Character Creation: Metagene

ONE YEAR LATER...

The Game: Metagene
The Publisher: Imperfkt Gammes
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

Last year on this date, I made a character for a supers game called Invulnerable, noting that there was a slimmed-down version of the game called Metagene that maybe I'd do a game for in a month or two. Or twelve, as it happens. But what the heck! This makes 10 characters for April, and there's some nice synergy, so that's fun!

Metagene is set on Earth-Omega, and it's pretty much a four-color supers setting. Just at a skim it's an easier read than Invulnerable, and also character creation can be done randomly, which I always find a fun challenge. So let's get into it!

OK, so we start with a d20 roll to determine Hero Type. A roll of 7 gives me an "Energetic Hero."

Cool, sounds good. Next we roll a d12 for Origin. Huh, another 7, which gives me Gadget-Monger. Most of my powers are going to be from gear, and I get 10 Power Points but no free Powers. Sounds good. I don't have a strong Pitch idea yet, so what's my next step?

Powers! I roll percentile on the Random Power Table and then 1d6 for Power Class, subtract the cost from 10, lather, rinse, repeat until out of points. Groovy. First roll...Super Speed! Well, OK then. Power class? Ah, they actually allow for how many points you have remaining. In any case, my Super Speed is Class 4. What exactly does that mean? It means I can run at MACH speeds (doesn't say Mach what, however. I mean, Mach 1 is 770 mph, so that's still pretty impressive), and I get 3 Maneuver points, whatever that means.

Another power! Another, I say! Intense Training. I've trained, er, intensely. Roll for Power Class...1. Not that intensely, I guess. I get +2 in an Attribute, or +1 in two Attributes. I think I'll put 1 in Brains and 1 in Dodge. Cool. That only costs me 1 point, though, so I still have 5 left!

Another random power roll gives me...Healing. Oh, that's interesting. Power class? Roll...3, so let's say it's level 3. I can spend 1 Vigor to restore 1d6 vigor and cure any poisons or diseases a target has. Nifty. 

Two points left, so another power! Armor. Nice and simple. Roll for class (it's either gonna be 1 or 2)...2. My Armor grants 4 points of Protection. 

Nifty. And now, Knowledges. I get 10 Knowledge points, and choosing randomly works pretty much the same way. Start with...Rock Star! Holy shit, I'm Buckaroo Bonzai. Maybe. Level 2. More Knowledges! Biology, at level 2. Martial Artist at level 1 (yawn). Soldier at level 5...shit, that's all of 'em.

I could roll for a Weakness, but I dunno. I don't really need the points. I think I'll skip it. Oh, no, wait, I have an idea - I'm gonna take Obligation and use it to put a point into Aura.

Nathaniel "Nat" Knell was an Army Medic who excelled in combat awareness, logistics, and leadership. He was recommended for a special program involving enhancement tech - lightweight bands that go around his wrists, arms, thighs, chest, and head and amplify his reflexes and speed. In addition, wrist-mounted cartridges allow for rapid deployment of antivirals and antitoxins, and the speed boosts let Nat do surgery at high speed. The program was called Rapid Emergency Support and Crisis Unit (RESCU)...but the military discovered two flaws. First, it's prohibitively expensive to manufacture the gear, and second, only people of a very particular genetic disposition can use the mods to best effect. The Army is still tinkering with the tech, but for the moment they've let Nat keep a set to use when not deployed. 

That might seem out of character for the military, but the brass thinks of it as a fantastic recruitment tool. Most superhumans that work with the military are extremely destructive, but Nat is jovial, quick, and focuses on protection and healing rather explosives and combat. Having a "face" like RESCU* is good for PR, and besides, they can call him back into service any old time. 

Nat is in his 30s, tall, muscular, blue eyes and brown hair (buzzed, of course). Unlike a lot of his fellow soldiers, he doesn't have tattoos (he never got around to it and then when he entered the RESCU program they told him not to - he doesn't know if it really matters, but he doesn't want to take the risk). When he's in RESCU mode he wears a form-fitting red-and-white outfit, complete with paper-thin bulletproof nanofabric.

*I am aware that "Rescue" is a Marvel character, but mine's an acronym so it's totally different.

D&D: Something Meaty

So, yes, I'm running a campaign of D&D5e. Here we go!

The game takes place in the nation of Abhaile, a roughly heart-shaped country consisting mostly of rolling plains, gentle hills and valleys, and sporadic villages and farms. The nation is surrounded by natural barriers. In the north, we have the mountain range, blocking travel. The mountains are inhabited by dwarves, and they rarely come south into Abhaile proper. Meeting a dwarf would be rare and exotic.

In the east, the climate gets wetter until the land becomes a vast peat bog, making travel all but impossible. Going south, the forests begin, growing thicker and darker, until one reaches the Enclave of Thorns, a druid society that prevents travel in or out of Abhaile. The Thorn Druids aren't cruel, but they are strict. The only elves in Abhaile live here in the forests.

To the west, the land becomes arid and dry until it gives way to the badlands. Nothing lives there, and no one who goes there ever returns. 

But why leave? Abhaile is lovely. It's temperate and lush. The capital city, Cian, boasts the only real large population center, and if you want luxury goods like jewelry or you want to train as a wizard, that's where you go. The biggest town in the north, Cnoc, sits in the foothills of the mountains and boasts a proud musical tradition - everyone in Cnoc grows up learning an instrument or how to sing. Going south, we find the town of Fiadh. The people here hunt, fish, and grow berries and nuts. They are also expert wood-workers and whittlers, and in Fiadh if someone calls you "smooth-hands" they're either saying you're a tourist or you're all talk and no action. 

Abhaile also has a rich tradition of adventuring. Anyone can be an adventurer; all it takes is the courage to strap on a sword (or, more likely, string a bow or grab a club - swords are rare and they tend to be family heirlooms) and go out into the world looking to do good. Every village and town in Abhaile will give food and shelter to a party of adventurers, but the trade-off is that adventurers are expected to risk their lives to defend such villages from monsters. And monsters there are - goblins, kobolds, and even bigger and uglier things sometimes emerge to threaten the citizenry. Everyone has a story about their favorite adventurer, some from the mists of time and some from living memory, that went out into the world, slew beasts and protected the weak, and ultimately retired to some out of the way place far from their home. 

This is Abhaile, and a new band of adventurers has come together, as such bands often do, quite by accident. They are:

• Aisling Madadhon: Aisling is human bard from a town near Cnoc. It's the only town that plays the harp-lute, a very complicated stringed instrument. Aisling is also proficient with the bodhan drum, but as a player of harp-lute, she's expected to go out into the world when she comes of age and learn new songs (and as sometimes happens, she's become an adventurer). 
• Clara Greenridge: Clara is a halfling, trained as a monk in a hidden monastery in the northern mountains. The monks herd goats and sheep and act as guides, but Clara has a bit of the old wanderlust and has given in to those urges. 
• Zook Timber: Zook is a gnome, the son of famed adventurer Zeb Timber. Zook found a dying wizard near his village in central Abhaile and, unable to save him, took his spellbook and taught himself some magic. He used it to drive off bandits attacking people near the village, and the villagers pooled resources to help him go to Cian to study wizardry. 
• Dara Thorne: Dara is an elf of the Thorn Druids, but left because of a messy love triangle. She is guided by compassion and empathy for all living things, and intends to ease the suffering of anyone she can.

These four folks come together in the village of Scal Dearg, about 40 miles west of the city of Cian. They all have their reasons for being here - Clara and Aisling met up traveling south and have enjoyed each other's company, and wound up in Scal Dearg quite by accident. Zook is here on purpose - his father sent him a message from this village many years ago, and it was the last message he received from him. Dara has heard that the village is losing livestock, and assumes it must be a sickness.

It's not a sickness. The adventurers, having been given lodging in a barn, are shown to a stable that stinks of blood and carnage. Something torn apart the two horses that were stabled here, and whatever did it dragged the carcasses away. The owner of the stable tells Dara that he heard his dog, Gorm, barking an alarm and he went out to see, but heard the violence and lost his nerve. Dara tells him that he did the right thing by falling back - otherwise he might have shared his horses' fate.

Dara casts a spell and speaks to Gorm. Gorm is a "dearg hound," a short, nimble dog bred to herd cattle and horses and native to the area. He walks with a limp and whimpers to Dara that he failed - he tried to protect the "big ones" but he was unable to save them. Dara reassures him that he did all he could, and asks what it was that did this. Gorm tells her that the creatures were small, about the size of Zook or Clara, but scaly with tufts of hair on their heads. They smelled not like people, or dogs or cats or horses or sheep, but maybe like lizards? Dara relays all of this, and Zook nods - he knows what kind of creature fits this description. Reptilian, small, hungry enough to slaughter and eat horses? Kobolds. There must be a nest nearby.

The party tell the villagers to stay indoors, and they follow the blood trail out to a ridge overlooking a valley. At the bottom, near a stream, they see two kobolds, loathsome little things, chewing on a horse's head. The monsters don't notice them, and so they spread out, and ready an attack.

Aisling plays her drum and the kobolds don't notice, but they certainly do when Dara casts an Entangle spell and the very grass around them grows up and winds about their legs! One of the kobolds pulls free and scampers away along the stream, but the other is held fast. Clara races down the hill and strikes with her quarterstaff, dropping the kobold in one deadly strike. 

Zook spots the fleeing kobold wriggling into a hole in the side of the valley, and the party approaches and finds a narrow tunnel. Aisling suggests maybe they should come back in the morning, as it's getting dark, but Zook points out that it's going to be dark in the tunnels no matter what, and they should press their advantage! The others agreed, and they squeeze into the dirt, pushing their way into the kobolds' den.

The tunnel winds and twists, and leads into a small room. Two piles of dirt sit on either side of the room, and Zook spots kobolds behind them. They enter the room and the kobolds pop up and fling rocks at Clara (who's in the lead), while another leaps out from behind a dirt-pile and spreads its arms, revealing wings! 

Aisling casts a spell and throws popping, glimmering lights into the air, and the kobolds recoil. Clara rolls into the room and kills two in seconds, and Zook lets loose a barrage of magic missiles, felling the others. Clara rubs the goose egg on her head from the kobold's rock, but Aisling casts a quick healing spell for her - there's more to come!

They follow the tunnel and Clara spots tilled earth in front of her. She pokes it with her staff and a kobold pops out and lunges, but she knocks it dead with a well-placed palm. They move along and find more of the same - a bigger room with several more of the creatures. They try to rush the heroes, but Clara is quick and deadly, Dara lashes out with a thorn-whip spell, Zook throws fire, and Aisling inspires them all with her playing. 

Down the tunnels, and up ahead, they hear murmurs. Aisling quickly and gracefully sneaks up to the room's entrance and then realizes she can't see; Dara, realizing this too, follows and peers into the room. Her elf eyes see a bunch of kobolds, ten in all, and a huge clutch of eggs. One of the creatures is rubbing the eggs with a bloodied horse leg, while another kobold splashes water on itself from a small pond in the corner. Dara doesn't see another exit - this must be the main nest.

Aisling casts a spell on Clara, bolstering her strength and health, and the heroes burst into the room! Zook hurls a fire-bolt and singes a kobold, and Clara follows up, leaping to battle and felling two more. Aisling enters the room and hurls a rock into the eggs. One of them cracks, and the kobolds turn on her. She draws her sword (a family possession, given to Madadhons who go out adventuring), but too slowly, and the kobolds knock her down and lick their chops.

Zook hurls a firebolt at one of them, and burns it to a crisp! The kobolds turn and fire rocks at him, and he falls, dazed, and his torch goes out. Clara, now completely in the dark, has no target, so she does the next best thing - she runs in the direction of the eggs and starts smashing them. 

The kobolds howl in rage and attack, hurling rocks! Dara casts a spell and revives Zook, and he staggers to his feet and throws fire (and relights his torch)! Now able to see again, Clara runs, somewhat sticky, to the last couple of kobolds and strikes them down.

Dara helps Aisling to her feet ("I'd like to go home now", she murmurs). The heroes search the cave and smash the last of the eggs, and find the treasures that the kobolds have found and scattered around - some gold, a potion with a fingernail floating it in, a thick glass orb, and a jaunty little cap. Zook also finds a bit of churned earth and realizes that some kobolds must still remain; they will have to figure out where they went, but that's a tomorrow project.

The heroes return to Scal Dearg to find the villages waiting for them with mulled wine, cheese, bread, and meat. They are made comfortable in the barn and given clean water to wash off the blood (and kobold albumen, in Clara's case), and the villages applaud and thank them. The man who owned the unfortunate horses also takes Zook aside and asks if his name is "Timber," and if he's related to someone named "Zeb." When Zook confirms that Zeb was his father, the man points to an old, old woman he calls Maggan, and says that when she saw Zook earlier she assumed he was Zeb. Maybe he could talk with her in the morning, when she tends to be more coherent? 

The heroes' work is not done in Scal Dearg, but they have unquestionably achieved their first victory as adventurers! We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Character Creation: Cthulhu Stardust

The what now?

The Game: Cthulhu Stardust
The Publisher: Random Wyvern Publishing
Degree of Familiarity: None, but it's only 20 pages
Books Required: Just the one

Got this game in a bundle, natch. The full title is The Rise & Triumph of Cthulhu Stardust and the Leng Spiders from Mars, and like, a mashup of Lovecraft and David Bowie would be interesting. I don't know that this really lives up to that premise, though. There are three possible scenarios, here:

You get Eldritch Points from seeing Mythos shit happen, you get too many and you start getting powers/mutations. It's a small game, but the cover art alone is worth a look (go click the link). Let's do a character. 

I don't have a particular thought about which of the campaign scenarios to use, so let's just roll a die, shall we? Rock n' Roll Suicide, cool. So we're very much in a post-apocalypse kind of setting now. The face of Cthulhu has appeared in the sky (because we released him from slumber on the Plateau of Leng with nuclear missiles, it's a whole thing) and now the world is mostly going mad. 

Anyway, there are three stats: Mental, Social, Physical. I get ratings of 1, 2, and 3 to split up. Well, let's draw inspiration from a David Bowie song that I used to listen a lot, "Glass Spider", at least in tone. We'll say my guy is mostly mad from staring up at the sky, and hears wondrous messages in every spiderweb he sees. I'll put my 3 in Mental, 2 in Physical, 1 in Social. 

Next I pick a class, and I think Outsider is probably a good fit. Within that, I pick Wayfinder as a specialty. That means I'm trained Athletics and have expertise in Navigation. 

Normally I wouldn't get any Eldritch Points, but since we're in the Rock n' Roll Suicide setting I get 4 and one level of mutation. Neat!

Now, what it doesn't say is whether I get a power or not. Eldritch Points happen within one of the three Attribute areas (get attacked by a monster, you'd get Physical points, and so on), and if all four of the points you get are of one type, you get a power as well as a mutation. (You get a mutation level every 4 Eldritch Points.) But for starting character, it doesn't say if you do. Let's assume you do. Rolling 2d6 for a power, we get...oh, perfect! 

All that's left is the details. So!

My character is Lee Mendoza. Lee was a math teacher when the world got weird, and after the Great Face appeared he spent a little too long staring at it and listening to spiderwebs, and now he just kind of wanders in an endless spiral, walking the web of the world, searching for the spider at the center. 

Lee has black hair (which is grown out and matted beyond all help), blotchy skin, and draws spiderwebs on himself with pens and markers whenever he has to sit still. 

That's it! 

Character Creation: Esoterica

And the winner of the most boring character sheet award goes to....

The Game: Esoterica
The Publisher: Fire Ruby Designs
Degree of Familiarity: None, and yet, I feel like I've played it
Books Required: Just the one

Esoterica is an urban fantasy/horror game in which you play Adepts, modern magic-users who can see past the Veil and arrange themselves in Cabals and fight against Hungers while putting their Stains in Soul Jars. This game is Very big on capital Letters, and that's just one way it feels like a 1st edition World of Darkness game! Others include: almost everything about the setting (modern day but with magic, secret societies, the real world is a lie), a dice pool system, and having a bloated, unnecessarily robust combat system for a game that doesn't really want to be about combat.

I mean, there are some pretty big differences, too. There are no splats to speak of - your character might belong to a secret society but the players make them up. There are enemy factions and Cabals, but they feel like examples rather than fleshed-out parts of the setting. Actually, while the game undeniably has a setting, it's very thin, as opposed to the overly detailed and lore-heavy worlds of World of Darkness (and Witchcraft, with which Esoterica also shares DNA). 

But, it was nicely quick when I started reading it and the artwork is pretty cool. It uses a d6 dice pool system - the Open D6 System, actually, as seen in Masterbook games like Tales from the Crypt and Men in Black.

Well! I don't have a concept in mind, so I shall once again pop into my iTunes library and shuffle some shit.

Uh...sure.

That's "Does She Love that Man?" by Breathe. I'd love to scoff, but the truth of the matter is that this album was in pretty much constant rotation when I was in college. This song in particular was my breakup song with...everyone. I wouldn't call Breathe a great band or anything, but I do appreciate the storytelling in their songs, even if it tends to lack subtlety. 

Well, anyway, obviously this song is about someone seeing a former lover with someone else, now happy, and kinda falling apart about it. I do like, though, that the song doesn't describe the narrator intruding upon her, or indeed her even noticing him. It's over, he knows it, it just sucks and he's hurting. 

(I think I wrote a play inspired by this song, actually. Ugh.) 

Anyway, our first step in character creation here is concept, so bearing the song in mind, I think we'll say that Sanders "Sandy" Coleman (for 'tis his name) had just about gotten over his former fiancée and was out doing some last-minute Xmas shopping, when he saw her with another man (and a sparkle in her eyes). Unlike the more good-natured narrator in the song, however, he followed her and her new beau (not, like, home, just around the district where they were shopping), and into a bookstore that he'd never seen before. 

He didn't see them upon entering, but the old fellow behind the counter asked what he was looking for. Sandy said he was just browsing, and the old fellow said this isn't a place you browse. If you're looking, look. Sandy said "fine, I'm looking," and the old man held up a glass cube with the entirety of the world in the center of it, and Sandy saw past the Veil.

Turns out his ex (Candice) and her new boyfriend (Gerald) were members of the Order of the Triune Bloom. The order is obsessed with trinity - everything happens in threes. When they found that Sandy had followed them here and thus been made an Adept, they were thrilled - there's the third! Problem is that Sandy really hates being around them, because a) he's still in love with Candice to a degree he didn't realize, b) he feels like a third wheel, and c) Gerald is actually a really great guy.

OK, that is a lot more concept than is probably necessary, but what the heck, I already did my D&D prep and I don't have much else to do today except play more Stranded Deep. 

So now we do Attributes. I get 8D to split up among Might, Agility, Wit, and Charm, but I can split dice into pips, too. Attributes can also have tags, which can allow a die reroll if they apply. This sounds familiar, did Summerland use this system, too? Ah, no, the tag system is similar, but not quite the same.

OK, anyway, I guess I should think about Sandy a little. Frankly he strikes me as a pretty average dude, so I'm just going to go 2D all around. I get to assign two tags to my highest Attribute, one to all the others, and one of them has to be negative. 

Well, I already know his negative tag: Jealous (which I'll put under Charm, I think). I guess I should think about Sandy's profession a bit. I think he's a booker, mostly comedians and musical acts, but he's trying to branch out a little. That would imply a higher Charm than he has, actually, so I think I'll need to make up that up with skills. 

Nothing says I can't put my negative tag in the same Attribute as my other "highest attribute" tag, so I'll give him the Charm tag "personable." For Wit, I'll say "planner," for Might, we'll say "fit", and for Agility, we'll say "graceful" (he and Candice met at a dance class).

And now we have 7D for Skills. I already know I want Diplomacy and Persuasion. I can also specialize further and get 3D for the price of one within a narrow field, so maybe Negotiation? Sure, let's put 1D into Diplomacy and 1D into Persuasion, and then 1D to give me 3D in Negotiation (which I think would key off Diplomacy). I've spent 3 of my 7D here (and I can hold on to dice if I want Perks, too).

Well, I feel like putting 1D into Bureaucracy makes sense, and then I'll put 1D into Dodge under Agility. And looking ahead, I don't actually see any Perks I want, so I'll 1D into Technical and 1D into Athletics.

No Perks or Complications, but there's no place for them on the sheet anyway. Wait, no, it's on the second page. This is a really badly designed sheet, lots of wasted space; it absolutely could have gone on one page. Anyway, on to Arts!

Now, I have to admit, this magic system doesn't thrill me much. The mechanics of it are fine, if a little wimpy; you can add your dice in your magic stats to rolls as appropriate. But there are only three Arts: Domination, Mastery, and Intuition. I dunno, I feel like a little more detail or diversity might have been interesting. Well, whatever. I get 3D, 2D, and 1D to split up however I wish (that is, one Art gets 3D, etc.). So what do I want Sandy to be best at?

I think Sandy is a pretty introspective guy, or at least he's become so, so let's put 3D into Intuition. I'll put 2D into Mastery for the same reason, and that leaves 1D in Domination. 

The book lists Archetypes based on how dice are allocated, and the one for my distribution is Conduit, which I don't think fits. I'm gonna call Sandy's Archetype the Cipher. He's the odd man out, the third wheel. His Reveal (what happens when he uses magic) is a gust of cold, snowy wind. His Refresh (what he does to recharge his magic) is walk aimlessly for at least an hour. 

The next step would be Gear, but eh. There's no place for it on the sheet (well, maybe it's on the second page), and I don't much care. I start with no Mysteries and no Rituals, so that's pretty much it for Sandy!

Sandy is a lean, fit guy with brown hair (which he takes good care of, thanks), and blue eyes. He's handsome enough, but not a knockout (hence no Good Looking Perk). He's a clothes horse; his apartment is a postage stamp but he really splurges on nice suits. He's got a nagging feeling that if anyone had come into that bookstore, they would have wound up being asked to join the Order, and what does that make him?

Character Creation: Strange Voyages

Doing chargen for our new game of Wildsea in a few hours, but as I have already done a character for that game, I'll do a character for a different one involving ships. 

The Game: Strange Voyages
The Publisher: Occult Moon
Degree of Familiarity: None (but it's Fate Core, so like, not none)
Books Required: I think just the one, but maybe Fate Core in addition to Strange Voyages

Interesting bit of Kickstarter unfortunate-ness here, I guess. The KS funded in 2014 (10 years ago this month, in fact) and only raised about $5K. I pledged for a physical copy, like I usually do, and the book was estimated for delivery the following October. It was too early in the life cycle of "Kickstarting RPGs" for that to be a red flag.

Evidently the layout guy ghosted the folks who were writing the book, but they eventually got back in touch with him, because I do have a PDF of the book, and it's up for sale (again, in PDF) on DriveThru. There's no option for a POD copy, which is weird, because even if you're not going to fulfill the physical copies you could at least let folks buy one that way. But the KS went dark in 2015, and there's been nothing since. I actually thought there was more time between funding and giving up (that was only a year, that's nothing in deadbeat RPG KS terms), but here we are. 

Anyway, Strange Voyages went in my "probably never getting this" folder alongside Project: Dark and Far West (which I actually received last week, so that blew my fuckin' mind), but seeing as how there's not even any discussion of this ever happening I feel comfortable counting it as a game I have in PDF and making a character. So here we are.

The game is set in 1575, and the assumption is that we're a ship of explorers encountering the lands of myth and legend. (Oh, also, I got a little name-check in the Inspiration section because of Changeling: The Lost, which was nice to see. A beautiful reminder of the carefree days, as they say in Evita.) 

There are seven steps in game-building, but most of them would be full-group things that I'm not going to do because, of course, it's just me. I do need to make a decision about power level, though, since it relates to chargen. I think I'll go with the lowest power level, Traveler, though I think were I to run this game (which I have to admit is kinda tempting; as I'm reading it, it's growing on me a bit) I would probably urge my players to go one step higher to get some occult characters in there.

So, now start on the concepty stuff! The terminology here is a little different than Fate Core (my first Aspect is Concept, not High Concept), but it seems like it works about the same way in practice. Lessee now. What was going on in 1575? Quite a bit, actually. Colonization from Portugal, sure. Elizabeth I was Queen of England, so she was having scrummy dreams about ponies, according to my favorite historical documentary on the subject. William of Orange founded Leiden University. 

I like the idea of someone who got on a ship impulsively because he was scared or in the middle of a breakdown. Now, normally our crew would all be from the same country (or at least we'd know where our ship set out from), but since it's just me, I'll say my character is Dutch and was meant to be a professor at the newly formed Leiden. As a child he'd stare into the North Sea and dream of travel and adventure, but then life went on and his rich parents got him educated and wanted him kept close to home and married and all that (getting hints of Stede Bonnett from Our Flag Means Death, here). And when he was brought on to teach at the new university, he saw a boring life full of books and students and so on stretching before him, and he went to a dockside brothel, traded his very nice clothes for some dirtier rags, and managed to talk his way onto the crew of a ship bound for...well, he doesn't really know. He took the name "Coen," but of course that's not his real name. His Concept is Runaway Professor in Crisis. 

Next up is Dilemma, which is just a fancier way of saying Trouble. Coen's Dilemma is easy: He has No Experience Sailing. 

Now we do the Phase Trio for three more Aspects, based on Coen's first adventure and then crossing paths with two other PCs, though since it's just me I shall have to think of them in other ways.

Well, Coen's first adventure happened when the ship hit a nasty storm as they were sailing south out of the North Sea. One second they could see the English coast in the distance, and then next everything was black, lit only by lightning flashes ("fellas, it's been good to know ya"). Coen, having no sailing experience, realized that no one was going to save him or even tell him what to do, so he followed the crew's lead and did what he could, and found reserves of strength and bravery he never knew he had. For his Aspect, I'll take Strength Under Pressure. 

I feel like I want an Aspect to represent Coen's family, so I'll give him Rich, Tenacious Family. They're still looking for him and they probably know he got on a ship. 

And, finally, just to make things a little gay, let's say Coen walked in on two of his crewmates, um, relieving each other of some tension. He was shocked and horrified, but instead of being embarrassed or diving for cover, they actually ribbed him a little for being shocked. Coen is slowly letting go of the preconceptions of his Extensive but Sheltered Education. 

Skills! I get 18 points, and I have to use the pyramid. I can, however, take a skill at Poor and get an extra point. It's kinda tempting to take Seamanship at Poor, but I think the Trouble Aspect covers that OK. So let's just go top-down.

Obviously Scholarship should be Coen's Great Skill. His Goods are Cultures (which also lets him speak more languages) and Diplomacy. Fair Skills are Will and Lore, and then the Average ones are Notice, Medicine, Investigate, and Empathy. 

Stunts! I get 3, and they work pretty much the way they usually do. Hmm. This is tricky, actually. I don't have a good sense of what I'd like, here. Well, there's a stunt called Linguist that lets me speak five languages beyond the four (native Dutch plus three more for Cultures) that I normally would, and I love languages, so I'll do that. I'll say that he Studied the Sea, so I can use Scholarship in place of Seamanship for Overcome actions if it's for a task he's read about (so more routine seamanship kinds of things, not unique or supernatural instances). Finally, I'll take a stunt called Eager to Learn: I get a +2 to Defend against social advantages with Empathy (because he's too interested in learning to be affected negatively). 

And that's it, kids! Coen is a redhead, freckles, nervous laugh, curious eyes (played by a young Paul Bettany, maybe? Or Eddie Redmayne?). I think if I were playing him, Seamanship would get onto his Skill Pyramid pretty quickly. 

Character Creation: Battle Century G

I keep wanting to say "battle century /g/", but then I'm a nerd.

The Game: Battle Century G
The Publisher: Gimmick Labs
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

Simple enough, really - you're playing mecha pilots in a sci-fi game inspired by various anime where mecha are involved. There are also running examples of play and chargen, some of which feel very authentic to me:

I don't think I want to make a Runaway Space Princess, but...well, huh. Now I've got a song in my head.

So, I really love that song and it makes me cry sometimes (like that's hard), but applying it to this game, I think I want to play someone who has been separated from the human race for a long time. I'm drawing inspiration from Moon, The Martian, and Interstellar here.

So my character was a space traveler, and was manning a space station when a freak ion storm (or some other sci-fi shit) happened and blew the station out into the nothing. Keeler Dunne (for 'tis his name) spent...months? years? centuries?...knocking around the space station, with no problem staying alive but no way to contact help, either. When it finally became clear that he wasn't going to get rescued, he put himself into hypersleep and figured eventually he would either get discovered or he'd crash into something, but either way his continued awake-ness wasn't helping anything.

And then he woke up to find a military unit scouting the area of space into which he'd drifted, looking for Outsider (hostile alien) presence. And it turns out Keeler's kind of useful, because he knows how to work computer systems that aren't really used anymore but that some of the older, sturdier mecha use. 

Cool, I think that's a good start. What now? 

I've done Step One (overdone it, really). I get 130 points to spent on Attributes, Skills, and Traits (100 base and then let's assume I'm Power Level 1, so 30 more). So let's start with Attributes!

I figure Keeler might be an all-rounder, actually. A rating of 4-5 is about average, it looks like. Having a rating of 5 in all 6 Attributes would cost me 90 of my 100 points (they're not 1-for-1, obviously), so maybe that's not reasonable? The example character spends only 68 points on their Attributes. OK, so let's consider these a little more specifically.

Well, figure that Fitness might be a little higher for Keeler, assuming the life support on the ship kept him from atrophying and kept him in good physical shape. Charm might be lower, because I can see Keeler being just a little...off from being alone for so long. Intellect is probably at least average, Awareness and Willpower could be higher or average, but Resources is probably low because I'm sure Keeler lost everything by being declared dead. SO. With that in mind, let's arrange points thusly:

Fitness 6
Intellect 5
Charm 2
Awareness 4
Willpower 4
Resources 1

That's 60 points. Let's spend 5 more and bump Willpower to 5, and then move on to Skills.

Skills cost 10 points to be trained in a generalist way, or 5 if I'm only trained in one specific area. Let's see, what should Keeler know how to do? I think Electronics makes sense, but I'll specialize it and say "Old Tech". I'll blow 10 and be generalist in Athletics, and then I think I'll blow 10 more for generalist in Craftsmanship (Keeler taught himself how to do a bunch of stuff when he was alone). 

Traits! I have 10 more points, right? 65 + 25 = 90? Yep? Oh, no, wait, I have 40 more points! Forgot about my extra 30! Cool! 

Common Sense appeals; I feel like Keeler has generally good instincts. That's only 5. Jaded makes sense, gives me Advantage on Willpower tests to avoid fear. Keeler probably doesn't scare easy. I want Polyglot for the same reason as Craftsmanship (Keeler did his Duolingo while isolated). That's 15 total.

Oh, Jack of All Trades, yes please. That's 10 (25 total). I still have 15 points, so I'll go back and spend 5 on Stealth (Sneaking), 5 to boost Awareness to 5, and the last 5 to take Sciences (Astronomy). 

Next is Genre Themes, starting with Reason (as in, why I'm doing this). In Keeler's case, it's because this is all he has - his skill set only makes him useful because he knows how to run machines that have aged out of general use. So I'll called his Reason "Specialized Knowledge". 

Typecast is basically what role you're fulfilling on the team, but I'm gonna leave it blank because I don't really know and that would be something that is best discovered organically anyway. Finally, Bane (that's my name, you say it too much and it becomes inane) is weakness or a personality Flaw. In Keeler's case, I think he's prone to melancholy. Not depression (which is no fun to play or have), but sometimes he just...drifts away. 

I get six Genre Powers by default, and then I get to pick one more. I like Can't Let You Do That, lets me weaken an enemy's attacks for a round. Feels tactical and sneaky, somehow appropriate to Keeler.

Cool, that's the character, now I get to design the mecha! 

I've already done some concept work, but to flesh out a bit: my mecha is an older model (she's analog. Nuclear), relying on systems and software that isn't made anymore. I picture it as being kind of slow and solid, not sleek and quick like newer mecha. It's from the Q200A series, but this one is nicknamed Q-Ball. 

Mecha points! I think Q-Ball is pretty slow, so I'll put Speed at 2. I'll put Systems at 3, Energy at 4, and that means I've spent 19 points. I'll put Might at 5, and Guard and Threshold at 6, so 76 points spent. 

Upgrades! I'll take Artillery Frame; feels appropriate for a stodgier mecha. For Weapons, I'll take Arm Guardian (big broad battering rams of shoulders), Rail Bazooka, and Incinerator. That means I've spent 106 points, 24 left.

Well, going back into Upgrades, I kinda like Jury Rig and I think that's in line with Keeler's DIY vibe. That's 10, so 14 left. I'll put Systems up to 4 (4 points), and I'll spend my last 10 to put Speed to 3 and Guard to 7. 

And that's pretty much it! Keeler is kind of pale, black hair, brown eyes (I picture him as a young David Dastmachian, actually). The Q-Ball is mostly grey, blocky, and has big, stocky arms. The incinerator is house in the left arm, and the rail bazooka folds up from the left shoulder while the power coils link from under the left arm.

Character Creation: Neurocity

The Computer is your friend.

The Game: Neurocity
The Publisher: Gavriel Quiroga
Degree of Familiarity: I've read 1984 and I've played Paranoia, but otherwise none
Books Required: Just the one

Neurocity is from the same people (person?) as Warpland, and while it's similar in structure it has a bit more explanation of what it is and how to play it. In a dystopian cyber-future controlled by a computer called ISAC that claims that humanity just found it one day and it totally saved them ("very unsuspicious", as Coach Z might say), we play...well, good question, really.

Character creation lets us make characters across the social spectrum, and castes are a big thing here. What I did not get was a good understanding of what characters might be assumed to do in the setting, whether we're on the same team and so on. (I also got the feeling more than once that this is just Paranoia played completely straight and with the color drained out; you've got the mad computer, the highly stratified society, and you even get brought back as a clone if you die.)

Well, no worries. It's still a pretty quick process (that's why I picked this game; I initially started to do Battle Century G but then I realized it was point-buy and I don't have the brainmeats for that tonight). 

OK, so I need a name and age. Well, I think I'm gonna make a Cardinal, one of the robed elite that can issue death certificates (and thus force Rebirths). I'm only doing that because I think they sound like cool characters, not because I think that one would actually fit into a group. We'll say my Cardinal's name is Ephraim Gilead, just to really hammer it home, and we'll say he's 50. Function is Cardinal, and that makes his social index Beta.

Axiom is a kind of motto, the character's philosophy summed up in a sentence. Ephraim's is "doubt is the mind's poison." 

9 points into Attributes, and they start at 5. I have to put Logic to 9 and Technocracy to 6, so that's 5 of my points right there. I'll boost Personality and Instinct by 2 each, and leave Violence at 5. 

Now I get two Contacts, so I'll say one is a Delta common-folk named VBF320 (nicknamed "Vera"). Vera informs Ephraim about ground-level stuff that might be of interest. For the other contact, I'll say Ephraim knows an Enforcer named Drummond. Drummond is thoughtful and methodical, not brutish and angry, and Ephraim thinks he might make a good Cardinal someday.

Possessions! I get one, and I will take a Vitaology Bible. Seems in character. I get a Medkit, too, because of my Function. 

And that's pretty much it. Weird game. Some potential, but did not hook me like Warpland did. 

Pugmire: Into the Monarchies

Yesterday was Pugmire! We had undead dinosaurs, stoned cats, and new clothes. Strap in. Here's last time.

Our heroic pupper doggos are heading to Mau City to be properly thanked (with medals!) for their heroism in rooting out the Cult of the Ebony Skull. They're quite a distance from Mau, though (especially since there's no map that I could find that shows where in the Monarchy it is; nice job guys). So the first order of business is a journey up the Shiver Water river on the Bee Bonnet, and then travel overland through the Monarchy of Cymric into Mau, and up to Mau City!

The Bee Bonnet is a riverboat captained by one Phyala von Siberian, a black cat who weaves cloth and makes clothes for cats up and down the river. She also transports people sometimes, and since her boat is the next one heading upriver, the Pioneers are hitching a ride with her as far as Wetpaw Hollow, a town at the northern end of the Monarchy of Rex. 

The trip is about a day and a half, and the dogs pass the time as they do. Dire Newfoundland sings shanties loudly (while the crew glances at each other with occasional wincing). Boomer Pitbull stands at the back of the boat and stares out into the river, contemplating his mortality and how close he came to burning to death at the hands of the Two-Headed Giant. Petunia Pibble catches up on her journaling, sketches the boat and the crew, and takes in the sights, while Gelert Sausagedog practices juggling. Peppa Papillion chats with Phyala about the river and the Monarchies; apparently there are numerous riverside villages and they'll be stopping for one called "Built Twice" for the night. ("It's called that because it burnt down a few years back and they had to rebuild it." "What was it called before it burnt down?" "...you know, I never asked.")

The dogs also wind up buying clothes from Phyala since they want to dress appropriately for the Monarchies, and she charges them a little extra because Dire is hard to fit, but they all wind up with some fancy new duds. They arrive in Built Twice as the sun sets and go to the inn there for dinner, and Dire winds up in a fish-eating contest with one the local cats (which he wins!). 

The next day, they head upriver the rest of the way and arrive in Wetpaw Hollow, so named because the ground is always just a little damp. They find their ride waiting for them - the Henkelion, a special horse-drawn carriage designed for dignitaries and dynasts to travel the land! It's got bubbled-out windows so that travelers can see the world around them, and it's stocked with good food and good wine. A crowd of kittens is standing around marveling at it, and the as the dogs approach they see two cats attending. One is very large, nearly as tall as Dire - he's Hootie von Mau, their drive and bodyguard. The other is calico and much smaller. She introduces herself as Risky Marge von Cymric, their guide and assistant on the trip. 

Hootie ties up their weapons and lashes them to the roof with the rest of the baggage, and after Sausagedog uses his portrait clicker device to take a picture of the others in front of the Henkelion, they climb aboard and set off!

Risky Marge informs them that they'll be traveling north through the Monarchy of Cyrmic, famed for theatrical skills. The farmlands, though, are pretty sparsely populated, though there are guardposts and farming villages. Indeed, they'll be stopping to resupply at some of these villages along the way. 

As they're riding, Peppa looks out the bubbled windows and notices a rider approaching. She lets the others know and Hootie pulls the carriage to the left a bit, and the rider zooms past them. The dogs ask if there's something wrong - that rider is riding hard, but Risky Marge says that there's no reason to be concerned, to her knowledge. The rider is wearing a scarf, but Petunia notes that the tail that it's a cat, which of course isn't unusual.

Some hours later, they arrive in a small farming village, and Hootie and Risky Marge cover their faces with scarves. Dire asks if they're doing crime, but they explain that this village grows catnip and it's easy to get a contact high if you're not careful. 

They stop to rest the horses, and the cats of the village crowd around to look at the carriage. The dogs get out, and the villagers are pretty surprised to see them - it's weird enough to see the Henkelion, but transporting dogs in it? Boomer stops a cat pulling a cart of fresh catnip and buys a bag, and the others talk with the (slightly perpetually stoned) villagers about whether roads are like rivers except dry or rivers are like roads except wet.

As they chatting, they hear terrible tromping and clattering, and they turned to see three skeletal monsters emerge from the catnip fields! One smashes right through a house, the villagers run in fear, and the dogs ready themselves for battle - except none of them have their gear!

Dire runs to the Henkelion and yells to Hootie: "WEAPONS!" Hootie leaps to the back of the carriage and throws the bundle of weapons the ground, but the horses bolt immediately thereafter and Hootie is never quite able to get them under control. Petunia casts Shatter on one of them, hoping to break it, but all she does is stagger it a little. One of the creatures, a quadrupedal skeleton with horns on its face, charges Boomer and slams into him, and Boomer flies into a rage and starts pounding on its head as it lashes out with those terrible horns.

Sausagedog runs for the carriage and grabs his weapons, while Dire picks up his shield and warhammer, and the dogs leap to battle! The skeleton monsters are tough, almost rock-like, and so conventional weapons are minimally effective. Peppa conjures a Spiritual Weapon, and Petunia lashes out with every spell she knows, but the creatures stomp and slam the dogs. Boomer eventually beats on the horned one so hard that its skull breaks in two, and between Dire's relentless hammering, Sausagedog's precise ax strokes, and Petunia flinging every spell she knows at them, one of the bipedal ones falls, too.

The last one roars and knocks Peppa back, smashing her against a wall! Petunia helps her up, and notices that the creature lowers its head and looks straight at her, as though it recognizes her. Realizing that these things might be animated by baleful magic, she summons her power and dispels it, and the final monster collapses. (Dire: "You couldn't have done that sooner?" "I didn't know if it would work!")

Peppa glances upwards and spots someone a good sixty feet in the air, flying without wings. She can tell from the clothes that it's the same rider they saw on the road earlier, but as soon as the last Stone Bones falls, the rider flies away out of sight. 

The dogs take a moment to breath, and survey the town. There are only a few houses here and one of them has been destroyed. The villages are terrified, Peppa is injured (though recovering), and the Henkelion has run off without them. Not for the first time, they wish catnip had some effect on them.

Character Creation: Darkest Days

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE.

The Game: Darkest Days
The Publisher: Bell Moon Games
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

So, this is a new experience for me. Most games I have on PDF, I got from bundles, because when I back RPGs on KS I almost always plump for a physical copy. I opened up Darkest Days to read it today, discovered to my pleasant surprise it was only 112 pages, and then googled it to find the publisher and discovered that I did back Kickstarter like two years ago. I had no memory of it.

But reading it...I dunno, I kinda like it. The idea is that you're a dead hero who has been resurrected to deal with an evil infecting the land, a la Altered Beast. The aesthetics of the game feel very Dark Souls to me, but I admit that's knee-jerk because I haven't actually played that game or any of its look-alikes like Bloodborne. But Darkest Days couches a lot of its stuff in video game terms; talks about "boss monsters" and the like. I think for a short campaign it could be pretty cool. 

So let's make a character!

OK, someone really needed to go through this book with an eye for, like, explaining things. It's not actually hard but it's not well described. Basically, you can pick a template, but all the template gives you is equipment, which gives you bonuses to skills but that bonus is separate from the actual points ("pips") that you have in those skills. Characters get 5 pips to spread around, but that's never explicitly stated except here:

"Upgrade" implies a change to the character post-creation. "Will be a permanent bonus" implies something that happens in the future. But fortunately, there's a character sheet with everything filled out, and this is all simple enough that it wasn't hard to suss it out. 

So appearance and even species don't mean much here. As such, I'm going to take more inspiration from ol' Altered Beast up there and say that my character is a werewolf. Rather, was - he died, killed by the heroes of his age when his savage rage became too great to contain. Now he has been resurrected to fight an even greater evil, like John Spartan in Demolition Man, I guess. His name was Gerrit, and he once again walks beneath the full moon, ready to hunt and taste the blood of enemies on his teeth! Arroooo!

Ahem. Anyway. Gerrit is long and lean, dirty and scarred. He doesn't wear armor because that means it'll just strangle him when he changes). I think that means I want the Warrior build.

Hmm. As written, I get a two-handed weapon, but for Gerrit I think I want fang and claw, so I'm going to split that into +1 to Attack and +1 to Precision. Oh, wait, this is equipment bonuses. Hmm. Equipment is defined as anything you're carrying around. OK, let's do this - Gerrit has a length of chain attached to his wrist, locked with magic meant to keep him in his grave (it didn't work, but the lock won't open). That gives him +1 Attack and +1 Precision. 

Cool, now I get 5 Pips to throw around. Well, I definitely want one in Vigor. I'll put one in Attack, one in Defense, and one in Precision. But where to put the last one? I'll put it into Attack to represent Gerrit's wolf-like savagery. 

And that's it, y'all. Might have to give this a try at some point, hopefully the system actually works at the table.

Character Creation: Winter of the World

Since we made characters for a D&D game that I'M ACTUALLY RUNNING WHAAAAT last night, I figured I'd do a fantasy game today. 

The Game: Winter of the World
The Publisher: Cakebread & Walton
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one, though the game really wants me to read the novels it's based on

Winter of the World is, as mentioned, based on a series of novels byMichael Scott Rohan. I have not read them, which I think is why I was avoiding this game for as long as I was. I don't normally enjoy games based on other IP that I'm not familiar with, just because it often feels like I'm not really getting it. And I...kinda still feel that way, but reading the game, I think the setting is described in enough detail that it'd be workable to run a game therein.

But interestingly, as I was writing up world-lore for the D&D game for which we made characters last night, I realized that one of the things that has always bugged me about playing fantasy in particular is that I don't enjoy playing in an existing world, precisely because learning the lore is laborious for one person and a lot to ask of a whole table. Learning the lore for, say, World of Darkness was a little easier because it was modern day and that gave you something to latch onto, but I think the real reason that my players and I did it so easily back in the day was a) it fit with our 90s aesthetic and b) we didn't have demanding lives and so could read sourcebooks all the time. 

Nowadays, when we're all older and have jobs and reading glasses and we're tired and depressed and so on, reading a 200-page book is a harder ask, especially since RPGs are often kinda dry. But having the world of Abhaile explained over Discord, and being able to influence the particulars by making a character and helping to flesh out the world, is more appealing. (I think, incidentally, that although Atlantis has a shit-ton of lore, the lifepath method of characters creation helps mitigate that by making a character with a distinct history and giving you some focus.)

All of this to say, Winter of the World looks playable and fine and the system is easy enough (roll a d6 and add some numbers), but I don't think it's going on my "run-me" list. Let's make a character, anyhoo.

No easily screenshot-able process of chargen (rather, there is one but it doesn't fit on one column and ehhhh) so we'll just do this step by step.

Background. The book says that most characters will either be from Nordeney or Bryhaine, but it's also possible to play a Duergar (probably not the same thing that means in Baldur's Gate 3). I do not have a preference, so I shall roll a die - evens Nordeney, odds Bryhaine. Odds, so I'm from Bryhaine. 

This makes me a Southerner or Penruthya. They're fair-skinned and they don't really believe that the folks in the North put magic into the shit they forge. That's cool. I think I want my character to be someone who really wants to believe in magic, despite the culture telling him he's dumb. I'll just let that percolate for the moment, and divide up my points. 

I get 7 points to split between Strong, Clever, Quick, and Magic. Nothing higher than 3 and Magic can't be higher than 1, and it can (and probably should) be 0. I'll make it Strong 2, Clever 3, Quick 2. 

Calling. Broad class-like sort of archetypes. I can't be a Magic-user, as that's off limits to Southerners, but is there a sage sort of thing? Specialist, that's what I want, specifically Academic. I want my guy to be an "expert" in Northern lore and culture, but very much the sort of "expert" that's learned everything third hand. I get Lore (subject specialist) 2, Lore (subject specialist) 1, and then 3 points in other Skills. Better jump ahead and find the Skills section, I s'pose.

Oh, I actually don't need to follow that Skill allotment, it's just a suggestion, but I get 6 points. I think it's fine, though. I'll take Lore (Nordeney) 2, Lore (Myths & Legends) 1, Language (Nordeney) 1, Art (Painting) 1, and Investigation 1. Not a martial character, this, but that's fine. 

And...shit, I think that's actually it. I don't get any Calling features until level 2, I don't get any Virtues or magical shit. Health is Strong x 3 (6 for me), Defense is three times Strong or Quick, whichever's higher (but it's 6 in either case for me), Move is Quick x 10 (20), and otherwise all I need is a name and a description. Are naming conventions discussed? Not really.

Well, we'll say my character is named Kelv. Kelv is a Southerner, but is convinced he has Northern blood on his mother's side; he can't prove it but that's what his grandmother always said. His family is wealthy, they live in Kerbrynhaine, and they tolerated his weird fascination with Northern magic and smithing. At one time Kelv even talked about being a smith, but he really doesn't have the arm strength. 

He does, however, have a keen mind for literacy and stories, and a good eye for art, so his folks allowed him to study with painters and scholars. Kelv is young and kind of naive, and he's one good swindle away from joining a caravan or something and heading north, and probably nearly being sold into thralldom or something. 

Kelv is thin but well nourished, soft hand often stained with ink or paint, light skin but much darker hair than a lot of Southerners. He has a habit of peppering his speech with Northern-isms. 

Movie #783: The Bad Seed

The Bad Seed is a 1956 thriller based on the novel and play of the same name and starring Patty McCormack, Nancy Kelly, Henry Jones, Evelyn Varden, Richard Fix, and Eileen Heckart.

The Penmark family seems pretty happy and put together, other than the fact that Kenneth Penmark (William Hopper) has to go away to do military stuff. He leaves behind his wife Christine (Kelly) and his adorable little daughter Rhoda (McCormack), in the occasional care of their landlady and friend Mrs. Breedlove (Varden).

Rhoda's something of an odd duck - she refuses to wear jeans or even pants, she's very proper and polite and well-spoken, and nothing really seems to upset her except for the fact that another child at her school won a medal for penmanship that she feels she earned. And then that child drowns at a school picnic, and it slowly comes out that Rhoda was the last one to see him alive.

Christine gradually figures out that not only did Rhoda kill the kid and steal the medal, she did it callously and deliberately, and it's not the first murder she committed - she also killed an old lady at their last house because she'd promised her a bauble when she died. When the creepy-ass groundskeeper Leroy (Jones) figures out that Rhoda killed the kid, she murders him, too, by setting him on fire, and that's basically the last straw for Christine. She poisons Rhoda and then shoots herself, and here's where the movie gets not as good.

See, in the play and the novel, Christine dies, but the gunshot allows the neighbors to save Rhoda, and the implication is that Rhoda will live with her father and just go on being a serial murderer. In this movie, Christine lives (after some time in a coma), Rhoda lives, and has a lovely conversation with her father in which she makes clear to the audience that Breedlove is next, and it's unnecessary but kind of chilling. But then she gets out of bed and goes down to the lake to try and retrieve the penmanship medal (which her mother claims she threw into the water near where the boy drowned), and is stuck by lightning! 

It's so ham-handed and unnecessary, you might as well have the Shadow intone "CRIME DOES NOT PAY". Of course this was done to comply with the fucking Hays code, because one of the tenets thereof was that criminals can't get away with their crimes. As a result, this very well made thriller has about four different ends and the pacing is just whack-a-ding-hoy in the last 30 minutes or so.

But, let's pretend the movie ends with the hospital scene in which we learn that Rhoda is alive and Christine is unlikely to live. If that is the ending (which it should have been), the movie is very effective. Some of the people in the room know the truth about Rhoda, including Christine's father Richard (Fix), who adopted Christine in Australia and knows the truth of her parentage - she was the daughter of a notorious serial killer and has passed that murderous tendency down to Rhoda (she's not a product of her environment, just a "bad seed," as it were). The denial that Richard, Christine, and Rhoda's teacher (Joan Croydon) go through, and the growing horror that Leroy experiences when he figures out that Rhoda isn't just a mean kid but a fucking serial killer are all played really nicely. And, of course, McCormack is fantastic as this little girl who just doesn't understand why she shouldn't have everything she wants, right now, and why it's such a big deal that she beat a kid with the metal attachment to her tap shoes until he fell into the lake and drowned. Shout-out, too, to Heckert for her portrayal of that kid's mother, trying desperately (and drunkenly) to figure out Rhoda's part in all this; she was deservedly nominated for an Oscar for the role. 

Directer Mervyn LeRoy mostly cast the movie with the actors who did the show on Broadway, and the movie is mostly shot like a play (with the exception of the changes in scene locale made possible on film), and the result is a cast that is clearly very comfortable playing these roles and delving into this disturbing story. The only real point against it is the fucking Hays adjustments, but you can't win 'em all. 

Oh, the only other thing that annoyed me was that at the end of the movie, each cast member has a "curtain call" and is introduced by name, which is cool, I always like that touch. But after Kelly's, she gives a kind of "you're in trouble" look to McCormack, goes over to the couch and playfully spanks her, and that's a fourth wall break that, coupled with the fact that we just saw Rhoda get struck by lightning and fall into the lake, we didn't need.

My Grade: B, or A if you stop after the hospital scene
Rewatch Value: Medium

Next up: The Belko Experiment

9 Lives to Valhalla: The Coyote Pavilion

Yesterday we channeled our inner Death Metal Viking Cat (we all have one) and played a one-shot of 9 Lives to Valhalla! Meow!

Our feline warband is trekking across the ruined wasteland of Man's folly, seeking glorious DEATH and deadly glory. Sing their names with pride, O skalds:

Marmalade, large, ginger, white of paw and stout of heart, following of Tigris! Foo the Floofy, white of fur and huge of frame, master of magical screams, and devotee of Uncia! Necromancer, bearing strange silver and violet fur, warrior of fang and claw, child of Onca! Hobbes, dapper tuxedo cat with fingertips of white, acolyte of Pardus! Polyphemus, one-eyed, gray-and-black child lover of shiny things flame, zealot of Leo!

Together these cats travel over a man-road, gray and cracked and shot with weeds. Polyphemus, as is his wont, chews on the weeds on the side of this road, near a slope that leads to unknown danger, but hears claws skittering in the darkness. And suddenly, danger bursts forth! Two creatures, tawny-furred and fang-slavered, with the countenance of dogs but no Leash on their necks to display their servitude to Man!

These creatures attack, clearly intending to sink fangs into soft neck-flesh, but Polyphemus responds with fire! One of the creatures bursts into flames and falls to cinders! Foo is nearest the other, and he draws breath and screams, the force of his magic ripping the skin from the creature's body. It falls dead, and the cats brace themselves for another wave, but none comes. 

As the cats discuss these foes and congratulate their two magic-wielders on their glorious kills, they hear a voice ask: "Mind if I eat the eyes?" They look and perched on the railing that borders the man-road is a raven, black-feathered and twinkle-eye'd, a messenger and child of DEATH. It informs the cats that these creatures, called "coyotes" or "Screaming Ones", hunt nightly and feast on whatever they catch, be it Cat, Dog, or other creature. Eating the corpses of their foes would be one thing - no point in letting meat go to waste - but the Screaming Ones do so in perverse worship of Man. They do no seek to serve or slobber to Man, as the hated Dogs do, but they view Man as a provider and in so doing blaspheme DEATH. The cats, then, are charged by DEATH to hunt down these creatures and put a stop to their hunts.

Opening Credits.

The cats agree with a hearty yowl, and ask where they might find these Screaming Ones. The raven calls for them to follow, and then flies off into the night, leaving only a general direction for the warband to follow. 

They climb over the ancient fence bordering the man-road and find a slope. They traverse it and when they reach the bottom, find that their paws are wet! They have landed in a swamp, cold and fetid, and they have no choice but to press on. 

Polyphemus, young and sensitive, leaps onto might Foo's shoulders to avoid the reeking water, but Foo is no mount to be ridden! He throws the kit into the water, and Polyphemus sputters and yowls and burns. But then the cats see something surface behind him - a fell monster, hard shelled and snapping-beak'd, moves to bite Polyphemus in half!

Necromancer unsheathes her claws and leaps for the creature, but lo! It catches her mid-strike and bites, cracking her bones and sending her swiftly to DEATH! Hobbes gasps and nocks an arrow, launching it at the creature, but it bounces off the monster's shell! The monster charges with a speed that belies its massive frame and lands on Hobbes, crushing the life from his tuxedo'd body!

But then a roar of rage and glory - "MARMALADE!" The ginger giant climbs on the creature's back and, with one mighty swing of her twin swords, decapitates it, sending its head thump-thumping to the ground. 

Hobbes and Necromancer visit with DEATH, and what words are exchanged and what scritches behind the ears they receive are for only them to know. They return, one life spent, further bless'd, and the cats decide that the swamp is no place for them. They must move on. Marmalade hefts the turtle's head and the warband moves along the edge of the swamp, looking for drier land and their quarry.

But then Polyphemus spots lights in the swamp, and, unable to control his love of Shiny Things, charges off. The other cats, with a weary sign and a roll of dark-shining eyes, follow. 

Polyphemus finds a dry mound of earth in the swamp, upon which sits a cottage made of earth and wood, and in it, a blazing fire. Polyphemus opens the door and there finds himself confronted by a witch, a cat of grey stripe'd fur and many small bones tied into the floof. She is a Witch of Uncia, and as the other cats catch up, she nods to Foo as a devotee of the same god of the Panthera pantheon.

The Witch tells them that she lives here in this swamp because the Screaming Ones do not hunt here; they fear the water and the creatures that dwell herein. She tells the cats, however, that if they travel west they will find themselves in the forest, and the Screaming Ones do hunt there. The cats thank for her for advice, and Marmalade trades her the head of the mighty turtle for a silver bowl. Whatever is placed in the bowl, she says, will become more potent, be it poison or magical herb. Marmalade thanks her, and the warband moves on.

Soon enough they find themselves out of the swamp and into a forest, just as the witch said. The forest is dark and deep, with mighty trees and a thick canopy, and only by the grace of the Panthera's glittering eyes can the cats see. They hear flittering above them, as though something flies from tree to tree, but the wing-beats do no sound like the feather'd flutters of birds. Hobbes, curious and still stinging from being crushed by the turtle, unsheathes his claws and climbs a tree, and finds the source of the sounds - BATS!

The Bat Guardians see him and attack, drawing daggers from their belts, swooping towards him like DEATH's own ravens! Hobbes leaps from the tree and fires an arrow, felling a bat, but another flies in and stabs him in the back! He falls from the tree and lands amidst his companions with a thump, and the other cats draw weapons and ready magicks!

Foo climbs a tree and leap at the bats, but he, too, is felled by their blades. Marmalade draws her swords and screams her battle cry ("MARMALADE!"), but the bats let fly their arrows and the ginger giant, food-loving and slow of brain, also visits DEATH. Necromancer leaps from the trunks of trees all nimbly-bimbly, tearing the head from one bat and the wings from another, while Polyphemus sets several alight and watches as they crash like falling stars to the ground below.

The battle over, the three cats felled return, their backs and ears once again warm from the scritches of DEATH's bony hand. The cats consider their options and decide to move on, past the forest, to a meadow in which the Screaming Ones are known to hunt. 

On the way, rancor and infighting set in. Foo and Polyphemus argue over whose magick is strongest, and Foo opines that Polyphemus could not land a blow that Foo would even feel. Polyphemus, word-stung and red-faced (under the fur), draws back and throws a punch, fire-limmed, and strikes Foo in his floofy chest! But Foo is ready and ice-magick erupts, and one cat is engulfed fire while the other freezes and shatters, and both visit DEATH!

DEATH bestows on both a blessing, as is custom when a cat comes to them, but gentle reminds them that their true enemies lie not within their own warband. Foo admits that Polyphemus' punch was mighty indeed, and they return to their warband, stronger for the journey. The warband moves along.

They arrive shortly after in a meadow, with tall grass and sticking weeds, but they are not alone. They see Dogs, hated Leash-lovers, all slobber-faced and wag-tailed, and the Dogs see them as well and charge, barking challenges! 

Polyphemus sees that one dog carries something glowing and shiny on its belt, and he flings fire at it. He incinerates the dog, but the object flies off into the weeds and he runs to chase it. Hobbes looses arrows and Marmalade ("MARMALADE!") swings swords, and Necromancer jukes low and snaps at a dog's most sensitive bits. But Necromancer discovers to her horror that these Dogs, devotees of Man to the last, have no nethers! The dog bites her neck, and she is no more. Two dogs strike from the brush and lay Marmalade low, and Hobbes follows. 

The battle is swift and brutal, and all five of the cats fall, returning to visit DEATH, but before the last of them does, every single dog lies dead, burned, arrow'd stabbed, clawed. This time the cats linger a moment, and DEATH picks up Polyphemus and asks if they should send him back, or if Hel is a more suitable place for a cat that runs from battle.

Foo defends his band-mate, though, and says that Polyphemus ran not out of cowardice, but out of distraction and love of shiny things. DEATH accepts this, but the message is clear: love of shinies must not trump courage and battle. 

Before she goes, Necromancer asks DEATH a question: Will the warband succeed in their hunt? DEATH shows Necromancer a terrible sight, all of the cats being torn to pieces by coyotes under a strange, open, wall-less Man-building, as sunlight streams in from all sides. "We will lose, then? That's lame," says Necromancer. No, says DEATH, I show you only what might be. I have no truck with inevitability, save that all inevitably visit me. Satisfied that the hunt could still be completed successfully, Necromancer returns as well.

The warband searches the area, and Marmalade hears a plink plink plink from the bodies of one of the dogs. She finds a mouse, tiny-bodied but stout-hearted, inside a jar. She holds it up and talks to this tiny warrior, who calls himself Winchell. 

Winchell says that the Dogs caught him and were debating what to do with them. One favored devouring him, while others said they might throw him to the Screaming Ones to distract them. Winchell promises to show the cats where the Screaming Ones hunt if they promise on the Panthera not to harm him, and the cats grudgingly agree. Winchell is as good as his word, and even shows the cats where the Dogs have buried their treasures! The cats find gold and magic trinkets, and Polyphemus picks up the glowing contain he saw earlier - it is the soul of a coward, glowing and shimmering, a lantern that no darkness can quench.

Winchell leads them on to the Cave. "The Screaming Ones are there?" the cats ask. No, but beyond the Cave the Screaming Ones can be found, and a cat lives in the Cave, who might perhaps be of help? The cats move on to the north, to the Cave.

The Cave, they discover, is not a true cave at all but the remains of an ancient Man-building (a "man-cave", if you will). As they approach, a cat emerges. He wears the rainment of a priest of Leo, but his fur is matted and dirty and he is clearly not a warrior of repute or valor. A coward, then, and the cats lips curl. 

They speak with this cat, whose name, he says, is Ernie. Ernie claims that he lives her to avoid the Screaming Ones, and he shamefully admits that he is a coward, but he wishes to reclaim his soul and become the warrior he was meant to be. He realizes that the soul that Polyphemus carries is his, and he asks for it to be returned. Foo demands that he swear that he will help them, but he cannot, he has no soul. The cats must simply trust him.

Finally they agree, and hand him the jar. He drinks down his soul, and in a blaze of leonine fire stands straight. Booming-voice'd and proud-standing, he tells them that beyond this Cave lies the Boneyard, which they must cross on their way to where the Screaming Ones live. He tells them, though, that the Screaming Ones return to their home - a strange structure they call "the Pavilion" - every sunrise, and there they rest until night when they go out and hunt. Necromancer nods in realization - this was the meaning of her vision from DEATH. If they attack during the day, they will surely be overwhelmed. But Ernie also tells them that the Screaming Ones fanatically follow two leaders: A Priestess and a Queen. Should they fall, the others may flee.

The cats decide to go back to the swamp witch, the only safe haven their know in this land, and ask for shelter for the day, and then to resume their hunt at night. "Perfect," says Ernie, "we can take the Rotted Bridge!"

The Rotted Bridge, the cats find, is a walkway that leads through the swamp. It is old and soggy and unsteady, but it holds...until the ambush.

The wood under their feet gives way, and the cats fall to the ground. There they are surrounded by bandits, black-masked and greedy-fingered, tails fluffy and hearts desirous, raccoon highwaymen! Marmalade draws her weapons and beheads one, but it lands a fatal blow before she does. Hobbes moves to the attack but one of the little beasts leaps on his head, screaming and frothing, and he is unprepared for such ferocity. The other cats, and Ernie as well, stay on their feet and do not meet DEATH here, and they slay the raccoons handily.

Polyphemus, of course, searches for treasure, knowing the tendencies of these thieves, and finds gold and artifacts in a hollow nearby! Thus rewarded for their bravery, the cats press on, and just at sunrise as the golden light pours into the stinking swamp, they arrive at the abode of the swamp witch. She has no room for them in her tiny cottage, but she is happy to let them sleep on her land, safe and dry. And so they do.

At sunset, they wake to hear the Screaming Ones' cries and howls off in the distance, and while no cat of stout heart and firm tail would admit it, the sound chills their blood. They strike out to complete their hunt, intent on felling the Priestess and the Queen of the Screaming Ones.

The cats pass the Cave and move ever north, and soon the ground becomes blasted and uneven, strewn with the gnawed bones and twisted bodies of Cat, Dog, and many other creatures that the Screaming Ones have devoured. Polyphemus once again cannot contain his lust for shinies and begins picking at the bones, and with a rattling they rise up, screaming and brandishing rusted weapons, and howling for the blood of living cats. 

The cats meet these challenge! Poyphemus hurls fire at one and it explodes, but a chunk of bone flies and stabs him, sending him back to DEATH. Necromancer calls on magic herself, and the earth opens to swallow the bony warriors, but swallows her as well. The skeletal cats and dogs stab and tear, and one by one the warband falls, returning again the cozy heart of DEATH.

DEATH returns them again, and they find Ernie and Winchell on a mound of bones, having destroyed the last few undead creatures. They find in the midst of all this death a mournful ghost, a cat whose spirit is stuck here, between Meowdgard and Valhalla. They speak with the ghost (and Polyphemus and Foo try to put it in a jar, but it will not agree), and the ghost reveals that it was killed and devoured by the Screaming Ones and hurled from the High Maze here to the Boneyard. 

Winchell is excited by mention of the High Maze - it is a village, a place where Cats and Dogs and Mice and Rats and stranger things still live and trade, protected by a mutual truce. The Cats bristle at the idea of rubbing shoulders with foul Dogs, but at least it will be a safe place to travel through on their way to the Pavilion. They thank the ghost and swear to avenge him by destroying the Coyote Priestess and Queen, and they move on.

In the distance they see the High Maze, a Man-building of chipped stone and broken glass, but as they approach it is eerily quiet. They hear a clang sound, and Winchell tells them of the Weasel Blacksmith who fashions weapons and lives on the bottom floor of this Maze (there are many floors, but Winchell has not visited many). The cats approach and find the Blacksmith hard at work at his forge, and he tells them that the Screaming Ones have invaded and do not respect the truce. As such, at night while they hunt, the other folk here hide. "What about you?" the cats ask, and the Blacksmith sneers that the Screaming Ones trade for his wares. The cats are disgusted, but the Blacksmith does not care. His mind and soul love gold and metal.

He trades with the cats, though, improving the metal weapons they carry in exchange for gold. They move on through the High Maze, and they discover why it earns the name - dead ends, debris, strange writings on the walls, and holes that only Winchell can fit through. Foo summons a magic light to mark their trail, so that they can retrace their steps if need be, and they continue.

They are nearly at the exit when they hear howls behind them! A band of Screaming Ones, hungry and crazed, charge through the halls! Polyphemus summons up a massive conflagration, burning so hot that he incinerates all of them...but also himself. He appears, loaf-laid and purr-singing, on the lap of DEATH, who remarks that Polyphemus has discovered that he can burn. Everything burns if it gets hot enough. 

When the cats emerge from the Maze, they find Polyphemus waiting. They traverse the lands a little longer, but then they see it...the Coyote Pavilion, the Lair of the Screaming Ones. But the only Screaming Ones in evidence are two, one robed in the skins of Cat, Dog, and many others, and the other huge and armored. The Priestess and the Queen, clearly.

Foo calls up his magic and snaps his fingers, willing the Priestess to dust and oblivion, and hurls his spell. But the Priestess hears, and catches the spell in her maw, and howls it straight back at the child of Uncia! Foo the Floofy falls, and the Priestess gives a howling laugh, mad-voiced and sharp-toothed, as the Queen brandishes a bone club and charges!

But the Queen of the Screaming Ones knows not that she faces the ginger giant, the dual-wielder, the mighty sword-singer MARMALADE! The great ginger cat roars her name in challenge, and two the warriors meet! Both swing, but only one falls - the Queen. And now only the Priestess remains.

Necromancer hurls magic at her, but she reflects it and the silver cat falls, decaying and rotting in seconds. Hobbes nocks an arrow and lets fly, meaning to stick it in her eye socket, but she laughs and howls, the force of her voice disintegrating the arrow and blowing the tuxedo from Hobbes' body!

Marmalade hefts her swords again, ready to meet DEATH, but Polyphemus, having learned the true extent of his powers, calls up the very fires of Mewspelheim! Everything around him burns to ash, the Priests, the Pavilion, and he himself. Only Marmalade survives, blinking in the firelight.

In DEATH's cozy rooms, the four members of the warband (plus Ernie, having earned a glorious death holding a sword) speak with DEATH once again. They thank the cats for destroying these blasphemous canids, but state that the other, lesser members of the pack will surely hunt the land. The cats swear that they will hunt them down, but DEATH tells them to take their time - they have earned a rest and a taste of the creams and catnips and scritches that await them when they finally arrive in Valhalla for the final time.

They eventually return through the Rainbow Cat Door, as though no time has passed, and find Marmalade cleaning the coyote blood from her blades. As they brush the ashes from their fur, they hear howls in the distance, as the Screaming Ones, grief-crying and fear-crazed, begin a wild hunt.

The cats ready their weapons. They may meet DEATH again tonight, but they are ready. TO WAR AND GLORY! MEOW! CLOSING CREDITS!