Thursday, April 29, 2010

I Miss Music

It's so quiet.

I used to get online and fire up Pandora or iTunes or Youtube or whatever. I'd get recommendations from my friends and I'd listen to them, I'd buy the music if I liked it. And I had such weird tastes in music, too. Run DMC rubbed shoulders with Old Crow Medicine Show. Metallica, sure. Cannibal Corpse if I feel like listening to a garbage disposal try to sing (sometimes, you do). Hell, I'll call up Beyonce or N'Sync or whatever other poppy shit I want to hear, because sometimes it's in your head and that's the only way to burn it out.

I mean, I did do that. I used to.

No one records anymore. Everyone's too scared. There's no anonymity anymore. Every shadow is a camera, and He's always watching. Yes, He doesn't send Them out for people telling the truth (though you do hear stories), but one mention of God or how it was better when you could still buy stuff or, hell, any ethnic or national sentiment...that's enough to get you killed. And there are no secrets anymore. There's only things He doesn't notice.

Everyone's terrified. They have every reason to be. And I start thinking about that, about how every shadow is a gateway, how they open seemingly at random, all hours of the day or night.

I don't even sing in the shower anymore. I hum, quietly, when I'm feeling brave. I play the music in my head. Mostly it's one song, the song that was playing when I drove by Monarch.

I drove by Monarch right before it happened. I stopped at a red light, and I saw people listening, heads out their windows. I turned off the CD and opened my window, and cocked my ear toward the Center.

I heard screaming. I heard that godawful noise that They make, though I didn't know at the time what it was. I saw the windows crack, then shatter, like they'd been heated up and then doused with cold water. And then the walls buckled and the building fell down.

The song playing on my CD player was "Imagine."

Imagine there's no Heaven. It's easy if you try.

I don't have to try.

I don't think this is what John Lennon meant.

Tune in Tomorrow.

curse the darkness