Om-nom-noscars

Let's be honest, folks like coming over to watch the telecast, but it's really about the food. Here's the menu for this year, presented in rough course order:

• Barbie: Frozen strawberry daiquiri
• Past Lives: Fried Mandu (dumplings) 
• Oppenheimer: Mushroom soufflé
• The Zone of Interest: Kohlrabi/apple slaw
• Maestro: Slow-cooker brisket
• American Fiction: Old Bay blackened chicken
• Killers of the Flower Moon: Roasted sweet potatoes
• Anatomy of a Fall: Lime granita with a bloody splash of grenadine
• Poor Things: Portuguese egg tarts
• The Holdovers: Brownie ice cream sandwiches 

Our cooking this year began on Tuesday, because as we get older we're trying to get better about working ahead where possible. (Actually, as a side note, we had company Saturday night and it was really nice because it forced us to clean during the day Saturday, which normally we'd leave to Sunday, and it really alleviated some of the workload on the day of the Oscars, so we'll probably not learn that lesson at all but we might.)

Well, anyway, on Tuesday we made the mandu. Now, we could have bought dumpling wrappers and just made the filling, but every year we try and do something that's much more elaborate than it needs to be (like the one year we made bratwurst and filled the sausages ourselves), so we made the wrappers as well. 

Mix, mix, knead, knead

 

Wrappers aren't actually difficult, they're just time consuming. We made a bunch, and I got to work on the filling.

Components

Pork

Veg

ZUCCHINI

One bowl, and then a smaller bowl without onions. Which you'll see is a theme this year

The filling consisted of pork, zucchini, green onion (except for that little bowl), tofu, bean sprouts, and a bunch of other things I'm forgetting. Once the wrappers were completed and the filling was ready, time to stuff them dumplings!

Well, I don't have any pictures of stuffing them, because my hands were busy. But that's what they look like stuff. We put them in the freezer, and then went back to doing normal things because it was still several days before the telecast.

Which brings us to Saturday! First thing was to get the brisket in the slow cooker. Well, actually, in two slow cookers, because as mentioned, the theme this year was "and also some without onions" because my buddy Gus can't eat them and onions are in goddamn everything, and I happen to like them so I would rather do a bit of extra cooking than go without SO THERE.

Brisket sauce components

Garlic on the left, a MOUNTAIN OF ONIONS on the right

Gus' brisket, or "the gus-ket"

The normal (i.e., onion-ful) brisket

Meanwhile, Michelle poached some cherries, which would eventually go in the ice cream batter for the ice cream smammiches. 

Poachin'

Chopped into chunks! Oh, the cherrinity!

Also, Michelle was making the dough for the egg tarts, which at this stage is just some hella laminated dough. 

Mix, mix, knead, knead

Dough snake!

Saturday always consists of doing whatever we can do ahead of time, and I realized that we were going to need a shitload of limes-

LIMES. I SAID LIMES.

There we go

And it's a good thing I bought as many as I did, because I just barely got enough juice for what I needed out of that dozen limes. 

Anyway, Michelle made the brownies. Somewhere in there I had to run down the road and buy 9x9 cake pans, but then we got the brownies in the oven and got the ice cream a-churin'. 

Churn, churn, churn

And then, in with the cherries!

And, going along with "shit I can do today so I don't have to do it tomorrow," roasted hazelnuts! 

Toastin'

Chopped!

Those are for the slaw, but we didn't assemble it until Sunday. 

By this point, the ice cream was done and the brownies were cooled, so we assembled one gigantic ice cream sandwich:

And then into the deep freeze with that!

The last thing we did Saturday was make a bunch of simple syrup, but I needed three different proportions - one for the granita, one for the daiquiris, and a flavored one (lemon peel, vanilla, cinnamon) for the egg tart custard. 

Just that last one gets a picture because the rest is pretty boring

So then I had to clear off the stove and make catfish stew for dinner, had some friends over to play board games, but no pics of any of that, and then sleep! And then Sunday!

The first thing we did on Sunday was get the ice cream smammiches (yes, I'm gonna spell it like that every time) out of the deep freeze and cut them into rectangles. 

 

We had initially cut it into eight pieces, and then I tried some of it and discovered it is hella rich (delicious, but rich), so we cut them in half again.

Oh, and rubber bands because they were too cold for tape

And then, custard!

WHISK!

MIX!

STRAIN!

And then Michelle cut the dough-snake into chunks, put them in the cupcake tins, and smushed them into cups with her thumb, repeatedly noting how weird it felt.

Filled 'em with custard and then baked them motherfuckers.

With those cooling, time for assembly of other stuff. First the lime granita, which consists of lime juice, simple syrup, and lime zest:

And then poured on a tray and into the freeze to get slushy! 

Mixed up the spice mix for the blackened chicken:

This I improvised: Old Bay, smoked cinnamon, bacon salt, black pepper, garlic powder, paprika, and some other stuff I'm forgetting. 

Next was the kohlrabi slaw, which involved peeling and slicing delicious plant matter-

MY SKILLS ARE NEEDED!

Yes, Noodle. Anyway, with a very enthusiastic pibble at my feet, I mixed up the dressing...

...chopped up the fruits and veggies...

Is kohlrabi a fruit or a vegetable?

...and mixed it all up, stirred in chopped hazelnuts and parsley, and then into the fridge to await dinnertime. On to squash!

I had chopped up the squash the day before, and now mixed in cinnamon, maple syrup, and a bit of oil, and baked that sucker!

Simple enough! This is the point in the day where everything starts happening in rapid succession because some things you gotta serve right out of the oven. Case in point: Soufflés. 

DAMN YOU ELZAR!

Anyway, these particular soufflés were mushroom and chevre (get it, mushroom clouds?). This involves chopping up mushrooms...

...sauteing them with butter and thyme...

...and then preparing the ramekins with butter and Parmesan cheese.

But then kinda set that aside for a minute, because once the soufflés go in the oven you're committed, and I had other fish to fry. Well, not fish, mandu.

While those were going, I mixed up the flour mixture for the soufflé...

...and did a bunch of other steps that I don't have pictures for, resulting in folding beaten egg whites into an egg yolk/mushroom/chevre mixture and pouring it into the ramekins. 

As those baked, I mixed up the strawberries, ice, rum etc for the daiquiris...

...and filled my kitchen with some very spicy smoke from the blackened chicken!

MY EYES ARE DELICIOUSLY BURNING!

And at some point I realized that I hadn't heard the timer go off for the soufflé so I wasn't sure if they were done but AAAAAAHHHHHH-

Whew!

 And at this point, the preparation photos run out, but here are the final products:

 

 

The Annual Oscars Post

As always, on this, Oscars Eve, whilst cooking my little face off all day Saturday and Sunday, I also take some time to do up this post about the nominees, my guesses as to the winners, and my preferences as to same. 

This year is interesting in that two of the Best Picture nominees were big ol' blockbusters, and that's not often the case. Barbie and Oppenheimer both did gangbusters at the box office; Barbie was actually the first woman-directed movie to break $1 billion, and Oppenheimer is the second-highest grossing R-rated movie of all time (behind Joker). That fact alone puts lie to the pooh-poohing I sometimes see about Barbie in particular; if it really were just a movie about "a doll with big boobs," thanks very much Jo Koy, it might have done well but I doubt very much it would have done better box office than any other live-action comedy ever, particularly in our post-COVID world of not wanting to go to the theaters. Likewise, Oppenheimer is a three-hour biopic filmed partially in black and white, so it's not exactly popcorn viewing. And sure, Christopher Nolan has a fanbase, but after Tenet are they really going to go see a movie just because it's Nolan? I think not. 

My point is that both of these movies deserve their nomination, and I think it's very likely that one of them will win, but there are a lot of other strong entries this year. So let's talk about them. 

Best Actress: I never do these in any particular order, so sure, we'll start here. It's a pretty strong showing, actually, if a little heavy on white ladies. Lily Gladstone, in addition to being the first Native American woman to be nominated in this category, has already won a SAG and a Globe, and that to me speaks well of her chances. As I think back on Killers of the Flower Moon, though, I find myself remembering Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio more than her, which I think is down to how the movie was filmed as much as anything. Compare/contrast with Sandra Hüller in Anatomy of a Fall, which I think was one of my favorite performances of the year, or Emma Stone in Poor Things, which put her talent very much on display throughout the whole movie. 

Not to say that the other two nominees, Annette Bening and Carey Mulligan, aren't worth of the nom. Actually, I was kind of going in to Maestro expecting to be unimpressed by Mulligan (not that she's not a fantastic actress - see also Promising Young Woman - but she's playing Wife and that's not always terribly interesting), but she turned out to be probably my favorite thing about that movie. Likewise, Bening in Nyad made me want to know more about the events of the movie, and engagement is good. I think, though, that in terms of performance the two strongest in this category are Stone and Hüller. 

(Now, should Margot Robbie have gotten a nom here? I think maybe yes, but at whose expense? I guess I could have lived with Bening not getting nominated.)

My choice: Emma Stone, but it's a coin flip
My prediction: Lily Gladstone

Best Actor: A bit more diversity here, which is nice. We've got Colman Domingo, Paul Giamatti, and Jeffrey Wright turning in some fantastic performances. Giamatti's is perhaps a little similar to his turn in Sideways, but really he plays a curmudgeon generally and the roles aren't interchangeable. Meanwhile, Wright brings frustration and gravitas to American Fiction, and Domingo gets to play a largely unsung hero in Rustin (I mean, I'd never heard of him). And then there's Bradley Cooper, and while I think his performance as Leonard Bernstein was good, I dunno. It's a biopic. He spent years getting one particular section of conducting right, and like...who for? 

And here I kind of wish that, instead of Cooper, we'd have gotten a nom for Teo Yoo, not just because I think it was a worthy performance, but because the Academy has this weird blind spot for nominating Asians in acting awards (yes, I know that Michelle Yeoh and Ke Huy Quan won last year, but where was Yeoh's nomination for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? Where were any nominations for Parasite? I'm not saying it never happens, just that it doesn't happen enough). 

Anyway, I suspect Cillian Murphy has this sewn up for Oppenheimer, and I think that's probably the right choice anyway. Complex character, changes throughout the story, and anchors the whole picture, which for a movie this long and complex is work.

My choice & prediction: Cillian Murphy

Best Supporting Actor: Some real heavy hitters, here. So, again, Robert Downey, Jr. won the SAG and the Globe, so that's a decent road map. But with that said, look at the rest of the nominees! Ryan Gosling is likely to benefit from the sheer cultural weight of Barbie and from being the runaway performance from the movie (and the song, obvs). Robert De Niro benefits from being Robert De Niro, though I suspect Killers of the Flower Moon may have peaked a little too early for him to win this. I rather doubt Sterling K. Brown has the juice to pull this off, and it's probably the weakest of the five performances here (no slight to him or the movie, and if by some chance he does win I don't think it'd be undeserved, just by comparison). 

Which leaves Mark Ruffalo, playing an absolute scoundrel in Poor Things and going from in control to out of his tiny mind as Bella Baxter chews him up and spits him out. I think this is my favorite of these five performances, but I won't be mad no matter who wins. 

My choice: Mark Ruffalo
My prediction: Robert Downey Jr.

Best Supporting Actress: Until this very second I had forgotten Emily Blunt was nominated, so that might say something (not that the nom is undeserved, but there's a lot going on in Oppenheimer and I was more focused on Murphy). From what I've read, Da'Vine Joy Randolph has this more or less sewn up for The Holdovers, and like...OK, sure. It was a good performance. I think I'd rather see America Ferrera or Jodie Foster take it. Actually, if anyone is going to take it other than Randolph, I think it's likely to be Ferrera. She has a killer speech and scene in Barbie, she has some nice emotional moments, is it going to be enough to overcome the "movie about a doll" problem? I don't know. 

Foster isn't likely to take it; I don't think Nyad has the momentum, but I really did like her performance. Very definitely a supporting role, as it her character keeps the story (and Bening's character) on track and provides a stability for the viewer. 

I do know that I saw The Color Purple the other night and hated it, so I can't really root for Danielle Brooks, but in all fairness I loved her in Peacemaker. 

My choice: America Ferrera
My prediction: Da'Vine Joy Randolph

Best Animated Feature: Alas, I've only seen four of the five this year. Robot Dreams is not streaming or showing anywhere that I could find, and since Netflix dropped its DVD service and can fuck off always and forever for doing that (physical media 5eva), I didn't manage to see it. Which is fine, because there's no way it's winning anyway. 

So of the four that I did see, we have the Studio Ghibli acid trip that is The Boy & The Heron, the newest installment of the baffling real-life acid trip that is Sony's handling of the Spider-Man IP (that'd be Spider-Man: Across the Spider-verse), a story of love and revolution that has a really dramatic production (that'd be Nimona), and...feel like I'm forgetting one. Oh, right, Elemental. 

If Pixar had made Elemental 10 years ago it would have been amazing, but as it is it feels like it's nothing new. Also, I remember someone making a point of saying that Elemental contains a non-binary and/or queer character, and like, yeah, and they're in exactly one scene and get 1 or 0 lines. Meanwhile, Nimona's main character (voiced by Riz Ahmed) is actually a gay man with a love story and a kiss and everything, and holy shit, the world didn't end. 

With all of that said, all four of these movies are pretty solid (I mean, I don't think Elemental anything to write home about but it's not bad). I think The Boy & The Heron is probably the favorite, followed by Spider-verse, and I think the former is more likely to take it just due to name recognition from Hayao Miyazaki. Spider-verse is amazing, but we saw this animation style in 2018 (and it won then), so I don't think it'll win this time.

My choice: Nimona
My prediction: The Boy & The Heron

Best Adapted Screenplay: First of all, I think it's garbage that Barbie is here instead of Original Screenplay. I don't understand the rules, I guess. But whatever. I also think it's unfortunate that Poor Things has to compete with Barbie and Oppenheimer. Oh, and we also get American Fiction and The Zone of Interest, both based on novels. 

American Fiction is interesting because evidently, the entire text of the novel-within-a-novel (that would be My Pafology or Fuck, depending on when in the story you join us) is included within the novel Erasure, and one of the...not criticisms, I guess, but points of interest I found about American Fiction is that the movie's marketing leaned heavily on the satire while the movie itself spent as much or more time with Monk's family and that whole storyline. That doesn't matter much in terms of this award because I think that Barbie or Oppenheimer is going to take it. And that's actually OK, those are both strong scripts. 

I think my preference is between Barbie and Poor Things, actually. The writing is on clear display in both movies, but I think it's probably the strongest part of the movie in Barbie. 

My choice: Barbie
My prediction: Oppenheimer, I guess?

Best Original Screenplay: Past Lives confounds me some. It's by no means a bad or badly made movie, but it seems a little...thin, I guess, to be getting the accolades it is? It's a sad or bittersweet love story, and as I'm thinking about it, I think I'd rather have seen it get just the screenplay nom than that and a Best Picture. But I don't think it's going to win here. 

I rather suspect The Holdovers is going to win, though I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility that Maestro does if the Academy feels like Bradley Cooper should get something. My particular preference is the taut, disturbing legal drama that is Anatomy of a Fall, but I think Academy voters are going to reward The Holdovers. I don't think May December has the juice to get the win (it was good, but I don't feel like they stuck the landing, and apropos of nothing Charles Melton should have gotten a Best Supporting Actor nom). 

My choice: Anatomy of a Fall
My prediction: The Holdovers

Best Cinematography: As I've said in past years, I never know how to call this. Thinking about the five nominees (Poor Things, Oppenheimer, Killers of the Flower Moon, Maestro, and the fuckin' weird vampire movie El Conde), the one that visually stuck with me the most is Poor Things by a country mile. (From a technical standpoint, I think the sound design in Oppenheimer was more affecting.) 

My choice: Poor Things
My prediction: I dunno, Variety is calling this for Oppenheimer, so I'll go along with them

Best Director: I guess it was too much to expect to have more than one woman nominated here. Or, like, any POC. Where's Cord Jefferson? Where's Greta Gerwig? Either of them should have been here over Martin Scorsese. Hell, I wouldn't have been sad to see either of them instead of Jonathan Glazer, honestly.

The other three, though, do thoroughly deserve their noms. It's widely accepted that Christopher Nolan is going to finally get an Oscar for Oppenheimer, and I'm OK with that, given the nominees, although if Justine Triet beats him I'll raise a glass because Anatomy of a Fall was amazing. Likewise, I don't think Yorgos Lanthimos is taking this home this year, but I'm happy he finally got the nom because I really like his weird, quasi-magical-realism (The Favourite notwithstanding; I liked that one, too, but no magical realism). 

I think the best-directed films on this list were Anatomy of a Fall and Poor Things, with Oppenheimer a close third, but I also know that Oscars often go to people for their career rather than a particular movie, so again, if Nolan takes it I'm OK with it. I'd better see Triet here again, though.

My choice: Justine Triet
My prediction: Christopher Nolan

Best Picture: OK, then. Let's kick out the ones that aren't going to win. Past Lives isn't taking it, and I rather suspect Anatomy of a Fall isn't either. I don't think American Fiction has the recognition to get over Barbenheimer, either. Killers of the Flower Moon was looking like a contender early in the season, but I think it's too long and too heavy (and I don't know if I'm the only one that feels this way, but didn't it feel like Goodfellas with some change in set dressing and a much less likeable lead?). Maestro and The Holdovers, we can probably count out, too.

Variety mentioned The Zone of Interest as a contender, and that surprises me. I actually think they're just talking out of their butts, because if anything beats Oppenheimer I think it's likely to be Poor Things or Barbie. 

So how likely is that? Barbie hasn't done especially well on awards leading up to the Oscars, and as I talk to people about the Oscars (my coworkers know I take the day after Oscars off, which inevitably leads to them asking what my opinions are, and I always feel like Bill Murray in the beginning of Groundhog Day - "did you want to talk about movies or are you just making chit-chat?") I find that a lot of people don't see Barbie as particularly deep cinema. Which is a shame, because it manages to have as much to say as any other Oscar nominee, but does so in very smart and very accessible ways. I think, though, that it's not likely to win here.

Poor Things might be my favorite of the Best Picture nominees. It's weird, it's colorful, and it has some truly over-the-top performances that somehow fit into this odd sci-fi/romance/comedy...thing that Lanthimos created. Ten years ago I'd have said it was too weird for a Best Picture, but that was before Shape of Water, Moonlight, and Parasite won. I still think that it's not going to be enough to topple Oppenheimer. 

My choice: Poor Things
My prediction: Oppenheimer

Dragon Age: A Quick Check-In

Last night we played Dragon Age, for the first time in forever, as the song goes. It was quick, which is just as well, because today is Oscars Eve and I have shit to do. 

Our heroes, having successfully pulled off the heist of the magical (?) breastplate, plan their next move. Lucanis Della Morte (whom Sinda refers to as "the anus guy") is still on their tails (on their butts, you might say) and they need to move along. They decide to pull a bit of a bait-and-switch. 

Kalendra uses the little coin they found during the heist to hire a carriage to take four people further east, inland, and spreads word that that's where the four of them are going...but here's the clever bit, they don't actually get on the carriage! Instead, they quietly sneak out of town at about the same time and head south, toward Afsaana. 

They camp for the night near the coast, and Sinda rustles up some cockles, which Kalendra then cooks for them ("you can just eat them raw," notes Sinda, and Vedi obligingly pops one into his maw whole). They take watches, but nothing of note happens since they're actually being subtle, and in the morning they head into town.

Kalendra finds them a nice spot to get some lunch, where they can see and have escape routes, and Sinda works the crowd as a cutpurse (everyone is concerned that he's going to attract attention, seeing as how he's an Antivan Crow Washout, but apparently pick-pocketing wasn't what he washed out for because he comes back with some fat coin purses).

Nakkim goes and hires them passage on the Belle of the Ball, a cargo ship bound for Rialto and then on to Llomerynn (Kalendra's home town). The captain pretty much tells them to stay out of the way and everything will be fine, and on the morrow they find themselves sailing into Rialto! Which, coincidentally, is Sinda's home town. He offhandedly mentions that he's pretty sure he's not still wanted in Rialto.

"Wanted for what?" inquires Nakkim.

"I can't remember if they draw a distinction between murder and manslaughter in Rialto," Sinda muses. "It was a kind of quick-draw sort of bet, and I missed, and the guy was the brother or boyfriend or cousin or something of a town bailiff. It was real messy. But Rialto's a fun town, we should-"

"NO," says Kalendra. "We'll get off to get supplies, but we're not getting off to do fun stuff because we're not going to be in port that long."

"Fine," sulks Sinda. The Belle pulls into Rialto, and this promises to be a quick, easy stop with no surprises.

Atlantis: The House with the Snakes in Its Walls

That pesky Set. Here's last time.

Our heroes travel up to the house. Like many in the Flying City, it's connected to the rest of the city through some chains and some old rope bridges, but it's pretty isolated. Eithne casts a spell to make her partially weightless and bounds up, while Jengo and Imani take the rope bridges and go hand over hand (or, in Imani's case, hand) until they get there.

The house looks empty - no lights, no activity. It's oddly warm here, too. This high up, it should be cold, but the air is humid and Jengo notices a distinctly reptilian smell. This seems to be the place. Eithne casts a spell and makes huge words appear in the air to call Allunga here, and the door opens on its own. The heroes figure that there's no point in standing on ceremony; whoever is in there, obviously they know the heroes are here.

They enter and find themselves in a foyer with three exits (Akala notes that this isn't typical Uluka architecture). There's also a huge serpent coiled around the room. Jengo, lusting for glory and figuring that killing snakes is how to get in good with these people, nocks an arrow, but the snake strikes and bites his shoulder. Eithne casts a ward against snakes on the front door, so that they can fall back if they need to, and Imani and Akala strike at the snake with mong and javelin, respectively.

But then the ground shifts! Eithne tumbles into the corner, Akala and Jengo keep their footing, but Imani goes sliding out the door and towards the edge! Akala flies after her and throws a rope. Imani loses her mong, but catches the rope and doesn't fall to her death. Meanwhile, though, the snake strikes again and coils around Jengo, starting the death squeeze. 

Eithne goes and helps Akala haul Imani back up, and Imani charges, burying her horns into the snake (but avoiding skewering Jengo in the process, which appreciates). The heroes take the snake's head and press on through the right-hand door, and find themselves...in a desert. 

The desert is familiar, and Akala recognizes it as the desert of Khem not far from the slave-quarry that they liberated a long time ago. Every now and then a snake slithers by, and Imani finally gets annoyed, stomps a snake, and curses Set. Set apparently responds - the sands all around them turn into a mass of snakes. Jengo manages to jump before the strike, but the other three get bitten on the ankles. The snakes disappear, and the heroes walk on, but the wounds are starting to swell and ache. Imani's, in particular, has started to discolor, but she keeps this a secret for now.

They arrive at the quarry, and see slaves working it while Ahl-at-Rab overseers beat them. A man with beady, reptilian eyes sits on a stone throne, watching it all, but they can't quite get a look at him - light seems to fall into him. "Set, I presume," says Akala, and the man floats over to them. 

Set tells them the they've annoyed him for a long time, but what they're doing now is very different than killing the minions of his "idiot younger brother." He tells Akala to drop out of the campaign for King of the Skies, and that she, since she's seen the Web of Fate, has some inkling of how intricate and layered the divine agenda can be. 

Jengo speaks up, and Set addresses him tersely ("are you still here?"). He also alludes to Jengo only hanging around until he's "finished digesting," but once again, the others have bigger things to worry about than this and don't question what it means. In the end, of course, Akala refuses to drop out, and Set vanishes. Imani's ankle aches, and she feels sick.

The heroes find themselves back in the foyer, and go through the middle doorway. They see Allunga, blundering around as though blind. He doesn't respond to their calls, and they can see his beak moving, but he's not making a sound. Figuring this is a curse from Set, Eithne tries to counter it. It goes...poorly.

Forbidden knowledge floods her brain, and smoke and blood pour from her ears. She stumbles backwards, seeing the Web of Fate in her mind's eye and quaking at the complexity and infinite nature of it all. Akala and Imani grab Allunga (carefully, since he's probably prone to stab people if surprised, especially in this circumstance) and bring him back into the foyer.

Here, the curse seems to fade, and Allunga returns to them. He doesn't know what happened, he just came here, walked into that room, and everything went black (from his perspective). The heroes explain what's happening, and together the five of them enter the last doorway.

They immediately fall into a pit! Eithne turns into a roc and catches Imani, while Jengo speedily ties a rope to an arrow, fires it into a wall, and swings over to lower himself to the ground (it's not graceful, but it keeps him from going splat). The heroes see that the ground is full of chains, latched to the ground. Each chain is clasped to the ankle of an Uluka, and sometimes they fly up, trying to escape. Jengo takes his club and strikes a clasp, but the room shrinks and the crowd of Uluka tackle him, screeching "NO!"

As the heroes ponder this, they realize that clasps are forming around their ankles, too. Akala and Eithne take to the air, and Imani jumps up to the wall and drives a dagger into it. The other Uluka aren't really able to talk or answer questions, but Akala gets in front of them and demands their attention (Allunga backs her up, calling her "the next King of the Skies"). The heroes realize that they can't stay here or they'll eventually be chained up, too. Eithne gathers her power and tries to counter the magic again, and this time she succeeds.

The spell ends, and all of the Uluka end up in the foyer. They leave the Set-house, and Akala coordinates the others to break the supports and chains holding this house as part of the Flying City, sending it falling down to the ocean below. She reports to the city's authorities about why that was necessary, and Imani reveals her ankle, now even more infected and corrupted. They need to find her a cure, and soon. Today is also 15 Nisanu, the day that the Council will make its decision about the King of the Skies. 

The heroes ponder, though, that Set telling Akala to drop out is probably the best way to make sure she wouldn't. But does that mean he wants her to be King? If that's the case, why do anything at all? What is Set's end goal, here, and how do the heroes fit in?

Cairn: March of the Undead Critters (Finale)

Tonight was our final episode of Cairn. Here's last session, and here's the very first one. Some thoughts on the game, before we begin.

Cairn had something of a troubled production; it was a Mike Nystul Kickstarter, and he basically took the money and ran (for this and a couple other ones). But another company swept in and finished the game, and it's actually pretty cool. The focus is meant to be on the town of Cairn and keeping it safe, and there's enough material in the book to run a campaign from first level all the way to 14th (I know, because I did). 

Now, it's got some issues. There are some missing rules (how do you regain Magic Points? Not in the book), and it pretty clearly wasn't playtested at higher levels, which is a not-uncommon problem. But I can honestly say it was a lot of fun and even as the game was ending, I was still coming up with more potential adventures. So it's kind of a shame that it has a stigma on it, and that there's another RPG with the same name that's basically eaten the space it takes up. 

So! Last time, our heroes were in a spot of bother. Ratatosk Longberry had fled in panic (rather, he'd commanded the woodland sentinel he'd summoned to flee), and Russelet Leatherwind was flitting after him. Rumdiggle Sunsong had had the bear knocked right the hell out of her, and was sitting unsteadily near the bank of the Swiftwater River, while Snootabur Shadowbough was comforting her. Snootabur opines that maybe they should just dig into this evil den and burn it, and Rummy agrees that's probably wise. She wants to get everyone together, though - there's powerful, evil magic in there, and she doesn't want to face it alone.

Russ, meanwhile, catches up with Ratatosk and tries to talk him down. He manages to get through to the panicked squirrel, and while Ratatosk refuses to go back to the riverbank right now, he stops and makes camp. Russ sends up a signal arrow, and Rummy and Snoot eventually make their way to the tree. They decide to rest and recuperate. Ratatosk forages for some mushrooms, and Rummy plays a song to boost everyone's spirit. In the morning, they head back, but Russ sends word to Cairn and gets some other citizens here with arrows. They want to be able to send fire into this den once Rummy cracks it open.

Rummy turns into a stripefang and digs into the den. She feels the Disharmony slam into her, but she holds it together and peers in. There's no one in the den, but there's writing on the walls. It's all very rambling and incoherent, but she sees reference to "stabbing the heart of Cairn" and "vengeance for the Great Ones who Marched on Cairn but were Rebuffed." 

Pondering this, Rummy figures that Master Wickerdrey, the squirrel hero who lives in the mansion south of town, might be considered a "heart", but then, the Town Hall might also. But on the gripping hand, this is all very strange. It's a bubble of concentrated Disharmony, and it hasn't seeped into the river? It seems like a distraction...or a trap.

Rummy calls a hold and the folks with the fire arrows douse them, and she calls in the other Knights to have a look. Snoot and Russ think this over and then chorus "Puddleleaf!" Professor Puddleleaf, you'll recall, was (is?) a beaver scholar who, waaaaaay back here, created a crystal that held the Disharmony from all of Cairn. That turned out to be a bad idea as the crystal "leaked," and eventually Puddleleaf turned Dire and fled. But this kind of manipulation of Disharmony as magic, that very much seems like him...

At this point, Russ hears large animals crashing through the woods, and sends one of his sentries to check it out. Moments later, he hears a scream, and the Knights race to find what happened. They are not prepared for the horror they find - the sentry is dead, crushed by the jaws of some huge animal, but left bleeding on the ground amidst footprints. Russ notes prints from a ripper and a stripefang, and calls for the Knights to follow. Ratatosk summons another sentinel to carry them, and the citizens of Cairn mount up as the tree carries through through the forest.

Russelet flies ahead, and sees the ripper, the stripefang, and a gnasher...but they're all undead! Blood gushes from wounds, and they just keep charging through the brush, heading south toward Cairn (although Russ realizes that on their current course, they'll miss the town proper and wind up near the Lodge...or Wickerdrey's mansion). He flies back and informs the others, and Ratatosk steers the tree around the zombified creatures, getting ahead of them. Rummy turns into a ripper and together, the Knights set up a barricade. 

The monsters reached the barricade, and the gnasher just climbs right into the gaps in the logs to bypass it. Rummy catches it on the other side and smooshes it into the ground, but it keeps wriggling (and bleeding), trying to escape. The stripefang tries to climb the barricade and Snoot shoots it with blazing arrows, knocking it back and setting it alight. Russ sends his barrage of arrows at the Ripper, but the undead bear climbs up the tree, snapping at Ratatosk. The sentinel tosses the ripper off of it and Ratatosk casts a spell to entangle it.

Snoot finishes off the stripfang, and it falls, burning, a bloody mess. Rummy mushes the gnasher into the dirt and it bursts (ew!). The ripper keeps fighting, but eventually the arrows and one decisive blow from Ratatosk's tree-staff fell it...

...but during this fight, Russ hears the alarm bells in Cairn! He flies off and sees that these creatures have only been a distraction. A horde of undead chipmunks are besieging the cairn, the pile of stones that gives the town its name, pulling them out of the pile and digging into it. And overseeing this disgusting army is Puddleleaf himself, astride a skeletal, undead creature...the hodag!

Russ fires arrows at the crazed beaver, but Puddleleaf points his staff at Russ and the Knight feels cold magic hit him. Some of the fur on his chest goes white and he coughs, but retains his composure and fires again. Puddleleaf slumps forward, apparently dead, but the chipmunks continue their assault.

The other Knights join Russ, and Snoot realizes that if the chipmunks continue the cairn will collapse, probably destroying the Cider Mill Inn and the Citadel! Rummy charges in and smacks Puddleleaf's body right off the hodag, but the assault continues! Snoot runs up, grabs the staff out of Puddleleaf's dead paw, and sees that it is adorned with shards of crystal not unlike the Disharmony battery that Puddleleaf made long ago. Steeling herself, she lifts the staff up and snaps it.

A blast of Disharmony knocks her back! She picks herself up, and the chipmunks and the undead hodag collapse, finally dead. The citizens of Cairn emerges from hiding, and Snoot, now Discord, grumpily goes to the cairn, grabs a rock, and replaces it. 

Everyone stares at the horror around them, but a moment later Anima Loregood, daughter of Alyere Loregood (owner of the Cider Mill Inn), joins Snoot in replacing the stones. One by one, the citizens join the effort, rebuilding the cairn, moving the bodies of chipmunks, and cleaning up the place.

It takes some days, but they burn the undead corpses and cleanse the site. Puddleleaf's body is put in a barrow until spring, when the Knights undertake their final journey together - they bring the body and the broken staff to Red Rock Circle, so that Redscale can once again destroy the crystals (and perhaps shed some light on what Puddleleaf was trying to accomplish). 

Redscale doesn't really know, because he doesn't know what's in the cairn, if anything - no one does. Puddleleaf was an enchanter, and so it's not a terribly hard leap that he learned to infuse bodies with magic as well as objects. His body is interred and warnings carved on the outside of the tomb. The Knights reflect that they knew him when he was trying to save Cairn from Disharmony. Everyone has the potential to be Dire.

The Knights, weary from their many adventures, retire and go their separate ways. Ratatosk Longberry goes into the woods to try and study and lessen the ecological impact of so many dead chipmunks, and later returns to Cairn to train others in alchemy. 

Snootabur Shadowbough stays in Cairn and draws maps of her many travels, and studies the cairn and its history, trying to learn its secrets.

Rumdiggle Sunsong splits her time between performing at the Cider Mill Inn and traveling with the Stormwind Circus, both as a musician and helping to wrangle the performing animals.

Russelet Leatherwind, as he grows older, finds Cairn too loud and busy. He moves further out into the woods and continues coordinating the sentinels and guardsmen.

A year later, when spring arrives, the Traveling Knights venture into the Shady Forest to awaken the dryad from her winter slumber, as has become tradition. They are young, inexperienced, but brave and clear-hearted: Mimsy Underroot (a mole priest/rogue), Loy Coverloud (a glider scout/acrobat), Anima Loregood (a hedgehog enchanter/swasbuckler), and Astar Moontail (a glider marksman/paladin). Maybe someday, they will be as famous and beloved as the first Traveling Knights, and we'll hear their stories.

FIN

Character Creation: Comrades

This is the last game of February, not the first one of March. Cool? No one cares? Cool. 

The Game; Comrades
The Publisher: W. M. Akers
Degree of Familiarity: Haven't played it, but it's PbtA and pretty directly inspired by Apocalypse World
Books Required: Just the one

I can't help but compare this game to Beat the Boss, which touches on similar thematic ground and is also PbtA, but reading it I couldn't figure out how (or why) you'd want to play it. Comrades, on the hand, is very clear about not only its inspirations and its themes but what characters do in play, and although it frames revolution and taking down fascist regimes as unquestionably good, it does not pretend that everything that revolutionaries do is unquestionably good. To wit, at the end of each session, you revolution might progress along one of several tracks, one of which is "Mayhem." So yes, you can basically terrorize your way to victory...but that changes what kind of victory you can expect. 

Reading the game, I definitely felt like it would be fun with the right group (much like Misspent Youth, you need a group of people who will get into the revolutionary spirit and not try to be murder hobos), and I waffled a bit about whether I'd rather run it in some kind of genre or ground it in a real-ish revolution. Honestly I think I'd split the difference; there's an example of play that's set on Callisto, the fourth moon of Jupiter, so there's sci-fi elements but it's still grounded enough for the right tone. 

Anywhichway, let's make a revolutionary. Do I need the screengrab from the Monty Python episode again?

Well, with all due respect to Philip Longuer and his magnum opus Le Fromage Grand, I think I'll take modern-day USA as my setting, since evidently there's a civil war coming according to Alex Garland (man I am all over the place today). 

First thing we do is choose a playbook. Reading through them, the Propagandist interests me the most, so let's do that. 

If we're in modern-day America, I think I want my revolutionary to have a podcast (because doy). His podcast is called "We're Gonna Let That Go?", and on it, he focuses on one particular injustice - not something systemic, but like one particular person, court case, incident, and so forth, digs into the context and the particulars, and then asks "we're gonna let this go?" as in "we're not going to take to the streets over this?" His name is Ward Kittenden, but he goes by "Kitten" because...well, it was a nickname and it stuck.

Moving on to look. Ward dresses like he works from home, so casual wear. For personality, "contemptuous" is on the list, so I'll take that. 

And now, the other side of the sheet! I get to put +2, +1, -1, -1 into stats. I definitely want my +2 in guile, and I'll put my +1 into Spirit, so that leaves Body and Mind with -1.

And now I get two moves. I want to take house organ, which lets me have a newspaper, blog, or something (podcast, here) to act as a mouthpiece, but in context it only gives me a bonus to the big lie (which is another move I could take). Do I want that move? Yeah, I think I do. I think that Kitten is willing to lie about the Regime if that gets people riled up in the right (that is, left) direction, and anyway, it's amazing how often he lies about something that because established or accepted fact, so maybe it was never a lie in the first place? Makes you think.

I'm not doing bonds because that requires a group, so that pretty much puts me done. Kitten is lorge, broad shouldered, kind of on the fat side, shaves his head, has the beginnings of a sleeve tat but hasn't ever finalized the design to get it finished. 

And that'll do it. To the barricades! 

Board Game: Blokus

Sounds like a fifth-tier Marvel character, probably from a Silver Surfer storyline. 

The Game: Blokus
The Publisher: Mattel
Time: 10 minutes or so
Players: Me, Gus, Michelle, Amanda

Game Play: It's a big grid-board, and each player has 21 plastic pieces of various shapes, but all configured to fit into said grid. On your turn, you place a piece of your choice, but it has to touch only the corner of one of your existing pieces. It can touch other players' pieces however you want, though, so the object of the game is to place all of your pieces. Extra points if the easiest one to place, the one-square piece, is the last one. 

21 little pieces

Opinions: You know, in this world of board games that are very story-centric and have apps and magazine-sized rulebooks and so forth, it's sometimes refreshing, even eye-opening, to play a game that you can sum up in one paragraph but that has endless replayability and strategy. 

Anyway, I really like this game, and I'd forgotten about it entirely (so much dust on my copy when we dug it out of the game closet). It's deceptively simple, it's quick, and it's possible to have conversations while playing it, which is something I really miss from my long-ago days of playing Sheepshead and Hearts with family. 

Although Michelle seems to have a strange advantage at this game

Keep? Yep.