Sunday, April 26, 2015

Movie #306: Jason X

Jason X is, of course, the tenth film in the Friday the 13th series, and stars Kane Hodder, Lexi Doig, Lisa Ryder, Chuck Campbell, Peter Mensah, Jonathan Potts, a few other hardbodies that get all stabbed n' shit.

In 2010, Jason Vorhees (Hodder) is imprisoned at Crystal Lake Research Facility. He's supposed to be cyrogenically frozen because they can't figure out how to kill him, but then a stupid-ass scientist (David Croenenberg in a cameo) shows up to try and study him and he breaks out and kills everyone. All except Rowen (Doig), who lures him into the cryo-room, but then goes for some genre points by getting too close and he stabs her, which results in the whole room getting cryo'd and boom, now it's 2445.

A group of students come down to Earth 1 (the Republicans finally won, the planet is uninhabitable, thanks guys) to grab some artifacts, and find Rowen and Jason. Despite the fact that Jason lops off one dude's arm just be falling at him, they take him aboard, where their idiot professor (Potts) makes plans to sell him, but then he wakes up and just fucking kills everyone anyway. Only through the magic of a sexy robot (Ryder) do the few survivors make it off!

So, there are slasher movies that are or were legitimately disturbing  (Halloween) and there are some that are meta but skillful (Scream) and there are some that aren't meta on purpose but kinda wind up that way (Urban Legend) and there are some that are just dumb (Dr. Giggles). This one is pretty much in the "just dumb" category, but it's just entertaining enough to be watchable. Jason kills a whole bunch of people (like seven in the first two minutes of the movie), but the movie relies so heavily on "but they're in space!" that there's really no attempt to make him look actually threatening or scary. And the people in space are so boring and pretty and white (for the most part; there are a couple of exceptions), and sometimes they make jokes while they're being murdered. It goes past meta and into the realm of "beer n' pretzels RPG" which only makes sense when you find out that the screenwriter named the characters after his friends' Everquest characters.

I make no apology for loving this movie as much as a I do. They had me from the moment "Bodies" played during the trailer.

My Grade: F+
Rewatch value: High

Next up: Jaws