, but I've been running D&D in my own little world (that'd be Abhaile), and I have to admit, just at the moment it's tied with Chill for the game I look forward to running the most.

So...yeah, I think I'd run this, and I'm a little mad about it. Just a little. Don't ask me to explain. It's very cold outside. 

Moving on! I think we can just assume a 1910s European sort of setting plus dragons n' magic n' shit for purposes of this project. (PDF's not bookmarked, grr.)

Step One: Idea. Every time I read this I think of Nicholas Angel in Hot Fuzz before they ram the shopping carts into the meat counter. If you know you know. 

I feel like making a sort of martial character today, so I'm gonna make a sword expert. Beyond that I don't have a lot of ideas, so I'm gonna roll on the "Weird PC Backgrounds" table in The Weird. And I get..."military brat who grew up on all sorts of military bases, including a super secret one on the moon." 

Well, no military bases on the moon are mentioned in the Steel & Scale book, but they're not not mentioned, either, so fuck it, there's a base on the moon. Let's say that getting to that base is a matter of some pretty powerful magic, and my guy went there with his family when he was 14 and left when he was 18 (it was iffy that he was there at all and they basically gave him the choice: join up or sod off, and he chose to sod off and go to university). Actually, I like the idea of him still being pretty young, still in university, and just being scarily good at dueling and fencing. Probably because he learned some secret swordfighting techniques on the moon that are extra effective here on Earth, which doesn't actually make a lot of sense, but whatever. 

Step Two: Starting CP. Starting characters typically get 20 CP, so that's what we'll go with. My Skill Bonus is +2, and I get 3 Improvements. 

Step Three: Attributes. These are named after the four elements. Let's see, which ones are important for sword-fighting? Could be Earth or Water, but Water is the one to use for quick, precise stabbies. I get 0, 1, 1, 3 to split up, and obviously I want my 3 in Water. I'll put my 1s in Earth and Fire, I think. And then I get 3 points to throw around (from my Improvements), so I'll boost Air to 1 and Fire to 2 (I feel like some buckles are gonna get swashed and Fire influences charisma). 

Step Four: Archetype. Character class, effectively, mostly about how characters interact with combat. Eliminator, Skirmisher, and Warrior are all pretty appropriate. Maybe not Eliminator, that's a little more assassiny than I want. Yeah,  I think Skirmisher, with its focus on avoiding hits, is the better fit.

Step Five: Race. There are a few cool ones, but this particular concept works better as human, so that's what we're doing. I get a free Background, and if I want I could spend 2 CP on Improvise (which would let me double up on Skill bonus in some instances). That's pretty cool, but I think I'll hold off for now. 

Step Six: Resources & Numbers. Numbers, numbers, numbers, business business...is this working? (Yes.) Anyway. I suspect I'll be able to buy things that affect these later, but as things stand:

Defending is 1 (equal to Earth), Dodging is 3 (Water), Concentrating is 2 (Fire), Reacting is 1 (Air). I get to pick three of those things (Active Responses, they're called) that I add my Skill Bonus to, but that's a permanent choice. Well, Dodging, obviously, and then I think Reacting, and finally Defending. 

Passive Responses! These are all equal to 9 + an Attribute. That gives me:

Endurance 11
Evasion 13
Resolve 12
Awareness 11

I can, once again, apply my Skill Bonus to two of them. I think Endurance and Resolve make more sense here (resisting poison and other body things, and then resisting fear and mental effects). 

My HP is equal to 12 + [Earth x 2] + [Improvements x 2], or 20 for me. My Energy is the higher or Air or Fire (so Fire, for me) + Improvements, so 5. My Destiny is 3 (number of Improvements). 

Step Seven: Character Skillz. I get a Trait, an Expertise, and a Weapon Skill. Do I get anything else for being a Skirmisher? Nope! (I get free stuff, but not that.) 

So for my Trait, I want to take Agile. For my Expertise, I'll take...oh, there are a few that fit. I think since I'm a military brat, Bureaucracy makes the most sense, since he was around the military but never actually in it. 

Now, I could take a Flaw, which would give me an extra 2 CP, and why the heck wouldn't I? I'll take Loud. I get a Setback to skill checks based on stealth. Swashbucklers are not sneaky. 

Right, Weapons! Blades, obviously. 

Step Eight: Backgrounds. Normally I could buy two, but I get a free one because I'm human. Does that mean I get one free and I can buy one more, or that I could have a total of three? There's an example of chargen (so I can't be too mad at this game), so I can check!

Well...that wasn't altogether helpful, since in the example he just takes the freebie and doesn't buy any more. But the phrasing in the text there and under Backgrounds seems to suggest you can only ever have two, so that's what we'll go with. 

Actually, there's only one I want, and that's Ringleader. Kind of doubling down on the idea of my guy being a charismatic sort, Ringleader means I get some Followers! I get a group of loyal followers who accompany me on adventures, and I get two Special Followers (for which I roll) who have, like, stats and stuff. Also I get a social Trait for free. Well, for that I want Charming. And then for my Special Followers, I'll roll 2d6 and get...the Doc and the Brawn. 

Step Nine: Abilities & Talents. These are really what I'm gonna spend my CP on. Abilities have variable costs, Talents cost 5CP each. Lessee now. 

Well, obviously I want Blademaster, since that's basically my whole concept. That gives me a whole bunch of cool shit that I don't have room to write on the sheet, but that's fine. Basically I'm a badass with a sword and I'm hard to hit. That costs 5CP, so I'm down to 17 (I got two extra from the Flaw, recall). 

There's a couple more I like. Weaponbound, which would give me a magic sword, is really cool, but I'm gonna look through Abilities first. 

Well, of course I want Free-Runner (requires Agile, which I have). Annnnd...no spot for Abilities on the sheet. GUYS. Oh, wait, no, I just didn't print out the 2nd and 3rd pages. OK, fine. Anyway, Free-Runner costs 2, so I'm at 7 spent. Oh, I like Parley (basically I can talk people out of attacking my friends). That's another 3, so I've spent 10. 

Oh, shit yeah I want Flurry of Strikes (lets me ignore the restriction on only attacking once per turn with a given weapon). That's another 3 spent. I want Disarming Attack, that's very swashy. And then I want Dual Strike so I can have a sword in each hand. That's 4 more total, which takes me to...17. 5 more. If I want another Talent, now's my last chance. Argh. There are still Abilities I like. OK, screw the magic sword. I want Parry (3CP), and that leaves me 2, so I'll take Improvised Fighting, just so I can fence with table legs and shit. 

Step Nine: Equipment. I would get another 200 monies to equip my posse, but I'm not gonna bother. My dude has a rapier and probably a dagger in his boot, that's enough equipment for me (for purposes of this project; obviously were I really playing him I'd spend the  money). 

So, who is this guy? Let's call him Andy McClain. Andy grew up in various military bases all over the world, but when he was 14, his father (a military scientist) was reassigned to Gassendi Base on the moon. He isn't sure what dad was studying or researching there - it was all very hush-hush - but there was a whole community of kids of scientists and personnel, so it's not like Andy grew up lonely (I'm thinking of the base in Oppenheimer here). Andy displayed an aptitude for fencing - you can tweak the artificial gravity, so he learned how to fight in various gravitic conditions. 

When he turned 18, the powers-that-be gave him the same option they gave any of the "moon kids." You either join up or you go back to Earth, and you keep your mouth shut. Andy never had any illusions about joining the military, so he went back to Earth, enrolled in college (he's still deciding on a course of study), and joined his university's fencing team. He immediately attracted a group of friends, well-wishers, and hangers-on, but his two besties are Luna, a first-year med student (he started hanging with her because of her name, and he's considered telling her the truth about where he grew up), and Tommy, an athlete, brawler, weight-lifter, and all around sweet guy who just happens to be able to crush coconuts in his bare hands.

Andy is white, red-brown hair, barely a bit of peach fuzz on his face. He's quick and decisive, but not especially perceptive on a moment-to-moment level (great in a fight, though). It would be really easy to get him into an adventure, because he doesn't really think things through, especially if there's a problem he can solve by swording it.  

Movie #912: Tales from the Darkside: The Movie

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie is an anthology horror movie based on the TV show of the same name (well, except without the "The Movie" bit, obvs) and starring James Remar, Rae Dawn Chong, Christian Slater, Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi, Matthew Lawrence, Debbie Harry, Robert Sedgwick, William Hickey, and David Johansen.

We start off in a kitchen that frankly makes me envious, where a lovely suburban lady (Harry) is preparing to gut, stuff, and cook and little boy (Lawrence). The little boy manages to distract the evil witch (it's never stated she's a witch, but you can see her broomstick if you look carefully) by reading stories from Tales from the Darkside, a big ol' book she gave him to read while she fattens him up with cookies. 

He proceeds to read her three stories: 

"Lot 249" is about a nerdy dude called Bellingham (Buscemi) who raises a mummy (Michael Deak) from the dead to take revenge upon the two beautiful rich assholes (Moore and Sedgwick) who wronged him. His roommate Andy (Slater) winds up being the one who discovers this, which is unfortunately, since the assholes in question are his sister and best friend.

"Cat from Hell" shows us an old rich dude (Hickey) who made his money in pharmaceuticals, largely tested on cats, who hires a hitman (Johanson) to kill a black cat that has apparently been sent to avenge cat-kind upon him. 

"The Lover's Vow" is kind of based on a Japanese legend (and a 1968 film called The Snow Woman). Struggling artist Preston (Remar) is attacked by a hideous gargoyle (Deak again!) who kills his friend (Ashton Wise) but spares his life...if he promises never to speak of it to anyone. He almost immediately meets a beautiful woman named Carola (Chong), they fall in love, his career takes off, and ten years later he gives her the only thing he's never been able to - the truth about what happened the night they met. Whereupon she reveals that she is the gargoyle, rips his throat out, and flies off with their now-gargoyle'd children. 

I saw this movie in high school and I remember liking it well enough, but it's grown on my more in the ensuing years. Some of that is because I've read some Doyle ("Lot 249" is based on his story), I've read King, I've see a lot more movies, and I have a better appreciation for the source material. Some of that is because I'm getting increasingly grouchy about the amount of CGI in movies and seeing a horror movie that uses practical effects and had to work around a budget and a time crunch and still made a movie this tight is really impressive.

And it is tight. Anthology is tricky because if you try to do too much in the segments, they come off as rushed and unsatisfying (Holidays has this problem). It's also really easy for one segment to be much better or worse than the others and for the quality to be uneven. I don't think that's the problem here - "Lover's Vow" is hands down the best one, but there's a nice build to it and it's not like the other segments are bad, the last one is just really good. The tones of the segments are distinct, but not so different that they feel like they shouldn't be in the wrong movie. Camera, music, and lighting all differ and give the segments their own feel, and of course the cast is generally stacked (although this was at the beginning of Moore and Buscemi's Hollywood career, while Slater was really the rising star). 

It's not overall as good as Creepshow, but on the other hand, it's snappier and moves a little better, so I dunno, maybe it's about on par. 

My Grade: A-
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: They Live  

Character Creation: Pandora: Total Destruction

The girl with all the gifts, indeed.

The Game: Pandora: Total Destruction
The Publisher: Broken Ruler Games
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one 

The title doesn't do a great job of explaining the premise of the game, though the cover kinda does. Basically, it's a supers setting in which you're playing "Level 13" empowered characters. That is, the folks with potentially devastating powers that need to be trained how to use them before they, say, topple buildings or something. Firestarter kinda fits, here, or rather, Charlie McGee would be a pretty good Level 13 empowered. 

I confess, however, that I haven't read all the way through the book, because the print is small and very light, and I remember thinking "I've had this issue before" and lo! I have, with Killshot and ScreenPlay, which are from the same company. LARGER AND DARKER PRINT, GUYS.  

Anyway, it's a shame, because I like the premise and the themes of the game (including government overreach and abuse of power) are topical. I think if I actually wanted to run it, I might hack it into Fate? But I dunno, I didn't really parse the system well enough to know if I like it. Let's make an empowered person.

One nice thing: The PDF is bookmarked (I'm running Clerk & Dagger later today and that PDF isn't, which made game prep kind of annoying).

OK, so chargen is a 7-step process. We begin with...

Step One: The Five Questions. Shit, it's snowing again. Sorry, that's irrelevant. Right. Five questions. Like in Don't Rest Your Head? Not so much, they're much more general and open-ended.  

What is your super's power and why would it be dangerous in the wrong hands? Hmm. I was thinking about this the other day when I read the book, and I considered something like Dane DeHaan's character's power in Chronicle, which is basically jumped-up telekinesis. But then, I've been reading The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett of late, and the method of murder in that book is the use of a strain of grass that bursts its way out of a person once it's inhaled or ingested. And as far as sheer destructive power, I like the idea of unchecked plant growth. So let's say my character's power is exactly that - making the plant life of an area grow like crazy in seconds. As for why that's bad in the wrong hands, well, shit, never mind that destructive potential. Imagine what a company like Monsanto could do with it. 

What terrible thing has the character done with their power? Let's be obvious about it and say that my character destroyed...hmm. I don't want him to have destroyed a city or even a borough. How about a trailer park? Sure, my guy turned a trailer park into a dense forest in the space of five minutes, killing a couple dozen people (there were survivors, not everyone got subsumed by grass). 

What is someone the character looks up to and how has that person affected their life? The last three questions are meant to give us a "descriptive value" that becomes mechanically important, kinda like an Aspect. But it stems from a person. I think after the Green Fields Incident (the trailer park was called Green Fields, and my guy just kinda made that more literal), my guy ran off and wasn't captured for a few weeks. He wound up living with a very nice pagan couple that lived on some land a couple of miles from the park, and they gave him some useful philosophy. To wit: On a long enough time scale, you can't beat Mother Nature. The planet is, as George Carlin said, going to shake us off like fleas eventually. All you can do is try and roll with what the planet is doing, because that's better for your survival than fighting it. 

Now, did my guy take the right lesson from that? This value is meant to be what makes him a good person, regardless of what he's done (wait, I thought if you ever did anything bad ever, that makes you a monster for the rest of your life? Was I misinformed?), so it probably shouldn't be too far off the mark. Let's call this value Live With Nature, Not Against It. 

How do they deal with stressful situations and/or confront them in an unhealthy way? I think my guy finds or creates a protected space, maybe by calling up a thorny bracket or something, or maybe just by running away. Let's called the associated value Self-Isolation. 

How has the discovery of this power changed the super? This deceptively simple question basically refers to how the trauma of what they did changed them and continues to affect them. Hmm. I wish we had some examples of this. Rather, there is an example of chargen, which I appreciate, but I'd like some comparisons. Well, I think that my guy copes with having killed a lot of people by rationalizing that we're killing the planet, so if the planet kills us back, well, that's on us. A kind of retributive nihilism, if you will. I'll phrase the value as We're All Fertilizer Eventually. 

Step One: Create a Core Power. Well...I kinda did, didn't I? Isn't this covered by question 1? I do need to name it, here, so let's call it "unchecked planet growth." I also fill in the d12 in my Overpower stat.

Step Three: Choose Profile. Profiles are kind of how a character's power expresses itself? Like, transformed supers have been literally turned into something visibly inhuman. Shifted change between a normal and powered form, and cloaked can have secret IDs. The niches that we're going for here are kind of floppy. I think my guy is an aura - he constantly emits some kind of tell. I think he makes nearby plants grow slowly, but visibly. 

Step Four: Create Your Values. See, again, we did this in Step One, and all we're doing here is writing them on the sheet. There are some examples here, though, and I think I'm on the right track with mine. 

Step Five: Action Dice. I've got three stats to dice-ify: Conflict, Protection, and Interaction. I get a d12, d10, and d8, but if I'm reading this right, the bigger the die, the more likely it is that the action in question is going to cause havoc. Well, that in mind, I'm gonna put my d12 in Protection, because trying to shield himself by calling up trees is pretty havoc-y. For similar reasons, I'll put the d10 in Conflict, and that leaves the d8 in Interaction, which I think is where it would go for most characters.

Step Six: Value Points. Values get ratings. I get 3 points to split up, which can go 1-1-1 or 2-1-0. I think I'll go even across the board.

Step Seven: Make Your Super Come Alive! I can't even tell what muscle to flex.

No, really, this is just your basic "name, description, etc." kind of step. Also ID number, and the way it'd work in play is that we'd go from making our supers to making the Academy where we're all imprisoned enrolled. I'll ignore ID number, because without other players it'd just be arbitrary (other players, and we'd try to make them sequential to represent us all getting to the Academy around the same time). 

Well, let's name my guy Cayden Colgate. Cayden is (now) 21, used to live with his mom and little sister in Green Fields. He got in a fight with his sister (then 14) one afternoon, just basic sibling stuff, mostly about proximity (a double-wide isn't really conducive to privacy). And Cayden stomped outside and didn't even notice as grass, trees, and brambles started growing up behind him. 

His sister survived, but his mother didn't, and Kayla (said sister) has never forgiven him. She's probably still in foster care, and the government is probably watching her very closely to make sure she doesn't have a green thumb, too. 

Cayden is slim, white, brown hair (perpetually too long - it grows fast). His hands are always clean because if he lets dirt build up under his nails it starts sprouting grass and splitting his nails. Folks at the Academy call him "Weeds."

Hrm. I actually like the setup for this game, but the mechanics are giving me flashbacks (I ran ScreenPlay once and didn't much enjoy it). I dunno. Maybe it'd be worth figuring out.

Movie #911: Solarbabies

Solarbabies is a post-apocalyptic sci-fi movie starring Jason Patric, Jamie Gertz, Claude Brooks, Lukas Haas, James Le Gros, Peter DeLuise, Adrian Pasdar, Richard Jordan, and Charles Durning. 

In the distant future, water has pretty much become a scarce commodity and the tyrannical Protectorate controls it. Children are kidnapped and sent to orphanages to learn to be productive members of society, but in the meanwhile they are indoctrinated and punished when they act out. Our opening narration from the Warden (Durning) laments the necessity of his position; he clearly feels for the kids and tries to shield them from the worst of the Protectorate's oppression, but he can only do so much, particularly when the sadistic, Nazi-like military officer Grock (Jordan) comes sniffing around after a group of his kids (the "Solarbabies") break out in the middle of the night to answer a challenge from another group of kids (the "Scorpions") by playing a kind of hockey/lacrosse hybrid. On roller skates.

Wait, what?

Gets weirder. One of the kids, a small deaf boy called Daniel (Haas) finds a glowing white ball in the caves beneath the skateball arena. Said ball is an alien visitor called Bodhi that can communicate and immediately cures Daniel's deafness. The rest of the titular Solarbabies - handsome everyman Jason (Patric), big strong doof Tug (DeLuise), kind of dickish guy with glasses Metron (Le Gros), girl with mysterious tattoo Terra (Gertz), and funny black guy Rabbit (Brooks) - also make Bodhi's acquaintance. But then Darstar (Pasdar), another inmate who broods and has a pet owl that comes to visit him during the day, steals Bodhi because he thinks it can...do magic for him?...and splits, leading Daniel to follow, leading the Solarbabies to follow him into the desert. On roller skates. Where they meet Darstar's people, the Chikani (I have no idea how to spell that). And then the stormtroopers roll in and burn the place, Darstar gets sent to the tire-melting factory, the other kids rescue him but lose Bodhi, and the evil Kryptonian lady from Superman II tries to destroy Bodhi in between being hella thirsty for Grock. 

So, every once in a while, Michelle comes up with a movie that was formative for her, but makes me want to drink. (See also The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T, Hellfighters, and Yellowbeard.) Solarbabies is such a movie, but I find it a lot more watchable than those other ones, maybe because the action stays pretty focused on this group of friends and they all have each other's backs (always a good way to get me to root for your characters). Sure, a lot goes unexplained, but that's true of most sci-fi movies, and it's less about whether everything is explained and more about whether it seems to make some kind of sense in context. 

And like...most of it does. The roller skating stuff, maybe less so, but a plucky group of (snerk) "teens" fighting against an evil empire? That's pretty iconic stuff. If it was a little darker it could be a game of Misspent Youth. As it is, it's not exactly a classic of sci-fi cinema but it's fun and watchable, and like, I have alcohol, so the fact that it makes me want to drink isn't a problem.

My Grade: D
Rewatch Value: Medium-high 

Next up: Tales from the Darkside: The Movie 

Character Creation: Punk is Dead

I know that MÖRK BORG games are meant to be really metal and badass, but I will always hear the Swedish Chef singing "BORG BORG BORG" when I see them.

The Game: Punk is Deadb
The Publisher: Critical Kit
Degree of Familiarity: None. In structure it seems to be a lot like Hell Night
Books Required: Just the one 

So in this game, we're a punk band fighting back against the establishment, which includes Literal Corporate Vampires, demons from Hell, and "quantum fuckery." The British Isles are the only place that survived the end of the world, it's now divided into a few burrows (including "The Grim" and "The Woe"), and everything is well and truly dystopian. 

I don't know, these games always seem very style over substance to me. Like, sure, there's some artistry, but that's not why I buy RPGs. But whatever, I don't think I actually bought this, I think it was in a bundle I bought (which means I did buy it, but you know what I mean). 

Really, this game shares some DNA with Rockalypse and Velvet Generation, but also with Ragnarock and even Jukebox. We've got rebellion, music, a band, and a more-powerful enemy to fuck up. Oh, also Eat the Reich, kinda-sorta. Most of chargen is random, so let's do this.

Who the fuck, indeed. Starting equipment requires I roll a d20 twice. I get 14 (chalk or pens) and 17 (a flare gun with d6...4 flares). Cool. I also get 2d6+10 quid (snake eyes! all I got is 12 pounds, man), a bottle of water, and d4 (2) days' worth of food.

Next, Abilities! I get a d4 Creativity Points (4!), and I roll 3d6 for each of my six Abilities (the roll translates to a modifier). Going in order because why not, I get:

NNGH 0 (seriously, that's the strength stat)
Deft +1
Stage Presence +1
Tough -1
Yeet +1
Streetwise 0

Well, not terrible. Weapons and threads! Rolling a d10 for weapon, I get a pocket knife. Handy for stabbing or whittling! A d4 for Threads gets me denim. I can dig it.

Hit points! I get my Tough rating + a d8, which means I really get 1d8 - 1 Hit Points (min 1). Rolled a 2. Awesome. One measly hit point. 

Now we choose a Role for the band. Well, how about we go for Drummer? I admit I'm cheesing a little here, because Drummer raises Tough and NNGH (rather, it raises the initial rolls by 2, so really choosing Role should happen before Abilities, but what do I know). That doesn't change NNGH (I rolled a 10, and 12 is still 0), but it does raise my Tough to 0, which means I now have 2 whole HP. Much better. 

I get a Crash Cymbal (I guess), a mini-drum (call it a bodhrán), and more money. I also get a Quantum Fuckery power, determined by a d6 roll...6, which gives me More Cowbell. Twice per day, I can rereoll a failed roll. Noice.

Nothing left but name, but I'm gonna use the random band name table, too. "Rusty Knacker." Cool, sounds good. 

My drummer's name is Wha, mostly because if you ask him something the first thing he's gonna say is "wha?" (Every drummer I've ever known has had a hearing loss, go figure.) Wha is very much the kind of guy to signal the start of a show by sending up a flare. If you're gonna be loud - and you fucking should - you gotta be visually loud, too. Skinny, shaved head, denim jacket, whittles his own sticks sometimes (post-apocalypse, not like there's a handy Guitar Center). 

That'll do it!