Character Creation: Locus

This post has been here since yesterday. You didn't see anything. 

The Game: Locus
The Publisher: CobblePath Games
Degree of Familiarity: None with this system, but I'm pretty conversant in horror games
Books Required: I think just the Player Guide to make a character

Locus calls itself a "bespoke horror game," and it does a few interesting things. First off, the stats are expressed in terms of negative traits - Clumsiness, Temper, Ignorance - so you're effectively trying to overcome a problem rather than trade on your strengths when you make a roll. I wouldn't want to do that in a power-fantasy game, but for a bleak horror game it's pretty clever. 

Also, players wind up with hands of cards, and the more cards the group is holding (total), the more they slip into the "badness" of the area. Horror in this game comes from a "malus locus," a bad place, so it's not that there's a specific setting as a set of assumptions around why a place becomes a horror setting. I think it might be worth a shot at some point to try it out. For now, of course, I shall make a character. 

The trick here is that there's not a default setting. There's a sample adventure in the Director's Guide, but it includes pretty narrow chargen rules. But with that said, it puts players on a salvage ship, and that's a setup I really like (see also: Ghost Ship, Virus, and various other bad horror movies I enjoy), so I think I'll use that backdrop and just use the standard chargen rules. Who's gonna stop me? YOU? I think not.

Ahem. Let's start with a concept. Enver Qordirov is an Uzbek-born long-haul trucker and transport driver. His travels took him west to Lebanon, and he wound up learning how to operate boats as well. Enver is pretty clearly running from something, but I'll flesh that out when I get to Haunt.

Which is now, actually. So what did Enver do? I think he got caught up transporting arms, and sold out the people he was delivering to because the authorities offered him passage where he wanted to go (like, a train ticket and a little cash, not even a big payout). Who'd he sell out? He doesn't really know; he remembers they called themselves "freedom fighters," but like, everyone says that. 

Sounds like Enver is a bit of a cynic, which suggests the Vice of Apathy, so that's what I'll pick for him.

Next up, Attitude. This is basically how Enver is coping with his Haunt, if he is. I think Enver figures that whoever got pinched (or shot) as a result of his betrayal probably knew the risks and/or had it coming. That sounds like something between Resigned and Conflicted Pessimist; I'll go with Resigned. 

Virtue! Well, Motivation speaks the loudest, but it uses the same suit as Apathy so I don't think I can pick it (rather, I can, but it makes the rules weird). How about Temperance? I can see Enver being a pretty fair guy when it comes to what's right around him - he's never gonna kill the bottle before you had a swig, that kind of thing.

Attributes! As mentioned, these are things I'm trying to rise above, so lower is better, but I've got 16 points to throw around these 8 Attributes (and each one gets 1 point automatically). 

Well, right off the bat, I think Enver isn't well-educated so Ignorance can be high. Let's put it at 4. Repulsion can be average (3), as can Impatience. Cowardice and Temper I kind of want a little lower because I figure Enver can keep himself cool, so can I get away with 2s there? Given all that I've spent 9 points, which means I've still got 7. If I put 2 each into Clumsiness and Frailty, that makes them average (3), and that would put Carelessness at 4, but I think I'm OK with that.

I get two Skills. There are four various sub-types, so it's probably easier to decide what they are and then categorize them.

Well, obviously Enver can drive, so let's say Driving is a Expertise Skill, I think? And then I think Enver knows the black market, which in this context I think is a Knowledge Skill.

The only other thing would be Items, and I can skip that (it'd be up to the GM whether I start with any). 

So! Enver Qodirov is in his mid-30s. He's got a bunch of tats on his shoulders and chest, but nothing below his elbow (he likes to avoid being too easily recognizable). He keep his hair buzzed. He's got black hair (what there is of it), brown eyes, olive skin. He has a taqiyah that his father gave him, but he doesn't wear it anymore. 

That'll about do it! Last character of November! 'Cause it's totally still November!

Character Creation: Relics

Not based on the movie with Tom Sizemore and Penelope Ann Miller, that's The Relic. 

The Game: Relics
The Publisher: Tin Star Games
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the Relics books, but optionally the official Tarot of the game, which I have

Interesting game, this. It's based on the "Fugue" system first used in Alas Vegas, which I own but isn't on my chargen list (because the game has characters discovering who they are during play, so there's not a "character creation" step in the normal sense - same reason A Penny for My Thoughts isn't on the list). In Relics, though, you're playing an angel who has fallen to Earth and is embroiled in a cold war with demons and so forth. It's got some common DNA with In Nomine, mythologically speaking, but the game it reminds me of most is Nephilim. Characters are immortal beings who have existed since time immemorial, and the game includes flashbacks that can wind up establishing skills for the character. Also it uses a Tarot deck as its resolution, which I always find fun. So let's make an angel!

A lot of chargen is (or can be) done randomly, so I'll more or less stick to that method. That requires me to separate out the Minor and Major Arcana, 'scuse me a moment.

My Signifier is a Major Arcana card that, when it comes up in a scene my character is in, grants me a new Miracle and just generally means I'm awesome. I draw a random card and get...The World. One of two that I can't actually use (the other is the Devil). OK, draw again. Judgement. That'll work.

Next is Aspect, which I could pick, but eh, let's see what I draw. Swords makes me Aryeh, and gives me Mastery of Striking. That goes with Judgement just fine.

My Herald is the angel I used to answer to (the hierarchy has kinda been thrown into chaos in-setting). No reason to get decisive now, we'll just draw a Major. The Lovers gives me Gabriel, which isn't quite the way I thought this was going, but I enjoy the wrinkle. Gabriel's Dominion is Communion. 

Next we determine the Descent, or why my angel fell. Note that "Falling" in the context of this game doesn't mean you become a demon or anything, it just means you give up your angelic form and gain a human life (there's a lot that goes into that, most of which we'll cover in subsequent steps). Anyway, I don't have a good idea and I can do random draws, so...the Magician gives me Passion. I fell for, if not love, then some other strong emotion. That's really interesting, not the way I'd immediately think to go, but I'm getting some ideas. 

Suppose my character was meant to be a righteous warrior, like most of the Aryeh, but fell in love with storytelling and song as a method of war? Not so much propaganda and the winner writing history (although maybe that too), but just the idea that music, a song, a battle cry can turn the tide of a fight by giving humans reserves of strength they didn't know they had. Maybe there was some snatch of music that got to him so much that he fell, falling victim to the same kind of passion that humans do. 

Well, next up would be Mission. Do I wish to choose one? I think I do, because I think the choice is between the Armor of Righteousness (stand beside the humans) or the Sword of Wrath (kill six billion demons). I think I'll go with the former.

Relic, Dominion, and First Miracle. Well, my Dominion is Communion, though I could pick a second one if I wanted. I think I'm good with the one, though. So let's determine what my Relic is. A draw gives me an item of clothing, an accessory, or part of one. I think I'll leave the particulars until I know when I Fell. 

Which leaves Miracle. Hmm. Miracles are meant to be bespoke; there's a list of examples that I could pick from, but I have an idea that I want to use. I want my guy to be able to whistle or sing a tune that gets people nodding or bopping along, a song that brings people into sync. Game effect wise, I'd like it to be able to calm people down and get them on side - it's not going to work if hostilities have already started, but maybe it can make the difference between two drunks throwing punches and starting to laugh. Let's call it "the Common Melody." The Trammel (limitation) is that it only can be used once per scene (I could make it more powerful with another Trammel, but eh, I think that's good). 

Step Seven is descriptive touches, so first we must see when I Fell. A Major Draw gives me...The Tower, so the Early Modern Age (roughly 1500-1700 CE). That includes the Renaissance, so let's assume that's when and where he Fell. I get to pick an Angelic Work (a thing I created) and a Historical Impact. There are broad categories, and I'm fine drawing for it.

Ooh, I like it. I created a fundamental principle of physics, logic, math, science, or an invention arising from it, and I either prevented or inflamed a famous act of exploration, discovery, art, etc. Let's say that my guy invented polyphony, and may have inspired ancient peoples to use it, but didn't Fall until the Renaissance when he saw Josquin des Prez singing in the choir of René of Anjou. Recognizing the ripples of history this guy was capable of creating, he Fell in order to teach Josquin some of the more esoteric musical principles. Watching Josquin's music and career being "revisited" in more recent years has really annoyed my character, and he suspects demonic influence.

(Were I to play this character, I would need to do a deep dive into des Prez' music, but for now: this.)

Appearance! I have a Vessel (an earthly form with wings and horns and shit) and a Semblance (a human disguise). The Semblance also works on a metaphorical level, providing the basics I need to fit into society (add Demon: The Descent to things this game reminds me of). I want my guy to be, well, male (more or less; he's an angel and they don't really have gender), but I'll draw for apparent age. Twenties! I'm younger than I was picturing. He's white, or rather Italian-looking - he fit in when he Fell. I'll draw for a Mark, and I get...my teeth are ornamental and I can't eat anything solid. That's fine, angels don't have to eat. My guy has always had perfect teeth, but they're perfect because they're non-functional (it's fine, food impedes singing anyway).

A Mortal Connection! A waiter, bartender, or other service person. Well, let's say there's a barista at the coffee shop my guy frequents (I can drink, after all, I just can't eat solid food) who's trying to be a choral composer. My angel thinks she's on the right track and wants to hear what she comes up with, but has studiously avoided letting her know who and what he is. Her name is Bernie (Bernadette, but please call her Bernie).

Memories! Normally I would get three of these, but two of them would involve other players, so I'm just gonna do one. Let's make it from before he Fell, back when people were very young, about 70,000 BCE. He taught humans about whistling to coordinate positions and check in with each other, and from that learned the skill of Coordination & Timing.

And that's basically it, though I do need a name. There's a whole list of them in the book, and I kind of like Imriel (Eloquence of God). I think in the modern day, Imriel hangs out at the coffee shop and reads, he goes to churches where people are singing, or he finds street musicians. He almost always has a coffee with him (keeps meaning to find the angel who first encouraged Kaldi to roast those beans and high-five that motherfucker). 

That'll do it!

Character Creation: The Wassailing of Claus Manor

Love the weird little games. 

The Game: The Wassailing of Claus Manor
The Publisher: Clearkeep
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

Happy Thanksgiving! Anyway. 

Wassailing is a weird little game in which you play staff members at the titular Manor. You have a job to do, because Santa Claus is trying to get the toys ready for tonight...but each member of the Claus family also has an issue that's slowly becoming worse. You have to do your job, and not let your Holiday Spirit get too high lest you go utterly round the bend.

I like this game, but it's one of the many games that I own that I feel like could have benefited from a better intro - to wit, this is what the game is, this is how it works, and so forth. It's one of those games that I as someone with multiple decades of GMing could probably run without too much problem, but it's not terribly user-friendly for a novice. Which is a shame, because it's got some great bones. I see some Blades in the Dark in there, also a little Fiasco, also some PbtA and adjacent games. 

So any, let's make a staffer! This process is pretty quick, I think.

First thing, we pick an Occupation from the six on the sheet. I think I'll lean into my proclivities and pick "Cook." My cook's name is Sjurd. I picture him as kind of like André Eriksen in Violent Night, very buttoned up and neat. 

Background! Again, I have options to choose from. I think Sjurd grew up a Farm Kid. It's maybe a little cliche, but I like the idea of him with a real "take what you need from the land" kind of approach. 

Seniority! This is how long I've worked for the Clauses. I can pretty much decide on this, but the longer you've worked there the higher your Holiday Spirit (and if you hit 6, you're out because you go mad). I think Sjurd was hired last Christmas when the previous head chef ran screaming into the snow in just his underthings, yelling about pudding. "A little over a year" gives me 3 Holiday Spirit and 2 Ducks (as in, "duck your responsibility", not "cook with orange sauce").

Spirit Trouble! This is the particular flavor of madness that afflicts me as the Holiday Spirit rises. "Sweet Tooth" is the obvious answer, but I'm gonna go with "Sovereign of the North." Sjurd takes the "yes, chef" thing to another level. As my Holiday Spirit is 3, I'm convinced I'm secretly royalty and I'd need to share that secret with someone else to get them on side. I'm sure there's a sous that wants to buddy up. 

And that's it, actually. I think Sjurd is very clean and straight-laced, all business, but he likes to be in the kitchen (especially tonight!) and he especially insists on breaking down carcasses himself. Muscular, thick-chested, gray hair, neat little beard, signet ring on his little finger. 

Character Creation: Terra Oblivion

Watch this space for daily characters! This week, anyway. Maybe.

The Game: Terra Oblivion
The Publisher: Khepera Publishing
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Terra Oblivion and the Mythic d6 core

I've made a couple of characters for Mythic d6, and while I don't remember much of the underlying system, I liked the core book well enough when I read it. Terra Oblivion is a sci-fi setting in which people came from Earth to another world in the Goldilocks zone, named it Terra because it's better than
"Bob", and then discovered that all of the native life is "flukes." Flukes are long, serpent or eel like creatures, but the weird(er) thing is that all creatures are flukes, and they're made up of flukes. I...don't really get what's going on here.

Characters in Terra Oblivion are built at level 2, which gives me 100 points. They're also built using one of five templates (Academic, Consul, Handler, Soldier, and Spy). I don't have much of a concept, so I think since I've already got my music program open I'll pick a random song as an inspiration. 

That's "Joe" by The Cranberries. As Cranberries songs go, it's pretty wholesome; it's apparently about Dolores O'Riordan's grandfather. So it's pretty simply a remembrance for a departed loved one (come to think of it, it's off their To The Faithful Departed album). So how do I spin that for this game? 

Well, I think the vibe I'm getting here is for the Kilmitok Republic (one of the nations in the game). They're hard and self-sufficient but also kind and generous when need be, and I think that my character saw that national attitude reflected in his grandfather. Military service is compulsory for citizens, so I think I'll say that my character found some kind of niche in the military and stayed on (as such, I shall take the Soldier template). 

Now, if I'm reading this right (and there's no example of chargen DAMMIT JERRY), these templates are also Occupations, but I also get an archetype. Let's say I'm a Protector. That means I have a bonus called "Aegis," which allows me to protect others (there's a big ol' system attached to it, but I'm not concerned about that except insofar as it keys off of REF, so I should raise that). 

Pick a culture/nation, that's easy, we're going with Kilmitok Republic. That means I'm Stoic; once per game I can change a Wild Die from 1 to 6. Nice! I mean, yes, very good, thoughtful nod. 

So evidently those numbers up there mean I've spent 48 on Attributes, 19 on Skills, and 5 on Advantages, for a total of 72. That leaves me 28 points to spend. 

Well, raising an Attribute costs 4, so I'll bump REF up to 3. I think I want Physique and Presence a little higher, too, so I'll spend 8 more and buy them both up to 3. That leaves me 16 points left. 

I feel like this guy might have some medical training, so I need some Scholar. I'll buy 1D in Scholar and then spend 4 to buy a Specialization in Medicine. That sets me back 5, so I've got 11 left. I'll spent a point to buy up Willpower to 2D. 

And then over on Advantages, I kinda want him to be a combat medic, so I'll buy Authority - he's got medic privileges (whatever those might be). I'll blow 8 points so that I can use it twice per session. That leaves me two dice left, so I will spent one to raise Scholar to 2D and one to split into pips, and I'll put one in Scholar, one in Athletics, and one in Piloting. 

Character creation in Terra Oblivion doesn't mention Disadvantages, but I know I need to take 5 dice worth across three categories (Personal/Relationship, Internal, External). Let's say there's a higher-up in the Kilmitok military that has it out for my character. Actually, hell, let's say he's the equivalent of a general, and he's pissed at my character because my grandfather made him look like a dick back in the day. His name is Limat Doll. I'll give that 3D because that motherfucker wants me dead and he's very much in a position to do it.

For Internal, I'll say my guy is Burned Out. He won't abandon his duty - he was raised better than that - but he really needs a vacation. And then for External, we'll say he's got a Trick Shoulder (flyer crash a year ago, never quite healed right). Both of those only get 1D, so they're minor. 

And that's actually about it. My guy's name is Burren Gbwan (no real naming conventions mentioned in the Terra Oblivion book). Burren is now in his late 20s, and has pretty much decided to stick with "combat medic" as a career, at least until he gets killed, or they find someone better (or General Doll sends him into a suicide mission). He's broad-shouldered and kind of...meaty, I guess, but he's got a million stories about his grandfather and his life back in Kilmitok. Burren isn't interested in killing people - he will, because that's war, but he's more interested in patching them up. 

That'll do it, I s'pose. 

 

D&D: Ghosts, Ravens, Moss

After another long hiatus because of (whatever), here we are again! 

Last time, our heroes had come across an old settlement, covered in a strange, blood-red moss shot through with black "veins." As the sun is setting, they decide that it probably isn't a great idea to go poking around in the strange moss, so they set up camp just outside the moss-area.

As they're sitting around making dinner, Aisling hears singing - two people, singing a love song of the region. She shushes the others and they listen, and follow the sound. Of course, it's coming from the moss, but they also spot something faintly glowing. Aisling moves around the moss area to try and see what it is, and she sees two people, a man and a woman, both in their late teens...and both translucent and glowing. Ghosts, then.

She plays an accompaniment on her lute, and when they've finished, they acknowledge her. She greets them, and the man says something, but she doesn't quite catch it. He's speaking Abhaila, of course (it's really the only language used in this country) but his dialect is very thick and unfamiliar to her. She points to the moss and tries to ask if it's safe, and he nods(?). Aisling throws caution to the wind and steps onto the moss, but nothing happens except the squish of moss underfoot.

The other characters approach as well, and Dara, who's from this part of the country, is best able to understand them. They manage to convey that their names are Odhrán and Clíodna, and Zook remembers something.

Aisling recently told a story about two lovers who, their relationship rejected by their families, became an oak and a vine and remained in a clearing forever. No oaks or vines around here, but Zook happens to remember that in some versions of that story, the lovers' names are Odhrán and Clíodna. The ghosts are polite, but not talkative, and if left to their own devices they just stare into each others' eyes. The characters decide to wait for daybreak until they do anything, and return to their camp.

In the morning, they search the area more thoroughly. Dara finds the apparent center of the moss-growth, and feels something crackle underfoot. They tear up the moss (and realize that the "veins" are actually thin black roots), and find two skeletons entwined with each other - probably Odhrán and Clíodna. Aisling uses a spell to clean the bones and try to find a cause of death, but they've been here far too long. Actually, because the state of decay of the buildings and the archaic nature of their dialect, Dara (who is a little over a century old herself) guesses that this whole mess predates her by at least 100 years. There shouldn't even be bones left.

Zook asks the others if perhaps burning the remains might banish the ghosts. The others aren't sure, so he consults his keek-stane, and sees a vision of fire, pain, and screams, and a skull that merges into one and then splits into two. "Maybe not," he says.

The characters tear up more of the moss to see what's under it, and find the stone frames of two buildings. There are carvings on them, almost identical - Zook translates it to mean "I curse the family of [name] forever". It looks like the families of Odhrán and Clíodna cursed each other, and this moss was perhaps the result?

Dara turns into an owl to get a better view of the area, and finds that the moss only extends to the edges of what would have been the settlement. She also sees something a little disturbing - the trees are full of ravens. They aren't cawing or even moving, just staring at the bodies in the moss. She lands on a branch next to one and asks it what it's doing. It replies that it's watching, because the lovers have been uncovered. If they are moved from the earth, then the foxes will come. The raven doesn't turn to look at her, and speaks in a quiet monotone. Disturbed, she asks who it was that made this happen...but the raven does not answer.

Dara returns to the others and explains all this. Obviously there's a curse in play, here, but they aren't sure how to break it. Dara reflects on what she knows about curses; she knows magic-users and demons can lay them, but those tend to be more specific. Sometimes curses just happen, and those tend to affect the people who called for them, too. The heroes want to lay the ghosts to rest, but they aren't quite sure how. They decide to wait for nightfall and ask them.

Night does indeed come, and this time they camp in the settlement. As they're waiting, though, Dara and Clara notice that the moss is reforming itself, covering first the bodies of Odhrán and Clíodna and then spreading out to rest of the settlement. It very slowly approaches the fire and snuffs it out, and the characters pick their feet up to the discover that it's gently rooting them to the ground. They get the heck out of the moss area, and discover that the ghosts have risen again.

Dara, as the one who can best understand them, asks if there's a way to help them, and they tell her that they are stuck here - they cannot see the stars. They aren't able to provide much help beyond that (they're too busy staring at each other), but the characters figure that's enough. Tomorrow, they'll uncover the bodies and move them somewhere they can "see" the sky. Zook again looks into his keek-stane, and sees both peace and pain - this plan might work, but then again, something could go wrong.

In the morning, they uncover the bodies again. They pick up the bones and try to carry them to a clearing Dara found, but someone trips and the skeletons wind up jumbled up. They pick all the pieces up and carry them to the clearing, dig a shallow hole, and Dara spends all day reassembling the skeletons while the others get rocks to build a cairn. Dara also notices that the ravens have returned, and now a lot of foxes watch them as well. She talks to one, but it's the same as before - soft monotone and watching the bodies intently. 

As night falls, they place the last of the rocks on the cairn, covering the bodies...and then all get a terrible feeling in the pits of their stomachs. The ghosts rise, but they are furious and their eyes have gone milky-white. Zook, Dara, and Aisling are terrified, and the ghosts lunge forward to Aisling and grope at her. She feels her body go cold and the life flood away. Aisling flees back to the treeline. Dara keeps her head enough to summon a flame-blade and stabs at Odhrán, and sees ectoplasm sizzle, but it's not enough to hurt him. 

Zook manages to shake off the fear, and realizes that if the ghosts are now blind, maybe covering them wasn't the best idea. He yells this idea out and Clara knocks a rock off the cairn, exposing Clíodna's skull. But Odhrán is still blind, and she yells "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

Zook knocks off another rock, freeing Odhrán's skull, and both ghosts calm. Ignoring the characters entirely, they turn to one another, join hands, and look up at the stars. As the heroes watch, Odhrán cups his lover's face in his hand and says "we didn't get it right, love, but we did our best." And then they vanish, and the cairn collapses slightly.

All of the ravens and foxes suddenly return to normal and scamper/fly away into the woods, and the heroes rest up for tomorrow's walk back to Fiadh. There, they spend a bit of time training and practicing new skills (read: level up!). Their next stop is the Enclave of Thorns. 

Character Creation: Apparition

WooooOOOOooooo! Rattle, rattle. Haunt, haunt.

The Game: Apparition
The Publisher: Ex Stasis Games
Degree of Familiarity: None, but it's not exactly complex
Books Required: Just the one

Apparition is a little 20-page story-game in which the players take the roles of spiritualists investigating a haunting. The specifics can vary - you could be ghost hunters, you could be on a ghost tour, whatever, but throughout the game you investigate the haunting and then it manifests from your own belief and tries to kill you! 

Game-play wise, most of the narrative load is on the players; it's not a million miles from my own game Jack's Trick, actually (there's another game it reminds me of, but I can't think of it; maybe it'll come to me). Anyway, I picked it today because I needed something super-duper quick, because as I mentioned in my Knight character, this month has sucked and finding the motivation to do anything remotely creative has been hard. 

But enough of that! We're not dead yet, because if we were, we'd be the Haunting. Maybe the Haunting was inside us all along. Makes you think.

Ahem. Character creation here is pretty darned quick (and would require nothing more than an index card). 

I need at least a little setting, here, so let's assume we're on a ghost tour, because I've done a couple of those and they're pretty fun if you're not a believer. I'm going to take inspiration from a weird place - there's a natural horror movie called Rogue (directed by Greg McLean of Wolf Creek fame) about a killer crocodile in Australia that attacks a group of people on a boat tour. No ghosts are involved (I'm actually not aware of any natural horror movies that mix in ghosts, but there must be some), but there's a moment in that movie that I've always really loved.

On the boat tour, there's one dude who looks really out of place - a middle aged man, by himself, obviously not real excited about the trip. During the tour, he very quietly tips a container of ashes into the water, and there's a shot of him with tears in his eyes. That's it. It's never explained, but it's a lovely little humanizing moment in this movie where a giant croc eats people.

So anyway, my character's name is Viliam Adrian (his family was Romanian and his grandfather Anglicized their name from Adrianescu when they immigrated; he's second generation American). Viliam grew up in the States (where doesn't much matter, though he strikes me as northeastern), got married, had kids, they grew up and went to college, and he retired, and while he and his wife Jenny were waiting for her to retire, she died suddenly of a stroke. 

Since then, Viliam has spiraled a little. He's got support from his family, of course, but he's always been agnostic at best, and he would really like to know if Jenny is...anywhere. Like, if this is it, fine. If there's a Heaven, he's sure she's there. But it's the uncertainty he can't stand. So he's been reading about life after death and suchlike a lot, and going on ghost tours.

OK, plenty of backstory there! I need three or four Descriptors. Let's say Viliam is middle-aged (probably late 50s), somber, polite, and steady. I think he had a job that required some precision (but that allowed him to retire). Maybe he started as a factory worker and eventually became a machinist and then a foreman. Oh, that would answer the next question: Occupation. He's a retired plant foreman. 

The last thing is Motive, and there are six of these, but they have an attached Advantage. I think the one that makes the most sense is make contact with a deceased loved one, which would allow Jenny to shield Viliam from Harm once (a little like Embeth Davidtz in Thir13en Ghosts). That's a little more decisive than I see Viliam, but that's OK, I think that's probably a cool way for it to play out at the table. Plus, you don't have to fulfill your Motive (a little like the Fatal Flaw from A Tragedy in Five Acts, actually). 

And that's it, kids!

Name: Viliam Adrian
Descriptors: Middle-aged, somber, polite, steady
Occupation: Retired plant foreman
Motive: Make contact with a deceased loved one

Character Creation: Hell Night

Wooo! Crank up the Whitesnake!

The Game: Hell Night
The Publisher: Exalted Funeral
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one, and some good reading glasses

Hell Night is a pretty simple concept on its face. The Dark Master of Hell has fucked off for some reason (there's a random table to determine why), and various Archons of Hell have taken the opportunity to flee to Earth. Heaven has given an ultimatum: Get your shit together or we invade at dawn. So you and your fellow demons are mounting up doom-cycles to go and chase down the Archons. Throw me a squeedly guitar!

But figuring all that out took basically reading the whole book, because the book is formatted in an art style that's referred to "eye melting." Honestly, though, it's less about the visual style and more that the book jumps straight into rules (there's a couple of paragraphs of flavor text, but they don't tell you much) and the actual premise of the game doesn't happen until closer to the end.

For all that, though, the game looks playable, the premise looks cool (particularly for those of us that grok the 80s aesthetic), and there are lots of fun random tables for determining things. Let's make a demon!

Starting with name, I suppose? Let's call him Seir (it's one of the demons listed in the Lesser Key of Solomon, and his description makes me think it'd be interesting to adapt him for this game):

So next we set Guts, Style, and Brains. They each start at 5, then we get 6 to distribute. Seir seems like someone with brains, so let's put Brains at 8. Let's put Style at 7, and that leaves Guts at 6. 

Now we select a Duty, which is basically like character class. Seir is pretty clearly Fallen. So I get to roll for a Flaw - he's an insufferable, pedantic, nihilist. I could play that, I've got people I could channel. 

I get one Power for every point of Brains above 5, which means I get 3. I want Speed, Light, and Splendor. 

Background. Presumably this is the "life" I fell into on Earth, though it's not well-explained. The roll gives me "feral ranger," so I get a longbow, a hunting knife, and a map. Probably not what I would have chosen, but maybe that's good for a Fallen. 

Next I get an Edge and a Ritual, if I deserve them. Let's assume I do. I'll take Dark Master's Pet, which would mean that when I do something nice for the GM I get a point of Grit. Since I wind up cooking and making drinks, that'd be pretty easy in play, plus I think it's in keeping with my concept for Seir. Likewise, let's say he knows Summon the Hungry Spirits as his Ritual. 

Now I must sum up Seir's attitude with a motto, and explain his style. Hmm. 

Well, the "feral ranger" thing threw me for a bit of a loop. I wasn't thinking of him being quite so outdoorsy, but if we take the nihilism and run with it, I think it works. So let's say Seir was the beautiful guy riding the winged horse, but since Falling he's really kinda let himself go - he's dirty, hairy, and well, feral. Let's call that style "Feral Woodsman." Motto should probably tie back into that whole "pedantic nihilism" thing, so let's say it's "Things fall apart." (Can't beat the classics.)

Now, building one's Hell Ride isn't specifically called out as part of chargen, but there's a section for it on the character sheet and it's clearly important, so let's do that! Hell Rides are living hell-creatures in the form of motorcycles, so let's say that Seir's is his winged horse that has been reconstituted into a chopper. (He's not thrilled by that.) 

The Hell Ride gets a power, which is (roll)...explodes on command. Sure, that's pretty damn nihilistic. It likes to wheelie by itself. Rolling on the name table, I get "Howling Bull," but I'm gonna call it "Howling Mare" instead. 

And that's really it. I think when Seir uses his Splendor power all the dirt falls away and he reveals himself in his angelic form...and then when it ends he's right down in the dirt again. Most of the time, he looks grubby and pathetic, but then you get close and see the eyes with the fires of Hell behind him. 

That'll do it!

Movie #830: Tank Girl

Tank Girl is a superhero (kinda) comedy starring Lori Petty, Naomi Watts, Ice-T, Malcolm McDowell, Don Harvey, Reg E. Cathy, and Jeff Kober.

In the distant future of...2033 (jesus), following a comet hitting Earth, there's no water. Rather, there's enough water to support life, but Water & Power, run by the ruthless Kesslee (McDowell), controls it, and rules over an ill-defined water-based economy. Rebecca (Petty) and her buds live in a house and siphon water from W&P's pipelines, which works great until W&P rolls in and kills most of them. Rebecca gets put in prison where she meets Jet (Watts), a mechanic and pilot trying to keep her head down and avoid the notice of the aggressive horny Sgt. Small (Harvey).

Anyway, they escape, steal a tank and a jet, respectively, and go on the run to recruit the Rippers, a band of mutant kangaroo soldiers. Including Ice-T. As a mutant kangaroo. Look, this movie is weird.

Eventually Rebecca and her buds invade W&P, kill Kesslee, free Rebecca's little adopted sister Sam (Stacy Linn Ramsower) and...water happens? 

This movie is strange, but it should have been stranger, it should have been rated R, and we should have seen Tank Girl in bed with her ripper boyfriend Booga (Kober) and been able to see his immense prosthetic dong, but the studio got all squeamish and cut a bunch of stuff. The result is that the movie is quirky and fun, but it feels thin and almost cowardly. This happened a lot in the 90s (see also Mortal Kombat) where studios adapted IPs but the creative decisions got made by marketing types who have no idea what's actually cool about said IPs, and the result is really watered down.

For all that, Tank Girl has some good things going on. Lori Petty is perfect in the title role. Malcolm McDowell, whom you can always count on to chew some scenery, brings his trademark menace to Kesslee. Naomi Watts hadn't hit it big here, but you can see her acting ability coming through. And the soundtrack is pretty awesome. 

I love this movie probably mostly out of nostalgia, but that's fine. 

My Grade: B-
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: The Terminator

Character Creation: Knight

Ugh, almost three weeks into the month before I make a character (last one doesn't count as November, it was meant to be the last character of October). 

But in my defense, it's been a shitty month and just sitting at my computer has been somewhat triggering. It's easy to yearn for the days of yore, where you could solve a problem by sticking a sword into it. 

The Game: Knight
The Publisher: Armoured Gaming
Degree of Familiarity: None, though it does remind me of a couple of other games
Books Required: Just the one

Knight (which is one of those RPG titles that makes you think "did you understand when you did this that googling your product is going to be a chore?") is a fantasy-ish RPG set in Arthurian-like myth. I say "like" because although it's set in "Avalon," it's not actually set in Arthurian mythos per se (not like, say, Age of Arthur). The game lists Blades in the Dark and Pendragon as inspirations, and the latter I definitely see, though I'd be hard-pressed to pick out the influence from Blades. The movie Dragonheart also shows up; it's the genesis of the knightly oath. 

But the real selling point, I guess, is that you make a knight and a couple of NPCs, one of whom is your heir. Your knight is probably going to kick it at some point, and then you elevate your heir to knighthood and carry on. I like the idea; I admit my eyes glazed over a little when I was parsing the system, but it was late at night so that's not a big surprise. So let's make a knight! (Fun fact: my brain auto-corrects that word to the faux-French pronunciation from Monty Python & the Holy Grail every single time. "Kanigit.")

Character creation has a bunch of random rolls, which I always appreciate. 

First, we create/roll/choose a name for our knight. I shall name him Raibeart.

Coat of arms, however, I shall roll for. Black background with a sun. That's striking. 

My age is 16 + 1d10, rolled a 2, so 18. I'm a young'un. My patron spirit is St. Gertrude the Forester. Sounds good.

3d6 for physical descriptors gives me...hard eyes, bald/shaven hair, thin body. Maybe Raibeart was a monk. 

Next we put 12, 10, and 8 in Vigor, Wit, and Prowess however we like. I think if Raibeart was a monk, Vigor probably isn't his strong point, so I'll put my 8 there. I'll put the 12 in Wit, and that leaves the 10 in Prowess. 

Roll a d8 for a special skill...hunter! Archery, woodcraft, animal lore, stealth, fits in with my patron saint.

Two family members! I need names, ages (younger, but close to me in age), relationship, and something interesting about them. Well, let's say the first one is Murdo, my nephew. He's the eldest son of his family so he really should be the one inheriting and so on, but he was thrown from his horse when he was 15 and almost died. He's healed pretty well (he's now 17), but he's missed a lot of opportunity.

The other one is Gertrude, my sister (16). Gertrude always knew that monastic life wasn't going to work out for Raibeart, and bet him that if he left the monastery within a year, she got to be his heir. He lost that bet. Yes, she's named for the saint - St. Gertrude is a big deal in Raibeart's family.

I have 8 Endurance, so...sure. 

I get to choose/roll/create my family name, which also happens to be the name of our fief. Let's call it Kerk. 

I get a squire; let's name him Heck. I get a horsey, let's name her Sunbolt. I get a sword and another fine weapon; let's say it's an axe. And then I get two just functional weapons, we'll say hunting bow and spear.

I get armor that was passed down from my mother's family - supposedly the leather straps were made from a beast blessed by St. Gertrude or sacrificed to her or something (the story changes). I get a shield with the Kerk heraldry, and 5 Glory, and that's it, son.

I figure Raibeart is a little more outdoorsy and active than a monastic life allowed; maybe he had an older brother who got killed in battle and that allowed him to become a knight (we're playing pretty fast and loose with actual chivalric stuff, here, obviously). Raibeart's fief is in the woods; Kerk is known for good hunting, but also some dangerous wildlife and terrain. 

Raibeart himself is 18. He's been out of the monastery a while but still shaves his head (hair itches as it grows in and he doesn't like it). 

That'll do it, I think!

Pugmire: Interrogation and Exile

Yesterday was Pugmire! Woof! Or "wuh", as they'd said in French. 

Last time, after some light burglary and traipsing through the Underneath, the dogs agreed to turn themselves in (along with the evidence they'd found implicating Taymor Persian von Cymric and the Seekers of Ubaste). They get marched to the Ruling Council building, stripped of their weapons and armor (Dire Newfoundland asks politely to keep his armor; they do not agree), and put in separate rooms for interrogation. A fancily dressed cat, a cat in the robes of a minister, and a cat in heavy armor with a serious-looking crossbow all come in (we cross-cut between the characters being questioned). 

The minister casts a Lie Ward, and the questioning begins. The dogs are asked first to recount their travels in the Monarchies - why they came, where they've been, what they've done. The Pioneers relate their capture of Pickles von Shadow and how they agreed to help Amaranth von Rex take the criminal back to the Monarchies. They recount solving the friction between rats and mice in Waterdog Port, and Boomer Pitbull relates killing an allodile and making armor from its skin. They talk about their voyage on the Shivering Star and how they battled a storm demon on the high seas. 

Their journey then took them to Port Matthew, where Gelert Sausagedog relates the battle against the Cult of the Ebon Skull and the dogs discuss the fight with the immense two-headed undead giant. From there the journey took them north into the Monarchies, and into the Henkelion, accompanied by Hootie von Mau and Risky Marge von Cymric. Their journey put them into conflict with giant ants, and then the inhabitants of Caer Clawtree ("and we didn't even get to see the end of the concert," grouses Sausagedog). Boomer makes sure to mention that he won a turkey-leg eating contest.

They eventually made it into Mau City, and that's about when everything went to hell. Boomer explains that when the medal was put around his neck, everyone around him became a demon and he felt compelled to kill them. Dire offers that the demon - the dog in armor called the Protector - just has that effect on everything around it. Petunia Pibble confirms that the medal was magical and led to possession and mind control, but does insist that they tried to help the people and that Boomer wasn't the only one affected. This is confirmed by witnesses, of course, and eventually the dogs finish their story and find it corroborated by the journal and by other cats who saw what happened.

All five dogs (you might notice that Peppa Papillon didn't have much to say; that's because her player was out) get put in a room for the evening - it's not a cell, but the cats ask that the dogs extend them the courtesy of not trying to leave. That night, as Petunia is up late scribbling notes and sketching what she has seen, she sees cat-like eyes gleaming in the dark. She Sniffs Magic and senses the foul stench of the Unseen, and wakes the others.

The creature in the corner taunts them; Boomer throws cat toys at it, but it responds by possessing Peppa. She sits up and Petunia reads a spell to counter the possession, but Peppa's nose starts to bleed and the demon threatens to rip one of Peppa's organs from her body on its way out if it's ejected. The demon - the Nagayaga - taunts them, and congratulates them on preventing the deaths of the Ruling Council. It wistfully muses that it wanted the War of Cats and Dogs to restart, and Sausagedog prods it a little, getting it to monologue. When the dogs and cats fight, it says, they pull out all the stops, they employ whatever engines of destruction or magical devices they think will let them win, because anything is justifiable in war.

"And you know the secret truth about war?" it says...and then releases Peppa. 

The dogs comfort her, and Dire says that having someone else who can repel the demons of the Unseen and strike with the power of Man is going to be necessary if they're to take on a demon this powerful. Dire says that he intends to be that dog, and wishes to train with Peppa.

The next day, the cats return and give their decision. The dogs are not going to imprisoned (or, indeed, even tried), but they are going to be exiled from the Monarchies. They probably are not to blame for what happened, but the politics of the situation don't allow for anything else. They'll be escorted into the Fearful Forest, and their escort will leave them at about the halfway point. From there, they can continue west, and the path should put them out just north of Mutt Town.

A contingent of armored cats accompanies them, and over the next few days they tromp south through Mau and then west into the Monarch of Korat. They spot a squat, grey thing in the distance, which their escort informs them is Castle Korat - it may look ugly from here, but it's nigh-impenetrable. 

The path continues, and a few days later they enter the Forest. The escort accompanies them into the woods to a big, circular clearing, and points out the various paths. Several of them will loop around and put them back into Korat. One, bordered by a stone archway, put them into the Iron Fang Maze, a proving ground for Korat warriors. The main westerly path will take them through the Fearful Forest, back to Pugmire.

The escort leaves them, and they set up camp for the night. Dire takes the first watch, and as he's walking around the campsite, his paw brushes a tree. He suddenly remembers - not sees, remembers - running through the woods, past two huge standing stone, something chasing him. He looks back and sees a creature, an immense cat running on all fours, with two huge fangs sticking out of its top jaw. He also realizes that he is a cat, or rather, in this memory he was. He trips and falls, and sees the monster leap...and that's all he remembers.

As he processes this, his mind recalls growing up in Riverwall, seeing the dust motes in sunbeams coming through his window...and then this memory drains away like water down a sink. It's gone. He remembers Riverwall, remembers it being dirty, but this memory is gone.

Horrified, Dire backs away from the tree. He wakes Sausagedog to take over on watch and warns him about the tree. Sausagedog studiously avoids it, and then wakes Petunia and warns her. She Sniffs Magic and senses it all around, but when it comes time to wake Boomer she forgets to warn him. 

Boomer, as is his custom, rubs up against the nearest tree to scratch his back, and he remembers being a soldier. He gives a signal and he and his battalion of dogs charge through the woods, surprising a squad of cats and slaughtering them. He stands amidst the carnage, victorious, and howls his family name - PITBULL!

Boomer also remembers his foster mother teaching him a song when he was a pup...but then the tune, the lyrics, and the whole memory mute and fade. He is stuck with the memory of himself as a brutal soldier, but the memory of learning that song is lost.

Boomer wakes Peppa and warns her about the tree, and tries to sleep. In the morning, the dogs talk through what happened, and Petunia, mortified, apologizes for forgetting to warn Boomer. The dogs pack up their camp and head west into the Fearful Forest, finally heading home to Pugmire.

Thirsty Sword Lesbians: The Beginnging

Last night we began our trek into Thirsty Sword Lesbians! Well, that's not quite accurate. We really began it a couple of weeks ago when we did session 0, but I didn't do a write-up about that. 

Anyway! Our community is NEBULA, basically made of the refugees from the six planets that make up that acronym (Nero, Earth, Boultus, U?, L?, and Andromeda - we haven't named U or L yet, but it'll come up in play at some point). There are millions of people who have been displaced from those world (though all of them still have some population), many living on host planets. 

The host planets include Dyson (a series of stratified land masses; one of the leaders, Asia of the Land Beneath, has done a great deal of work helping relocate NEBULA refugees). Also Kieron, which includes a Hidden Garden that is, they say, slightly out of phase with the rest of the universe - you have to have some secret knowledge or condition to enter it. 

But the NEBULA has its issues. There's a lack of consensus on how best to proceed, and a lack of communication between branches and factions. For example, one John Greenberg of Sussex wants to create New Sussex somewhere, and advocates terraforming and even colonization to achieve it. And he's approachable and charismatic, too, so he's got supporters.

On the whole, though, NEBULA is good people...unlike our Toxic Powers.

First, there's the Warden. The Warden is a huge...civilization? It's hard to know. The face of the Warden is Erroll, and Erroll might be an AI or a robot or a series of clones. It's how the Warden communicates. The Warden collectively sucks the natural resources and life off of planets, making them (almost) unfit for habitation, but then arranges to get the native populations off the planet and take them along - and life becomes easy and safe. So the Warden grows into this big mass of ships, always searching for more planets to suck dry.

And in their wake, our other Toxic Power, the Circus. The Circus is a hodge-podge civilization that has formed in the Warden's wake. They're nihilistic, starved for entertainment, and violent. They arrange fights to the death in the Patchwork Ring, a huge amphitheater built into an asteroid. The Circus doesn't really have a leader per se, but their emcee and spokesman is Dancing Bear, a colorful and flamboyant Grandmaster-type person. 

And into all of this, we have our characters:

• Hedera, the Nature Witch. Hedera is from Artemisia, one of the host planets (but I'll bet the Warden has been eyeing it hungrily). Hedera's people live in concert with the land and the creatures (and plants) thereof, but when they reach a certain age they go off-planet to learn about things. Hedera is in this "college" stage, and willing their special tree to become a spaceship. They have a little pet blobtopus called Helix. They are painfully, hilariously, naive, but also capable of shattering buildings by calling up the planets. They wield a sword of living wood.
  
• Cleo, the Beast. Cleo's planet was destroyed by the Warden long ago and the Circus mopped up most of the rest. What's left of her people follow in the wake of the Circus, now. Cleo (and her race generally) are capable of changing into small but very deadly black-footed cats. Cleo built her sword out of remnants she found. 
• Esme Cooper, the Infamous. Esme used to be a recruiter for the Circus, but has left and sworn never again to harm the innocent. She still wears the tattoos of her former people, however, and carries a wicked and sharp blade. She is, perhaps, a little taken with...
• Izzy Rich, the Scoundrel. Izzy is from Boultus (though she was off-planet during the attack), but that's the least interesting thing about her. Izzy falls in love the way some of us change socks, and feels about you either a 10 or a 0; there is little in-between. She went on a date with Hedera and realized fairly quickly that Hedera didn't know they were on a "date", or that a "date" wasn't some kind of fruit. She is presently smitten with Esme, but it'll never work, and she knows it. 

Our motley crew takes work as mercenaries, and if they happen to do some good or strike a blow against the Warden into the bargain, well, great. On this particular day, they have been hired by the Overlord Nero of Planet Nero. 

Seems Nero's daughter Malfi ran off with Sarina, the Infanta of Planet Andromeda. Nero doesn't much care about that and he wants his daughter to be happy, but he's concerned for her safety because the Ruler of Andromeda is not, shall we say, supportive of the Infanta running off with a commoner. The team is in a bar on Nero talking this out. Kind of.

Nero, as the "N" in NEBULA, is a blasted, scoured wasteland. A few megacities still dot the landscape, but everything has to be important. This particular bar is high-end - it's near Overlord Nero's pad, after all - and it's called the Dollhouse. There are glass cases with doll's clothes pinned to cork like butterflies hanging on the walls. Very chic. 

Izzy sidles up to the bar to order a rosé, and recognizes the bartender as Eizos, her former flame (well, one of them). She immediately rekindles said flame and entices Eizos to run off with her, at least for a few minutes. Eizos gets flustered and overfills the wine, and notes that she's not off for a while - she has a counter on her wrist that counts down to when her shift is over. But she does need to go clean that stockroom...

With Izzy thus sidelined, Cleo and Hedera both sip suspiciously at the wine - well, Hedera sips, Cleo just necks it. Esme orders herself a whiskey (and she actually has the local currency, which is good because that's all this bar takes), as well as juice for Hedera and beer for Cleo. The three of them drink a bit, and then Esme goes back for another drink and the bartender (not Eizos, who is still busy) offers her to start a tab. She agrees, and the bartender affixes a counter to her wrist that goes up whenever she orders a drink. 

Unfortunately, no one is watching Hedera, who goes to the middle of the bar, sits down, and awakens the wild. Their intentions are pure; they just want to beautify the place. Unfortunately, it results in vines growing up the walls and knocking doll-clothes cases off, rattling the foundations, and Eizos and Izzy pop out of the closet, perhaps a little disheveled. The bartender looks around in horror and Esme's counter goes bleeeep as the numbers go up. Esme initially refuses, but the bartender points out that this little troublemaker came in with her, as far as he's concerned it's on her tab. Esme tries to figure him out to suss out how to get around this, but all he does is reaffirm that he's not afraid of the Circus. 

Esme growls that she does not work for the Circus, and Izzy steps in. She points out that they're going to Andromeda soon, and since everything here has to be imported, perhaps there's something on Andromeda that he needs? He considers (and she entices) and then says that he needs "liquid hate." 

Izzy smoothly gets him to tell her what that is ("I know what that is, but if you had to explain it to someone who didn't, how would-"). He produces an empty bottle, stained black by whatever was in it. Cleo sniffs it, and it smells bitter...but also like the feeling of watching one's enemies die, pure distilled schadenfreude. The crew agrees to retrieve some for the bartender, and then they get the heck out before something else goes wrong.

They talk about their next steps, and Hedera points out that if Sarina and Malfi ran away, they probably aren't on Sarina's home planet (that's what "away" means). Esme points out that lovers wishing to marry against their parents' will often head for Gretna Green - it's traditional. To Earth, then!

The crew lands in Scotland, but sees no immediate evidence of the couple (no Neronian or Andromedan ships, for instance). They spread out - Hedera talks to a flock of sheep, her wild friends, and they confirm that Malfi and Sarina were there, but have left ("where did they go?" "...up."). Esme goes into town and finds a lovers' hotel, with a robust, red-haired woman sitting outside eating an apple (or whatever synthetic abomination passes for one). She asks after the couple and after a little figuring out (during which she realizes that the woman just wants to make sure the couple won't come to any harm), the woman allows Esme to go look at their room. She also mentions that the couple said something to the effect of "now we can get in" when they left...

Esme yells for Cleo, and Izzy stays downstairs and begins seducing the woman, who is of course all she's ever wanted. And that means, unfortunately, that no one is watching Hedera.

Hedera sits and talks with the sheep, and asks if there's anything they'd like. They pretty much universally respond "grass," since whatever they're eating isn't really, and Hedera obligingly awakens the wild. As they do, though, they realize that the scouring of Earth by the Warden, combined with the shit that the native people put the planet through beforehand, has made for some weird flora and fauna, and Hedera isn't really sure what they're gonna get...

Meanwhile, Cleo and Esme go to the room that Malfi and Sarina shared. Cleo rolls around on the bed, tears off the bedclothes, and paws at things, sniffing and tasting. She smells both Malfi (recognizing the scent from when she was at Nero's place) and an unfamiliar odor she assumes to be Sarina. She also smells gun oil and leather ("ooh"), and the scent from the woman downstairs, probably from her cleaning the room. 

In the distance, a rumbling sound. Hedera has called up a temperate forest for the sheep, but there's moss on the trees. The moss has a greasy, meaty smell, almost like fried chicken, and it's already attracting bugs. The characters reconvene and decide to get the hell off-planet - Izzy invites the woman, Maisie, along, and, smitten, she agrees.

Back on the ship, they talk through what they've learned (and reassure Hedera that they have not "done a bad"). Esme realizes where the couple has gone - the Hidden Garden on Kieron! They set out, but as they're approaching Kieron, a ship looms into view behind them.

It's long and almost sword-shaped, with solar panels down the blade. Esme, with her wicked past, knows this ship - it's called the Piercing Gasp, and it's captained by Tranquility, the former Queen of the Moon. She was ousted in a rebellion, and is now a merc like the characters, though of a much nastier bent. She wants her former glory back. Izzy claims to know her, too ("I dated her sister in college, her real name isn't even Tranquility, it's Stephanie"). 

Hedera pushes a comms button and says "Don't hurt the plants!" In response, the torpedo ports on the Gasp open.

Movie #829: Tango & Cash

Tango & Cash is a buddy-cop action/comedy starring Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell, Jack Palance, Teri Hatcher, and Brion James.

It's late-80s LA, and the city is under siege from a flood of organized crime and drugs, but being expertly protected by Ray Tango (Stallone) and Gabe Cash (Russell), superhero cops. (Not literally superheros, of course.) They've never met, but have a rivalry going on, which escaped Bond villain Yves Perrett (Palance) exploits, along with their "I WORK ALONE" attitudes, to frame them for murder. They get arrested, arraigned, tried, and plead guilty within two weeks, which is totally a plausible thing that would happen, and then sent to what they think is going to be a minimum security prison but winds up to be...a normal prison. They escape (again, plausible), and hunt down and extra-judicially kill Perrett and his small army of soldiers. Justice prevails!

OK, look. I object to the overuse of the term "copaganda" (and I find it a little cringey anyway, though the principle is of course very real) being applied to any movie, show, or cartoon with anyone in a uniform in it, but like...this kind of applies. Tango & Cash destroy property, shoot guns willy-nilly, and, again, when they escape from prison they don't try to take Perrett alive or bring any of the myriad of witnesses who could vouch for them in, they just steal a prototype armored vehicle from Q Division (run by Michael J. Pollard instead of Desmond Llewelyn) and then destroy it gunning down dozens of hired security. And then at the end, they high-five while a Bad English song plays, and they're Back On Force because they Cleared Their Names! 

Yeah, whatever. We don't watch these movies for accuracy and we shouldn't watch them for moral pointers. We watch them for the same reason Ray Tango is a cop - "good old American action." Stallone and Russell both look like they're having fun as they toss off really cringey one-liners ("there's a lot of new pollution in the sky tonight and they call it 'Perrett'!"). Teri Hatcher plays Sister/Girlfriend (ew), so she gets to be something else for the boys to fight over. Eddie Bunker and Geoffrey Lewis stop by as their police captains (and they don't even fall back on the "idiot captain" trope, thinking about it). Gunplay, explosions, martial arts, cool.

Actually, what's weird about this movie is how much it resembles a Bond movie. We learn very little about Perrett (actually, at one point we're told that the boys are going to here "that information about Perrett" and then it just...never happens), but he's got a secret base with an army of dudes and he likes to play big elaborate games rather than just shooting his foes. Oh, and he's got colorful henchman (including Brion James doing his best to field a cockney accent) and pets that he loves (they're rats, but whatever, they can't all have sharks). And his name is Yves Perrett. 

Anyway, it's a weird little slice of late-80s action, and is somehow less problematic than some of the other examples of the genre. And it's fun watching Stallone try to play a smart, articulate character in a suit. He more or less manages. 

My Grade: C
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: Tank Girl

Board Game: The Refuge

Starving zombies, man. No brains around h...wait, I feel like I made this joke.

The Game: The Refuge
The Publisher: B&B Studios, though they don't seem to have a website (googling the game brings up eBay)
Time: 20 minutes-ish
Players: Me, Michelle, Megan, and Amanda

Game Play: The conceit of the game is that the zombie apocalypse happened and the players, as survivors, are trying to get to a safe place. Evidently there's only room for one, though. On your turn, you can move one space (horizontally or vertically), play a card, or draw a card.

The vast wastelands

Some spaces have skulls on them, which spawn a zombie that you can put on any skull-space. Some are "SAFE" spaces, where zombies cannot tread, but some are "switch" spaces which let you swap places with any player on a safe space. And some are "hazard" spaces that let you move a zombie one space (again, non-diagonal). The cards let you do things like jump a space, move diagonally, or kill a zombie (but weapons are gone once used). 

Zombies show up pretty quick, as is typical

Opinions: It's a nice, simple strategic movement game. You have to balance forward movement with doing enough to screw the other players, and you have to be careful about camping on safe spaces because it's real easy to get swapped with a switch space much further back in the board. Moving a zombie onto someone else can kill them (sending them back to start), but if they have a weapon it can actually be of benefit at times. 

I like it well enough; Michelle felt it was a bit thin. If I want zombie-themed survival games there are better ones, though this one has the advantage of being fast (unlike games like Dead of Winter or Zombies!!!).

She was victorious, though

 

Keep? Sure, for the moment.

Movie #828: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is a sports comedy (I use the term loosely, as the "sport" in question is NASCAR) starring Will Ferrell, John C. Riley, Gary Cole, Jane Lynch, Sacha Baron Cohen, Michael Clarke Duncan, Amy Adams, Leslie Bibb, Houston Tumlin, and Grayson Russell. 

The movie chronicles the career ("life" is a little too generous) of the titular Ricky Bobby (Ferrell). Abandoned by his drug-addled father (Cole), he grows up to work in a NASCAR pit crew and then takes over for a driver when said driver (Adam McKay, the writer/director in a cameo) decides "fuck it". He spins it into a lucrative career, marries a pit groupie named Carly (Bibb), and kinda-sorta takes his best friend Cal (Riley) along for the ride, except that he refuses to let Cal win a race occasionally.

A French Formula One racer (Baron Cohen) gets added to the team and immediately shows Bobby up, and Bobby causes a wreck trying to beat him, which lands him with psychosomatic paralysis. Also Carly leaves him for Cal. His father reappears and teaches him to race again, which works for a bit, until he discovers that his father's personal motto ("If you ain't first, you're last") was drug-addled garbage and has (another) crisis of faith. But then his long-suffering assistant (Adams, before she was quite so famous but after her first Oscar nom) talks him back into himself and he goes on to...well, not win, but at least race, reconcile with Cal and forge a new relationship with his father and his family.

There's a lot I'm leaving out, but I think the parts I'm leaving out kind of speak to my general feeling on the movie. This is one of Ferrell's "mediocre man" movies, along with Anchorman and Fire Saga (and maybe Semi-Pro, but I haven't seen that one) - a guy who has some middling amount of skill but is convinced of his own importance, who falls from grace and manages to reclaim, if not his former glory, than at least find some peace within himself and his life. The plot is pretty thin, but the parts that aren't plot are bits. Notice I didn't mention Ricky's kids, Walker (Tumlin) and Texas Ranger (Russell), because they're not important to the plot but they are important to the movie because their loud, demonic antics are pretty funny. Same with Bobby's pit crew, which includes Jack McBrayer and Dave Koechner - they have some funny lines and clever bits, but none of it is really plot-relevant. 

And that's all fine. I actually liked this movie more than I remembered I did; I thought I recalled the bits going on too long (like 90s/early aughts bits often did), but actually most of them were pretty snappy and the droning I remembered was from deleted scenes. Speaking of that, there are a couple that showed more of Ricky's young life and his early desire to "go fast" that probably should have been included, but the movie is generally so light that it doesn't much matter. 

I think I can safely say that, unlike some sports movies, I don't feel like I'm missing much by not being a NASCAR fan because most of the movie takes place outside the races. Is that a misstep? I don't know. It's not really about racing, it's about this dork Ricky Bobby and his hubris. 

I can't tell if I like it better than Anchorman, but I know I liked Fire Saga more because at least that had some fun musical performances.

My Grade: B
Rewatch Value: Medium

Next up: Tango & Cash

Board Game: Zombies!!!

I suppose they're all starving. Not a lot of brains around here, after all.

The Game: Zombies!!! (plus some expansions)
The Publisher: Twilight Creations
Time: I think this game took something like 4 hours, but it doesn't have to be quite that long. It's always long, though
Players: Me, Michelle, Gus, Amanda

Game Play: The game is actually pretty simple, all things considered. Every turn you place a tile, put zombies on the tile, roll a d6 to move your pawn, and if during your move (or before it) you wind up on a space with a zombie, you have to fight it. That requires rolling a 4 or better on a d6. If you're short, you can make up the difference with bullet tokens (you start with 3), or spend a life toke (you start with 3) to reroll, but if you run out of life, you "die", which just means you go back to the starting tile and refresh your tokens. 

You get event cards, which let you do a variety of things - move faster, screw with another play, weapon cards give you bonuses to combat, you can move zombies or stop them attacking, that sort of thing. Events can be played any time, but once you play one you can't play another until the beginning of your next turn.

The very beginnings of apocalypse

You can collect more bullets and hearts around the map (they "spawn" in tiles with named buildings), but there are always zombies around, so at a certain point you have to decide whether it's worth it to risk your existing resources to pick up more. The balance on that is that fighting zombies can be its own reward (see below). 

You can win in one of two ways. Either you get to the helipad tile (which is the very last one in the stack) and clear out any zombies on it, or you collect 25 zombies (every time you kill a zombie you keep it; if you die you lose half your collected zombies). It's a competitive game, which actually took a little getting used to; a lot of the games we play are not.

Pictured: Gus' competitive face

But of course, in the interest of making life difficult for ourselves, we used a bunch of the expansions, too!

Had to take the slats out of the table and everything

There are a bunch of expansion sets, and I don't have them all (which is good, there wouldn't be room). They aren't standalone exactly, but you can play them on their own using the minis from the base game. What we did, however, we play them with the base game, and what that means is that there are entrance tiles to the army base, the mall, and the university mixed into the base stack. When you draw one, you put that on the table and then the tiles for that location become available, meaning you've got a whole other area to explore (complete with a whole other helipad to find, and the expansion stacks are shorter, meaning that theoretically it wouldn't take as long to find).

It does, however, require a shitload of table space

Some of the expansions offer new rules, too; the school on introduces "guts", a new type of token that limits the number of event cards you can have at a time. The army base one has a couple of "special" zombies that only die on a roll of 5 or 6 (and their figs are glow-in-the-dark!). 

Opinions: It's been a good long while since I played Zombies!!!, and it's definitely a fun game - the tile placement makes for a nicely organic way for the town to expand, there's a strategic element that you can approach from multiple directions, and the artwork on the cards is fun. It takes a long time to play no matter what you do, so you need to be prepared for that going in (though you can shorten the game in a few ways, like putting the helipad closer to the top of the tile stack; I'm sure Twilight Creations' page on Board Game Geek or similar sites also has suggestions). 

My main criticism is just that movement is really slow - you only move, at most, six spaces in a turn, which is barely enough to get you across a tile even if you don't go into a building. If you're playing with expansions, there are whole areas of the map that you're never going to get to because there's just not enough time to get all the way to the mall/school/base - actually in our game, we never made it into any of those places (no, tell a lie, I think Gus got into the mall very briefly). It's probably best to just play with one expansion at a time, or play just the expansion if you want to really get into it. Or, you could, I suppose, let people start on different tiles, but I don't know how well that would work. (The other option is to play with like 10 people, which I have done, but that really lengthens the game and requires booze and/or weed.)

There's another expansion called Jailbreak that starts you in a prison and has you break out before you can escape, and we didn't add that because it changes the game too much, but I think we'll play that one separately sometime. 

Keep? Yep.