Movie #853: Thirteen Ghosts

Thirteen Ghosts (or Thir13en Ghosts) is a kind of schlocky horror movie starring Tony Shalhoub, Matthew Lillard, F. Murray Abhraham, Rah Digga, Shannon Elizabeth, Embeth Davidtz, JR Bourne, and Alec Roberts. It's a remake-in-name-only of the 1960 William Castle flick, produced by Dark Castle (they of Ghost Ship and House on Haunted Hill).  

Arthur Kriticos (Shalhoub) is in mourning after losing his wife in a fire, and having trouble making ends meet, living with this teenage daughter Kathy (Elizabeth), young son Bobby (Roberts) and their...live-in babysitter Maggie (Rah Digga). How and why they afford her isn't really explained, and frankly it's not worth worrying about. 

Anyway, Arthur gets a visit from lawyer and walking wax statue Ben Moss (Bourne), who informs him that he's inherited his uncle Cyrus' house (Abraham - the uncle, not the house). We've already seen Cyrus hunting ghosts in a junkyard at this point so we know he is - was - a sonofabitch, but that's not important. The house is amazing, with glass walls and weird Latin inscriptions on the walls, floors, and ceilings. 

Also near the house is one Dennis Rafkin (Lillard), who turns out to be a psychic that hunted ghosts with Cyrus and is just here for the money he's owed. But they all get stuck in the house that is slowly opening doors and releasing the titular 13 ghosts (well, twelve of them, we'll get to that), the members of the "Black Zodiac." Turns out the whole house is a machine "designed by the Devil and powered by the dead," which when completed and catalyzed by a willing living sacrifice (the 13th ghost), will open the Eye of Hell giving whoever controls is limitless knowledge. Cyrus is still alive, by the way, and is skulking around the house with...I guess makeup making his throat look slit? I'm not entirely sure why, however, other than for a couple of cheap jump scares.

And boy howdy, "cheap jump scare" is the name of the game, here. Most of the movie is shot in slow motion as the actors walk through the space, the ghosts flickering in and out of visibility. Sometimes they just stand there and look menacing, but a few of them don't fuck around and just run straight at people and physically attack them. Anyway, at the end of it all, Academy Award winner F. Murray Abraham gets through into the machine and cut to bits, the house explodes, and the ghosts get to go free, which for most of them seems like a really bad idea, but whatever. 

Much like Ghost Ship and House of Wax, this movie is terrible and I thoroughly enjoy it. A lot of why I love it is my own horror predilections - there are any number of RPGs you could do this movie with and have Arthur, Maggie, Kathy, and Kalina (Davidtz) as PCs (actually my first thought would be Dread). But what I really love is the amount of work and backstory that went into the Black Zodiac - each one has a name, a history, and an explanation for why they look so fucked up. It's not all A-material - The Torso used to be a small time gambler called...Jimmy "The Gambler" Gambino - but someone clearly had a lot of fun coming up with these little stories and then translating them to the screen. Having written supernatural investigation stories and having needed to come up with that kind of backstory, I appreciate the work.

Also, Matthew Lillard is just a goddamn delight in this movie. His character Rafkin is psychic, but not the fun kind where he gets to be all mysterious. His abilities actively hurt. If he touches someone, he gets a flash of their worst moments, and Lillard does a fantastic job of committing that bit, avoiding contact with other people in every shot he's in and wincing if it happens. Also can't nobody drool painfully like Matthew Lillard, which is a weirdly specific skill, but hey, gotta play to your strengths.

My Grade: C (it is not a good movie, but the production design is fantastic)
Rewatch Value: High 

Next up: The Thomas Crown Affair

Movie #852: Shark Night

Shark Night is a horror movie directed by David Elllis (the genius behind Snakes on a Plane), and starring Dustin Milligan, Sara Paxton, Joel David Moore, Katherine McPhee, Sinqua Walls, Chris Carmack, Donal Logue, Joshua Leonard, Alyssa Diaz, and Chris Zylka. 

Sara (Paxton) takes seven of her buds to her lake house on a...lake in Louisiana (a salt water lake, which becomes important). On the way there, her football played chum Malik (Walls) nearly gets into a fight with two rednecks, one of whom is just drunk and stupid (Leonard), but the other, Dennis, is beefy, scarred, and pretty intense (Carmack). Sara and said drunks clearly have history - she's local but hasn't been here in years - but it's all good, let's go party!

So while waterskiing, Malik is pulled into the water and has his arm torn off. He manages to make it to shore where his tutor and chum Nick (Milligan) binds his wounds (he's a med student or something), and while diving into the water to retrieve his severed arm (which he manages to fucking find), he sees a shark.

A shark. In the lake. Like I said, salt-water lake, so it makes perfect sense. 

What follows is technically a natural horror movie; there are multiple sharks of multiple species in the lake, and the rednecks (who are in cahoots with the local sheriff (Logue)) put them there! To film it, snuff-film style, when the sharks eat people! Which they totally do! Eventually it comes out that Sara and Dennis were lovers and used to dive together, and Sara ran out of air and Dennis didn't help her and then she wound up slicing up his face with a propeller and now he holds a grudge...it's all very wibbly. Anyway, Sara and Nick are clearly our Final Girl & Boy from the jump, so everybody else gets sharked to death.

I said that Shark Night is technically a natural horror movie, but really it's structure more like a slasher film. Natural horror usually contains some theming around man's intrusion into the natural world, and focuses on the animal hunting or generally doing its thing, but there, the sharks are very clearly a weapon used by the human antagonist. I don't think that's good or bad, though if it was deliberate (it may not have been) I wish it had been underlined a little more.

But really, if we're wishing things about this movie, I have a list: I wish it had been rated R (fun fact: Snakes on a Plane was originally going to be PG-13, and it was internet chatter and Samuel L. Jackson that turned it into the cinematic fucking tour-de-force that it is). I wish that Sara had been in on the con and been happily feeding her friends to the sharks. I wish that some of the bits that were cut (there's a bit with Nick eating drugged soup that just gets glossed over and then he just passes out and you're like "wait what?"). I wish that the only Black character hadn't been a football player, named "Malik," and winds up hunting a shark with a goddamn spear. 

I'm fine, however, with the general stupidity of the movie, the sharks behaving exactly nothing like sharks really do, and glossing right over how these morons managed to capture multiple very large sharks that live in very different habitats and transport them into a lake big enough to sustain them but that they could keep them contained. And feeding Katherine McPhee to cookiecutter sharks was a nice touch.

My Grade: D
Rewatch Value: Medium-high

Next up: Thirteen Ghosts

Character Creation: Slugblaster

Radical! Cowabunga! Turtles!

The Game: Slugblaster: Kickflip Over a Quantum Centipede
The Publisher: Wilkie's Candy Lab
Degree of Familiarity: None, sadly, but it's basically Forged in the Dark
Books Required: Just the one

OK, now, I know the title of this thing sounds like someone had a stroke, but it's actually a pretty dope little game. Shades of Misspent Youth here, but the tone is less dire (not that Misspent Youth is necessarily always dire, but there's a harder edge to it than this). Slugblaster has you taking the role of teens in Null, a dimension that is perfectly livable but just kinda bland. Fortunately, dimensional travel is now a thing, and you and your chums can zip through spots where the barriers between worlds are thin and like do sick ollies and stuff.

So yes, there's a big skateboarding aesthetic here, and the vibe is very much 90s, so the game occupies a weird quasi-nostalgia - I remember the 90s, of course, but I was in college for most of it so it doesn't have the same feeling for me as a game set (or reminiscent of) the 80s. 

But this game looks like a good time, and it has hands down one of the best examples of play I've ever seen, nicely threading the needle between "this is how a game session feels" and "recreating every stupid comment everyone at an actual game session makes" (look at you, Rockopolis). So let's make a slugblaster!

First up, we pick a Personality. Wouldn't it be nice if we could pick that? Anyway, Personality is basically your playbook here. 

Hmm. I was leaning toward The Grit, but then I note that The Chill has a trait called "Um, Guys?" meant to represent noticing shit that others don't, and that's just too cool to pass up, so I'ma be The Chill. 

As part of this step, I define Look, Family, Bond, Vibe, Traits, and Gear. Some of these have random tables and you know I love those! Let's roll for Look! This is a d66 roll, and I can take as many as I want. I roll 2 and 6, which read one way gives me "provocative" and another way gives me "glasses." I'm fine with glasses, but provocative isn't my usual jam. Actually, sure, let's say that my guy is annoyingly, effortlessly hawt, tends to dress in short shorts and tight tees (with safety padding, of course, when he's slugblasting), and just kinda manages to make it look like he is dtf. He actually kinda isn't - I suspect he's not opposed, but it's not his priority. But jesus. "Either kiss me or put some clothes on" is something that's been said to him at least once. (His response is probably "huh?") I think he wears round glasses with gold frames, but he forgets them a lot.

Family! Another two dice roll (not quite d66, because there aren't that many options). Possibilities come up "poor" or "supportive," and I think it'd be cool if he lived with his aunt. He's not sure where his parents are; she told him they died when he was a baby, but he has some vague memories of parental people? But maybe that was his aunt and a boyfriend or something? Probably not important. We'll say she's both poor and supportive.

Bond! This is normally something that would interconnect with all the PCs, but it's just me, so let's say we're all (roll...2) mutual goals! Huh. Not something that goes with The Chill easily, but I dig it. He and the other members of his crew all want the same thing, which implies that we have some shared history, and I think it'd be neat if it involves my character's parents in some way. Hell, maybe we all have the same dad and we didn't know about each other until we were all teens, and we're trying to find him and have a Talk. 

Vibes! No tables this time. Oh, wait, no, there is one, it's just with the Personality write-up. Cool! "Always eating a bag of chips." I'm down. I think they're sun chips or something kinda grainy like that, stuff that doesn't have a lot of flavor on its own, but really, dude, if you eat fifty or sixty they start to taste kinda good! I think an ongoing bit would be "where are you keeping those?" ("huh?")

Traits! Actually "trait," as I just get one to start. I already know I want Umm...Guys?

Stuff! I get a raygun, a phone, a hoverboard, and one special personality item. Oh, it's "something I found on the way here." Let's say it's a bottle of some kind of drink, bottlecap still on, but the label is in a language we've never seen. I also get two pieces of gear from a list. And they're helpfully printed on the sheet, nice! I'll take a mask and a spacetime amp. 

I get to roll stuff for a raygun...but do I want a raygun? This guy seems pretty nonviolent. Maybe I'll say it just doesn't do lethal damage. Rolling some dice, I get "maser projector", and I'm good with that. My "raygun" looks like a toaster with a handle and a trigger, and it sends out infrared or microwave beams. It could do real damage to a living thing, but only if you stood there and let it cook you. Mostly it just makes a beam of uncomfortably hot energy. Great for driving away things trying to eat you, or even disguising one's heat signature (which I seriously doubt my guy has thought of). 

Board! I get a hoverboard. Let's start with make and shape. Rolling 3.6 gives me a wave, which is huge and looks like a surfboard. I'm game. Grip color: Either classic black or clear. I like clear, and I like if my guy is always losing it. But there's a mosaic pattern carved into it, not inked or colored. You can only see if there's light behind it and you're staring right. It's got a spirally pattern that makes you think, man. (Or gives you a headache, depends on the day.)

And that's it, basically, other than name. Let's say his name is Armand Lambden, but his buds call him Waves. Some of that is because he's got more of a surfer than skater vibe, but some of it is because he'll wave at everyone. Friend, stranger, ravenous beast, s'all good. His crew has learn that if you want Waves to not give away your position, you need to tell him, probably more than once. 

Waves is blond, built like a swimmer, and is really, really pretty. He always has a bag of those chips, and no one's really sure where he's keeping them. No one ever seems to see him pull a bag out of anything, but if you look away from Waves you'll hear cronch in a second. 

That'll do it! I do like this game, I'd love to run it at some point. 

Character Creation: Tidal Blades

It's fishin' time! 

The Game: Tidal Blades
The Publisher: Monte Cook Games
Degree of Familiarity: Haven't played this one (yet!), but I know Cypher pretty well
Books Required: Just the one; it's a standalone like The Strange

This game presents an aquatic setting, a whole bunch of species to choose from (most of which pass the Chupp Test nicely), and a focus on exploration and community that accentuates the positive. It's not that there's not shit to do, and even monsters to fight, but there's not really a dark seedy underbelly of Naviri. 

(I'm actually going to be running this; we're doing chargen/session 0 tonight. I'm jazzed, I haven't run Cypher in a hot minute.)

So! I don't really have a concept, so I think I'll lean on the random tables the game helpfully provides. As with other Cypher games, my character is going to be expressed as "adjective noun that verbs." In Tidal Blades, however, there's a species tag after the adjective, which effectively functions as a second descriptor. Stay Alive!, their horror supplement, does something similar with "vampire," actually. 

I could choose species first, but I think I'd rather start with type. Our options are explorer, speaker, warrior, and adept. Looking over the other 12 Cypher characters I've made (jesus), I've spread things out pretty well - three speakers, three explorers, two warriors, one adept, and three "other" (not every Cypher game uses the same terminology). Well, adept is the clear choice, then. Let's roll a d20 on the Adept Background table and see where we land. "Your family owns a large orchard nearby known for its excellent fruit and fair dealings." Hell, yeah. Tidal Blades actually devotes a good amount of space to foods of Naviri, so I happen to know there are some in-setting fruits. Let's say my family farms constello.

As an adept, I start with Might 7, Speed 9, and Intellect 12, and then I get 6 more points. I think I'll wait to spend them until I know species and descriptor, though. I get Effort 1, Intellect Edge 1, I can carry 3 cyphers at once, I'm practiced with light weapons but I have an inability with medium and heavy. I start with a bunch of equipment: two expensive items, two moderate, and up to four inexpensive items. Also, since I can do time magic (kinda part and parcel to being an adept in this setting), if it's not innate then I can have implants or mutations. Again, I'll flesh him out a little more first. 

I do get four Abilities, though. I'll definitely take Far Step (I can leap anywhere I can see and have a clear path to). I don't want a really offensive power, but I think I want Push, which lets me shove stuff with telekinetic force. I'll take Sense Ambush (I'm never surprised by an attack), and I'll take Ward (I have a force field that gives me Armor).

All right, nifty. Let's do species next. Obviously I want a species that's at home on land. I think the obvious choices are human or turtle. Let's go with turtle. As such, I get Protected (+1 Armor), Inability in water (so maybe I'm more like a tortoise, I dunno), and I get to pick one of three abilities. Let's go with Weather the Vicissitudes, which gives me an extra point of Armor against ambient damage like heat, cold, and other stuff that would normally ignore Armor. 

Given all that, I think I'll put 4 of my 6 stat points into Might, and the other two into Intellect (Speed can stay where it is). I'll also say that my michiron powers are innate, maybe something that's been passed along through the family.

Over to descriptor. Maybe "Loyal" or something similar. I want this guy to have a touch of wanderlust, but I think I want that to be an arc rather than something fixed about him. Ooh, Honorable. That's perfect, that's definitely something he was taught. That gives me +2 to Might (putting me to 13), I'm trained in pleasant social interactions, and I'm trained in discerning motive/seeing through lies.

And now, focus! Well, I definitely don't want any of the combat-related ones, so that excludes a bunch. "Defends the Weak" is a possibility, but I dunno, I think I'd like to lean into the magic a little more here. Maybe "Delves the Fourth Dimension?" Nah, that's super focused on time travel. Ooh, how about "Absorbs Energy?" I think my turtle is fascinated by how plants absorb sunlight and use it to grow, and he's studying how to do that in a way. Cool, so I'm an Honorable Turtle Adept who Absorbs Energy. I get the Absorb Kinetic Energy ability. 

Arc! This is easy, I want his arc to be Explore. No slot for that on the sheet, grumble grumble. 

Equipstuff! I'll take a battlestaff, a bedroll, a spyglass, a compass, a journal, a waterskin, a writing implement (charcoal pencil, probably), and a biorb (light source). 

My guy's name Che'u Constello (his family started using the fruit's name as a surname three generations ago). Che'u is a large, blue turtle. He grew up tending the fields with his siblings, but he tended to get lost in thought easily. His dad always thought he was a little slow, but then his grandmother revealed that Che'u was, like her, capable of manipulating michirons instinctively. She taught him and he's got some chops, though she suggests he goes away and gets a real education on the subject.

But Che'u...kinda doesn't want to. At least not now. He's lived his whole life in Radiant Bay, and he knows there's much more interesting stuff out there. When he's seen some things, written some stuff down, then he'll go to New Mingu and enroll in school, maybe.

I think that'll about do it! 

 

Movie #851: The Seven-Per-Cent Solution

The Seven-Per-Cent Solution is a mystery/drama/fanfic starring Nicol Williamson Robert Duvall, Alan Arkin, Vanessa Redgrave, Lawrence Olivier, Jeremy Kemp, and Charles Gray.

The story is, as mentioned, basically a fanfic about Sherlock Holmes (Williamson). In this story, Moriarty is just a normal guy and Holmes' former tutor (played by Olivier), but Holmes has convinced himself that he's the "Napoleon of Crime" and is following him and writing him threatening letters. He's doing that because he is very, very addicted to cocaine. Watson (Duvall) sees how bad this has gotten and tricks Holmes into going to Vienna to get treatment from one Sigmund Freud (Arkin), who has recently written a paper on the subject. Along the way, Holmes, Freud, and Watson get caught up in the kidnapping and attempted forced addiction (well, relapse, really) of entertainer Lola Devereaux (Redgrave), so we get to see both Holmes and Freud being detectives in their own respective styles.

For all that, though, it's really not a whodunit. The mystery occupies the third act of the film, but the first two thirds and the narrative throughlines are really about Holmes, his addiction, and his past (turns out Moriarty used to bang his mom (Jill Townsend) until his father (Leon Greene, I think) caught them and shot her and then himself), and gets into Holmes' motives for being a detective and distrusting women. I like that we get to see Freud coping with being a groundbreaker and being a Jew in 19th century Vienna, and it's very interesting to see Holmes as the protagonist in an addiction/recovery drama rather than in a detective story.

I had never heard of this movie, but it was well-regarded in its day (that'd be 1976). Watching it now, you can definitely see the seeds of later portrayals of Holmes (Cumberbatch, Downey Jr., Miller) where he's a little more vulnerable and, well, weird. Likewise, the portrayal of Watson that folks were probably most familiar with at the time was Nigel Bruce, and Duvall shows us a Watson who is capable, strong, and still retains his military training (which, in turn, we see again from Jude Law later). 

But really, Alan Arkin as Freud is probably my favorite part of this movie, showing us this quiet, patient doctor who is used to people not really understanding or believing him and finding some common cause with Holmes in that. I've said before that I really like casts of capable, competent people who respect each other and let the drama come from the situation or antagonist characters, and this is definitely that. I was afraid the movie was going to be Holmes fighting treatment, but he accepts his intervention pretty well (but then, when your intervention is done by your best friend and Sigmund goddamn Freud, what are you gonna say)?

My Grade: A-
Rewatch Value: Medium-low

Next up: Shark Night

Wearing the Cape: Eels on Bourbon Street

Monday was our first session of Wearing the Cape! And I know today is Wednesday, I didn't do the write-up yesterday, I was having a bad day, bleah. 

ANYWAY. Our story is set in the Big Easy, the Crescent City, New Orleans! Our characters are:

• Magnus the Magnificent: Our hapless dimensional traveler fell out of a salt mine and wound up...here. Magnus has begun to feel pretty nihilistic; when you know there's literally a universe that encompasses any given possibility, it's hard to care about one particular world. He's beginning to feel that We Are But Dust. In this universe, he's an A-Class Magnus Type; no classification exists for what he can do.
• Levee: Kyria Deveraux is a NOLA Girl Through and Through. Five years ago, during Hurricane Dexter (a Cat-5 hurricane that flooded the city), she experienced her breakthrough and parted the floodwaters. She has since become a Local Celebrity, and can often be found in the city wearing sparkly jewelry made of water. She's an A-Class Aquakinetic Type.
• Styx: Styx has always been something of a Spooky Spy. She got into a coffin on a dare and became trapped, which led to (or exacerbated) Claustrophobia, but it also allowed her breakthrough as an A-Class Mentalist Type. More specifically, Styx can talk to and channel the ghosts around here (and in this city, there are a bunch) to give her information, and even to possess her to grant her skills that she doesn't normally have.
• Wing Diesel/Toby Miles: Toby Miles was reading a book out loud to a bunch of people in a bookstore - Wing Diesel's Road Trip by Garrett Keener. And then Toby experienced a breakthrough (A-Class Verne Type) and manifested Wing Diesel, the big, shiny, chrome dragon from the book! Wing is still around, and so it's not uncommon to hear "Let's Go, Wing Diesel!" when there's trouble in New Orleans. Toby, for their part, is just the Dragon Rider, and just as often is Stuck in the Stacks.  

It's Mardi Gras, the World's Biggest Par-tay! The streets are full of Thronging Crowds (I'm not going to mention every single Situation Aspect that comes up, I swear), and the Breakthrough Float is rumbling through the French Quarter! Wing Diesel is sitting up front, tossing beads with his tail and candy with his snoot. (Toby is there, too.) Levee stands on one side, doing amazing water-conjuring displays, while Sgt. Andrew Guidry, a local police officer and Ajax-Type, stands on the back waving. Styx is in the crowd; she was invited, but declined to be on the float.

See, a new law just passed in New Orleans, called the Breakthrough Collective Responsibility Act (informally, the "Super-Krewe" law). It frees breakthroughs from civil liability from damage they might cause while doing super-stuff as long as it's for "the greater good." It also makes breakthroughs responsible for actions that other breakthroughs take - if, as a breakthrough, you see another breakthrough doing crimes and you don't at least report it, you can be convicted of a felony punishable by a big fine and a year in a "suitable penal facility." Needless to say, not everyone is quite in favor of this law, but there hasn't really been a test case yet, so no one's sure how well it's going to hold up. And opinion is divided even amongst the breakthrough community - Levee is in favor, Styx is decidedly not, and Toby really hasn't thought about it (Wing Diesel thinks "rar"). 

As the float slowly moves down the street, reality wibbles a bit, and a man in a tuxedo falls out of a rift in the air and lands on the float! Everyone cheers, figuring it's part of the act, and Magnus, never one to waste an entrance, bows and tosses candy from his hat. He mentions that he's from a different universe (he's never real shy about that), and Toby and Levee pretty much take it in stride. Styx notes this entrance, but then hears the ghosts around her whisper "they're coming." 

"Who?" she asks. "the anguillites"

Styx isn't sure what an "Anguillite" is, but it doesn't sound good. She slips through the crowd to the float and Sgt. Guidry helps her up. She says that she thinks something is about to happen...and sure enough, the crowds start to scream!

Water flows in from the dark corners of the city, not enough to count as flooding, but enough to make everyone's ankles wet. But more important, bands of slimy, four-armed fish-creatures appear as well! Their lower, stunted arms carry what look like guns, and they terrorize the crowds, pointing their guns around and burbling in a weird, alien language. 

Levee wastes no time - she leaps off the float to one of the mobs of Anguillites, scoops up a bunch of water, and flings it as daggers at the creatures! The pack of them falls dead (I was rolling so badly during this game). Styx calls up ghosts and has them box in another mob, and Magnus pulls a grenade out of his hat and flings it into the pack. It destroys the aliens, but also damages the building, and Levee scolds him - "That's a historical building! You can't just throw explosives around!"

Sgt. Guidry leaps off the float and lands in the midst of a third mob, knocking a couple of them down. Wing Diesel snarls at the last mob and shines light off his chrome skin, blinding and scattering them.

Suddenly, another alien - this one much larger and more muscular, and wearing claws on its hands, leaps from the dark and rakes at Levee! She blows it backwards with a jet of water, and Magnus hurls a razor-sharp playing card at its neck. Styx asks for help from the dead, and Frederick, the ghost of an expert pugilist, answers. With Frederick behind her eyes, she runs over and punches the alien lieutenant right in the gills, dropping it.

The remaining aliens in the mob fire their weapons at Sgt. Guidry, gumming him up with foul-smelling slime. The heroes quickly take them out (I honestly don't remember how, but it hardly matters at this point), and Levee washes the slime off Guidry ("ugh, smells like a po' boy left at the bottom of my locker!"). 

Guidry gets a call on his radio - that was just an early wave. There are lots more of these things in the city!

The heroes spring into action! Levee dips her hand into the water and listens to it (The Delta Sings to [Her], y'see). She learns that they are sliding around in the dark, using the water to increase mobility. She pulls all of the water from the shadows back and sends it down the drains, drying them out. Meanwhile, Magnus pulls a bright spotlight from his hat and aims it at Wing Diesel, who flies up into the air and spins, shining a million points of light into the dark corners of the city like some kind of Disco Dragon! The aliens thus exposed, Magnus pulls out a kind of dimensional vacuum and aims it at the body of the lieutenant, using that as a focal point to suck all the aliens back into their home world.

The crisis is averted, and while there are some narrowed eyes at the damage from the fight, the heroes aren't held responsible. The party continues, and Magnus is taken out for beignets. 

Pugmire: So Many Pies

Back into the Realms of Pugmire! Here's last time. 

Our heroes awaken at the Lively Pie Inn in Ellendonk, after their lovely Descension Day festivities. Peppa Papillon, they discover, has already left to go to the mission here in Ellendonk to do some volunteering and/or ministry (read: her player was out), so the others start figuring what they need to be doing here. 

They remember that Graff Doberman, son of Heinrich Doberman but not at all following in his pawsteps, was living here but vanished. They decide to go and talk to Gerald Beauceron, the mayor of Ellendonk, and find out more.

Gerald is in his offices (read: the front room of his house), and is showing an elderly dog out as they Pioneers arrive. He welcomes them warmly and remembers all their names ("Gelert Sausagedog! I have heard of you!"), and then asks what he can do for them. Petunia Pibble has to press him a little about Graff, but eventually reveals that Graff was living here, and then about two weeks ago he just...vanished. No one has seen him since, but there's been no sign of foul play. At first Gerald thought he might have gone up to the Doberman Iron Mines (owned by his father), but there have been visitors from the mines since then, and no one has seen him. Gerald also mentions that the "Night Ripper" might have got him...

This is the first time the Pioneers have heard that name. Gerald explains: There's a creature lurking in the woods around Ellendonk. It's been spotted a couple of times and it's even attacked guards and miners up by the mines, but no one has ever gotten a good look. No one in Ellendonk has been harmed, but the rumors have spread (Gerald isn't sure who coined the term "Night Ripper," but he suspects some pups did it and it just stuck). There has been no luck tracking or hunting this creature, and Gerald isn't sure how much of it is just tall tales. 

The characters decide to first have a look through Graff's belongings, and Gerald points them across the way to a two-story house. As they approach and start for the stairs (there's an exterior staircase), the old dog they saw earlier pokes her snoot out of the bottom-floor dwelling and asks what they're doing. Petunia actually recognizes her - she's Hattie Pibble (probably a distant cousin)! The two of them talk a little, and Hattie recognizes Boomer Pitbull, too, and asks if he has family down in Houndton. She says that she remembers that that branch of the family was trying to rebuild their noble fortunes, "after that terrible business with the Staffordshires," but Boomer doesn't ask her to elaborate. 

The four of them head upstairs, and search the room. Right away they can see that Graff wasn't expecting to leave - most of his possessions are still here, his bed is made neatly (Graff was a soldier, remember). They pick the lock on his footlocker and discover a chainmail shirt, a short sword, his military uniform, and a couple of sets of clothes ("More than one set of clothes, must be rich," mutters Dire Newfoundland). In his dresser drawer, they discover that his possessions seem to have been pawed through, but not ransacked - their guess is that someone did exactly what they're doing when he went missing.

They do find a journal, though. Graff wasn't exactly diligent about writing in it, mostly just recording important events. His meetings with the characters are detailed, in fact, and the last entry describes coming to Ellendonk a few months ago...but then six or seven pages are torn out. There are several potential explanations, of course, but the characters guess that someone is trying to hide something.

Since the mines seem to be the next best lead, they decide to go to the inn and get some lunch, and then maybe head out there - it's a long walk, but if they leave soon they can get there without camping. When the get to the Lively Pie, Ritta (the proprietor) mentions that there was just a young pup in here talking about how the Night Ripper nearly ate him last night! They have Ritta start working on baking some extra pies for them to take along, and then get directions to the boy's house. She says they could probably just follow the smell; he stank like a swamp.

They hear the boy before they see him. He's outside his house getting scrubbed with a brush while his mother scolds him. "Amonjoy Marcellus Pibble, you hold still!" "MOOOOM, OW MY EARS!"

The Pioneers walk up and ask if they can talk to him. His mother (who recognizes a fellow Pibble in Petunia) says that's fine, but wants to finish his bath first. The characters wait awkwardly while she finishes scrubbing the last of the dirt off ("honestly, Amonjoy, you could have just washed in the stream after the mud wrestling"), and then pulls a shirt over him. 

Amonjoy is happy to relate what happened: "Me and my friends were mud wrestling and we they ran into the woods and we were playing and then Chester ran up and he was like "TAG YOU'RE IT" and ran away and we chased him and then we got real tired and we found this tree? And it was a tree shaped like a big loop and we all sitted on it and then we falled asleep because we were real tired because we were wrestling and running and playing tag. And then I woke up and I had to pee so I went to find a tree and I was at the tree and then SOMETHING GRABBED ME and pushed me against the tree and it was like RARRR and it was a dog but it had a long snoot and black fur and pointy ears and slime from its mouth and its smell real bad like poop or dirty or dirty poop and it growled at me and sniffed me and then dropped me and runned away! And then I woke everyone up and we ran home."

Amonjoy's mom thinks this is just a long tale (and gives his tail a gentle yank to underline the point), but the characters think there might be something to this and ask her if the boy can show them where this happened. They'll even buy him a pie at the Lively first. Amonjoy's eyes light up and his mother doesn't mind, so they head back to the Pie, eat, and then he leads them into the woods. 

They eventually find the big curved tree he was talking about, and the characters can see the tracks and evidence of the pups all crashed out here in a puppy pile. Amonjoy shows them the tree where the Night Ripper slammed him against the trunk, but looking around, none of them see any evidence of tracks or broken brush. Dire, however, finds mud and tufts of fur on the tree about where Amonjoy would have been if someone tall had pressed him there. Petunia casts Sniff Magic and detects the distinct odor of the Unseen. But still, no physical evidence - apparently whatever this is, it doesn't leave tracks. Sausagedog has read about demons and creatures of the woods that leave no physical trace of their passing...

The Pioneers bring Amonjoy home, and Petunia quietly tells his mother what they found and that he was telling the truth (meanwhile, Boomer arm-wrestles Amonjoy and all his siblings simultaneously, and convincingly loses. "WE'RE THE STRONGEST! PIBBLE PIBBLE PIBBLE! WOOF WOOF WOOF!"). Amonjoy's mother is horrified that her son was that close to an Unseen monster, but is relieved to hear that he's unhurt. 

The Pioneers leave and go back to the inn to gather their stuff, and then head back to the tree to see if they can follow the scent. Dire brings up an uncomfortable point: Amonjoy's description of the Night Ripper sounds an awful lot like a Doberman. Might Graff have become the Night Ripper somehow? The others agree this is a possibility, but they do wonder how and why. Also, why not harm the kid? Still too much they don't know.

Petunia gets the scent, and they follow it deeper into the woods, heading northwest (which is towards the mines, they note). The ground eventually starts to slope up, and three of them keep their footing expertly, but Petunia misses a step and slides down the slope into a small valley. As she contemplates using Beast Mode to turn herself into a mountain goat or something, she feels a spear at her back. 

She rises, holding up her hands, but then hears a voice say "Petunia?!" She turns and sees a badger holding the spear: "Harriet?!"

Harriet Badger greets her warmly (and the other dogs get down the hill a moment later). Harriet calls to Levi, who emerges from a pile of dirt with a club. The characters re-make their acquaintance; they met these badgers a couple of years ago, last time they were up this way. Harriet tells them that she's hunting the Night Ripper. She hasn't gotten a good look at it, but she knows it's killed a couple of guards and miners. 

The dogs ask about the mine, and Harriet says that it's better than it was, but that Heinrich Doberman has slowly re-staffed the mine and the guard post (originally staffed with soldiers loyal to King Puckington Pug) with dogs in his employ. Plus, there's his puppet in Ellendonk...the Mayor, she tells them, is one of the Friends of Man. Dire makes a note to follow that thread later on. She also tells them that the Night Ripper attacked a merchant passed through Ellendonk and wounded him, but he survived because he was carrying a protective relic. He has since left the area.

The group decides to camp and try to bait the Night Ripper. They find a clearing, build a fire, and try to look vulnerable. Dire puts up his Shield of Lert, and everyone beds down...but are awaken in the wee hours by the shield making a terrible "AYEYIYIYIYIYIYI!"

Everyone springs to action, and sees Levi in a headlock, being dragged off into the woods by some unknown monster! Sausagedog runs over and grabs his feet, and Boomer flanks him and grabs the creature's wrist. He gets a look at it - it's a horrific dog, slavering and bloody, but it does look a lot like Graff Doberman. The Night Ripper lets out and unearthly howl, and several of the dogs are stricken with fear, including Boomer - he can't get close to it.

Petunia casts a Slick under it and falls on its bum, and Harriet grabs a flaming stick from the fire and hurls it! (Petunia: "No, we're trying to capture-"). Fire leaps up, and Dire casts Sacred Flame, turning the fire blue and white and causing the Night Ripper to scream in pain! It turns over onto all fours and runs into the forest, leaving no tracks or trace.

Boomer reports what he saw, and the characters consider why this might have happened. Did Heinrich arrange for his son to be possessed by something, to sow chaos? Maybe to pick off guards who were loyal to the king? Or did Graff invite this, and is killing guards who are loyal to Heinrich? And why was Amonjoy attacked, and more to the point, spared? Is there enough of Graff left in the Night Ripper that it wouldn't harm an innocent?

The dogs get a few more hours of sleep, and then head towards the mine in the morning. As they get close, Harriet and Levi take their leave, but Harriet marks a tree with her claw and tells them to follow those marks if they need to find them again. They're going back to the hunt.

The Pioneers approach the mines and are stopped by guards, but they identify themselves and say they're here looking into the Night Ripper, which buys them some consideration. The guard sends them to the supervisor's tent to talk to Hotch Wiener. Hotch is an obsequious little thing, but he tells the Pioneers all he knows - the Night Ripper has not only killed guards and a couple of miners, but pushed a tree trunk (one that the miners had cut down to be used as fuel) onto a cart, destroying tools! Hotch tells them he doesn't have beds to spare, but they're welcome to camp and avail themselves of the food. He also tells them to stay out the mines (it's dangerous!) but he'll arrange a tour as soon as possible. He also offhandedly mentions that his predecessor, Finley, passed away, which led to his appointment. Before this, he lived in Pugmire.

(He also refers to the characters as "Pioneers," and Petunia quietly points out to the others that she never told him that. He might have been briefed about them, or simply recognized them, but still...)

Looking around, the characters see that the mine grounds consist of an area of forest cleared for about a fifty yards, and then a quarry about 20 feet deep, leading to a tunnel into the mine proper. The miners' living quarters, Hotch's tent, and a guard barracks are in the quarry, and there's a guard tower up on the surface level. They also note that while the miners clearly aren't slaves (like they used to be), they're not exactly in the pink of health, either. 

The Pioneers decide to split up and investigate the area. They have hours before sunset, after all.