Movie #750: Cyborg

Cyborg is a kind of terrible action/sci-fi mess directed by the inimitable Albert Pyun (he of Mean Guns and Brainsmasher...A Love Story) and starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Deborah Richter, Victor Klyn, and Dayle Haddon. 

In a post-apocalyptic future, a plague cleverly titled "the Living Death" has ravaged the population because people wouldn't wear masks (we assume). A cyborg named Pearl Prophet (Haddon), having recovered data in New York that will allow doctors in Atlanta to make a cure, briefly meets a "slinger" (mercenary/do-gooder) named Gibson Rickenbacker (Van Damme) before getting kidnapped by the evil Fender Tremolo (Klyn). Fender intends to bring Pearl to Atlanta himself in order to own the cure. Turns out Gibson hung up his knives some years back and tried to have a normal life, and Fender and his pirates rocked up, killed his wife (Terrie Batson) and her young son (no idea, his name is never mentioned and I don't know if he's credited), kidnapped and brainwashed her daughter Haley (Kristina Sebastian as a kid and then Haley Peterson as an adult), so now Gibson is OUT FOR REVENGE. 

I hate to admit it, but this movie was kind of formative for me. It came out in 1989, and for some reason my best friend in high school had it on tape, so we watched it (this and a lot of other macho-ass action movies) a bunch of times. I never thought it was good, but I remember it being better than it is. 

Turns out Pyun's cut of the movie was very different - like, black and white, gorier, more serious - and test audiences just hated it, so Van Damme and a friend recut it into the cinematic tour-de-force it is today. And like, there are some decent action scenes, because Van Damme can actually make martial arts look cool on camera. The scene of him doing the splits above one of Fender's pirates before stabbing him is nicely done, and the scene of him being crucified and breaking himself down amidst flashbacks of what happened to his family would have been effective if we hadn't already seen literally all of the flashbacks already. Shots linger too long, the dialog is one step up from RPGs played by 13-year-old boys ("I'D BE A GOD"). But some of the costumes are impressive, Van Damme is good at looking sad, and there's that nifty rotating rifle thingie he has, so y'know. 

I think it's actually more watchable than Mean Guns, which is too bad, because I like that premise more, but Pyun's gotta Pyun.

My Grade: F+
Rewatch Value: Medium

Next up: Death Warrant