Movie #687: Shocker

Shocker is a really, really bad slasher/ghost horror movie directed by Wes Craven in his "this sucks" period (aka the 90s) and starring Mitch Pileggi, Peter Berg, Michael Murphy, Richard Brooks, Camille Cooper, Ted Raimi, and Sam Scarber.

The town of [somewhere], Ohio is being terrorized by the least subtle serial killer ever. He parks in front of his victims' houses with a beat-up old van that basically screams "serial killer" on it, with his name plastered on the side, batters down the doors and kills whole families with a knife. The police are baffled by this diabolical mastermind, but fortunately Jonathan Parker (Berg) gets a concussion running into a goalpost at football practice and winds up having prescient dreams. He dreams the deaths of his family (ooh, bummer) and tells his father, the police lieutenant (Murphy) the details, including the killer's name: Horace Pinker (Pileggi). 

So anyway, they track Horace down, he escapes (killing four more cops because, again, these people are idiots - I gotta say that I know shows like CSI paint an unrealistic picture of law enforcement, but at least on those shows the cops do simple things like call for backup), and winds up killing Jonathan's girlfriend Allison (Cooper) out of revenge. And then he's caught and executed, apparently the next day, but who knows.

An aside: I remember seeing the trailer for this movie years ago, and thinking that it looked like a pretty standard popcorn slasher flick - guy gets executed, ghost is electrical, hunts people through electricity for revenge. And yeah, that happens, kind of, but Horace doesn't get executed until the end of Act One, and by then we've already seen him kill a bunch of people, imply that he's Jonathan's birth father (a subplot that goes nowhere), kill a bunch more people, kill the hero's girlfriend ("fridge" might be the more appropriate verb)...it's just a hot mess.

So then he's dead and he can possess people and use their bodies to kill, except he can also possess electrical devices, except he's repelled by the power of true love (as explained, badly, by the ghost of Allison, who shows up as a phantom ex machina). Jonathan recruits his coach (Scarber) and poor little Ted Raimi and his buddy Rhino (Brooks, who is better than this movie deserves on every level and should have played Jonathan) to help him find the MacGuffin that can repel Pinker and then throw the power and UUUGGGGHHHHH.

Suffice to say that Ghost in the Machine, which up until now was kind of my gold standard for "crappy 90s ghost/slasher movie", just got knocked out of the box. Ghost in the Machine is terrible, but at least it's somewhat tight, at least the killer isn't a cartoon character (sometimes literally!), and at least the lead characters are somewhat distinct.

My Grade: F
Rewatch Value: IINSIAIFWT

Next up: Shoot 'em Up

Character Creation: Zweihänder

So, in deciding which games to do in August, I thought hey, let's do the first and last on my list. Last is this one, first I'll probably do tomorrow.

The Game: Zweihänder: Grim & Perilous
The Publisher: Grim & Perilous Studios
Degree of Familiarity: None, though the system seems oddly familiar
Books Required: For chargen, all you need is the Player's Guide, which is all I have, so that's fine

Zweihänder is an interesting case. It's "grim & perilous" fantasy, and I hear the words "retroclone" and "OSR" being bandied about when discussing it. What I remember, though, is the author coming on to various forums back when the game was first released (2017ish) and making an utter ass of himself, aggressively promoting the game and popping into every "I need a game that..." thread and suggesting it. 

The actual core book is on the order of 700 pages, and I don't have that, but the Player's Guide was included in some bundle or other that I bought and that's all you need to make a character, so here we are. I read through said PG and discovered a couple of things. First, I don't think the game is a great fit for me personally - it's meant to be really high lethality fantasy and it's pretty grim, and I dunno, if I want that I might choose to play Shadow of the Demon Lord. But with that said, the other thing I realized was that if I ever did run this game, it wouldn't take much to get the system down.

It's a percentile system, roll low (so far, so good), but if you roll doubles and succeed, it's a critical success, whereas if you roll doubles and fail, it's a critical failure (hang on...). Also, players have a "Fortune Pool" that they can spend points from in order to gain various benefits, but those points then become part of a Misfortune Pool that the GM can use. There are also a bunch of things that don't happen in Chill, but like I said, parts of this system sound pretty familiar. 

Anywhichway, chargen is largely random, including stats, and I'm not crazy about random stat generation but I do very much like random backstory generation because it presents an interesting creative challenge. So let's DO THIS THING. 

Ahem. 

The chargen section tells us, first of all, that our characters are meant to be average people changed by the world around them, and I can get behind that as a thesis. Step One is just to confirm that we're at the "Basic" tier, so OK then.

Step Two is Primary Attributes. I'm get 3d10 + 25 for each of them, in order. So:

Combat 38
Brawn 40
Agility 47
Perception 50
Intelligence 45
Willpower 34
Fellowship 48

I have to say, "Fellowship" is a cool title for the social stat. Not bad stats, all told. I can, however, swap any two or boost any one to 42%, so I think I'll jack Combat up, since that seems like it'd be important. My Attribute Bonus in each one is 1/10 of the score, round off, so CB 4, BB 4, AB 4, PB 5, IB 4, WB 3, FB 4.

Step Three: Sex & Ancestry. I get to choose sex, so I'll be male, and then we move on to Ancestry. Humans are the default, though I can play various other types if I wish. There's a table that includes all of them, but they're all weighted the same (so I'd have, for example, a 10% chance of being human). Ah, what the heck. A roll of 34 gives me "elf." Sure, I'll be an elf. 

Elves in this game don't bear a lot of resemblance to Tolkein/standard fantasy elves. Sure, they're long-lived and kind of fey, but they're arrogant and hot-tempered, too. I get a bonus to three Bonuses and a penalty to three others. Specifically, I get the bonus to Agility, Perception, and Intelligence, but the penalty to Brawn, Fellowship, and Willpower (ugh, that Willpower Bonus sucks). 

I get a randomly rolled Ancestral Trait: A Warrior's Tattoo! Sounds badass. Let's check.

Not entirely sure what the "Punishing Quality" means in practice, but it sounds dope. Moving on! Step Four is Archetype and Profession. Archetype is a broad category that then gives a range of possible Professions, but it's all random so let's get to it! 

Archetype roll: Warrior. Well, at least I'm consistent. My Profession is...Pugilist. (But then I ain't expecting you to know the explanation of that word, HOG BOY! SNORT SNORT!)

Actually, you know, I'm starting to see Sergei Polunin's character in the 2017 Murder on the Orient Express as an inspiration, but I'll keep that in my back pocket for now, since there's more randomness to come. 

Step Five is Secondary Attribute. My base Peril Threshold is my WB (ugh) + 3, which is 5. My Damage Threshold is my BB (which is now 3) plus a bonus from armor, but I don't know if I have armor or not, so I'll wait on that. Encumbrance is BB + 3 (6), and Initiative is 3 + PB (9). Nice.

Step Six is Background, and here we're back to rolling shit. Season of birth is kinda like astrological sign, I think. My elf was born in (roll)...summer. And now I get to roll on the "dooming" table to see how I'm foretold to die, which I have to say is a nice way to bring across what kind of setting we're in. My dooming is "respect power, for it does not respect you." Spooky.

Roll for Age Group, and we get Young. That works. No Distinguishing Marks to roll. Tan complexion, husky build; 6'4" and 222 lbs. Pretty big for an elf. Sienna hair (had to google what that would look like), amber eyes. Lots of earth tones, here. Cultured Upbringing; that inspiration is working pretty well. Now how about Social Class? Aristocrat, perfect! I can pick a Drawback or roll for one, but I see Choleric Temperament and that's pretty on point.

Step Seven is Hand of Fate, but that really means "you get one Fate Point, or two if you took a Drawback," so that was easy.

Step Eight is Alignment. I have an Order and a Chaos alignment, and it's really about the balance between them. Sure, that's as good a system for this as any. Roll them bones, and we get Impiety and Heresy. That's...a wrinkle for this character, and I kinda like it. 

And now we need a name. There aren't really any naming conventions, other than "don't be silly," which I can get behind. Let's check the random elf name generator...Orym Waesjyre. I like it. 

And now we get 1000 Reward Points, that we need to spend on Skills & Talents & shit like that. Whee buddy! 

OK, so this isn't dissimilar to SotDL in some ways; as you increase in Tier, you can move between Professions and refine them. So first off, I have to spend 100 of my 1000 points and buy into the Pugilist Profession, which gives me the Mortal Combat! trait.

Cool. And now I have 900 more points that I can spend to buy these things:

Man, this chart is formatted strangely. What it means is that I can buy those Skill Ranks, Bonus Advances, or Talents for 100 Reward Points each. I was kind of hoping for a little more customizability, honestly, but that's cool, let's see here. I pay 50 points, not 100, for Skill Ranks in Fellowship Skills (due to my Cultured Upbringing), which would include Rumor and Guile. So it's very much in my interest to buy those, since it's CHEEP like the budgie. 

I feel like I ought to raise my WB, my FB, and probably my BB, so that's another 300. 500 more to go. Let's look at those Talents?

Uh, yesplz. 400 points left. 

Back to Skills; I feel like I should take Athletics and Intimidate. Ooh, definitely Coordination. 100 more. Well, Toughness makes sense. That's 1000! 

So, figuring in my bonuses and stuff, I can redo my derived traits (this is why they should be done at the end of chargen, la-di-da-di). That's really it, other than gear. I could go through trappings and stuff, but honestly I'm ready for lunch and I think I've got a pretty good sense of Orym.

Specifically: Orym was raised in a very snooty household. Dad was a military officer, but was well past the point in his career where he had to be a warrior. Orym grew up big and strong, bulky for an elf, and initially intended to become a priest. 

His family's death brought that to an abrupt end. Some enemy of his father's (here's a good spot to tie things in to another PC or the ongoing plot, GM) stomped in while Orym was away at whatever passes for seminary in this setting, killed his parents, and burned the place. Orym still has some money, but he's largely rejected his family's influence, not because he has anything against them, but because if he accepts help from the upper crust then he goes back to a life of being pampered. And deep down, Orym feels like he doesn't deserve that, not while he was away playing pretend while his home burned.

I picture Orym's fighting style wavering between balletic and graceful and being utterly brutal rage, depending on who he's fighting and why. I think I'd want him to progress towards either an assassin-style profession or maybe come back to the church. 

That'll do it! Still don't know if I'd want to run this, but chargen was fun. 

Movie #686: The Shining

The Shining is a 1980 horror movie based on the book by Stephen King, directed by Stanley Kubrick, and starring Jack Nicholson, Shelly Duvall, Scatman Crothers, Danny Lloyd, and Joe Turkel. I know, tell me something I don't know already.

Jack Torrence (Nicholson) takes a job as the winter caretaker of the only hotel in Colorado without a ski season, the Overlook. He brings his wife Wendy (Duvall) and their young son Danny (Lloyd), with the intent of writing a book while he's stuck in the hotel for five solid months. Of course, the Overlook has seen its share of crazy over the years, including the murder-suicide of the Grady family, Grady being the former caretaker. But Jack isn't worried.

Shit, as they say, gets fucky. Danny is psychic and can see ghosts, or perhaps the echoes of past events. Jack starts to go crazy and gets cranky and violent, eventually grabbing an ax and going after his family, but only succeeding in killing the hapless hotel cook, Dick Hallorann (Crothers), whom Danny psychically summons to help. In the end, Wendy and Danny escape and Jack freezes to death, but apparently has been here since 1921?!

The Shining has had a great deal of analysis by people smarter and better qualified than me. Personally, if I knew nothing else about the story and hadn't read the book, I'd assume that Jack gets assimilated into the hotel, becoming part of its history - effectively, retroactively "always having been here." Kubrick evidently felt that Jack was a new incarnation of whoever was in the photo, but I don't think that really comes across. Honestly, one of the reasons I like this movie so much is that so much goes unexplained - the Overlook is a Thing That Should Not Be, and the story is pretty Lovecraftian in that it's a (relatively) normal man coming into contact with forces far beyond his ability to understand them, and being consumed by them. 

I try not to let behind the scenes knowledge of the people involved in movies color my perceptions of it (that way lies madness of the "so-and-so did this, I read it on Twitter, so now I can never watch him in a movie again because he's PROBLEMATIC" sort), but I know that Kubrick terrorized Duvall during the making of this movie to get the performance he did. Feel about that whatever way you like (it's interesting to watch the BTS video that Kubrick's daughter made and see Duvall very gingerly saying that Kubrick is fucking douchenozzle without, y'know, actually saying that and tanking her career), but I think it kinda sucks that she went through all that and then got nominated for a Razzie award for her trouble. 

The Shining is a classic horror movie and as such you can see its influence in a lot of other properties; Michelle and I watched the first season of American Horror Story recently (I know, late to the party) and there's definitely some Overlook influence in the murder house. It doesn't have the rewatch value of some other contemporaneous movies (Kubrick, man - didn't make what you'd call fast-paced movies), but it definitely has the sense of place that a good haunted house story needs. 

My Grade: B+
Rewatch Value: Low

Character Creation: Showdown

August! Chargen! Here we go!

The Game: Showdown
The Publisher: Dark Omen Games
Degree of Familiarity: None
Books Required: Just the one

Showdown is a two-player game in which you and a friend portray two people fighting to the death. The specifics are left to the players, but the meat of the game is going through flashbacks about their relationship and how everything got to this point. There are dice and cards (there's a special deck, but you can use a normal one, it looks like). 

It's not a million miles from One Shot, and probably pretty close to A Single Moment and/or Reflections. I like the game, the text is easy to follow, I just don't tend to be interested in two-player RPGs, but that's just me.

ANYWHO. First thing me and my hypothetical other player would do is decide on setting and genre and style. And I think it'd be fun to do a low-fantasy, thieves/assassins guild kind of thing. Like, the final battle isn't a full-on metal-on-metal swordfight, it's the two of us sneaking around a warehouse (or whatever) trying to get the drop on the other. That sounds fun.

So the first thing I do is come up with some general ideas and concept. I think my guy isn't a killer, he's a thief and a saboteur (and as such has probably been responsible for deaths), but he's not the "stab 'em in the throat" sort of guy. At least he think he's not (a lot of this game is changing your qualities and learning the truth about yourself). I'll say his name is Willet.

The next thing I do is come up with details. These are things that would be obvious upon meeting the character or that would be introduced quickly in the movie version. Will has a young face. He has a long scar across his throat, and as a consequence of that wound, a strained voice. Finally, he wears a short leather jacket covered in scratches and marks. 

Next up, I need a weapon that Willet will use to kill his opponent (or at least try). I picture him having twin boot knives. 

And then, Qualities. These are things that aren't obvious when looking at the character, and that are reflective of how Willet sees himself. They will also all change during a game. 

I know I want my first one to be not a killer. Following that theme, I'll say Willet thinks he's an honorable thief. Just to set myself up for crushing disappointment, Willet also thinks he is respected by the criminal class and unknown to the nobility. 

And that's it, cats n' kittens. Willet is ready to kill or die! 

Movie #685: Foul Play

Foul Play is a thriller/comedy starring Goldie Hawn, Chevy Chase, Burgess Meredith, Dudley Moore, Rachel Roberts, Eugene Roche, Marc Lawrence, Billy Barty, and Bruce Solomon. 

Gloria Mundy (Hawn) is a divorced librarian whose friends are encouraging her to date again. After meeting and rejecting klutzy police detective Tony Carlson (Chase) at a party, she picks up a stranded motorist (Solomon) and agrees to go to a movie with him. He shows up late, and shot, and dies sitting next to her. She screams, but by the time she's able to get anyone to look, the body has been taken. All she has is the dead man's cryptic warning: "Beware of the dwarf."

Turns out what's actually happening here is a convoluted plot to kill the Pope, who'll be visiting the city in a few days. Gloria gets wrapped up in all this because she's in possession of the film's Macguffin, a roll of film that the dead man slipped her. The "dwarf" is a hit man named Stiltskin, and Detective Carlson winds up protecting (and falling for) Gloria as they try to put all the pieces together, culminating in a crazy car chase across San Francisco to save the Pope!

My father really loved this movie, and I've got some fondness for it, too. It's funny, and it holds up pretty well. Goldie Hawn is lovely and socially clueless, but she's not ditzy or stupid, she's just easily distracted and can't tell when someone's flirting. The most memorable scene in the movie is her trying to keep eyes on the albino assassin (William Frankfather) stalking her while the man she aggressively told to take her home, Stanley Tibbets (Moore) undresses and readies his fuck-pad behind her. (I should note, though, that Tibbets is never pushy or coercive - he actually doesn't even touch her, happy to patiently let her get comfortable - and is mortified when it turns out she doesn't actually want sex.) Chase is in the movie exactly the right amount - he's a useful character but he's not the hero, and he's much more polite and likeable than in a lot of his later roles. Burgess Meredith play Gloria's ass-kicking landlord, ready to jump into the fray to protect her. It's an interesting and well put together cast.

I have two complaints about the movie, and neither of them are major. The first is that the Macguffin never pays off. The film that the dead cop slips Gloria gets tucked into a pack of cigarettes, dropped by accident, and then burned without anyone ever noticing or finding out what's on it (while a snake audibly laughs, which is fuckin' weird). The other issue I have is that the movie opens and closes with Barry Manilow's "Ready to Take a Chance Again," which, while perhaps thematically appropriate to Gloria, is tonally completely wrong for a comedy that borders on black humor at times. (Also I hate that fucking song.)

My Grade: B+
Rewatch Value: High

Next up: The Shining

Slipstream: New Ship, New Crew

Back to Slipstream! On a Friday, whaaaaat. Here's last time.

Our heroes are on Avia, having received a heroes' welcome. A bunch of Bird-Men want to join the crew, but the heroes are flying around in a Bird-Man yacht, which isn't terribly big. Remembering that they saved the King of Dracos from an assassination attempt (way back here), they decide to head to Dracos and see if they can get a discount on a Dragon Ship. 

First, though, they hire some new crew members. In addition to their old from Whoot, they take on:

• Chirp, a gifted mechanic
• Rill, a skill marksman and gunner
• Nary, a medic
• Craw (named after the late prince, which turned out to be somewhat unfortunate in hindsight), a warrior whom Zeenia picked because she felt he looked "fun"
  

The flight is fairly uneventful, apart from a near-miss with an asteroid. They touch down on Dracos and tell the guards they're here to see Lord Ssokar. It takes a little back-and-forth (Ssokar isn't a ship dealer, and their last interaction was somewhat curt), but Zeenia implies that there's some diplomatic points to be scored here and that's catnip to a Dracos. The heroes are admitted to see Ssokar and he listens to their request - they're looking for a new ship and was hoping their service to King Ssoriss would be helpful. Ssokar agrees and tells them where to go, and radios ahead to explain the situation.

They wind up purchasing a new ship, and the Dracos mechanics transfer their static bomb and nose-mounted tangle gun. The new ship is bigger and faster, and better armed - there's a swivel-mounted ray gun on the left wing and a swivel-mounted rocket gun on the right. It costs them the money they got from King Throx (no one on the crew is a good haggler), but they head back to Avia feeling good about it all. Well, except perhaps for Iris, who is a little sad to leave the Zeenadu Zenith. They fly both ships to Avia, and take the new one, christened the Darkwing, off on their quest. 

They have room for more crew, so they stop on the fragment of Hosbec to see if they can recruit someone. Hosbecites are skilled hagglers and salesmen, and boy howdy do they need someone with those skills. They wind up hiring Anburn, the Hosecite they met some time back when they delivered cargo to this fragment. He agrees to join the crew in exchange for 10% of whatever bounty or scrap they take, and some assurance that they'll take on such material when they can. That arranged, they take off again and head for Boroosh. 

En route, Anburn asks if they're planning to hire a Borooshian navigator - they're the best in the Slipstream. The heroes hadn't considered that, but it's a good idea. Anburn tells them that Borooshians have perfect sense of direction, even in space. They live underground in labyrinthine tunnels, and the surface of their fragment is rocky and prone to earthquakes. There's no way to know where the cities are, so you basically have to land and look around. Iris picks a good spot for landing with notable foot traffic, and she, Zeenia, Abbas, Craw, and Anburn disembark and go searching.

They've been looking for a few hours and have put some distance between themselves and the Darkwing when with a terrible roar, a massive bipedal lizard leaps out of the rocks! Anburn identifies it as a Borooshian Quaker, and hides behind a rock (he is not a combatant). Iris manages to get off a shot, which doesn't remotely bother the creature, and it grabs Craw in its mouth and shakes him. Abbas leaps on the thing's head and starts clawing at its eyes, while Zeenia gets under it and tries to stab its underbelly. Its hide, however, is far too thick. Anburn radios back to the ship for help, and Iris draws her sword and slashes at the beast's legs. It stops its foot and causes a small quake, but Abbas and Zeenia keep their balance, and Abbas' claws finally strike home. He digs out its eyes, and then sinks his claws into its brain, killing it. 

Abbas roars in triumph. The Darkwing arrives, and Nary, the medic, tends to Craw's wounds. Anburn congratulates the heroes, but then points out the patrol of Borooshians pointing rifles at them. The heroes explain themselves, and the patrol agrees to take them to King Prognosh, the Supreme Navigator. They'll have to be blindfolded, however. Since the Bird-Men are claustrophobic, they stay on the ship, while the heroes and Anburn go underground. 

The patrol leads the heroes on an hours-long march, and eventually the sounds of wind on the plains is replaced with the sounds of city life. The blindfolds are removed, and the heroes are taken before the massive throne of King Prognosh. Zeenia tells him that their visit is twofold - they're looking to hire a navigator ("Not a matter for a king," guffaws Prognosh), and they're looking for Queen Anathraxa's secret lab.

Prognosh muses, and then tells them that he has no love for the Queen. He does know, in fact, where the lab is. He agrees to have two guards show them to the lab, but warns that they will not engage in any violence and if the heroes are captured, they are not to indicate that King Prognosh helped in any way. "Now," he says, "what is your plan?"

The heroes, to their credit, manage to avoid telling the truth, which is that they don't really have one.

Movie #684: Everything Everywhere All At Once

Everything Everywhere All At Once is...geez, a magical realism action/sci-fi comedy family drama? Fuck me. Anyway, stars Michelle Yeoh, Stephanie Hsu, Jamie Lee Curtis, Ke Huy Wuan, James Hong, and Tallie Medel.

Evelyn Wang (Yeoh) owns a laundromat with her earnest husband Waymond (Quan), and cares for her elderly father (Hong) who recently arrived from China. They also have a daughter, Joy (Hsu), who is disaffected, sullen, unhappy, and gay, none of which are of much interest to Evelyn. And they're being audited by a very thorough, very condescending IRS agent called Deirdre (Curtis) and facing the very real possibility of losing their business. 

And then Waymond is possessed by a Waymond from an alternate universe and tells Evelyn that there are an infinite number of realities, created every time anyone makes a choice. He needs this Evelyn's help to defeat Jobu Tupaki, a nihilistic omniuniversal being that seems to be able to exist in any reality, manipulate matter at will, and oh yeah, is Joy. 

This movie freaking floors me. It's so smart, it's funny, and a scene with two rocks talking to each other in subtitles (because rocks don't talk, of course) makes me cry. Evelyn initially assumes that Jobu Tupaki is some kind of monster that possessed her daughter, but the truth is that she pushed Joy to become Jobu in another universe. So the obvious conclusion is that she wants revenge, right? No - she wants help. She wants her mom to offer her hope, something to make the chaos meaningful. And holy shit, I get that. But there's no easy answer, no "let the bagel consume everything" (it makes sense in context), no "ignore the chaos", no "just be kind" (Waymond's strategy, although it does work to a degree). 

There's a lot to take away from the movie. The script is amazing, the flips between universe are dizzying but the movie doesn't really get overwhelming until the third act, and that's intentional. The performances, though, holy cats. If Michelle Yeoh doesn't get a Best Actress nom this year I'm gonna be annoyed (really, she, Hsu, Quan, and Curtis should all get nominations, along with Screenplay, Director, and Best Picture, but we'll see). Quan, especially, does a fantastic job of being recognizably Waymond from universe to universe but showing how the different events have shaped him, and Michelle Yeoh is by turns fascinated, horrified, and exhausted by everything happening to her. 

All in all, it's a movie that prompts interpretation, and mine is that it's easy to get lost in chaos and possibility and lose track of what's immediate. It is possible to have too much perspective on life, and you have to choose which bits of the chaos to be part of, even if those choices turn out to be wrong in hindsight. 

My Grade: A
Rewatch Value: Medium-high

Next up: Foul Play