Wicked Ones: The Mechanical Parrot

Back into the wild and woolly world of Wicked Ones. Where's wlast wtime.

It's the annual Doohickey Festival in the gnome town of Flywheel! The Doohickey Float has a nautical theme this year, and amongst the devices is a mechanical parrot that flaps and squawks. And that is the doohickey that the Wicked Ones intend to steal.

Thudd picks the lock on the immense gates of Flywheel and the Wicked Ones sneak in. They're spotted just as Fnort is approaching the float, but then, this was always intended to be a strike, not an ambush. He charges the float, leaps up onto it, and uses Thudd's electromagnet to pull the mechanical parrot right to him!

Two gnome apprentices are manning the float, however, and one dumps a bag of jagged parts. They go flying toward Fnort, and he gets a little bit of metal stuck in him, but does get the parrot. The two immense clockwork mechs flanking the float spring (lol) into action! One stops the float with its immense strength, while the other aims a fist at Fnort and starts building up steam pressure.

Thudd, seeing this from closer to the main gate, quickly whips up a launcher and fires the magical bolt at the mech. The bolt pierces the mech's arm and releases the pressure, and the arm falls limply at the side. The other mech turns and starts charging at Thudd, apparently intent on smushing him into the ground. But that's when Yog-en-Yeg gets involved.

The ettin bursts from the rock they were hiding behind and clotheslines the mech, knocking it prone, and then digs their huge fingers into the metal of the front armor and rips it right off. The gnome inside looks up at Yog-en-Yeg with a shit-eating grin, and they grin right back.

Fnort leaps off the float and runs for the main gate. One of the apprentice gnomes jumps onto the mech's damaged arm and tries to repair it, but Baldruf leaps off a nearby rooftop and dispatches the hapless mechanic without even being seen. He spots the float behind this one - it's got riches and treasures (the stuff that's getting raffled off later) and moves to steal it. 

As Fnort is running, he sees a blur of color and a gnome pops up behind him and the gate. The gnome is wearing brightly colored pantaloons and a jerkin, and a bandolier with strange mechanical devices. Fnort passes the parrot to Yog-en-Yeg and prepares for battle with this gnome! The gnome plucks one off and throws it at Fnort, and it smacks around his head and forms into a clockwork mask! Fnort grabs it and tries to pull it off, but only manages to bend it. Thudd activates his retracto-arm and grabs Fnort by the face, resulting in a kind of old-school remote controlled kobold action.

The gnome artificer turns and spots Thudd, and tosses another handful of metal up in the air. These devices turn out to be a swarm of mechanical bees, and they go streaking right for Thudd. He quickly throws his thick leather apron over his head and the bees try to chew through, but don't manage to make much headway. 

Yog-en-Yeg signals to his skeleton priest minion, who invokes Dalgeth, the Grumbling Malcontent, and causes the gnome piloting the still-intact mech (the one with the busted arm) to charge into the crowd of gnomes and wreak havoc! They then put one of their "hats" (the boots they stole from Fnort) over the parrot, and the other over the head of the gnome mech pilot, tuck both under their arm, and make for the exit.

The gnome artificer decides that getting this mech under control is the most important thing now and turns his attention away from the characters. Baldruf, meanwhile, tries to steal the float with all the raffle goodies, but when he slides into the driver's seat, the gnome driver throws him right the heck back out. The gnome jumps out and brandishes a cutlass - he's the biggest gnome Baldruf has ever seen! He comes almost up to Baldruf's nipples! Baldruf leads him on a merry chase through the alleys, jumps up on a roof, and then down into a bin of coal, losing his pursuer. 

Cutting his losses, Baldruf starts playing the war drums that he jacked from Yog-en-Yeg, signalling a retreat. Fnort and Thudd head for the door, where Thudd's ghoul minion has already prevented the doors from being relocked by liberal application of Outburst Draught. Yog-en-Yeg breaks off, though, hearing Baldruf play his war drums so badly, and goes charging towards where Baldruf is standing on the outer wall.

The gnome barbarian with the cutlass sees Baldruf and attacks, leaping at him blade first! Baldruf dodges, but the barbarian engages in some impressive flashy swordplay...and then Yog-en-Yeg grabs him and hucks him into the city. "YOU PLAY DRUMS LIKE DWARF HAVING A SEIZURE!" bellows the ettin, and Baldruf gives back his drums so they can both escape.

The Wicked Ones fall back to the Sepulcher of Suffering and divide up what little loot they got. Mostly it's just celebrating; Fnort gets into a dice game of Zaheen's Punch with his kobold pals and winds up a little punch-drunk. Thudd gets for-real drunk and wakes up with a hella hangover, while Baldruf spends a little too much gold on Irion paraphrenalia. Yog-en-Yeg builds a little impromptu debate stage for the imps, but winds up arguing with them (and themself) most of the time.

The monsters get building, too. Yog-en-Yeg builds a hallway from the bottom of the new staircase (actually, after some fumbles involving a cave-in, they order their skeleton to do it, and he mind-controls the gnome to do it. Delegation!). Thudd works on the clockwork groom for his horse husband, and also digs trenches in a disused room to use as a latrine. Fnort runs a crawlway from the guard post to the reliquary, letting the kobold guards have a bit more mobility. Baldruf and Yog-en-Yeg torment the gnome into giving up what he knows. That ain't much, but he does tell them that a delegation from Ikae's Refuge came to Flywheel not long ago and met with the security chief (that artificer they fought). 

They also put the mechanical parrot in the reliquary, and they find that ghostly squawks echo throughout the dungeon. That'll come in handy the next time someone invades! Unfortunately, the mechanical bees on Thudd's apron also slip off into the dungeon, where they might well cause some grief later.

The characters determine their next move. They want to set up a shrine to the Dark Three in Bartertown, but for that they need to negotiate with the Duke of Salvage. They invite him to the Sepulcher, where they intend to talk him into allowing the shrine. Yog-en-Yeg contacts his friend Shimmer Whifflebottom, a gnome rhetorician and poisoner, to help with the talks. 

Next time, more negotiation, 'cause that worked so well before!