Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is a Syfy/Asylum creature movie starring Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, A Martinez, Kathryn Joosten, Carey van Dyke, Kevin M. Horton, and a whole lot of bad CGI. Oh, and a cameo from Mickey Dolenz.
Dr. Nikki Reilly (Gibson) and a couple of her doomed flunkies break into a...snake place? and steal a bunch of snakes, including some rare CGI pythons (python computerus generus) and release them into the Everglades because that's...nature-friendly somehow. The pythons grow to impossible proportions by eating alligators, leading Park Ranger/Sheriff Terry O'Hara (Tiffany) to declare snake-huntin' season. The snakes behave in a very un-snake like fashion and dismember people with their...necks, I guess...including O'Hara's fiance Justin (Van Dyke).
O'Hara takes the only reasonable step she can: Giving special steroids to alligators so that they'll grow big enough to kill the snakes! This all works fine for a few months, but then the gators grow to truly absurd sizes, as do the snakes (because they're still eating the gators? who even knows anymore) and the various reptiles eat a bunch of people. They bring in Dr. Diego Ortiz, who's a herpetologist but also an Indian but also Appalachian? (Did you know you can just write words into a movie script and it doesn't matter what they are?) They don't actually listen to him, though, because O'Hara is throwing a fundraiser for the Everglades. The beasts crash the fund raiser and eat Mickey Dolenz (and a lot of other folks), and then trash Tampa (a snake eats a train. Like, just swallows the whole train) until they lure them to a quarry with magical pheromones and blow them up. Both Nikki and Terry are eaten in the process.
Look, what happened here was that they got Tiffany and Debbie Gibson into the same movie and wanted them to have a catfight, and someone had seen Lake Placid, Anaconda, and The Relic and put all that shit into a blender and this is the milkshake that we got. It is not in any way good, but it is very, very funny. As campy terrible creature-features go, it's not as "good" as Python (starring William Zabka and Wil Wheaton!), but it's got the advantage of quoting both "Only in My Dreams" and "I Think We're Alone Now" in highly contrived situations, and of having Debbie Gibson smear whipped cream on Tiffany's cleavage, so make of that what you will.
Supposedly this movie had a theatrical release ("in Texas," according to the wiki) and therefore it qualifies for inclusion on this project. As with Sharks in Venice, it's fun to watch in a group with liquor and mock it.
My Grade: F-
Rewatch Value: Low
Next up: Rogue
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