Movie #839: Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is a Syfy/Asylum creature movie starring Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, A Martinez, Kathryn Joosten, Carey van Dyke, Kevin M. Horton, and a whole lot of bad CGI. Oh, and a cameo from Mickey Dolenz. 

Dr. Nikki Reilly (Gibson) and a couple of her doomed flunkies break into a...snake place? and steal a bunch of snakes, including some rare CGI pythons (python computerus generus) and release them into the Everglades because that's...nature-friendly somehow. The pythons grow to impossible proportions by eating alligators, leading Park Ranger/Sheriff Terry O'Hara (Tiffany) to declare snake-huntin' season. The snakes behave in a very un-snake like fashion and dismember people with their...necks, I guess...including O'Hara's fiance Justin (Van Dyke). 

O'Hara takes the only reasonable step she can: Giving special steroids to alligators so that they'll grow big enough to kill the snakes! This all works fine for a few months, but then the gators grow to truly absurd sizes, as do the snakes (because they're still eating the gators? who even knows anymore) and the various reptiles eat a bunch of people. They bring in Dr. Diego Ortiz, who's a herpetologist but also an Indian but also Appalachian? (Did you know you can just write words into a movie script and it doesn't matter what they are?) They don't actually listen to him, though, because O'Hara is throwing a fundraiser for the Everglades. The beasts crash the fund raiser and eat Mickey Dolenz (and a lot of other folks), and then trash Tampa (a snake eats a train. Like, just swallows the whole train) until they lure them to a quarry with magical pheromones and blow them up. Both Nikki and Terry are eaten in the process. 

Look, what happened here was that they got Tiffany and Debbie Gibson into the same movie and wanted them to have a catfight, and someone had seen Lake Placid, Anaconda, and The Relic and put all that shit into a blender and this is the milkshake that we got. It is not in any way good, but it is very, very funny. As campy terrible creature-features go, it's not as "good" as Python (starring William Zabka and Wil Wheaton!), but it's got the advantage of quoting both "Only in My Dreams" and "I Think We're Alone Now" in highly contrived situations, and of having Debbie Gibson smear whipped cream on Tiffany's cleavage, so make of that what you will. 

Supposedly this movie had a theatrical release ("in Texas," according to the wiki) and therefore it qualifies for inclusion on this project. As with Sharks in Venice, it's fun to watch in a group with liquor and mock it.

My Grade: F-
Rewatch Value: Low

Next up: Rogue

Character Creation: Here, There, Be Monsters!

Rar.

The Game: Here, There, Be Monsters!
The Publisher: Wendi Yu
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

I mean, you had me at the title, it's very clever. This game seems like it's cut from the same cloth as Into the Odd and Songbirds, i.e., lots of style, not so much information on how to actually play it. You're meant to be members of an organization that protects monsters and magic, but there's no name or detail provided on said organization - you make all that up. There's some details provided on your foes (government agency, neonazi occultists); still sparse, but workable. The bulk of the book is taken up with 100 different monsters you can be, and then there's like 3 pages of system.

I think there's enough here to run it without headache. Certainly it seems more intuitive than the other games I mentioned, but then, it's urban fantasy and monster-as-metaphor, and I'm fairly familiar with that as a concept. The game also does mention that capitalists probably won't have much fun, which got me thinking that I don't actually know anyone who would specifically self-apply the label "capitalist," but that is a whole other rabbit hole.

Also there are a lot of words in italics throughout this book, and I can't decide if I like that better than the old White Wolf habit of having Very Important Capitalized Terms or not. 

Ahem. Anyway, there's no sheet, which is a shame, but a character would fit on an index card. So!

Character creation is really loosey-goosey, it's basically "think of a background and add some tags," but then there's a table with 100 backgrounds, so I'm definitely gonna roll on it because there's some delightfully weird shit in there. So let's do that! 

A roll of 75 gets me...Jinni. I was trapped inside a thing, but now I'm free, there are no strings on me. I can use magic, but only when someone wishes for it, and then when I do I roll a d6 to see if the wish is fulfilled correctly (that is, letter of the wish vs. spirit of the wish). Otherwise I don't have a lot of guidance for my tags. 

Well, sure. Let's say that my jinn character is named Giv. Giv doesn't really know how long he's been around, and doesn't understand the question, really - he's a creature of the moment (when people press the issue, he usually points out that "having any real sense of time" and "being trapped in a small space for eons" are not a good combo anyway). For a long...time, he was trapped in a jar, sealed with a particular preparation of wax that incorporates an herb that doesn't exist anymore. The last time he was freed, therefore, he couldn't be sealed in. FREEDOM!

Why was he always sealed up? Well, because people make stupid, shortsighted wishes, and he fulfilled them, and things went sideways, and then people blamed Giv. He's gotten more circumspect about fulfilling wishes since being freed - he's not trapped, so he doesn't have a "master" anymore - but people still wish and he still uses magic, and sometimes shit gets fucky. He never quite manages to convince people of the truth, which is that you can have what you want handed to you but there are always consequences, they just might not be immediate or for you. Maybe only someone with his view on time can appreciate that, who knows. Let's get some coffee.

(Giv is a huge fan of coffee, and marvels that it's so readily available these days. Did someone wish for that?)

ANYWAY. Characters are composed of tags. There are three: Be, Have, and Do, and each one gets two tags assigned to it. Is Magic a separate one? Oh, no, it's one of those three, and then it grants me Magic Words. Neat. OK, then. What are Giv's tags?

Be: This is "anything that significantly defines" Giv. Let's say he's outside of time and ready to party. 

Have: Well, the most important thing Giv has is freedom. He also has enough money, always in cash (Giv can just reach into his pocket and pull out enough currency to buy whatever's important in the moment, which sounds super OP, but if you think about cash is much less relevant and useful than once it was). 

Do: Clearly my Magic tag needs to go here, so we'll call it jinn magic. Giv should also know how to blend in with humans, which would probably mean speaking whatever language is necessary (I love characters that can do that). 

And then because I have a Magic tag, I get 1d4 (hang on...2) words from the magic words table, which represent spells I can cast easily. Let's take "void" and "change". Those are broad and terrifying.

Giv is a young Persian man, man in his late 20s but the longer people know him the harder they find pinning down his age. He knows basically everything, but not until you ask, which means he doesn't volunteer information much. Despite his calm and reserved demeanor, he loves parties and drinks like a fish, but never seems to get drunk. He likes sleeping alone in the biggest bed he can find; he likes to spread out. He's been in tight spaces long enough.

That'll do it!

Giv
Be: Outside of Time, Ready to Party
Have: Freedom, Enough Money (Always in Cash)
Do: Jinn Magic (change, void), Blend in with Humans

Pugmire: Return to the Donk

After missing a month because norovirus happened (ew), we are back in the fantastical land of Pugmire where there's a king, but he isn't a complete evil bastard and is in fact a dog. Things are better there is what I'm saying. Here's last time.

The Pioneers have returned home to Pugmire after more than a year away. A few things are different - there are a couple new mendicant acolytes working and serving in the kitchens in Riverwall. Granny Sue Weimaraner has opened a second tavern in the northern end of Riverwall, nearer the city center. Recreational "treats" are now legal in Pugmire, and stalls and vendors dispensing said treats are all over the place, some of them kind of shady. There's talk of building a bridge over the river, and someone - a former associate of the now-deceased crime boss Luigi Husky - is trying to raise plastic to get it going. And the site of the characters' former storehouse, the one that burned down back here, has been purchased by parties unknown. Whoever it is intends to build something fancy there, perhaps in an attempt to gentrify Riverwall. 

In any case, the Pioneers have decided to head back to the village of Ellendonk, the hometown of Petunia Pibble. If you've got a really good memory, you might recall that they were there once before, following a request by Heinrich Doberman. Turns out Doberman was a slaver and cat trafficker and just all around bastard who tried to have the Pioneers killed, and that he'd already arranged to empty out Ellendonk as cover for his slave-staffed iron mine. King Puckington Pug has, in the two years since then, stationed a garrison of guard dogs at the mine to make sure that the miners are, like, employees. Ellendonk has been repopulated (some previous inhabitants have come back, some are miners and their families). Heinrich is still a power player in Pugmire, but his influence and reputation have been greatly reduced and his "Cat Conservation Society" has basically fallen apart.

The Pioneers have breakfast with their trustee, Bivi Affenpinscher, and he relates all this and helps them get ready for the journey (it's about a week's walk to Ellendonk). Boomer Pitbull and Petunia both grab a thunder egg from the Pioneer Hall. Dire Newfoundland, realizing that his Gloves of Missile Catching don't really do him much good since he uses a shield, goes to Scooter Frenchie's Magic Emporium to see if he can trade them in.

Scooter offers him a few different options as trade in - a mechanical bee that buzzes around and distracts a foe, perhaps? Dire asks if he has a shield, perhaps, and Scooter shows him a round shield with a big eye in the center. Hang it up when you're sleeping, says Scooter, and it'll watch over you and wake you if anyone intrudes. "How does it sound an alarm?" asks Dire. "I'm...actually not sure," admits Scooter. Dire accepts the trade, though - it's a good shield, in any case.

The dogs get on the road and travel for a day without incident. Dire hangs up the shield as they camp and the eye opens and looks around, but doesn't seem to respond to the dogs' talking to it ("Blink once if you understand us," says Gelert Sausagedog, but the eye does not). Nothing intrudes that night, though, and in the morning the Pioneers move on.

They take a different route to Ellendonk than they did last time, wishing to see more of the countryside. As such, they come to an area they've never seen, a meadow bordered on one side by forest and on the other by a hillock with a cave - but the cave is blocked by a boulder. The dogs find this odd, since there's no rock formation this boulder would have rolled from, implying that it was placed there deliberately. Sausagedog knocks on it and it clangs - it's a big metal sphere. 

Dire initially advises leaving it be; if the cave was blocked off deliberately there's probably a reason for that. Petunia sniffs magic inside, and they decide just to take a quick peak. She casts a Slick spell on the thing to get it moving more easily and Boomer and Dire heave it out of the way...but then a high-pitched whine starts up. Petunia notices first and gives the dogs time to back up, before the sphere starts vibrating. All of the dirt and moss fall off, revealing a shiny, chrome exterior, and then a huge red eye opens on the front and metallic tentacles unfold from the sphere. 

Peppa Papillon quickly summons up a Spiritual Weapon and Blesses her warrior compatriots, which is good - the tentacles wave about and fire bolts of energy! One of them catches Petunia and blasts her against a tree. One strikes Dire and covers his floof in an icy layer of rime, but he gets his shield up in time to avoid the worst of it. One hits Boomer and lights him on fire ("AGAIN?"). 

Sausagedog remembers that he's read about this thing - it's a weapon left over from the War of Cats and Dogs, called an Auva (though he doesn't remember which side used them - maybe both?). They were rolled into the midst of enemy soldiers and let loose to destroy. That's enough for Dire and Boomer. Boomer flies into a rage and both dogs wail on the thing with blunt instruments, denting it and sending up red sparks. And then Petunia stands up, dusts herself off, and throws a swarm of Seeking Stingers at it. It starts to vibrate and Dire and Boomer jump clear as it explodes.

The dogs emerge and Dire, ever practical about these things, gathers up as much of the armor plating as he can and puts it in his sack of holding. Sausagedog and Petunia investigate the cave, and find something covered in a cloth. Sausagedog uncovers it (with Peppa covering them, just in case there are demons about), and finds that it's a mirror with a decorative wooden frame. A small piece of parchment rolled up and stuck in the frame reads: "BEWARE: ONCE YOU'VE LOOKED, YOU KNOW."

The dogs realize that the mirror isn't reflecting them as they stand together, and Sausagedog realizes he's read about this thing (in the same history book that talked about the Auva, actually). The Death Mirror, as it's called, shows the death of any person who looks into it while alone. It was created during the War as a way to strategize. The dogs cover it back up and tie the cover on, and Dire advises either smashing it now or putting it in storage forever. But Boomer notes that such a relic is exactly the kind of thing that advances a family's prospects as nobility...

They put the mirror in Dire's sack of holding, and take a little breather before heading on.

Marvel: Evil Horse!

Time for thrilling horse-based heroics! Here's last time.

Our heroes are in the park near the waterfront in beautiful Believeland, when suddenly a big ol' black horse with demonic fire-eyes appears and starts busting up the place! People run, but the heroes spring into action. Magnus reaches into his hat and pulls out a vial of holy water and throws it at the horse, but it doesn't seem to have any measurable effect. Mirage creates a bunch of duplicates to surround the horse and reach out menacingly, and the horse kicks at one of them. Its hoof goes right through the duplicate, though, and it backs up, confused.

Whispers mentally probes the horse and realizes that it's acting as a distraction - someone else is here, about to take advantage of the chaos. She grabs Mirage and tells her this, as Night Fyre teleports onto the horse's back and tries to wrangle it. 

Magnus sees this and reaches into his top hat, and pulls out another hat (yo dawg) - the Hat of Wranglin'! He throws it to Night Fyre and she catches it, and is immediately imbued with the power of rodeo-ing! She continues to try and grapple the horse into submission, but it is far too strong.

Mirage picks up Whispers and levitates them up to get a bird's-eye view of the area, and Whispers, using her immense brain-power, spots a man with a handlebar mustache and a big blue cape watching the proceedings. Magnus pulls a lariat out of his hat and ropes the horse, and the horse gallops into the sky and pulls Magnus towards the Caped Man.

The Man gestures at Magnus and he finds himself in a cage made of psychic energy. Touching it causes pain, and of course Magnus' teleportation powers still aren't working. Night Fyre's are working fine, however, so she poofs over and tries to pull the cage away. She gets the same psionic feedback for her trouble.

Whispers notes something moving towards the battlefield really quickly ("Speedster incoming!"), and Mirage lands and socks the Caped Man and knocks him right the fuck down (Mirage is quite capable of lifting cars, so she packs a punch). Whispers reads his punch-drunk mind, and learns that he's called the Caped Man...and that's it. The horse is the Black Horse, the speedster is the White Rabbit, and somewhere there's a Woman in Green (which Whispers saw on security footage). They all answer to - were created by? - someone called Soliloquy. And they're attempting to kidnap Magnus.

As if on cue, the speedster zooms up and it's a huge, anthropomorphic white rabbit in a waistcoat. Magnus is initially overjoyed, but then the rabbit slaps on a pair of manacles that click and whir and restrain his hands ("Rude."). The Rabbit looks to the Horse and says "There, get him back to base!" but Night Fyre grabs the lariat and tries to teleport around the Horse to hogtie it.

It...doesn't work. Night Fyre misjudges the 'port and winds up on a food truck. Whispers, not sure what to do (and not aware that she has superhuman physical endurance and strength - it's never come up!) body-checks the White Rabbit and knocks him down. He looks up at her, obviously not expecting this outcome. The Black Horse tries to nudge Magnus onto his back, but Magnus dodges, and the Caped Man picks himself up and levitates into the air.

Mirage follows ("You want to have a levitate race? FINE.") but the Caped Man puts her in one of those psionic cages and that stops her. Whispers shoves Magnus out of the way and winds up pushing him halfway to the water's edge ("what the hell?"). The White Rabbit, skittish at the best of times, decides that's enough of this and leaps into the air. The Black Horse follows, galloping through the sky, and the Caped Man jumps on its back as it passes.

The heroes pick themselves up and Night Fyre burns through the cuffs to get them off of Magnus. A dude has been livestreaming this, which means that Whispers' existence has been exposed, but she refuses to identify herself to the adoring public (and mentally starts working on a script to replace her image with Rick Astley in the footage). The heroes get cheered for driving off these strange villains, and they retire to Whispers' lair. 

Analysis of White Rabbit's fur shows that it matches the fur they found in the robots' gears, and Mirage's hyper-touch power confirms particulate salt. The manacles are designed to contort with the wearer, preventing someone getting leverage or being able to move their hands, and they're clockwork and, like the robots, made from custom pieces that were apparently created out of nowhere.

The heroes decide to rest up and then head to the salt mines to investigate this "Soliloquy" character. Magnus tries to vanish into his Top Hat, but the power still doesn't work, so instead he crashes with Night Fyre.

Wildsea: Radioactive Giants!

It's just the one giant, actually. Here's last time. 

Kazera and Chambersson come back on board the Heart of the Seeker, and Jakesta emerges from her rooms. She's been feeling a weird sense of deja vu ever since getting close to this spit, and it was a bit overwhelming for a while, but she's coping now. 

They explain what they found to her - the tunnels, the giant bug, the glowy blue rocks - and Jakesta, always the cautious one, worries about what effect these rocks might have. But Chambersson is interesting in establishing communication across the wildsea, and these rocks - which harmonize with each other when struck - might hold a way to do so. Rozek brews tea from the green moss she plucked from the top of the spit, and in drinking it she sees the bottom of her mug become the blue pool in the shaft, and something waiting inside it, beckoning, and understanding settle in. The realization of truth long forgotten, tantalizingly close...but then gone. This convinces Rozek that they're something down there worth investigating...

They decide to rest for the evening, and then in the morning go back into the cave, pull up some more rocks, and let Jakesta look around (since she suspects she may have some ancestral memories of this place). 

The crew takes some time to recuperate. Chambersson dreams of a slow, comforting, crushing weight and wakes up to find he's wrapped his blanket around his neck. Rozek grates up some ironwood to get her pet salimini, Pearl, back to snuff, but in the more poor Pearl looks listless and sick. 

Jakesta realizes that the glowing blue rocks have a detrimental effect on living things, and so they put the few they brought up in a box and put that box in another box to prevent things from getting any worse. And then Kazera, Jakesta, and Chambersson lower themselves down on the ship's magnet crane to reenter the tunnels. Chambersson doesn't borrow Rozek's furs this time, and she refuses to let Pearl go back down there, so Chambersson decides he'll only go as far as he can push himself before it gets too cold. Kazera and Jakesta, neither of them "alive" in the fleshy sense, shouldn't have any problems.

They enter the tunnel and make their way into the central shaft, and Jakesta remembers again that she has been here before - or maybe not her, precisely, but she has memories of building this place and putting the coolant in the pool. They approach the pool and Jakesta looks in, but realizes the danger of this place and advises leaving. 

Chambersson, though, still wants to grab some of the rocks - if the coolant nullifies the harmful energy, maybe they can take some of that, too? But would the rocks' sonic properties still work if the rocks are the coolant? Chambersson wants to experiment with them, but both Jakesta and Kazera feel this is a bit more risk than necessary...

And as they're arguing, a hand reaches out of the coolant pool, and then another. A torso pulls itself out, a torso make of the glowing rocks and held together with a circulatory system made of the coolant. "JAKESTA," it moans. 

Jakesta turns and sees the creature, and she starts to back up. She yells to Chambersson and Kazera to run, that it probably can't hurt her; she's already dead. "NOT DEAD ENOUGH!" it booms, and reaches for her. 

The creature's fingers strike her just as she goes spectral, but it hurts and drives her back. The creature, which Jakesta somehow knows is called Americium, recoils, and the three of them flee. Chambersson paws through the tunnels, remembering the quickest way back, and finds a crack in the walls. He figures he can make a barrier and starts beating it with a pipe he carries. Kazera catches up and digs her fingers in to help, and they cause a minor cave-in, trapping Americium further down the tunnel. But they've also found a small room...

Jakesta looks into the room and sees that there are a bunch of placards on the walls, all written in unfamiliar writing. She instinctively grabs one and the three of them head back to the crane and pound on the cable.

Rozek hauls them up and they clamber onto the ship. Jakesta hands the placard off to a crew member and tells him to get it to someone who can translate it, but another one points to the island and asks if that is the monster that chased them. They see Americium burst up through the spit (probably out of the loose covering they made when they got here to keep the bug-monster away) and roar in rage and pain.

Jakesta uses a whisper (Hidden Sins) to quiet the crew and keep them focused on their jobs, and Rozek straps into the Storm Rail gun and fires a blast at the creature. It recoils, bits of rock flying off of it, but then lunges out across the wildsea at them. The Heart sets off, the voltaic runners on overdrive trying to outrun it, and Kazera goes to find the box of rocks and throw it overboard.

Chambersson, however, has already removed a couple of them and put them behind the Leviathan Heart in the engine room where no one will notice them. He's not ready to give up on his ideas of long-distance communication quite yet.

Rozek blasts Americium with the Storm Rail again, and more of the rocks and coolant fly off. Americium sinks into the tangle, and the Heart sails on, apparently to safety. Kazera throws the box of rocks overboard, just to be sure.

As things calm down, Jakesta gets the placard to Chambersson, and he translates the markings - apparently salt can be employed to siphon off the baleful energy from the blue rocks. Rozek has some table salt, but not nearly enough, and she demands they plot a course to somewhere they can buy some salt so she can heal her little friend Pearl. Jakesta thumbs through the Captain's Log they got from the Sanguine Dress, and finds there's a marking of an island that sells salt. The Heart sets sail, Rozek at the helm and forging ahead to get there quickly. They pass by a curious tree, with holes in the branches that whistle when the wind blows, but have no time to stop and investigate.

They arrive at the quarry - it's a huge, rectangular stone island with a big hole in the middle where they take the salt rocks out, and immense steam-powered grinders that crush it down to powder and bag it. There are docks for ships all around, but they're all full. The Heart pulls up next to a ship called the Gallant Wren, and a Gau on the deck halloos them.

Rozek calls back and asks how this works; the Gau, who introduces himself as Odsin, says that you just get in line, but it can take a while. She says that theirs is a medical emergency ("For which you need salt?" "YES." "Oh...sure, I don't know how you fleshy people work, I guess."), and Odsin agrees to trade his ship's place in the queue for the Chart of the Brittle Circle (there's a Gau colony near there, and Odsin is very interested!).

The Heart pulls up to the quarry and, after some haggling, trades the copper piping in their hold for some bags of salt. They pull away and Rozek gets to work treating it, and after an initial failure that results in a minor explosion and some smelly smoke, she figures it out. She mixes up enough of the treated salt to leach away the radiation from little Pearl, and starts the process for herself, Kazera, and Chambersson.

Where to now? Rokko, their passenger, reminds them of his existence, and they decide to head for Stonebark (which is actually where they were going when they found the Americium Spit). They set sail again, and Chambersson draws a map as they go. They come to a trading post - what used to be a big cargo ship that's now moored in place (and surrounded by ebony-black ivy leaves, as well as multiple signs saying "NO SINGING"). They disembark and enter the main building, and ask why the prohibition on singing. The proprietor only says that the black leaves react to singing, and leaves (lol) it at that.

They do some trading, a bag of salt for some trinkets - Jakesta finds a sword, Rozeks gets some willow wood and some actual tea, Kazera picks up a pair of iron hatchets, and Chambersson finds a metal disc inscribed with some weird writing. They set sail once again, and they spot Stonebark in the distance, just as a thick fog comes up. 

They circle the island for the night, resting, and wait for the fog to break. In the morning, it's at least thinner, and they head ashore to see whether Stonebark is as Rokko remembers it.

Character Creation: Part-Time Gods of Fate

Well, this is annoying. Not the game - that I kinda like - but I started reading it the other day and then went to find the printed sheet today and realized it wasn't on the list, presumably because I did a character for the base game in the Before Times and, while I put a dot on the book I never updated the list or my spreadsheet.

Yes, I take all this chargen stuff seriously. What else I'm gonna do? Learn to paint? 

The Game: Part-Time Gods of Fate
The Publisher: Looks like a joint venture between Third Eye Games and Encoded Designs
Degree of Familiarity: Some, see below
Books Required: Part-Time Gods of Fate and Fate Core

I ran a one-shot of Part-Time Gods back in 2013 when I wrote a review of it, and I'll say now what I said then: It's a cool premise, it's got an interesting and compelling setting, and it feels a lot like a World of Darkness game with a slightly lessened emphasis on horror. The Theologies are the splats, the special ideologies of the modern gods, and I personally think that if I were going to run this game I would either excise them altogether or use them as a more localized representation of groups of gods, rather than having PCs join them. 

How likely is it I'd run this? I dunno, it's not unlikely. I've always liked the premise of modern gods, even before American Gods came out (and I'm sure that saying that I liked that novel is going to be proof of something now, even though it wasn't last year, but that's how these things go), and I really like the notion of an RPG that lets the PCs be the "god of whatever." It's never been done quite the way I want it, I don't think. Actually I think Gods of the Fall comes the closest, but that's not a modern fantasy setting. 

Anyway, long story short, while I doubt I'd run this game exactly as written, I like the core premise and I think Fate is a good expression of the idea. So let's make a god.

I don't actually have an idea for what kind of god I want to make, and the thing I like least about this game is the Theologies, so I think I'm going to randomly pick a Theology and then go from there. My character for the original game was the God of Coffee and he was Phoenix Society, so I'll remove that one from the running. Actually I think I'll remove Puck-Eaters from the running, too, because I don't want to be a fucking cannibal, so that leaves six, which conveniently is how many sides this here die has! A roll of 5 gives me...Order of Meskhenet! Oh, nifty, I was actually reading them with some interest yesterday.

Bearing that in mind, we jump right into Aspects, so no more fuckin' around, I need a concept. I've been watching The Fall of the House of Usher lately, too, and while that family is a bit more toxic than what's described for the Order, I like the notion of a sect of the order built around the God of [Something] and who's going to be the next to inherit it. Ooh, how about this - my character was technically in line to inherit, but no one really expected him to do it. His uncle, the patriarch of the Rizetti family, liked him, but "like" doesn't translate to "would give the mantle of a god." But then my character (let's call him Canio Rizetti) was over at Carmine Rizetti's (the patriarch's) house playing their weekly game of chess, and Carmine keeled over dead from a stroke, and Canio wound up with the Dominion. 

Well, that's cool, but it doesn't give me my human aspect, so let's dig into that a little. What did Canio do besides play chess with Uncle Carmine every week? I picture him as being pretty young, maybe 22. I don't want him to be idle rich, I'm not making Prospero Usher here. Let's say that he's just graduated from college, but I don't want him to be in business or engineering or anything like that because ew. Let's say he studied English, just because it's something I can play and because it's a nicely generic degree for someone to get. And hell, given that his family are the inheritors of a divine spark, maybe it's not looked down on as much as it would be in a more money-centric clan. We'll call the human Aspect Youngest Scion of the Rizetti Dynasty, because I think that's probably the more important thing about his human life.

Next up is Divine Aspect, which means I need to figure out what he's the god of. Given his Theology, I kind of a want a very broad, basic, elemental Dominion, something that's been passed on for generations. I feel like there's some menace to how I've pictured the Rizettis so far; I'm thinking The Hunt or something night be interesting. But what if we subvert that expectation a little? What if Carmine Rizetti was the God of Dawn? I kinda like the idea that Canio, the youngest scion of the family, is a kind of new beginning that no one asked for or expected. So sure, he's The God of Dawn. 

Theology Aspect specifies his Theology, which we know is the Order of Meskhenet, but we need a little more detail in there. "Accidental?" Doesn't quite hit the note I want, it's not that he was an accident, he was technically always in the running for the mantle of God of Dawn, it's just that no one thought he'd get it. Let's phrase that as Dark Horse Order of Meskhenet.

And then I have two Aspects centered around Bonds, which is probably one more than I need. I actually get three because, as an Order of Meskhenet, I get a Mentor that represents my connection to the family. So actually, let's do that one first. Giorgio was Carmine's executive assistant and, if we're honest, fixer, but he was also a surrogate parent to all of the Rizetti kids. Now that Canio is the God of Dawn, Giorgio is his assistant, at least for the moment (Giorgio is not a young man). But Giorgio Always Believed In Me. 

I need some family drama, though, too, so let's say Canio's big sister Alba really wanted this. She thinks of herself as The Rightful Goddess of Dawn. And, finally, let's say that Canio has a Bond to the family home, with the Aspect It's Too Big For Me. 

Skills and Manifestations! Well, Skills are easy enough, it's the usual ladder from Core, though there are a few Skills that are a little different. Let's start at the top, what is Canio really good at? Oh, well, let's just lean into the rich stuff and take Resources, how about. Going along with that, I'll put my Goods in Contacts and Rapport. I'll put Knowledge, Deceive, and Provoke at Fair (look, he has a degree in English, but it was never really his passion), and I'll put Will, Physique, Empathy, and Athletics at Average.

And now, Manifestations! These are like Skills, but magical. I get a Good, Fair, and Average, and unlike Skills, I can't use these at all unless I have a positive rating. Also, I need a specialization in each one, which is basically just an effect that I'm especially good at (and get a bonus to use). It's a good idea, because these powers are so darned freeform so it helps you to think about how using the manifestations usually looks. 

Which means I should do that for Canio, which, in turn,means I need to think about what "dawn" means in the context of his godhood. I like the idea of dawn being a shift in circumstances for the better, or reprieve coming after adversity. So I think I'll put my highest Manifestation in Beckon, and have the Specialization be "summon help in a dire circumstance."

I like Journey, too, which enables teleportation and other movement kinds of things. How about if my specialization is "providing a last-minute escape?" 

And then finally, let's take Ruin and invert this idea, and say the specialization is "prevent a second wind". So like the van full of reinforcement goons drives off a cliff (or just gets a flat or something).

I get a "human stunt," which I think just means it's...a stunt. I kinda want something to represent the family's reputation, maybe? I think I'll say that I'm Still a Rizetti: +2 to Attack with Provoke if the target has heard about the family.

And then I get 5 Refresh, but I have to spend one of them on Divine extras - in  my case, worshipers, a relic, or a new Dominion. Well, I know I don't want another Dominion, so maybe a relic? Eh, relics are expensive and I don't have a good idea for one. How about a point into worshipers? Let's say there's a group of family retainers called the Clean-Up Crew, that comes in to put things back together after Divine shenanigans. I'll just put the one point into them; there were more, but since Carmine hadn't really done much shenanigans lately, the worshipers kind of dwindled.

That leaves me with 4 Refresh. Is there an Entitlement I want? Entitlements are basically Divine stunts...actually, I've got an idea. I want Canio's entrance into a scene to be a moment of hope for his allies, like a "oh, what a relief, he's here" sort of thing. I think the best way to represent that is for him entering a scene in progress to be accompanied by a scene Aspect with a free invoke, representing how his appearance changes the dynamic of the scene. That seems like a passive Entitlement, so that should just cost 1 Refresh.

That takes me down to 3 Refresh, and I don't have anything else I particularly want, so I think that'll about do it! Like I said, Canio is 22, of obviously Italian-American extraction, thin, brown eyes, black hair, prominent Roman nose, stylish but understated sense of fashion. He wears a gold ring with a rising sun insignia, gifted to him by Carmine, obviously.

D&D: The Enclave of Thorns

Last night was D&D, and in contrast to last time, where we very nearly had a TPK, this was pretty chill.

Our heroes continue their trek toward the southern border of Abhaile, and therefore the Enclave of Thorns. On the way, Keenan asks Dara, since she's from the Enclave, about what the Thorn Druids are really guarding everyone from. Dara says that she's heard stories, monsters from the south with huge claws and bleeding fangs, and some of the others have heard similarly dire tales (although they tend to get less specific the further north one gets). 

In a couple of days, they arrive. An elf named Cathal approaches them and greets Dara, and tells them that they're welcome, just follow the rules. The "rules" basically boil down to not crossing or attempting to cross the southern barrier, and if a druid tells you to do something or stop doing something, obey them. The party crosses an invisible threshold and emerges into the Enclave.

The Enclave sprawls out over a wide area, with living spaces in and at the bases of trees. Many of the inhabitants are elf druids, but there are other races - humans, half-elves, even the occasional halfling or forest gnome - represented. Aisling hears someone playing music and goes off with Fearg to track it down, while Dara goes to find Riona, the Archdruid, to tell her about the scroll that they took off the Bride-Gnoll. 

Riona recognizes the script as Abyssal, and tells Dara that they should probably study it further, even though touching it for any length of time makes one's fingers itchy and red. She has Dara take it to a druid scholar, who offers to teach Dara to read Abyssal - he does warn her, however, that once you learn it you can't unlearn it. Dara, more curious than cautious on the best of days, agrees.

Zook finds a halfling druid named Caragh training a small pack of large dogs, and asks what one would have to do to prove oneself worthy of having one as a companion. Caragh says that ultimately it's more about proving oneself to the dog, and Zook sets about getting to know the animals and joining the training. There's one in particular, with red-brown fur and a white ear, that seems very much in synch with him.

Clara goes out into the woods and finds a forest gnome foraging for mushrooms and roots, and talks with her about which fungi and plants are useful around here. She's happy to have the company, though she's clearly not an adventurer - she's happy here in the Enclave making stews and so forth.

Aisling and Fearg find the source of the music; it's a half-elf named Tadhg playing a wooden pipe. Aisling is fascinated; woodwinds are largely unknown where she's from. Tadhg is happy to teach her the fingerings, and Fearg slips away, reminding himself that this is what happens if you get involved with a bard.

Dara, having dropped the scroll off with the Scholar, spots Nuada in a tree, meditating. For context, Orla and Dara were a couple and Orla went behind her back with her hunting buddy, Nuada - that's why Dara left the Enclave and became an adventurer. She hadn't expected to go back here so soon, but that's where the journey took them. Having now talked with some of the druids about the...if not "cult," then "movement" of the Ghrian Trí Duillegoa, she's learned that they spend their time meditating in trees, or soaring on air currents in bird form. She talks with Nuada and he confirms as much, and says that Orcan, the druid that introduced this worship to the Enclave, has learned some pretty impressive magic into the bargain. 

Magic is all very well, says Dara, but it's this "worship" thing that she finds uncomfortable. In Abhaile, divine worship is uncommon - people recognize the existence of the gods, but they don't think of them as listening to the wants and needs and prayers of people. When people do speak to the gods, it's usually in the context of "we'll get through this whether you help us or not." But the Ghrian Trí Duillegoa take a more...contemplative approach? To the idea, and Orcan has learned to tap into that power and summon up a weapon from nothing, to enter a state wherein no one can harm him, or to call up fire that burns the evil. 

Dara is suspicious. She's curious, yes, but she's also a druid and knows the value of tradition. And Nuada is a little too cavalier about the idea of testing the southern border...

That night, the group comes together, plays music, has mushroom stew, and Dara shares what she's discussed with the others. The next day, she begins her study of Abyssal.

The Scholar helps her learn the structure of the language, and over the course of the day they translate the scroll in more detail. It is what it seems to be - a magical how-to for creating gnolls out of not-hyenas. But that's not the strange thing. The Scholar explains that while the scroll is written in Abyssal, the sentence structure is off. It's like this was written in some other language and then translated into Abyssal...but what language would that have been? Abhaile isn't exactly linguistically diverse; most people speak Abhaila (though there are dialects, but the basic grammar doesn't change). Druids have their own particular tongue that isn't taught to outsiders, and presumably the dwarves of the north have their own language, but otherwise it's pretty much Abhaila all the way down. 

Zook goes back to Caragh and works with the dogs some more, but they're being less cooperative today. Caragh tells him to take a break, and he goes wandering in the woods and bumps into Clara and Tinna (the gnome forager). 

Aisling and Fearg, the former out looking for a stick (the jokes write themselves), take a walk to the border to see the Thorn Wall. As they approach, they feel everything get colder. The Thorn Wall is exactly that, a barrier of brambles so dense that light doesn't seem to shine through it. Aisling has heard that the first arch-druid of the Enclave gave her life to become the Wall, and the other druids joined her, each giving up his life to protect Abhaile from something horrible. As they're looking at the wall, they're approached by a red-haired elf named Sionnach.

Sionnach is the warden of the Enclave, the kind of head of security. He's standoffish and brusque, but warms to them as they talk (it's hard not to warm to Aisling). He says that the truth of the story, as far as he knows, is that the first archdruid cast a spell that called up the Thorn Wall, but put so much of herself into it that it claimed her life. He also says (because Aisling asks) that he's seen one attempted incursion on the wall - about 50 or 60 years ago, someone or something tried to get through from the south and was cut to pieces. He thinks it might have been an orc, but it was unrecognizable pretty quickly. Either way, the Wall is doing its job. Of course, these Ghrian Trí Duillegoa aren't making his life easy now. He considers them a security risk, and doesn't get what they're trying to do anyway. "Who would trade the hum of night for sunlight?" he muses.

Dara, still wanting to learn more about the Ghrian Trí Duillegoa, finds Orcan, meditating in a tree. He explains that "worship" is the wrong word for what they're doing - they don't want to violate the barrier or encourage anyone else to do so. They just believe that there are divine forces that are benevolent, that could empower people, if only people would listen. Dara questions him further, and Orcan confesses - he was riding air currents as a hawk one day and drifted over the southern border out of Abhaile. He didn't see anything on the ground that looked markedly different - it was forest, not a blasted hellscape as some of the stories would have it - but he heard a voice in his head, a voice that explained the divine. He carried it with him back into Abhaile and has been meditating and communing, slowly learning the magic of Ghrian Trí Duillegoa, though the other followers haven't managed it yet.

Dara is now very concerned - Orcan broke the border and wound up with a voice in his head? She immediately goes to find Sionnach and explains the situation, and Sionnach, his suspicions confirmed, goes to find Riona.

Clara and Zook talk about the Enclave, and about the border - Zook is interested in seeing if it's possible to cross, maybe for just a minute, but Clara doesn't think that's wise. They're talking about all this when Dara finds them and explains what she's learned, and Clara and Zook decide to figure out how many of these sun-worshippers are actually in the Enclave. They know about Nuada and Orcan, of course, and they learn about a few more, including a half-elf named Senan, apparently Orcan's right hand elf. They find Orcan in a tree and climb up to talk with him, and he very politely talks with them about the Ghrian Trí Duillegoa and their beliefs. But then Senan flies up in bird form and whispers in his ear, and he excuses himself and tumbles off the branch to fly off ("these guys are such show-offs," mutters Zook). 

Senan stays and talks to them, and they tell him a little about their adventures. Zook mentions the succubus that they fought, and notices that Senan's demeanor changes, ever so slightly, when he does. Zook presses and talks about how the succubus was no match for four adventurers, and Senan asks if they got her name. Clara remembers the name the succubus was using, but never heard her actual name. Zook asks what Senan's interests are - they've met druids that forage, train dogs, and so forth. Senan says (after a strangely pregnant pause) that he's interested in fire - something dangerous for forest people, true, but something he finds fascinating. He asks Zook how much he's mastered of fire magic, and how it feels to begin a spell and then finish it (as opposed to Keenan, the sorcerer, who presumably has a more spontaneous approach to the process).

Meanwhile, Aisling and Fearg are heading back through the woods and come upon Riona and Sionnach arguing with Orcan. It's in Druidic, so they don't catch it, although Fearg gets a word here and there. "Violation"...no, "betrayal." Orcan storms off, and Riona sees the two of them and says that Orcan crossed the border. Sionnach advocates exile, but Riona isn't quite sure that's necessary.

Dara spots Orcan a little later, and he asks her flat-out if she told Sionnach what he told her. She confirms that she did, and he leaves, obviously angry. Dara glances around and notes that the curtain to the Scholar's area is drawn, and goes to check on him...and finds that he's paralyzed by a Hold Person spell. She waits for a moment until it falls, and he gasps "Orcan! He's taken the scroll!"

Dara runs out, raising the alarm...