Last time, we celebrated the death of...er, mourned the life of...anyway, Queequaz the Querulous died. This time, we open in the sanctum of the Sepulcher of Suffering, as the two-headed monster that is Yog-en-Yeg is tossing Queequaz' shit out of his room. "TOO MUCH STUFF! TOO CROWDED!"
The others - Baldruf, Thudd, and Fnort - stand in the sanctum and watch this. "We OK with this?" says Fnort.
"Can you fight?" yells Baldruf. Yog-en-Yeg pauses and emerges from the lair. "WHO YOU?"
"I'm Fnort," says the fuzzy kobold. 'He's Baldruf, that's Thudd."
"NAMES MEAN NOT FOOD," says one head. "NO IT DOESN'T," says the other. They eventually decide that these folks aren't food, and the other Wicked Ones decide that Yog-en-Yeg are quite welcome here.
About this time, an imp piloting a corpse wobbles in and goes up to Thudd. "Uh, hey, boss. Boys were wondering if since Queequaz is dead we were still gonna worship Crevis, or what?" Thudd puts this to the other Wicked Ones, and they discuss the various gods in the Imperial Family and the Wild. There's some talk about devoting the Sepulcher to all of the gods, but then they decide it makes more sense if, since they just annihilated the Confraternity of the Three, if their temple is to a "Dark Three," the opposites of Ubu, Uwu, and Amael.
They choose as their "Dark Three": Nezame, the Joyful Hedonist is the opposite of Amael, God of Chastity. Dalgeth, the Grumbling Malcontent is the opposite of Ubu, God of Obediance. And Zaheen, the Dancing Madman, is the opposite of Uwu, God of Authority. There are also little niches and shrines to the other Dark Gods - it's a temple, there's room. The problem is that as this starts to take shape, the imps split into factions. Some want to worship Zaheen, some worship Vanhoona, the Howler at Night, and some still cling to Crevis.
But the Wicked Ones have other fish to fry. They've discovered a crop of glowy mushrooms in the tunnel behind the altar. Also, a slaad has slithered up into the hole that they dug to drain the water out from when the dungeon flooded, so he's made welcome. And, of course, they need new minions. Fnort goes and recruits a new batch of young kobold guards. Thudd makes friends with the ghoul that's been creeping around lately. Yog-en-Yeg and Baldruf each get a skeleton out of the ossuary.
That handled, they all get to work on other projects. Yog-en-Yeg starts digging (sloppily) a hole to another level of the dungeon. Thudd develops an electromagnet, perfect for pulling armor right off an adventurer (in theory)! Fnort continues work on the reliquary, even going so far as to leave his special Dice of Zaheen, but then a skeleton animated by the sheer chaos of the Dancing Madman comes and dances with Fnort until he's ready to drop.
Baldruf takes Yog-en-Yeg and makes a little trip to the goblins of Breaker's Bridge, inviting them to come and worship at the Sepulcher, maybe have a little cookout. He brings them a gift basket just to make them feel welcome.
This is all very well, but the paladins of the Confraternity aren't all dead, and one evening the Sepulcher finds itself invaded! It's the Leader of the Confraternity, a paladin with sparkly armor, plus a heavily armored Knight, the Chastiser and the Merc Convert from the monsters' last raid, and three novitiates.
One of the novitiates, too eager for his own good, tries to open the door and nearly falls into the spike trap. The party heads into the main hall and approach the statue (that's really a mimic). It leaps at the Leader, but he casts it back, and the mimic decides it has better things to do than die and skitters off forever.
The party checks the room and awakens Skiathrax, the umbral dragon! It slithers out of its hole and strikes at the Leader, this time injuring him. Alas, the Leader wields the powerful magic of the Three, and strikes the spectral serpent down. All that remains is scales.
The party then find the door locked with the bone puzzle. Sadly, someone forgot to reset it, and they bypass it without a problem. The Leader spots a pile of bones on the floor and identifies it as an undead creature, and indeed, it's the skeletal priest of Dalgeth that Yog-en-Yeg recruited! It leaps up and casts a spell at the Merc, amplifying his greed. He stabs the Leader in the back, and the Chastiser beats him about the head and shoulders, casting out the dark magic. The Merc falls to his knees in supplication and the skeleton pulls off a couple of bones and re-locks the door. Unfortunately, it's on the same side as the adventurers, and they make quick work of it. The bone puzzle doesn't slow them down even when it is set, either, and the party continues into the guard post.
But that means KOBOLD SWARM! Fnort's guards surge forward and pull the eager novitiate down, bashing his head on the floor and knocking him out. They scatter, and then swarm back at the Leader. The Knight storms into the room and kills two of them before the others manage to pull him to the ground, but in so doing they take their attention off the others. The kobolds fall, but they've definitely done some damage.
The party moves forward into the Scriptorium, where they destroy a couple of unholy artifacts and rally to their mission once more, and then descend into the dark. They emerge into the Sanctum, but the Wicked Ones have heard them coming.
As they enter, Fnort scampers up and bops the Chastiser with his flail. Yog-en-Yeg is back in his room clearing out Queequaz's stuff again, in this case the immense boulder that Queequaz used as an altar ("THIS TOO BIG!"). He hurls it out into the sanctum and it flies over Fnort's noggin, scraping the Leader's head and landing right on a novitiate ("huh?" squish).
Thudd quickly slaps together a bear trap and slides it out, but the Merc spots it and triggers it with a thrown dagger. Baldruf, hiding up one of the columns, takes careful aim and puts his magical crossbow bolt in the Leader's neck. He falls dead, and Thudd turns on his new magnet and yanks the Knight out of formation and closer to him. The Knight raises his sword and lets go, and it flies right at Thudd. He ducks right in time and avoids getting face-stabbed.
Yog-en-Yeg emerges ("WHAT ALL THIS NOISE?!") and sees the melee. He advances and rips the Knight's breastplate right off him ("TOO CLANKY!"), hurling it at the Merc. Thudd alters his angle of attack and tries to pull off the Knight's helmet. He rolls and pops up right in front of Thudd, and stabs at him with his dagger. Fnort slides over and appears in between them, letting his skin armor take the blow. Baldruf, meanwhile, slinks out of the shadows and dispatches the last novitiate.
The Knight backs off, retrieves the Leader's bladed staff, and hurls it at Fnort and Thudd. Yog-en-Yeg try to grab it, but it burns with holy fire ("HAND OUCHIE!"). Fnort leaps up and tries to smash the spear away, but gets it through his shoulder and goes down.
Yog-en-Yeg grabs the Merc and hurls him across the room, bouncing him off columns with a crunch. The Knight tries to stab the ettin, but one of the heads looks down him and growls "FOOD NO CRAWL AWAY!" The Knight tries to flee, finally beaten, but Thudd stabs him in the back with his spring-loaded dagger, severing his spinal cord.
The Wicked Ones have repelled yet another invasion, the worst one yet, and have utterly destroyed the Confraternity of the Three. Their master plan proceeds, and next they intend to spread the word of the Dark Three across the land! Perhaps beginning with the idiots pirates at Briggon's Notch?
No comments:
Post a Comment